Zero_Gamer
Smash Master
So me and Matt4300 have an all night smashfest playing Brawl+ (Lucario+ is maaad broken), watching tons of internet videos, and doing dramatic readings of amazing literary works like Sushi Lagann and Dub Note.
I also played Street Fighter IV with another person, but screw that guy, Ryu is gay. Only real men use Cammy, like me. This is how I am after beating the tar out of such a homo character:
Fast forward to later that night.... or should I say day. I think it was around 7:00AM and Matt4300 and I were the only ones left (he was spending the night) so, in a delirious stupor, I recommended to him that we use a chalkboard to play... The Drawing Game.
Before I continue on, let me explain the rules of The Drawing Game. One person draws a simple picture (a face, a pair of circles, etc.) and then the next person adds something to it. Each person keeps taking turns adding things until every idea is no longer conceivable. Deleting any part of the picture is prohibited.
The first time we played was a picture of Luigi totally tripping balls drinking mushroom fluid from the legendary Pokémon, QDB a.k.a. Quintuple **** Butt while snorting Cocaine with a knife beard while a barber was... putting scissors in his brain. Oh and the back of his head was this guy:
Eventually, however, everything turned into ****s. Pictures of male anatomy in places I thought unfathomable! So we made a new rule, he who draws a **** loses.
Anyway, the second game started with a fierce rivalry between us. Who could go the longest without devolving the game into a bunch of ****s?
My face:
Matt4300's face:
Turn 1:
Staying with the orthodox, I started with a face with big ol' anime eyes.
-Matt counters by making that face attached to another face looking confused and distraught.
Turn 2:
Seeking (**** yeah) not to be outdone by this master of art's strange move, I changed my standard anime face into one trying to purse his lips for a kiss.
-Matt draws eyebrows on my picture to make it look like it's concentrating very hard on kissing.
Turn 3:
I convert the FOCUSED EYEBROWS OF FOCUSING into a very Dragonball Z-like look.
- Matt draws... vomit from the other face.
Turn 4:
With the true power of art, I connect the two faces with one half circle, making it look like a tooth, with each cusp having a face.
- Now seeing the degree of extravagance we can take with this game, Matt stops sandbagging and draws with all his might. His muscles tensed and his face contorted as he revealed his ultimate power:
He changes the picture of vomit coming from one face’s mouth to look more like a house with a pleasant stretch of road leading to a lake.
Pausing to look at the current state of the game, we saw a two-faced tooth creating a house. We nicknamed it Tooth God.
I turned to him and spoke, "You are a worthy opponent."
He responds with a voice as deep as the depths of Hades and as manly as Captain Falcon, "Aye, but in the end it is all so pointless. Your resistance is futile."
"You're wrong, because I believe in myself. I believe in the me that believes in me."
Turn 5:
To row row, fight the powah, I drew a picture of a tooth brush brushing on Tooth God with some toothpaste suds on half of it. Yes, Tooth God was apparently fighting the evils of tooth decay.
- In response, Matt draws a power drill with an angry face and bat wings drilling into the other half of Tooth God.
In unison we both shouted, "Oh ****, it's the Satan Drill!"
But wait... remember how I drew toothpaste suds on Tooth God? Well, as it turned out, my plan worked flawlessly because I intentionally drew those suds to look like poorly drawn fingers so I...
Turn 6:
Drew an arm attached to the "suds" to make it look like someone was slapping Tooth God. Tooth God gets too much flak
.
- Matt was flabbergasted by my tact and he was unable to draw anything for quite some time. "You must be mentally gay, because you just blew my mind," he said.
Just as planned, I thought:
There was no way he could resist drawing a **** now and, as expected, Matt buried his face into his hands and let out an exasperated sigh.
But it turns out this sigh was just a ploy, because he turned to me and said, “Zero_Gamer, I am your father.”
I was taken aback by this obviously false statement, “That’s not true – that’s impossible.”
“Search your feelings; you know it to be true.”
“Uh dude, no it’s not.”
“Yeah, but I still ****ed your mum!”
Me:
Matt:
- He transforms the bat wings of the Satan Drill into a mustache placed above a very pronounced butt-chin. Actually, it was more of an ***-chin and dat *** was HUGE:
Turn 7:
I scrutinized every facet of the drawing(s) laid out before me, but my mind couldn’t wrap around anything. I nearly drew a picture of a ****! That is, until I tilted my head sideways. What was, at first, a mere physical mannerism of perplexity was now my greatest ally, for it was there that I discovered something particularly outrageous. Remember the picture of the house with a nice stretch of road leading to a lake? Well, I drew a circle around the road and it also slightly bisected the lake. I then added feet, a giant cape, and attached a sword to the lake, which looked oddly like a certain person’s gloved hand. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I drew Meta Knight. Apparently he was not content with other deities being present, so he felt he had to make an appearance to prove he is the one and only god tier.
