The Incredibly Strange (yet totally believable) Adventures of kip,Swig,Jing,and Gary

[demoncaterpie]

I wonder who could have wrote this? He must be a terrible writer.

Look at him, he made Star Wars jokes! How passet

 

[Banana_Dragon]

Excellent chapter once again, brightens up my day in an instant!
Great job! keep it up!
... I should start writing on my two fics as well... oh well, probably gonna update next week or so
Anyway, really! I like your style man!
Keep going!

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 10: “Zomg!!!!!one!!!!!111!!”

Kip, Swig, Jing, and Gary stood dumfounded.
There was silence.
…
“What the sh*t just happened!?” Jing burst out.
“I dunno, but one things for sure, with the plot holes and explanations that caused, I doubt we’ll win any awards anymore” Kip sighed.
Gary died, simply because he shouldn’t have been brought back in the first place.
Swig stood up. “Why don’t we ask the writer to help us?”
…
…
…
Kip sighed heavily. “..fine.”

BWAHAH! Look whose come crawling back! HUH!!!?! LOOK!!!
LOOK! I AM TEH KING OF TEH INTERNEtS!!

“Just set the scene back up.” Kip mumbled.

SHUTUP! I HAVN’T FINISHED GLOTATING!


“You spelt gl-“

SHATAP.
*Makes it all normally again*

Kip and Jing felt dizzy. Jing spoke up: “Are we back in the temple?”
Kip had a half smile on his face “Yes!” he beamed.
“Right, what was going on again?” Jing inquired. “Um…OH YEAH! The ‘
KING’.
Kip and Jing decided to forget the last chapter ever happened, and waltzed on like no Darth Vader’s, card games, Gary related plot holes, and Demoncatepies ever occurred. The two heroes seemed to be getting close to the KING…an eerily smell was in the air. Something sinister. Something evil. Something…smelly. Suddenly it became clear. Kip and Jing entered a giant room, completely empty, save for a giant thrown, guarded by two guards.
And in the throne sat…

The CRIMSON KING!!!!!one!!!
Jing looked bothered.
“Crap.”
Before Kip could say it was all cool, Jing had run of.
Now Kip felt worried, and just as he was about to run,CRIMSONspoke up.
“I am CRIMSON KING, and, contra to what you may think, the real me is a lot more reserved and much more sarcastic. This is just the SWF version.”
It was at this point kip figured he was in the same room as a loonybin.
“Um…hi?”
“SILENCE! Or I shall give you an infraction point!”
“..what?”
“RIGHT. SPAM-2 POINTS. EXPIRES IN 2 WEEKS. TOOL.”
“…Um…I think you need some sleep m-“
“DON’T MAKE ME BAN YOU!!!!!”
“Okay, okay! Erm…why have you brought me here? Who are you? What is your purpose in this tale of bravery and kinship?”
“I have brought you here so you may have a real antagonist to deal with, I am CRIMSON KING, evil tyrant of this world, and my purpose is to create a somewhat satirical feel to this story.”
“So…I’m f**ked?”
“SWEARING! 1 Point! Expires-1 week! Tool.”
“What is WITH these points?”
“Accumulate 6, and I shall be forced to execute you.”
At this point in time, Kip decided it was best not to break the rules anymore.
CRIMSON leaned over to his left guard, and whispered something to him.
He soon piped up again.
“I have decided you are to find me a book.”
“Why would I find-“
“Want to reach 6 points?”
“…Not really…”
“The get me the godd*mn book! It a gospel of truth. Of wisdom. It is:
‘DYLAN_TNGA’S guide to beating scrubs’.”
Kip’s faced scrunched up.
“I can’t get you that! Only DYLAN himself has it!”
“To bad. You must get it for me. OR ELSE.”
Kip looked down at his feet.
“But I already have to rescue the King’s Daughter!”
CRIMSON looked rather apathetic of this.
“So? You’ve already taken an odd 8 years. You have time.”
Kip gave up.
“Fine, I’ll get the stupid book. Now let me out.”
CRIMSON smiled. He then got of his throne, waddled up to Kip, and successfully kicked him in the face so hard, that poor Kip flew right out of the temple in the sky. Kip only had time to think “He has a HUGE arse.” Before he was sent into the sky.
CRIMSON mumbled to himself. “Looks like Kip is blasting off again!”
He was very bad a jokes.

By the time Kip landed, Jing had already eaten at a restaurant, bought some cheese, gone to Disneyland, written a movie script, AND learnt how to fly a plane. He found Kip in a bush somewhere in India.
Duren these many years gone by of going through forests, climbing beanstalks, and getting kicked by KING’S, Swig had been searching for his two friends, as the bounty place on them by the president had only increased in it’s worth…


You guys better dig this chapter, making it so Crimson's name was in red all the time is a pain in the arse.

 

[demoncaterpie]

Wow, I've never seen a more truthful interpretation of Crimson King ever! Amazing!

 

[Crimson King]

Wow, I've never seen a more truthful interpretation of Crimson King ever! Amazing!

Man, **** you.


I laughed. Out loud. Congrats.

 

[demoncaterpie]

Man, **** you.

IN THE COURT OF THE CRIMSON KING IS A BORING AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS ALBUM!

I is banned now

 

[Blackadder]

Yay, Crimson actually enjoyed the chapter. Score!
Anyways, I'll pop the next chapter up really soon guys. XD

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 11: “It’s war!”

Told you I would update soon.

This story needs an action edge. But I’m to bored to keep writing it.
I entered the WWYP competition btw. I made a story about a Balloon!!!one!!
Oh yeah. The story.
*Sighs*

Swig was in New Mexico. He had gotten a tip-off that Kip and Jing had last been spotted in the area. The sun was baking him, and he was so sick of looking for his friends. He often had dreamed about the day he would find them…:
“OMG GUYZ!! LIKE, YOU’RE WANTED CROOKS FOR PISSING ON THE FLAG!!!! BUT I HAVE TOLD YOU, SO YOU GUYS ARE SAVED! MY FRIENDS FOR LIFE!!
ZOMG! WHAT’S THAT? YOU WANNA GIVE ME A BILLION DOLLARS! AWSUM!!”

…
…

“..I can dream right?” Swig said, rather meekly.


I’m sick of Swig. Just sick of him.
THIS STORY NEEDS MOAR mudKIPS!!”
Geddit? I mad another Kip funny!!
…please laugh.

Jing ran over to Kip. “Kip! Are you okay!?”
Kip murmured something, then fell back down.
“My God man, looks like someone kicked you out of a temple floating in the sky, then made a bad Poke’mon reference!” Kip looked and Jing with a rather disgruntled frown. Jing shut up.

