Triforce Of Wisdom: Ask Zelda Anything

[Lil Puddin]

: I'm done practicing my aerial interpretation of the cancan and now I am bored. So I will use my Triforce of Wisdom to help anyone out. Whether it be about the SSB Universe or real life; it can be whatever from whoever. So yes Ganon, even you can ask me things.

Shouldn't the wisdom bestowed upon you by the Triforce be used for important things? Why would you do this?

: Because of reasons and boredom.

 

[TheUltraDeino]

Zelda, do you play any competitive smash bros or are you a casual?

 

[SundayBest]

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore. Ever since I shot her in the stomach seven times, she just kind of lays on the ground in silence. She's got this dead stare in her eyes as well. Its kind of awkward between us now since we are living in the same place and she doesn't even look at me anymore. I'm thinking about kicking her out of my place but I can't talk to her anymore.

 

[Lil Puddin]

Zelda, do you play any competitive smash bros or are you a casual?

: I used to be a competitive fighter. Though I soon found out that it was not worth it in terms of becoming famous; it would take sooooo long. So I upped my glitter game and portable special effects magic... Now the Smash stage is my venue. I'm a much better dancer than I am a fighter. In fact, Captain Falcon was so enamored by my moves that he uncontrollably yelled "Show me your moves!" Oh how we laughed and laughed~

So anyway, I showed him more of my stunning aerial dance moves to humor him. He's in the hospital now.

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore. Ever since I shot her in the stomach seven times, she just kind of lays on the ground in silence. She's got this dead stare in her eyes as well. Its kind of awkward between us now since we are living in the same place and she doesn't even look at me anymore. I'm thinking about kicking her out of my place but I can't talk to her anymore.

: I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is 100% not-living. I know exactly what caused her early demise based on what you've told me, too. You were your girlfriend all along and you are also dead. How tragic. Many people die from being shot every year.

I'm sure it was due to having bad fashion sense. It always is.

 

[Grey Belnades]

Zelda, have you accepted Superman as your benevolent Sun God?

 

[BerryBomber]

Hey Zelda, I got a test to study for but im running out of time. Can I just borrow your Triforce of Wisdom?

 

[Substitution]

How did I cause this to happen?

 

[Lil Puddin]

Zelda, have you accepted Superman as your benevolent Sun God?

View attachment 26358

: I used to. But last year at his annual celebration of the sun, he mocked the gift I gave him by pretending to vomit and faint. That's so rude. If he didn't want that pretty glowing green stone thing, then he should've just pretended to like it and then used the gift receipt to return it. Even a royal SERVANT should know that. Talk about embarrassing!

I should've gotten him a voucher to attend a school for teaching proper mannerisms instead. That's the second lesson of the Courtesy 101 course in Hyrule. Get on my level, Superman.

Hey Zelda, I got a test to study for but im running out of time. Can I just borrow your Triforce of Wisdom?

: Um. No. I could just transform into you and take the test. However, I would never be caught in public looking like how you do. So I suggest blackmailing the professor instead.

Here's a tip, your professor does something really weird with almond cakes and body pillows of Human Twilight Sparkle around 1am every day. Get a camera, hide in the closet, and try to get an appointment to see a therapist for that very same day.

How did I cause this to happen?

: Games glitch all the time. But moreso when the person who's playing is just bad at video games.

Have you thought about an easier hobby? I hear stamp collecting is very easy and possibly just a little bit fun. I would normally suggest getting good at video games, but... Most certainly not in this case.

 

[2004Zilla]

Will you save us from the disease we call "Ebola?"

 

[Lil Puddin]

Will you save us from the disease we call "Ebola?"

: I have the Triforce of Wisdom, not the Triforce of Free Medical Care. I will, however, give you foolproof tips to help you avoid dying miserably.

Tip 1 - don't leave your house.
Tip 2 - don't get Ebola.

That's it.

 

[Lore]

Keeping open because loooool.

 

[2004Zilla]

Will I ever be a moderator?

 

[Lore]

Will I ever be a moderator?