- To say that Matt was shocked is an understatement. Truth be told, he totally started crying, but only one tear was shed from his eyes.
It was at this moment that this crafty, crafty b*stard thought of something particularly dishonorable. Matt pulled a b*tch move by drawing indentations around the air that Satan Drill was drilling and his line of reasoning? “The drill is digging deeper in there now.”
That was a d*ck move, Matt. The rules may be okay, but I don’t approve.
Turn 8: All the chaos within and around the Tooth God was, with the mere trace of a cone around the picture, converted into an ice cream cone, with the tooth portion being the ice cream.
- Matt draws a nose above the mustache (or bat wings) above the Satan Drill, which resulted in a very strong resemblance to the crazy Luigi in the previous game, so, in response, I…
Turn 9: Drew a pair of eyes with very dilated pupils.
- “Man, I am not going to do this again,” Matt said as he drew a set of lines on each side of the set of eyes, transforming the possibility of a drugged out Luigi into the body of a woman… with the eyes being a horrid pair of breasts, most likely from a surgery gone wrong, and the nose being a beer belly. Needless to say, it was quite the abomination.
Turn 10: I was utterly disgusted by the results of our creativity, and yet I was very much intrigued by what would happen next. For the sake of SCIENCE I drew the head of the woman and added very nice, long hair, but no expression added.
- At this point I was expecting yet another thing of outrageous-ness-icity, but Matt went with the unorthodox by going with the orthodox. He drew the facial expression of the woman with an arched eyebrow. Her expression was one of, “Oh Rlly,” but in a cocky fashion.
Turn 11: I was about to draw something when Matt turned to me and said, “Jason, look at the drill.”
“Uh okay.” I scanned over the portion of the Satan Drill that had not been altered.
“I bet you were thinking I was just taking the easy way out when I made the drill dig deeper into the Tooth God-flavored ice cream, but now you see it, don’t you? The puff at the tip of the drill, the ball chin of the Satan Drill, it looks like you could change that into a **** if you only drew one line.”
I responded, “Matt, your petty temptations will not work on me because I am too manly.”
“But a **** is the manliest thing you can draw. It is the very essence of a man.”
However convincing his argument was, I still did not yield to temptation. I traced along the eyebrows of the woman’s face and attempted to change it into Mario’s hat. The key word in that sentence was attempt because the hat turned out to look more like a beret and a well drawn one at that, oddly enough.
- Matt proceeds to draw a BDSM vest on the woman, but it only concealed the areas NOT called a beer belly or breasts/fun bags/boobies/melons/hooters/mounds/ta-tas/chi-chis/chest torpedoes/knockers/mammeries/ mangos/jugs/mew2kings/sandbags/pumpkins/bazookas/jukes/ etc.
Turn 12:
With the picture of a beret still fresh in my mind I convert the hair of this woman into braided pigtails and Matt and I take a step back from our work.
I said, “What the eff, it started from Tooth God and turned into an abomination of Cammy with a distended belly, wide breasts facing opposite directions, and overly large hips.”
“You’re wrong,” Matt said.
He walked up to the chalkboard and added a few lines here… and a few curves there… and achest dildo chest spike and then backed off from the chalkboard to reveal Lucario’s features added onto Cammy. The being was dubbed Cammycario.
My mind was utterly devastated. I mean, in Alabama, Lucario is an often talked about subject because my style is homo (and he’s broken in Brawl+, but haters gonna hate), and I thought the Drawing Game would be safe from his influence, but apparently not, and the worst part was that this game completely corrupted my view of Cammy forever. I expressed my lamentations to Matt and he shared the same sentiments as me. However, the thought of a GOOD drawing of Cammycario would be pretty sweet.
To my comfort, Matt said, “I think we’ve reached the point of over-saturation.”
“Yeah, but, dude, Matt, can you imagine if Cammycario was in Brawl or Street Fighter? She’d have, like, a dive kick with Aura, she’d shoot projectiles out of her projectiles, she’d… still have a weak and underpowered counter Ultra because Capcom sucks.”
“Ha, dude, I’m going to draw Cammycario when I get home now, but for now,” Matt stretched out his arms and yawned, “let’s go to sleep.”
We each lied in our respective sleeping arrangements and quickly fell asleep… and were quickly awoken because my brother arrived about 4 hours later (although we went right back to sleep and finally got in a solid eight hours).
The day was met with more of the same, watching my never-ending supply of internet videos, performing dramatic readings of stories, playing Brawl+ (Ivysaur Uptilt Nair Dair Upair Upsmash raaaaaape), watching a 30-minute cut scene of Ryu’s Shoryuken FADC Ultra too many times, and other manly, non-homo activities, but eventually we had to give our goodbyes and make our separate ways. At the time, I thought Matt4300 was only kidding about drawing Cammycario, but I was wrong. DEAD WRONG.