Eventually Kip was able to walk again, though he was rather dizzy.
Jing watched in consternation as his friend stumbled around like a drunk.
“Kip, um, should I mention to you? In the time you took to get here, a lot of people tried to catch me. Also, more people threw things at me, while saying things like “Nation hater!” “Anti-American!” “Terrorist”. It’s just a thought, but it seems I am a wanted man.”
Kip snapped back into reality. “What? That’s crazy. We are in India, after all.”
Jing looked pretty satisfied with that answer. “Yeah, I s’pose.”
And so Kip told the story of how the two now had to find and rescue the King’s daughter, as WELL as find the ‘DYLAN_TNGA’S guide to beating scrubs’ book.
Jing began to cry, he was sick of being pushed around.
He missed the old days.
He missed the times when Gary was alive and a protagonist, he missed his old home, he missed it when he could just sit and drink his own nipple milk. He missed it when he would just eat, sleep, and sh*t his way through life.
Kip sat down, ready to cheer his friend up…

At the same point in time, Swig was still looking around New Mexico.
Suddenly an announcement boomed over the entire world.
It was the president, for the first time since his announcement on Kip and Jing 8 years ago…
“Dear citizens of the world. This is the President of the USA, and I would like to fill you all in on some AWSUM news. The troops have finally completed the walk from America to Iraq! Are’s war!”

Interestingly, at the same time as this, Iraq declared itself a peaceful land, with no nuclear weapons or any other dangers in it whatsoever.
But oh well.

The minute this announcement had finished booming over the earth, everyone said the same thing:
“Oh f**k.”

In the Whitehouse, there was a lot of drama going on.
Mr. Captain Super pwng n00b thrasha man was fired up.
“Sir, I NEED a raise!”
“I can’t do that Mr. Captain Super pwng n00b thrasha man! I don’t money have!”
“I need money to support my child! There teething! And it hurts…”
Mr. Bush stood up.
“Don’t panic Captain. With this war, we will find out why we have different colored text, and get a bunch of moneys!”
Mr. Captain Super pwng n00b thrasha man sighed.
He slowly walked out of the office.
*BOOM!*
…………….
*Splat!*
The president came rushing out. The Captain had shot himself in the head.
Bush got out a chair, sat down on it, and waited for him to finish sleeping.

Kip and Jing had heard the announcement.
But they shrugged it off, it’s not like THEY would ever end up in the middle of the conflict.

After a bit of walking around, they walked right into the middle of the conflict.

I haven’t said anything in a while. HI FAWRIEL!!
*waves franticly*
I got you a cupcake for your birthday!!

 

[Fawriel]

Awwww, you shouldn't have!

 

[Blackadder]

I coulden't not do so my friend...
I just had too.
It's impulse!
I'm just so **** nice aren't I?

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 12: “Do the boogie oggie oggie!”

*Sigh*
I’m bored to death with this story.
I’m gonna write a new one. A FAN FIC!!

“…Link was getting ready to strike. Ganondorf was near, and so was the Triforce. Link could see Zelda in the distance. She was chained to the wall with iron cuffs, and the more she wriggled, the more Ganondorf seemed to drink from the moment. Link knew it was only a matter of time before-

“What the hell is this c*nting sh*t?!”

Link jumped! “Kip! What are ye doing here?”

“This is MY story, and it’s far more vivid and exiting than a stupid Fan-Fic, where all you it does is steal copywrited characters from popular culture, put them in some stupid cliché scenario, and make commonly romanticized characters f**k a lot!”

Link looked furious.
“At least I have plot, substance, developed characters, and a HOT princess.

“I happen to be on a mission to rescue a HAWWWT princess, and when I do, I plan on knocking her unconscious, ****** her, and then asking the King of
Biblegagji land for a large bag of money for her safe return.

Link drew his sword out. “SWINE!”

kip pulled out a Magnum 44.
“…I didn’t know I even had this.”

The two lunged at each other, ready to kill!

Okay, okay! Guys, what the F**K is wrong with you two?
Kip, I like your attitude. Link, you suck.
*Zaps him*
*Splat*

Kip looked rather happy. “Well, THANK you writer, and to think I thought you were-“
*Splat*

Jing found Kip lying on the ground, in the middle of a trench.
Jing had a panicked look on his face.
“KIP! WAKE UP! WHERE IN THE WAR!”
Kip didn’t budge.
Jing gave up, and ran. He eventually found a dugout.
Duren this time, it had become apparent to Swig he was never going to find his old friends, so he decided it was best to give up.
He squatted down against a wall. He sighed to himself:
“I wish I could see them again. If only something would happen to me. Something that would inadvertently lead me to them. Something crazy and random! Something that Scav would lap up! ANYHING!
…That Scav would lap up.”

Suddenly a cow jumped out of the ground. It was purple, and had “I am ‘BEEP’ written on it’s side. It looked constipated. After much grunting, it did a big fat sh*t all over the ground. The cow flew off.

Swig stared.
“Wow.” He said.
But then Swig noticed a flag in the middle of the feces.
He slowly walked up nearer to it.
“The things I’ll do to see what a flag says” he thought to himself.
And with that, Swig backed up, spat at the ground, and took a large swan dive head first into the crap!
*SPWAT!!*
Swig was a sorry site…but he could read the flag!
His eyes flashed over it.
“……If you can read this, you’re too close.”
He then lowered his head, slowly, into the large mound of poo, where he could slowly suffocate himself to death.

Meanwhile, over the other side of the world, Jing was hiding out in the dugout. It was the middle of the night, with heavy rain poring all over the battlefield. People were dying left right and center! Jing stood up.
He looked up to the battle as it raged on.
Suddenly he went into a weird ‘Slow-mo-odd humming sound-in-the-background-while watching-people-explode-and-others-with-no-arm-turning-back-to-pick-it-back-up-in-some-weird-attampt-to-have-it-magicly-but-back-onto-him-while-a-guy-lies-on-the-ground-with-his-enternal organs-hangning-out-from-his-stomach-screaming-“mamaa”-while-some-annoying-prick-behind-Jing-says-“What the hell do we do sir!?”-over-and-over-again’.
Jing picked up a his helmet, and put it on his head.
“I said what the hell do we do sir!?”
Jing turned around to see a young solider behind him.
“What?”
“I.GOD.****.SAID: ‘What the hell do we do SIR’.
“Oh. Um…I dunno? Why would I know?”
Jing then noticed his helmets insignia: “LEADING PERSON TYPE MAN. FEEL FREE TO ASK FOR ADVICE DUREN A CRAZY-A** WAR SITUATION.”
Jing was speechless, save for a silent “F**k” that he managed to mouth.

The young man was still waiting in the poring rain for Jing to tell him what the crap he was meant to do.
Jing looked him in the eye, with his mind whizzing over what the hell he should order him to do.
“Erm…jump out of the trench, scream out some of your best ‘Yo Momma” jokes you know, and kill any black guys you see…”
“Sir yes SIR!”
The man subsequently lasted about 7 seconds. He got in a good ‘Yo Momma’ gag though. Oh, and also, Poke'mon trainer sucks as a character.

Yeah, um, that’s the end of the chapter.
Go home now.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 13: “Chapter 12 sucked.”

*Checks Scav’s guide to writing stories*
*Mumbles*…*grumbles*
Bullwhacky…
*Reads in more*
Utter sh*t…
*Reads in more*
Bah, f**k it, it’s all crap anyways. I’ll stick to writing in MY awsum style!!!!one!!