I'll answer this one.

Nope! <3

 

[BerryBomber]

Zelda, what's the weather going to be tomorrow?

 

[2004Zilla]

I'll answer this one.

Nope! <3

I is sad.

 

[Lil Puddin]

Zelda, what's the weather going to be tomorrow?

: The weather in your general area will be constant from 12:00:00am to 11:59:59pm. It will be quite dim, with no visible sun for the day's 24 hour duration. The humidity will be 12% and the temperature will be 72°F.

Of course, the above "weather" is just the room climate of your basement. On the count of you will not be going outside at all. You will be playing Super Smash Bros for 24 hours or more with the occasional bucket-in-the-corner bathroom break.

That's fine and all, but maybe during that timeframe you will pick up a character who is actually good. You know the one, right?

She's an elegant princess with superb taste in castle decor. She's a blast at parties thanks to her awesome magical skills. Her name is so epic that it is a family heirloom and is in the title of equally amazing games. I'm sure you know who it is. It's just so obvious due to her overwhelming awesomeness. Also, she is very modest and that makes her unbelievably cool.

I is sad.

: You are mistaken, because it is impossible for you to be sad. Especially because you main the best character in Super Smash Bros history.

The. Absolute. Best.

 

[2004Zilla]

Hi Zelda. I'm feeling down in the dumps today. Is there any way I can feel not down in the dumps?

 

[BerryBomber]

Sounds like I better pack an umbrella for possible loneliness with a chance of Princess Zelda

 

[Lil Puddin]

Hi Zelda. I'm feeling down in the dumps today. Is there any way I can feel not down in the dumps?

: Simply move away from the garbage dump that you are currently located at. You'll find another home eventually, maybe even a MORE beautiful garbage dump. Like one where rich people dump all their day-old furniture and leftover gourmet foodstuff.

Sounds like I better pack an umbrella for possible loneliness with a chance of Princess Zelda

: It could be worse. You could be Meta Knight. Just like in Brawl, he too is on the top tier (of lonely loserdom). He has been banned from all group activities since he is just so miserable to be around. He has even been banned from all book clubs too, which are notorious for being desperate for members... EVEN WARIO'S BOOKCLUB.

 

[R0Y]

: Simply move away from the garbage dump that you are currently located at. You'll find another home eventually, maybe even a MORE beautiful garbage dump. Like one where rich people dump all their day-old furniture and leftover gourmet foodstuff.



: It could be worse. You could be Meta Knight. Just like in Brawl, he too is on the top tier (of lonely loserdom). He has been banned from all group activities since he is just so miserable to be around. He has even been banned from all book clubs too, which are notorious for being desperate for members... EVEN WARIO'S BOOKCLUB.

LOL, just want to say these are top notch. The top one comes off as aloof and unconcerned about people living in garbage, like a princess would (minus SS.)

And the Meta Knight digs come off as salty because she's always near bottom tier.

"Did you just call me low-tier?"

 

[Grey Belnades]

: Get on my level, Superman.

But have you been in the heart of the sun?

 

[Lil Puddin]

And the Meta Knight digs come off as salty because she's always near bottom tier.

"Did you just call me low-tier?"

: My word, what an unflattering picture that is most likely taken out of context. Though that is an entirely different story for another day. Also I have never responded to any lies of me being anything but Fancy Tier.

Although I now realize why some may think my performance was lackluster. You see, I was under the impression that SSB was just a violent ball that allowed peasants to be in my glorious presence. I even brought my Sheik disguise just in case the ball turned into a spontaneous costume party. What you thought was fighting was actually just me gracefully dancing on the stage with enthusiasm... And in the air.

Sakarai had informed me that the person in charge of sending out the invitations had mistakenly given me the wrong information twice in a row. I was quite understanding about the whole thing. I only asked for the man to be blinded and crippled so he could never send out invitations ever again; to stop him from accidentally sending anyone else wrong information. That's fair, no?