About four days later I am presented with the single greatest thing in existence.
Edit: Join this group - http://www.smashboards.com/group.php?groupid=2005
I also played Street Fighter IV with another person, but screw that guy, Ryu is gay. Only real men use Cammy, like me. This is how I am after beating the tar out of such a homo character:
Fast forward to later that night.... or should I say day. I think it was around 7:00AM and Matt4300 and I were the only ones left (he was spending the night) so, in a delirious stupor, I recommended to him that we use a chalkboard to play... The Drawing Game.
Before I continue on, let me explain the rules of The Drawing Game. One person draws a simple picture (a face, a pair of circles, etc.) and then the next person adds something to it. Each person keeps taking turns adding things until every idea is no longer conceivable. Deleting any part of the picture is prohibited.
The first time we played was a picture of Luigi totally tripping balls drinking mushroom fluid from the legendary Pokémon, QDB a.k.a. Quintuple **** Butt while snorting Cocaine with a knife beard while a barber was... putting scissors in his brain. Oh and the back of his head was this guy:
Eventually, however, everything turned into ****s. Pictures of male anatomy in places I thought unfathomable! So we made a new rule, he who draws a **** loses.
Anyway, the second game started with a fierce rivalry between us. Who could go the longest without devolving the game into a bunch of ****s?
My face:
Matt4300's face:
Turn 1:
Staying with the orthodox, I started with a face with big ol' anime eyes.
-Matt counters by making that face attached to another face looking confused and distraught.
Turn 2:
Seeking (**** yeah) not to be outdone by this master of art's strange move, I changed my standard anime face into one trying to purse his lips for a kiss.
-Matt draws eyebrows on my picture to make it look like it's concentrating very hard on kissing.
Turn 3:
I convert the FOCUSED EYEBROWS OF FOCUSING into a very Dragonball Z-like look.
- Matt draws... vomit from the other face.
Turn 4:
With the true power of art, I connect the two faces with one half circle, making it look like a tooth, with each cusp having a face.
- Now seeing the degree of extravagance we can take with this game, Matt stops sandbagging and draws with all his might. His muscles tensed and his face contorted as he revealed his ultimate power:
He changes the picture of vomit coming from one face’s mouth to look more like a house with a pleasant stretch of road leading to a lake.
Pausing to look at the current state of the game, we saw a two-faced tooth creating a house. We nicknamed it Tooth God.
I turned to him and spoke, "You are a worthy opponent."
He responds with a voice as deep as the depths of Hades and as manly as Captain Falcon, "Aye, but in the end it is all so pointless. Your resistance is futile."
"You're wrong, because I believe in myself. I believe in the me that believes in me."
Turn 5:
To row row, fight the powah, I drew a picture of a tooth brush brushing on Tooth God with some toothpaste suds on half of it. Yes, Tooth God was apparently fighting the evils of tooth decay.
- In response, Matt draws a power drill with an angry face and bat wings drilling into the other half of Tooth God.
In unison we both shouted, "Oh ****, it's the Satan Drill!"
But wait... remember how I drew toothpaste suds on Tooth God? Well, as it turned out, my plan worked flawlessly because I intentionally drew those suds to look like poorly drawn fingers so I...
Turn 6:
Drew an arm attached to the "suds" to make it look like someone was slapping Tooth God. Tooth God gets too much flak
.- Matt was flabbergasted by my tact and he was unable to draw anything for quite some time. "You must be mentally gay, because you just blew my mind," he said.
Just as planned, I thought:
There was no way he could resist drawing a **** now and, as expected, Matt buried his face into his hands and let out an exasperated sigh.
But it turns out this sigh was just a ploy, because he turned to me and said, “Zero_Gamer, I am your father.”
I was taken aback by this obviously false statement, “That’s not true – that’s impossible.”
“Search your feelings; you know it to be true.”
“Uh dude, no it’s not.”
“Yeah, but I still ****ed your mum!”
Me:
Matt:
- He transforms the bat wings of the Satan Drill into a mustache placed above a very pronounced butt-chin. Actually, it was more of an ***-chin and dat *** was HUGE:
Turn 7:
I scrutinized every facet of the drawing(s) laid out before me, but my mind couldn’t wrap around anything. I nearly drew a picture of a ****! That is, until I tilted my head sideways. What was, at first, a mere physical mannerism of perplexity was now my greatest ally, for it was there that I discovered something particularly outrageous. Remember the picture of the house with a nice stretch of road leading to a lake? Well, I drew a circle around the road and it also slightly bisected the lake. I then added feet, a giant cape, and attached a sword to the lake, which looked oddly like a certain person’s gloved hand. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I drew Meta Knight. Apparently he was not content with other deities being present, so he felt he had to make an appearance to prove he is the one and only god tier.