Jing had his platoon waiting by, as he had opted to go ahead and see if there were any Iraqi solders near.
He did the chicken dance.
“Wait, did Captain Jing say that that meant it was clear?” A young private asked.
The Sergeant took his turn to talk: “No, no, silly boy. He said that the chicken dance was the there is a grenade falling from the sky!”
Another man spoke up. “Bah, WRONG. Grenade from the sky was the moonwalk!”
Jing rolled his eyes, and moved his way back to his troops.
“Okay, look. Here’s the list again:
Star jump-man down.
Karate chop- Incoming grenade.
Ring a ring a Rosie spin- Forthcoming fire.
Woody woodpecker laugh- Iraqi solider named Greg in site.
Moonwalk- Sexually aroused kid on the ground.
Flipping the bird –Several Tahiti natives entering the battlefield.
And, Chicken Dance –Nuclear bomb about to hit us. DUH!!

…****.”

The troops would have then run surprisingly fast, if not for the sheer luck the bomb didn’t explode upon impact.
The sergeant looked pleased. “Hey, it didn’t go off, AND it crushed the Iraqi kid!”
The platoon cheered.
Jing slapped his bottom.
The young private nodded his head. “Okay guys, we have the signal to move on out!”

Kip lifted himself out of the mud slowly. His eye’s hurt, he had a headache, and had lost his pinky finger.
“Argh…the can only mean I was killed by the f**kin’ writer…
…woops”
*Splat*
He was later found and taken to the field hospital.

Swig came running past to Jing’s platoon, and up to Jing himself.
“Private Swig reporting for duty, SIR!”
“Very good Private! And your name is…?”
“..Um, Swig.”
“Exellent! What’s your name by the way?”
“..Swig.”
“Okay, fine name! Do you have a name?”
Swig then punched his superior officer.
*SMACK!!*
“My name is Godd*mn Swig! Jesus!”
Jing caressed his face “Okay, okay. I had to keep asking, the writer made me in the vain hope I would identify that you’re my old friend Swig the I haven’t seen in 8 or so years.”
“Oh, I understand.”
Swig then went to the back of the platoon.
He then turned, and looked at YOU, the reader.
“Why the hell am I in the war? How did I get here? Didn’t I kill my-“


Shutup. Don’t question my continuity skill!

Sadly, Swig was not as familiar with this as Kip, so he continued to argue:
“No, YOU shutup Writer! You have no sense of decent narrative! In fact, I think I’ll report you to the “Half friggin’ decent story” police, and THEN let’s see how good and tough you are! Humph!”

...Die.

Suddenly Jing did the chicken dance franticly, and a nuclear bomb hit Swig.
The troops all moved up to the black ashes that were once Swig.
They all then star jumped, and moved on.

The morning light shone in Kip’s eyes. He blinked in a rather irksome manner, and spat out what seemed to be a mix of blood, rain, and semen.
He peered up, to the smiling face of a strapping young lad.
“Who the hell are-“
“Hello Mr. Kip sir! My name is Jack! But you can call me Henry if you want! And if not Henry, Mellissa will do! Alternatively you could dub me Charles, Edward, Harry, Marshall, James, Zelda, Helga, Toni, Tony, Jarred, Timothy, Benjamin, Debra, Catharine, Gonorrhea, -“
“Yeah, um, shut the hell up please. Where am I?”
“Oh, sir! I don’t think being so derogatory towards me is a very politically correct thing to do! Even in dark times such as this, one must not forget there manners, or else, well, WHO KNOWS!? All sorts of crazy-“
“Please shut the hell up then?” Kip weakly begged.
“…”
“Okay, now please…where am I?”
“…”
“Please? I’m sorry I-“
“…”
“Okay that’s stupid, how did you cut me off with ‘…’?”
“…”
“Okay, UNshutup!”
“Well, we are currently located east Iraq, in the western front!”
“You do understand the complete lack of sense in that statement?”
“Oh yes sir. But it’s the truth! It’s what the map says! Now, for breakfast, I’ll be cooking you eggs, Bacon, more eggs, some ham, some friend eggs, some fine pork, and some ice cream.”
“I don’t WANT breakfast. I want to know what the f**k is going on!”
“Well, see, there’s a war going on, right, and it’s to find out why the Presidents text is different from Mr. Captain Super pwng n00b thrasha man’s text! But word in the trench is, the good Captain shot himself a day or two ago, see, so NOW, we need to end the war Uber quickly! OH! Also. I have to arrest you. You are a wanted crim!”
“Wh-What the hell did I do!?”
“You pissed on the flag!”
“What, did I? …that was friggin’ years ago!”
“I know, and I caught ya!”
Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect. then put some cuffs around Kip’s hands.
He then lifted Kip out of his hospital bed, and took him away…

The President continued to sit on his little stool, waiting for Mr. Captain Super pwng n00b thrasha man to get up from his slumber.
Eventually Mr. Doublya Bush got bored and tired of the silly game, so he ordered the Captains body to be taken and sent to the war, where he would serve as a General.
“I can’t believe I’m so imprudent as to think this plan up! Or that it’s not butter!” The President beamed, with a grin the size of Albania on his face.

I really haven’t made much fun of Scav recently.
Shame, really.
SCAV SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 14: “Will pay for money”

Space. It’s big. Like, really big. Like, so big that one time, I kicked a basketball, and since I’m so good at that kind of sh*t, the ball like, went into the cosmos, and like, I never saw it again, and like…yeah.
And no, none of that had anything to do with the story.

Jing’s team of relatively elite soldiers where camping out.
They had found a nice little spot away from any real conflict, which was rather good, as there where only 4 men left anyways.
In order to waste time, they were:
Jing.
Fine young man.
Sergeant.
Swig. (Yeah, he died, but whatever)
The Sergeant stood up from his crude little “home”. He seemed to be getting bored. “What’s up with you?” Jing inquired. “I’m friggin’ bored. WE NEED GUNZ!!!!!one!!!”. Jing decided to talk to his brain over this.
“Hey brain. It’s me.”
“What?”
“Is the Sarg normal?”
“I ‘unno. I suggest we kill him.”
“Good idea!”

They did.

Kip was being carried on the back of the fellow who had found him. Suddenly Kip realised something. If he was a criminal, and wanted all over the world, sentenced to death by some slow and horrible means, where a large man would begin to monologue a lot about complete crap, Kip would be rescued at the very last second by an old friend or too!
Suddenly Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect noticed Kip was thinking about that fact that if he was a criminal, and wanted all over the world, sentenced to death by some slow and horrible means, where a large man would begin to monologue a lot about complete crap, Kip would be rescued at the very last second by an old friend or two!!
Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect could not let this happen!
He needed a plan of his own! As he carried Kip along, he began to think…
What could he do? Then it became obvious! All he needed to do was Make sure Kip would be recognised as a criminal, wanted all over the world, then sentenced to death by some slow and horrible means, where people would place a large man to monologue a lot about complete crap, BUT Jack/Mellisa/Charles/Ect would place a giant blocking force field so that no old friend or two could rescue Kip at the last second! “Brilliant!” Jack/Mellisa/Charles/Ect thought. “Pure bloody brilliance.” But Kip was one step ahead. He noticed Jack/Mellisa/Charles/Ect was thinking about-

Oh for f**k’s sake!