So now in SSB4 I am actually trying to fight in the most beauteous and ladylike way as possible. Unfortunately, I think I am just a little bit too good at this. Perhaps I should tone it down so I don't crush the other lowly guests' dreams of ever winning.

But have you been in the heart of the sun?

: Oh darling, I use the center of the sun as my personal dry sauna. It is by far the most sanitary and secluded sauna that is close by since it's just one Fiorre's Wind away. Saunas are the most pleasant way to lose any excess water weight. I have never had excess water weight before because I am perfect, but it's the only place where I can truly be alone. Being a princess can be so demanding; leaving very little time to myself.

Also, I sometimes bring Ike. He just stands there with the Ragnell (barely) covering his rated X parts. He is there as decoration because the sun is ultimately a big ball of fire void of any intriguing or complementary decor. It is the heart of the sun, so obviously having any decor seems impossible... Luckily Ike is hotter than the sun so he won't go up in flames. His muscular and perfect male physique will work well for any room or area inside a celestial raging inferno.

 

[BerryBomber]

Thanks for the encouragement, I suppose. Its always a better feeling to not have to sit though another cooking lesson about Garlic dishes from Wario

 

[Grey Belnades]

: Oh darling, I use the center of the sun as my personal dry sauna. It is by far the most sanitary and secluded sauna that is close by since it's just one Fiorre's Wind away. Saunas are the most pleasant way to lose any excess water weight. I have never had excess water weight before because I am perfect, but it's the only place where I can truly be alone. Being a princess can be so demanding; leaving very little time to myself.

Also, I sometimes bring Ike. He just stands there with the Ragnell (barely) covering his rated X parts. He is there as decoration because the sun is ultimately a big ball of fire void of any intriguing or complementary decor. It is the heart of the sun, so obviously having any decor seems impossible... Luckily Ike is hotter than the sun so he won't go up in flames. His muscular and perfect male physique will work well for any room or area inside a celestial raging inferno.

But Superman says he's never seen you or Ike at the Sunny D Sun Blast Ball.

 

[Pachinkosam]

I'll answer this one.

Nope! <3

 

[2004Zilla]

I would like to know how it feels to lose against Peach in Death Battle.

 

[ELRACj]

does 1984 even math? 2 + 2 = 5?!?!?! Big Brother b cray

 

[Lil Puddin]

But Superman says he's never seen you or Ike at the Sunny D Sun Blast Ball.

: I never attend parties, balls, or other fancy shindigz unless I am the host; especially after all that drama from the last ball I attended. Superman is good at super ruining things. So of course he wouldn't see me at any of his plebeian parties.

I do make an exception for Sakarai's parties because I truly pity him. After all, my games are far more successful than his games. So me showing up at his parties would help boost sales for him. He really needs all the help he can get.

I would like to know how it feels to lose against Peach in Death Battle.

: Well, it was all a hypothetical battle. If you noticed, she only won the battle because of pure luck. It's sad that she needed random luck to win in a hypothetical battle. To be fair, nobody can be as great and powerful as I am. So I'll let that battle of lies and its creators exist since it is the only way Peach will ever be better than me for once.

In a real battle she would have been obliterated. But that would make me quite sad. You see, the two of us have seen some **** during the Tabuu fiasco. She also makes some bomb ass tea and cakes.

does 1984 even math? 2 + 2 = 5?!?!?! Big Brother b cray

: This requires me to summon power from all the past Triforce of Wisdom holders. Sure, it would have been easier for me to just say "all the past Zeldas" but whatever.

With the accumulated power I can open a portal that will reveal all the answers that you need. Look, the portal to solve your problems as well as explain the meaning of life is open now. Just look below...

Um... That doesn't seem right. But there is absolutely no way that I messed up. So this must be it. How unexpectedly musical and profound this moment has been.

 

[Teran]

If you're so ****ing wise, why do you always end up getting outwitted and owned by Ganondorf?

 

[Lil Puddin]

If you're so ****ing wise, why do you always end up getting outwitted and owned by Ganondorf?

