Black Waltz
Smash Champion
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2007
- Messages
- 2,243
My friend conjoured up this amazing theory a little bit ago, and I want to see what you guys think of it:
Cass' 3 Rules of Male - Female Interaction
When a guy interacts with a girl he follows these three rules:
1) Unless he is gay, he wants to **** her.
2) Unless he thinks she's ugly, he wants to **** her.
3) Unless he is ****ing someone else, he wants to **** her (and would still probably **** her anyway).
Cass' Corollary states: If any of Cass' 3 rules of male - female interaction are true, a male - female friendship is impossible. Anything that may be misconstrued as friendship is really a facade that behaves according to Cass' theorem. (See Cass' Theorem for clarification)
Cass' Theorem states: The facade which is a male - female "friendship" really is quite simple to understand. Girls who are "friends" with a guy are really using him for one of the following: A) Moral Support B) Money (not necessarily cash, having him buy you things counts) C) Someone to ***** at because her boyfriend would have slapped her by now. Men are equally as self serving as women, they participate in "friendship" hoping that the time spent together will make her see how great of a guy he is so that he may **** her. (See Cass' 3 rules and Cass' Corollary for clarification)
Cass' Law of Non-migratory Interaction states: A male who becomes a female's "friend" cannot become otherwise. As a result, a male who is a "friend" will never be able to **** this female. (See Cass' Method for clarification)
Cass' Method
Cass' Method involves breaking Cass' Law of Non-migratory Interaction and preventing it from ever taking effect. Cass' Law of Non-Migratory Interaction is as stated, a law. As such it can be broken. However, before a male should believe that he is capable of using Cass' Method, he should first and foremost understand that he is wrong. Why is he wrong? Simple, the male does not know why he is a "friend" to begin with.
Cass's Method step 1) "Identifying your relationship status."
To identify his relationship status, a male should ask himself these questions (be completely honest with yourself, lying to yourself won't make her **** you):
1) Does she talk about her personal problems and does he help her with them?
2) Has she ever talked about your "friendship" and how much it means to her?
3) Has he ever run an errand for her?
4) Has he ever been told by her that he is "a nice guy" or something similar?
5) Has he ever confessed his desire to **** her but is still not being ****ed by her?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then congratulations! You are a "friend". If you answered no to all questions, then you are not yet a friend, but still can **** up (unless you are already ****ing her, in that case high five).
Cass' Method part 2) "Staying away from being a friend and getting out of being a friend." If you have not yet become a "friend" you need simply do one thing. Never let the answers to step 1 be yes. If you are a "friend" it is suggested that you dump the ***** and find someone else, however, that not permitting do as follows:
1) Do not help her with anything - at all - unless she ****s you for it.
2) Do not let her talk about her personal problems, if she keeps at it, tease her until she cries, or until she laughs with you and realizes that you aren't her ***** anymore. If she cries, hold strong, either she will hate you for it, or tear your clothes off for it. If the first happens, so what, you weren't getting ****ed anyway.
3) Chances are by now you know exactly when she gets online (you tool, have you no shame?). Do something else, or block her if you happen to get online at the same time. Ignore calls. Let communication drop to a near stand still. Continue for a week or two. If she stops trying to get a-hold of you, you cannot use Cass' Method. If she continues, pick a day and answer one of her calls, or one of her messages. If she asks where you've been, you were busy with other people having a life. To make this lie easier to tell, make it the truth, and hang out with a girl she knows.
This concludes Cass Theory in its entirety. To come up is Applications of Cass Theory, which will include: Mindsets for Success (how to think to make her want you), and Further Explanation of Cass' Method.
A special note to women and other non-believers. First and foremost, I know you will find this derogatory in some way or another, but I have nothing but the utmost respect for women because of all the ******** men going after them (most of whom are the reason why I write this). Be honest with yourself, however, and you will find it is still invariably true. With respects to Cass' Corollary and Cass' Theorem, yes, you really do use men this way. Which is fine, because men only want what's in your pants anyway. If you just thought to yourself, "No, you're wrong." No, I'm not a mind reader, you're just like every other girl, and no I'm not wrong, end of story.
For those of you who believe I am bitter "because I don't get any". Let me preemptively make you shut up by stating, I am dating a very wonderful woman who loves me very much. She's both a clothing model and a ivy league student, and finds all of this very funny. I win.