Jing had made a decision. With the Sergeant’s sudden and terrible death, the crew was down to 3. They needed to move on out to the nearest command center. The Fine Young Man spoke up: “Do we have a map? If we do, we can use the map to find a command center!” Jing thought of telling him something along the lines oh ‘No sh*t Sherlock” but didn’t, as the Fine Young Man was just trying to help. “Well, yeah, I have a map. Dunno where I got it from, but I have one!”
“Where are we then sir?” said The Fine Young Man.
“Ummm, currently in a big nose.”
“…huh?”
“Well, if we go right a few miles, we should hit a large white cheek bone.”
The Fine Young Man questioned his leader’s sanity level, and took the map for himself. “Oh!” he stated. “Wow, I guess your right. I never knew Iraq looked so much like Michael Jackson’s face!” Jing smiled. “Yeah, it is a little odd. But still, I think we should go to that little black spot there.”
The Fine Young Man drew his eyes to a little area of black near the eyebrow.
“Hmm, looks like the surgeon missed a spot.”
“Yeah, weird.” Jing was getting a little tired of this. He decided to move the crew towards the large eyebrow.
They ran onwards.

Intermission:
Youko is exceptionally-incredibly-awfully-exceedingly-especially-dreadfully extraordinarily-extremely-really particularly-very-remarkably-outstandingly- staggeringly-stupendously-amazingly-miraculously-phenomenally-incredibly
average.

Kip rolled his eyes at that, and let himself fall asleep on Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect’s shoulders.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 15: “I am the walrus!”

Jing and his men walked on through the night, dodging enemy fire, friendly fire, and bored kids with rocks in there hands. Eventually, the patrol decided that they needed to rest. The sat down, in a mud puddle. Because mud puddles are obviously war-proof. Suddenly The Fine Young Man jumped up, and did frantic karate chops. The crew dived out of the way, just missing the grenade that would have killed them all! The crew grabbed out there rifles, waiting for the enemy soldiers to come out and fight. After a really awesome tension scene, with that creepy music that gets louder and louder as the threat becomes closer and closer, a bunch of Iraqi armed forces jumped out, and began to shoot. The crew pulled there triggers, only to have some pencils fly out of them.
“Okay, WHO loaded the guns with pencils?” Jing asked.
The Fine Young Man s******ed. “Heehee, gotcha!”
The Iraqi men promptly shot him in the face.
“Sh*t!” Jing yelled. “I was about to do that, b*tch!”
It was just Jing and Swig left standing, and non had time to Star Jump.
As the Iraqi men where about to shoot, Swig flashed his privates!
There was silence.
The Iraqi crew leader was first to speak…eventually.
“I-…is that lady bush?”
Jing was fixated on Jing’s part… “Oh, my gawwwd…”
Swig was crimson red with embarrassment, but at least he’d got more time in his life.

Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect strived onward, carrying the sleeping Kip on his shoulders. He had carried Kip through a storm, through an air raid, and through a large tornado of some sort, but still he strived on, determined to deliver Kip to the Captain, claim his reward, and live a rich and happy life.
He could see Kip stir through the corner of his eyes. Suddenly Kip’s head shot up! Kip gave Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect a cold stare.
...
…
…
“Uh…Morning, Mr. Kip sir..” Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect said.
Kip glared at him again. Harshly.
“Morning Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect!!” Kip said beaming.
He continued. “Ah, I feel refreshed today. And I notice you have squeezed some fresh man nipple milk for breakfast!”
“Oh yes Mr. Kip sir! Can’t start the day without it!”
The two eventually sat down, and talked over breakfast.

*Yawns*
My God I hate this part of the story.

Suddenly Kip and Jack magically appeared at the War prison. Just like that. Question it and you die.
No one questioned it.
Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect looked about. “Yo Kip. Can you see the captain anywhere?” he asked.
“Yeah, is that him there?”
Indeed it was. He was slumped on a big chair, smelt rather bad, and had a name tag: ‘Hi! My name is Mr. Captain Super pwng noob thrasha man’
The Captain had a large gunshot through the head, and his flesh seemed to be rotting somewhat. Kip spoke up.
“So, wait. Lemme get this in order. The guy leading this army is a dead ex-secretary of the U.S.A, yes? Now, the key word there was DEAD! What the f**k guys!?”
A nearby solider overhead this.
“Don’t badmouth the late Mr. Captain super pwng n00b thrasha man! He will lead is to certain victory!”
Kip began to sweat with fear.
“I’m doomed to remain in this war forever?!”
He began to cry.
Then a strange thing happened. A tear trickled down the writers eye...
Hey, come on Kip, man. It’ll be cool…I mean…you can always-

“No! I’m condemned to a life of being a war criminal! This chapter will never end! And if it does, all subsequent chapters will be about the war! I’ll never see my wife and kids again!”

Kip, kip, kip…hey, you can do this..
*Hugs*

Kip hugged the writer back.
“Please,” he begged. “Work some writer magic…for us. For me. For the story.”

I...I’ll do it! I’m tired of being so mean all the time! I’m tired of being brought down by ‘The Man’! This is it Kip! I’m doing it for US!
*Workz Magic!*

Suddenly everything changed! Kip felt the fabric of his realty changing! The war faded into the background, flowers bloomed, small breasted women got enlargements! The world was becoming a happier place!
Kip couldn’t handle it, he went out…

Kip woke with his 3 old friends next to him. Swig jumped in joy! “Kip! Hey! Guess what! The fabric of time and this universe changed suddenly! The war is all part of the past now! We can go home!”

Kip got up, and walked behind a tree. “Ah, I’m just taking a sh*t guys!”
He looked up at the writer.
“Thanks” he whispered.

No problem man. No problem.
*Leavez*
…sucker.

Kip left too.
“Sucker. I don’t have a wife, or kids. I wasn’t even crying…”

Meanwhile, back in Iraq, Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect was waking up. He peered about the War Prison. It seemed empty. “Hello? Is anybody here anymore…?
Is Kip here? Do I still get my millions? …Can anyone fly me home to Ireland?
…please?”

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 16: “Land of Legomen”

It was a practically rude day in Bibjegagji land, Kip Swig and Jing all sat at the breakfast table, eating some lovely BACON!!

BUT!!!

Do not think these 3 heroes are quitting there jobs. Oh no, they were planning…

Kip looked up from his food.
“Okay guys. We all know about the King’s daughter, Crimson King, and DYLAN_TNGA’s book. Cause I told you all in between chapter 15 and this one. Do we all understand what we need to do?”
Swig jumped up.
“Live and let die!”
…
…
He slowly lowered himself back into his seat.
“I think we should dress in really awesome Matrix cloths, load up with guns, and go out and do the jobs.” Jing said.
“Exactly what I was thinking Jing!” Kip declared.
Swig spoke: “Shall we go after breakfast?”
Kip scrunched up “Well…I was hoping we could have a threesome…”
Jing and Swig perked up! At last. Some fun!

Zomg. If you wanna know what happens in the bedroom, just send me a signed 50 million dollar check! You can be JUST like Scav!!
*Writez maor*

The 3 old friends got out there Matrix cloths, in one of those cool action dressing sequences. They then struck a neat pose, and set of out of the house.
“I think we should get the King of Biyjegagji lands daughter first! I agreed to do that favour first.” Said Kip.
“Yeah, but that was 8 years ago…” Said Swig worriedly.
“9 tomorrow!” Jing yelled!
Kip looked disgruntled.
“Yeah, shut the f**k up. You know that 8 year timeline between chapter 9 and 10 was originally just a joke. Jeez.”
The other two nodded there heads, and agreed to go after the King’s daughter.
Suddenly there was thunder.