: Well, to put it your way, since I'm so ****ing wise I choose the easiest way to deal with things. The easiest way for me, of course. So I go please stop G-dorf. I can't win because you are so powerful, manly, and totally not insecure.

Then he just "forces" me into my luxurious room complete with master bathroom and kitchenette. People don't die. I get a vacation. Link, bearer of the Triforce of Courage, can feel like he's not useless. Talk about a win-win situation. Only someone as wise and great as me can make sure things play out this way every single time. But then again, Ganondorf is so stupid and susceptible to reverse psychology. He is just extremely easy to manipulate. Almost as easy to manipulate as Link.

Besides, we all know that I can wreck G-dork without much effort (as seen in SSB).

 

[Teran]

@ Lil Puddin I know you're a bottom but do you wear makeup too?

 

[Grey Belnades]

: I never attend parties, balls, or other fancy shindigz unless I am the host; especially after all that drama from the last ball I attended. Superman is good at super ruining things. So of course he wouldn't see me at any of his plebeian parties.

I do make an exception for Sakarai's parties because I truly pity him. After all, my games are far more successful than his games. So me showing up at his parties would help boost sales for him. He really needs all the help he can get.

But everyone goes to Superman's annual ball. In fact the only people who don't show are the people that weren't invited. Zelda...were you not invited?

And in addition, if you were as popular as you're referring to, how come you're not on the Smash 3DS cover?

 

[Lil Puddin]

@ Lil Puddin I know you're a bottom but do you wear makeup too?

: If the makeup is whipped cream, chocolate, caramel, or fruit based then the answer is yes. Because that particular user is quite literally pudding.

But everyone goes to Superman's annual ball. In fact the only people who don't show are the people that weren't invited. Zelda...were you not invited?

And in addition, if you were as popular as you're referring to, how come you're not on the Smash 3DS cover?

: I received an invitation. Of course it was riddled with passive-aggressive remarks. Ending with btw, what IS a princess's role in modern society? Well I don't know Superman, what use does modern society have for someone who's super power is "becoming weaker than a deku scrub when exposed to common green ore?"


As for my absence in the 3DS SSB4 decal, there is a simple explanation. Let's go over this together, shall we?

What do people primarily look at while using the 3DS? The screen(s).

Where is the SSB4 image located? On the reverse side of where the screen is located.

As if I would waste my time posing with those people just to be in a picture nobody would even see most of the time. I have much better princess-related things to do. Such as organizing my royal glove collection, prank telepathing Ganondorf, or sentencing offenders to death.

 

[Teran]

: If the makeup is whipped cream, chocolate, caramel, or fruit based then the answer is yes. Because that particular user is quite literally pudding.

How does he manage to type?

 

[Lil Puddin]

How does he manage to type?

: Science allows that user to type and play my character properly in SSB. You don't need the Triforce of Wisdom to notice that pudding has great taste. But considering it is somehow sentient, it is probably not great tasting. Quite frankly, if science is so amazeballs then it should be able to create sentient pudding that is also palatable.

 

[PsychoIncarnate]

I prefer yogurt to pudding

 

[plasterbrain]

Zelda, how do I get Marth to fall in love with me?!

 

[Lil Puddin]

I prefer yogurt to pudding

: Pudding is just yogurt with more sugar and fresher dairy product(s).

Zelda, how do I get Marth to fall in love with me?!

: Well, according to your profile you are the incorrect type of person that Marth would fall in love with. For starters, you are not a confusingly androgynous male. You are also not a mirror, nor are you a picture of Marth or Marth himself. So he could never love you, let alone look at you... Unless you can somehow meet most of the criteria that I have mentioned already.

I suggest that you try to go out with Ganondorf. He is as lonely as he is unfortunate looking. I also hear any gender Robin isn't picky at all. Always set the bar low, so this way you can always find something or someone better when you get bored of what you already have.

 

[2004Zilla]

Ever think of joining the Colonial Marines?

 

[Lil Puddin]

Ever think of joining the Colonial Marines?

: No. Who in their right mind would?