- To say that Matt was shocked is an understatement. Truth be told, he totally started crying, but only one tear was shed from his eyes.
It was at this moment that this crafty, crafty b*stard thought of something particularly dishonorable. Matt pulled a b*tch move by drawing indentations around the air that Satan Drill was drilling and his line of reasoning? “The drill is digging deeper in there now.”
That was a d*ck move, Matt. The rules may be okay, but I don’t approve.
Turn 8: All the chaos within and around the Tooth God was, with the mere trace of a cone around the picture, converted into an ice cream cone, with the tooth portion being the ice cream.
- Matt draws a nose above the mustache (or bat wings) above the Satan Drill, which resulted in a very strong resemblance to the crazy Luigi in the previous game, so, in response, I…
Turn 9: Drew a pair of eyes with very dilated pupils.
- “Man, I am not going to do this again,” Matt said as he drew a set of lines on each side of the set of eyes, transforming the possibility of a drugged out Luigi into the body of a woman… with the eyes being a horrid pair of breasts, most likely from a surgery gone wrong, and the nose being a beer belly. Needless to say, it was quite the abomination.
Turn 10: I was utterly disgusted by the results of our creativity, and yet I was very much intrigued by what would happen next. For the sake of SCIENCE I drew the head of the woman and added very nice, long hair, but no expression added.
- At this point I was expecting yet another thing of outrageous-ness-icity, but Matt went with the unorthodox by going with the orthodox. He drew the facial expression of the woman with an arched eyebrow. Her expression was one of, “Oh Rlly,” but in a cocky fashion.
Turn 11: I was about to draw something when Matt turned to me and said, “Jason, look at the drill.”
“Uh okay.” I scanned over the portion of the Satan Drill that had not been altered.
“I bet you were thinking I was just taking the easy way out when I made the drill dig deeper into the Tooth God-flavored ice cream, but now you see it, don’t you? The puff at the tip of the drill, the ball chin of the Satan Drill, it looks like you could change that into a **** if you only drew one line.”
I responded, “Matt, your petty temptations will not work on me because I am too manly.”
“But a **** is the manliest thing you can draw. It is the very essence of a man.”
However convincing his argument was, I still did not yield to temptation. I traced along the eyebrows of the woman’s face and attempted to change it into Mario’s hat. The key word in that sentence was attempt because the hat turned out to look more like a beret and a well drawn one at that, oddly enough.
- Matt proceeds to draw a BDSM vest on the woman, but it only concealed the areas NOT called a beer belly or breasts/fun bags/boobies/melons/hooters/mounds/ta-tas/chi-chis/chest torpedoes/knockers/mammeries/ mangos/jugs/mew2kings/sandbags/pumpkins/bazookas/jukes/ etc.
Turn 12:
With the picture of a beret still fresh in my mind I convert the hair of this woman into braided pigtails and Matt and I take a step back from our work.
I said, “What the eff, it started from Tooth God and turned into an abomination of Cammy with a distended belly, wide breasts facing opposite directions, and overly large hips.”
“You’re wrong,” Matt said.
He walked up to the chalkboard and added a few lines here… and a few curves there… and a
My mind was utterly devastated. I mean, in Alabama, Lucario is an often talked about subject because my style is homo (and he’s broken in Brawl+, but haters gonna hate), and I thought the Drawing Game would be safe from his influence, but apparently not, and the worst part was that this game completely corrupted my view of Cammy forever. I expressed my lamentations to Matt and he shared the same sentiments as me. However, the thought of a GOOD drawing of Cammycario would be pretty sweet.
To my comfort, Matt said, “I think we’ve reached the point of over-saturation.”
“Yeah, but, dude, Matt, can you imagine if Cammycario was in Brawl or Street Fighter? She’d have, like, a dive kick with Aura, she’d shoot projectiles out of her projectiles, she’d… still have a weak and underpowered counter Ultra because Capcom sucks.”
“Ha, dude, I’m going to draw Cammycario when I get home now, but for now,” Matt stretched out his arms and yawned, “let’s go to sleep.”
We each lied in our respective sleeping arrangements and quickly fell asleep… and were quickly awoken because my brother arrived about 4 hours later (although we went right back to sleep and finally got in a solid eight hours).
The day was met with more of the same, watching my never-ending supply of internet videos, performing dramatic readings of stories, playing Brawl+ (Ivysaur Uptilt Nair Dair Upair Upsmash raaaaaape), watching a 30-minute cut scene of Ryu’s Shoryuken FADC Ultra too many times, and other manly, non-homo activities, but eventually we had to give our goodbyes and make our separate ways. At the time, I thought Matt4300 was only kidding about drawing Cammycario, but I was wrong. DEAD WRONG.
About four days later I am presented with the single greatest thing in existence.
Edit: Join this group - http://www.smashboards.com/group.php?groupid=2005