*KRAKATHROOM!!!!!*

Everyone in the town jumped!
A voice spoke:
“KIP! How dare you! You will getCrimson King’sbook first!!”
Kip was stunned.
“God…?”
“No! C*nt weed. It is I! The greatCrimson King
“I thought you where God?”
“ONLY. On SWF.”
Jing lol’d hard.
“That’s a pretty crappy thing to be boasting about.”
He then one internets.
The King spoke.
“Yeah, well, Azua has all of the friggin’ rubbish bin. I can at least whoop her a$$ on a daily basis.”
Swig was getting into the beat of things now.
“Whoop her arse? I bet you do you naughty boy you..”
“SILENCE! Tool. I’m giving you both infraction points. And a free castration.”

To skip the bloody business the ensued after that, Jing and Swig now have very high voices, no sex drive, and enjoy soprano singing. The also have 2 infraction points between them, and Kip has toldCrimsonhe will go after ‘DYLAN_TNGA’S guide to beating scrubs’. He lied though; he was still after the King’s daughter first. He just hoped no one knew. Especially-

ME!!!! HAHA! WHA! hAHAHAHH! LULZ! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
…yeah.

Kip sighed. “Yes, you Writer.”
And so the three heroes set of in no particular direction, in search of the King’s daughter, in one of those neat little scenes. You know, there at the end of a movie, where all the good guys walk away into the night street as the camera pans up at the stars? Yeah, it was one of them, ‘sept it went up to the sky withCrimsonmooning you. Note the pimple on his bum.

Hee, you guys seemed to like Crimson being in it the first time, so I popped him in as an excuse for me to get back to the point of the story.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 17: “Warn all your friends! Blackadder is bored!!”

Hello my adoring fans! Oh, we have such a wonderful set of chapters coming up! Filled with PANTZ!! And STAR WARZ. AND OTHER rapid speech.

The night sky was rather pretty, filled with stars and comets and any other cliché night thingies you can think of. Jing didn’t say anything. Neither did Swig. Or Kip.
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“I-“
“Shut up Swig” Kip interrupted.
…
…


Best friggin' chapter ever. I swear.

 

[Blackadder]

Moar Nuess!!

NUESSFLASH!

Aiyo.
Yeah, due to my creative block/School being a b*tch/ect I will now be updating chapters on a 2 day basis.
It's easier for me this way, and let's me chill and bit.

Besides, it's not like anyone reads this story anyways.
SO IN ALL ESSENCE, I LOSE. XD
Check the front page for days it updates.
I dare you.

La fin.

 

[Banana_Dragon]

people still read this, don't worry
and people still love this!
keep it up!

 

[Blackadder]

Good news everyone!

(Bad) NUESS!!

Yeah, I tried to do the "2 day plan update" thang to give me more time to get CREATIVEZ, but it isn't going so well.

I have terrible writers block right now, I'm out of juice for now.
Ima leave ya'll a chapter that I worked on with "Banana Dragon" but after that, it'll be hiatus for a while. A week maybe? Not much after that if I go longer. I think I know what the trouble is, so I hppefully I can stop it pretty soon, and get on with the story, and other things.

Sorry guys, if any of ya'll care! XD

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 18: "Phill Collins has boobies. He is a WOAHman"

The three friends walked all through the night. The plan seemed simple.
Find the location of the Princess, save her, return her to the King of Buyjegagji land, collect there reward, find DYLAN_TNGA’s d*mn book, give it to CRIMSON, go home, and live happily ever after. It sounded good on paper, but in reality…
I can’t finish that up, really.
“Just what you said in bed to your wife, I bet.” Kip said.|

…Wanna try that again?

“…I’ll shut the hell up now.”
The three friends all nodded there heads collectively, then walked on.
Jing was uneasy. “Guys, where are we going? We have no idea of the Princesses location! We need help…”

Meanwhile, in a darkened laboratory, a stereotypical mad professor was gliding around in his wheelchair. “I must drive zee’s imbeciles away from ze princess! The wedding is only in 3 days! Uhh, I must be swiftly moving, ya?
For I am…Marlene the magical amputee!”
He then laughed manically, and went of to do some crazy “mad scientist” masturbation.

The morning light sprinkled down onto Swig’s face. He tried to bat it away like you may do with a bee, or a fly, or an elephant. He became more and more irate! “F**KING HELL! I HATE THE GODD*MN SUN!!”
The two other friends jumped up, startled!
“What the hell was-“ Jing yelled
“I have no c*nting idea!”
They then noticed Swig was running away, now just a dot on the morning horizon.
Kip sighed heavily.
“Ahh…not again.”
“Think he’ll be alright?”
“I dunno…lets just let him be free.”

Screw this, I’m out of creative and artistic FLAIR! IMA PAWN THIS CRAP OF TOO DISH GUY!!!Z!!:

"Dish guy? Dish f***ing guy? I don't do dishes! Bleep you, you motherbleeping son of a female dog with aids!"
"... I don't think I like you anymore..."

"That's okay, I don't like you either"

"Really? Oh Banana Dragon, I always knew you didn't like me! I couldn't be more happy now that I know you won't like me for eternity!"

"Yeah, whatever, ******... Anyway since you passed it on to me... let's see..."

Kip and Jing started running after Swig, who had changed his name to Darth Timmy and fell into the Death Well, which had the power to destroy planets named Lassie...
Then a yellow copyrighted character appeared and laughed, which sounded something like: "HA-HA!"
But then an evil wizard appeared and turned the yellow copyrighted character into a planet named Lassie, and Darth Timmy killed him using the Death Well.
And there was lot's of blood, gore, semen, urine, feces and female curves ever after... TEH END!!!... Of my paragraph...

"...What? That's it?"
"Yeah kinda"
"You suck..."
"No, actually, yo momma does. Last night even."
"Oh you little..."

*The next scene is censored, but it's safe to say, Banana Dragon ended up horribly disfigured in a suitcase*

Kip and Jing stood for a while.
"No comment."

Thanks to banana Dragon for that!

And I'm on hiatus...noooow.

 

[Blackadder]

Just in case anyone is interested.

Guess who's back? Back again? Shadys back, tell a friend.
Guess who's back...
Guess who's back...
Guess who's back...
Guess who's back...
Guess who's back...
Guess who's back...
*Mwhaaa*

And that sums it up! I'm gonna take my shot at writing this story again guys, I've had my break. Sadly, I have awful writers block, but I'm gonna try like hell to fix that tomorrow. Things have been hard here, I've focused to much on crusing through school and not doing homework (Or WORK for that matter) and it's all catching up on me. Actually, I'm also completely spinny for some girl that sits near me on the bus right now, and that's a constant pain in the arse. Lastly, things have been hard with my mother recently, and I’ve been getting down a bit. But I'm gonna pull my weight for you guys, and forget all of it when writing! Now, I have to be extra creative here, as I'm also entering the WWYP mini, and hoping to do well. To get us all hyped on the story again, I just wanna show you a failed chapter I did. I write these stories a fair bit, and I'm usually about 3 chapters ahead of you lot. As a result, I proofread each chapter a fair bit. Now, this is chapter 15 as it originally came, before I entirely rewrote it. I'm sure you can all see why I did so:

Chapter 15: “I am the walrus!”

Jing and his men walked on through the night, dodging enemy fire, friendly fire, and bored kids with rocks in there hands. Eventually, the patrol decided that they needed to rest. The sat down, in a mud puddle. Because mud puddles are obviously war-proof. Suddenly The Fine Young Man jumped up, and did frantic karate chops. The crew dived out of the way, just missing the grenade that would have killed them all! The crew grabbed out there rifles, waiting for the enemy soldiers to come out and fight. After a really awesome tension scene, with that creepy music that gets louder and louder as the threat becomes closer and closer, a bunch of Iraqi armed forces jumped out, and began to shoot. The crew pulled there triggers, only to have some pencils fly out of them.
“Okay, WHO loaded the guns with pencils?” Jing asked.
The Fine Young Man s******ed. “Heehee, gotcha!”
The Iraqi men promptly shot him in the face.
“Sh*t!” Jing yelled. “I was about to do that, b*tch!”
It was just Jing and Swig left standing, and non had time to Star Jump.
As the Iraqi men where about to shoot, Swig flashed his privates!
There was silence.
The Iraqi crew leader was first to speak…eventually.
“I-…is that lady bush?”
Jing was fixated… “Oh, my gawwwd…”
Swig was crimson red with embarrassment, but at least he’d got more time in his life.
“Um…if you let us live…uh…we do show for you..?”
After everyone had gotten over the initial shock of Swig’s odd anatomy, the Iraqis agreed to this unusual deal.

The stage was set. The scripts rehearsed. The crowed was hyped.
“Private Swigh, this better work…”
“It will…and my name is Swig.”
“Whatever, it’s not like I ever knew you from 8 or so years ago as an old friend that would one day try to warn me I’m a wanted man in the world for peeing on a flag.”
“Actually, now that you mention it, I did kn-“
“No time, no time! Now, you’re SURE this is all original materiel you’ve written?”
“Certainly! What do you think I am?!”
Jing sighed, crossed his fingers, and walked on the poorly built stage.
There were at least 567 soldiers in the audience. Jing was nervous, but Swig seemed rather calm.
Swig grabbed the mic, and began to speak.
“Hello to my adoring fans! This is a totally original pice of mine! It is a dark piece, about a sad young child who lives with his grandmother, who one day dies, and leaves him all alone! I call it:
“Anastasia: The untold pants”
The audicance cheered. Jing had his mouth wide open. He made sure he had his suicide pills in his pocket. Just in case, you know..?

The curtains closed, then reopened with the stage set up.
Jing was the granny, Swig was Anastasia.
He sat down cleaning, and weeping, till he suddenly jumped up, and began:

“A long long time ago…I can still remember, how that music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance, and maybe they’d be happy, for a while”
Swig then started to pull of some slick Jackson moves, while telling everyone to “Just beat it!”
Jing slumped down in his chair, disappointed with the awful show, and the completely grim decency of this story.

As the show dragged on into the morning, (After 6 hours of Swig dancing) Jing noticed something. Everyone in the crowed had died, seemingly, of boredom. It was at this point a man came round the corner. He had Kip on his shoulder. He stood and stared at the dead soldiers.
“Oh. There all dead.”
He then put Kip down on the ground, and ran off.

Wow, this story had lost all sense. Jack/Henry/Mellisa/Charles/Ect was meant to be going to the war prison, for the American side. And why did he just drop Kip? I’ll tell ya why. BECAUE I RALE1!!one!!!

Kip pulled himself up. “Well, that was weird. Oh hey Jing and Swig.”
And so the three friends all recognised each other, and where happy.
the end. Seriously. That’s it. La fin. It’s over. Go home. Come on.
I dare ya. GO!!!!

Suddenly, as if to stop the story for sincerely ending not half way through, a plane crashed near by! Kip jumped up!
The plane skidded slowly up to the feet of the 3 heroes…
The door swung open, and two legs emerged from the wreckage.
As the door shut, a tall MI4 agent stared at the 3 old friends.
“Hey guys! I’m from MI4! Please come with me!

OOoOOoOOooo. Cliffhanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh. Doesn't that just show you the form I was in before? So rushed and hurried. Expect a chapter tommorow guys!
Peace out!

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 19: “If you can read this you’re literate”

The bright sun shone over the glades and towns, dancing playfully between the cracks in the clouds, and s******ing over the world. It was the kind of day where every sane human being was in a good, happy, cheerful mood.
“I’m friggin’ not!” yelled one man. Incidentally, it was the president of Mexico.
The great and self righteous “El Presidente”. He was mad, and had started a flame war with the rivaling country, because they had said that “Harvest Moon” was a silly choice for him to put in his upcoming video game. But the reason he was so mad was because his people had told him they where being “Pwnd” in the war. He sat around in his mansion, pondering how to boost the moral of the soldiers and people of his nation. Luckily, as if the story needed some weird coincidental connection with this guy and the mad proffesior “Marlene the Magical Amputee” the phone rang.
El Presidente picked it up.
“Hello? You fail. You fail so bad it’s embarrassing. And DON’T correct people’s grammar! It’s worse than yo mama jokes! God.”
“..uhm…this is Marlene The Magical Amputee, with an offer for you..”
“Oh. Sorry. Keep going.”
“Yeah, um, I have got ze word that zere are 3 people looking for the Princess of Boyjegagji land. I am in need of ze assistance of your army to help me defend my castle from zem!”
El Presidente thought on this for a bit.
“Well…since I’m such a self righteous prick, and I think that whatever the hell you’re on about is right, I agree! I shall send over my entire army of men to your castle!”
“gut, gut! Ze people are named “Kip, Jing, and Swig.”
“The same guys that used to be wanted crooks but then the writer forgot about that part of the story because he is so-“
The Professor then sat around for 5 hours, listening to the sound of a dead phone line.
“He must have hung up?”
*Clunck*

Kip and Jing were walking around, trying to figure out how the heck they where going to find the Princess and her kidnapper. They had several plans, but most seemed half baked, even for there standards.
“…I dunno man,” Jing rambled “The whole ‘blow up the world’ thing seems a little cheap of an idea if you ask me..”
“Yeah, but at least we will have escaped having to find the Princes-“

*DODODODOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!*

Kip and Jing jumped! “What the **** was that!?” Kip screamed!
Suddenly a huge army of Mexicans marched by.
The were all chanting a tune:
“THE PRRINCESS IS DIS WAY AND WE ARE PRRROTECTING ‘ER!”

…Yeah, I’m low on ideas. It’s my story, and Kip and Jing can find the Princess in ANY God**** way I say they can!!!

Jing noticed a little soilder staggering in the back.
“Kip, I got a plan. Wait here!”
Before Kip could question this, Jing was walking off to this little man.

“Hello little Mexican guy! How are you today!”
“Si, si, vvvery gud!”
“That’s great. HOLY C*NT WHAT’S THAT!?”
The little fellow looked of to his right!
*SMACK!!*

Meanwhile, Swig was running from a pack of laser gun totting gunnies.

Now, there IS a reason for this, but if I were to tell you what the fack is going on here, that would just be A WASTE OF TE H SPACE!!!!one!!!
…ugh. Fine. I’ll work it in. SUBTLY. Just like Faw said to do!

Swig ran, dodging the lasers beams, hoping over the rocks, and ducking from the birds that kept pecking at him for no apparent reason.
“Oh, why oh WHY did I have to run into that evil Bounty Hunter that challenged me to a game of strip poker because I told him I was a girl then lost the game and he found out I wasn’t then I ran down the hall into a room filled with Eskimos all called “Ripper” that got mad at me when I slipped on a banana that was on the floor for some reason then put out the fire with my arse when I landed on that so they sent there evil baby eskies after me that found a moon stone lying around and all evolved into these evil Gunnies that pulled radio players out of there nostrils that had ray-guns!

Pretty subtle, really.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 20: “Tommy the Class 56 German warfare Tank”

ZOMG! Chapter 20!!!!!one!!! I have done it! This is a milestone! Who would have thought I would end up in this glorious position!? King of BOTH the WWYP AND the Room itself! OH YES! YEAHS!!!
…
Anyways;

Swig could feel his heart pounding and racing a mile a minute! They evil things that the writer has forgotten the names of were coming in closer, firing there mighty weapons with less and less storm-trooper syndrome as the went. Swig began to slow down…he turned around to see a laser coming strait for his face. His life flashed before him:
*Click*
A little baby popped out of his mummies crack. (Go figure?)
*Click*
A little boy is playing in the sandpit.
*Click*
An acne ridden kid of 16 gets his first kiss…
*Click*
An 18 year-
*PZWO!!!*
Swig’s lifeless body fell to the ground with a thump!
*Splat!*
Or… a splat, rather. The gunnies stood over his carcass, kicked it a few times, stole his money, and went of to the local pub.

Meanwhile, Marlene the Magical Amputee was looking out the window.
“Where ze f**k are ze Mexican Soldiers? Bah!”
He peered out into the distance, wondering how long it would take for them to reach his castle, as well as if they would beat Kip, Jing, Swig and Gary to the destination.
He heard a cry from the back room.
“Ah! Ze Princess needs me! And zat army better be here when I get back!”

About 20 minutes away, to the west, the army stopped.
The great Mexican leading type man walked around, inspecting his troops.

“¡Bien! ¡Debemos servir a Marlene honorable en una batalla contra Cabezada, Jing, y Trago! ¡Él sostiene a la Princesa de la tierra que puedo pronunciar ya no, y esto está a la altura de EE.UU para asegurarse que se queda este camino!
Déjenos esperar que dos de aquellos héroes no estén en el paquete de soldados que tengo ahora, en la espalda. También, soy, diciendo el español, por la razón que sea.”
Kip and Jing shook. They where dressed as one very big Meican soilder, with Kip on top, and Jing on the bottom. They had been walking like this for hours, when the troops began to move again.
Swig was tired of this.
He groaned loudly.
“Kip, I wanna be on top.”
“You can’t! There is only 20 mins walk left till we reach the castle anyway!”
“I want the moustache! I want to be able to breath fresh air!”
“No!”
“Please Kip! Oh, please!”
“NO! D**MNIT!”
Suddenly the whole platoon came to a violent halt! The Great Mexican leading man turned around slowly…
He slowly made his way over to the end of the pack…everything thing was silent, save for two arguing voices:
“Jing, shut the f**k up! Be quite!”
“No! I want my rights recognised! NOW!”
“Okay, fine! I recognise your rights and pleas! Now shut up!”
“Thank you. That’s all I wan-“
“¿¡Lo que es ESTE!?”
Kip went deadly silent. Eventually he worked up some words…
“Oh…um…we are just…chatting?...si?”
The Giant Mexican sniffled.
“English man huh? Why you yell at yourself all day?”
Jing was breathing quietly under the Poncho.
“Um…I just…um…I was mad at my legs! Look at ’em!”
The Mexican looked down at “Kips” legs.
“Yessss…they are scrawny!”
“Hmmhm. And whack my waste. It’s so weak!”
The Mexican pulled out his cane, and with a mighty *THUMP* he smacked “Kip’s” waste hard!
“See? I do not scream, but you can see how weak it is.”
“Yes! I think your lower body is moldy pathetic compared to the top!”
Jing was in pain, and highly pissed off.
“One more insult to me..” He thought.
Kip was grinning. “In FACT, I think you’ll find that I have only 3 toes!”
The Mexican looked down, and took of “Kip’s” left shoe.
“Si! You do only have the 3 toes! LOL”
Jing began to shake. “SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!” he burst!
The Mexican jumped back!
“Ah! What was that!?”
Kip paniced. “Jing, be quite,” he glanced at the Mexican Leader, “I’m sorry, um, it’s just…”
“You have talking p*nis! What is this!?”

While Kip and Jing where completely boned, far away, a beaten body lay on the ground. It moaned. It groaned. Swig opened his eyes…he felt this would be the last time he would do so. In the distance he saw a hooded figure walking in his general direction. It made a weird “QWHAHAHAHAHA” sound.
Before losing his…something, Swig muttered “Ben…Ben Kenobie…”

BWAHAHA! In case non of you are following, the story can be summed up as epic. Awesome. Incredible. Amazing. Amoozing. Love it people. LOVE IT!!!!one!!!

 

[RaynEX]

very interesting. I enjoyed it.

 

[Blackadder]

very interesting. I enjoyed it.

Hey thanks. I try to do good.
Anyways, I'll be updating soon guys...
Just sit tight.

 

[RaynEX]

You do this just for fun? Or are you actually interested in pursuing creative writing?

You seem to have alot of your time on your hands. =D

 

[Blackadder]

You do this just for fun? Or are you actually interested in pursuing creative writing?

You seem to have alot of your time on your hands. =D

You know, I never actually asked myself why the heck I do this!
I guess it is mainly for fun, as I do enjoy writing this stuff a lot, and, yeah, I guess am am interested in a creative job similar to doing this stuff.

...I do have to much time on my hands!

 

[RaynEX]

lol. you're rather good. I must say.

If not that then dedicated.

 

[Blackadder]

lol. you're rather good. I must say.

If not that then dedicated.

Danke!
Sadly, I don't update nearly as much as I used too.
School starting up and all has widdled my time down a fair bit..

 

[RaynEX]

I see. Cool to find that someone across the sea is interested in something i am too.

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 21: “Back on air in 3…2…1…go! (Or mini-chapter to start crap up again!)

The wind roared through the desert area, leaving its cheer the only resonance heard for miles.
Kip and Jing sat around in the dirt, doodling little pictures in the dirt.
“So...what are you drawing…?” Said Kip without even looking up.
“Breasts.” Jing didn’t look up either.
“Pamela Anderson’s again?”
“Hmmhmmm.”
Kip sighed heavily, and looked over to Swig.
“He’s still sleeping.” Jing muttered.
Jing was fed up. He’d been sitting around in a giant motionless bubble for weeks now. A few months at least.
“Kip,” he spoke, “I don’t think we’ll ever been read about again..”
Kip thought for a second.
“It’s kinda good though…I mean, at least now I won’t end up drentch in semen, or dead, or eaten, or…can you hear that?”
“Yeah, it’s just Crimson King. He’s still sulking.”
Crimson looked up.
“Shut up! I miss being the antagonist from hell! Don’t make me ban you or…oh, what’s the **** point!”
Kip felt bad.
“Oh….look, you can give me a warning Crimson…”
Not even Crimson perked up at the thought of the whole joy of banning anymore.

A sudden calmness came over the world…

Yo, yo B-boyz, wassup ******? Yeah, I’m back n’ black G’s, and I spent my holiday learning Ebonics, yo!

Everyone remained still.
Marleen the Magical Amputee sped up to the area.
“Zee ztory can continue now ja?! Ve can steel have zee Princess in my lair, and the nasty Army of death, and ze parody of zee Matrix in ze story ja ja ya!?”

No, you stupid douche. That story was THE GAYZ!
I’m bored of you all. I’ll be changing the genre without any warning! It will be awesome...amazing...powerful! Welcome to my world gentlmen!

Crimson was far from amused.
“You know, that WAS a warning, ***got. And Speaking of warnings, you’re getting-“
There was a flash of white. A sparkle of Blue, and a dash of Vomit Green!
Suddenly, a controversial statement popped up on screen, setting the score for the rest of the entire story!

“God hates Gays! They’re faggots and must die! Kill the cunts!”

Everyone stared. Cows died, houses burned. The new, moral-teaching story had begun. A thousand mods came to the page and banned an entity only known as "Blackadder The Great!". A new era had begun. One of extrem lulz, excrutating pain, and horrid speeling.

Kip had but one thing to say.
“I called it!”

 

[Blackadder]

Yes, I know that chaper was darn short. But it is a mini-chapter, just to help moi get into moi groove again.

SO yes, my story is back. And what better way to kick-start it than with stupid amounts of swearing and random prejudace against gays?

This story shall feature a million morals! OOoOoo.
I'm all tingly.

Hope ya'll enjoy it, and sorry if this one is a little awkward. Still getting back the groove, know what I'm sayin'?

 

[SuperLinkBrothers]

Hey, whats up

Ill read your story tommorow, got to go now

 

[SuperLinkBrothers]

Hey, sorry for double postin' but uh, I just read your story. Good job, I like your style of writing.

And, uh, I cant give constructive criticsm and I dont see anything wrong so If I did give constructive critiscm I'd end upp making you kill off all the characters through some large wormhole made by italian space goats. So... yeah.

Good job though

 

[Blackadder]

M'kay guys, if anyone is still reading this, I've just completed the next full chapter. First onje I've been pleased enough with for a long time.

Introduces a sweet new character also, and I finaly have a reason to stop writing Crimson's name in red all the time! Rejoice.

I hope you guys enjoy it. It has a few gags that I don't think worked out to well "The contemplating breakfast over fate joke) but y'know. Live and let Live.

The action is similar to what it was originaly, very fast paced. One second we're here, the net we're not. Keep up!

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 22: “Jesus Christ Superstar!”

Kip, Jing, and Swig were still shocked and downtrodden with horror at the scene and words at which they had just born witness to.
“We shall never survive this!” Someone squealed.
“The world is at an end!” another someone squealed.
“It’s over! All over and lost!” yet another someone squealed.
Kip raised an eyebrow, and turned around.
“Who the hell is saying all th- …is.”
He stared. He stood. He starred. In front of him was a giant man. Muscles bulging, eyes widened, hips swiveling. He had dark grey hair, and enlarged breasts.
“I am…SOMEBODY!”
A lady in the background fainted at is manly Russian accent.
“I am the greatest villain you will ever face, and I shall now essentially take over the role as lead antagonist, villain, and maybe Anti-Hero! All the previous villains shall become my servants and goons!” He pointed at Marleen the Magical Amputee, “YOU will be my main Lackey!” His finger trailed over to Bob, “And YOU shall be my amusing play-thing!”, Majestically, he moved his finger over to The Great Mexican leading man! “You and your army are now MINE to command and misuse in battle!”
And then, slowly, his finger headed for the rest of the villains that have featured in the story. “And you guys can all just be random mooks.”

Somehow a Russian enemy makes the story all worthwhile!!!
Time for the first Epic batt-

King, Swig, and Jing had all followed the example of Crimson.

God****it!

Kip and Swig sat in Kip’s Kitchen, contemplating their breakfast over fate.
“I think our ultimate breakfast will be cereal” Swig commented.
Jing didn’t think so.
“No, it’ll defiantly be Lime Beans.”
Kip mumbled something.
“What was that Kip?” Jing asked.
“Nothing…just contemplating my breakfast over fate..”

Silence.

Suddenly Kip jumped up! “Well, no use doing all this! Let’s get to the REAL question. Why the HELL is it that Jing was originally stated to be a hamster, but lately has been said to be human?”
Before Jing could give his totally plausible and brilliant reason for this plot error, the walls burst open in a huge explosion.
“Typical!” Swig uttered angrily.

A great and booming voice came over.
“Kip…Swig…Jing….it is I…Crimson King…and I bear bad news….Somebody has taken over much of the world…his last target is your home country, Loyjegagji Land…you must…protect it…Ahhhh….Urk! Plaaagh…”

Again, silence.
Everyone took their hates off, and held them to their chests.
Swig took the honours.
“And so Crimson King has come to pass…friend, Moderator, Scav’s *****, and famous historian..”
“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKBEEYOOooOOoOoooWHOOPY!”
Everyone jumped!
“KKkkkx…how do I….ah, I see…ZZZZZ…*Click*BUZZ!!!!beeeOOOp….*Cough*…Ahah! Please excuse that, I was learning how to use this device. I am Somebody, the great Russian Evil Man! And I have not killed Crimson. However….I do have him chained up in my dungeon. Come to my big mansion now, and he will be spared. Also, I need to take over your country!”
Everyone shrugged.
“Wait, what was that for?!”
“No one really likes Crimson you know. Everyone just pretends.”
“…Oh. Well, uhm…Come to my Big Mansion anyway!”

Kip was far from happy.
“Are you MAD!? I’m not ****ing going there. Neither is Swig! Or Jing! We just want to contemplate our Breakfast over Fate! Okay!”

*Sigh*
Not this ****, not now. Kip, **** you.
You’re all going, BECAUSE I SAYS SO! MWAHAHAHAH!

And so everyone was instantly teleported to Somebody’s big Mansion.
The house was dark and seedy…strange sounds could be heard…
Swig was a genre savvy ******* when it came to the Horror Medium…
“Guys…we’ve just entered a haunted house!”

Kip didn’t believe (Or care) for this idea. He began to waltz down the large hall to the west. “Wanna see me kill Somebody? Watch me kill him…”
“NO!” Swig Screamed loudly, “That hall is DAAAANGEROUSE! Kip…don’t you see, we need YOU, the Master Of Unlocking, to help us! If you d-“
He saw some blood on the ground.
“I hope this isn’t CHRISE’S blood!”
Jing was getting impatient and annoyed. “Dude, what the ****?”
“…Sorry. This Mansion has a grip on me…almost like…I am part of it!”

He then walked of down the opposite hallway, in a trance.
Jing looked left. He looked right, He looked forward. No one to be seen near him, no one to be seen to help him.
“…dammit.”

YUUUUS! The story has entered its haunted mansion spooky OMG stage! Dear readers, prepare for scares, thrills, blood spills, kills, chills, ecstasy pills!
This is going to be so ****ing epic! I cannot wait! OooOoOoOOoOoOoo!!!!

 

[Blackadder]

M'kay guys, if anyone is still reading this, I've just completed the next full chapter. First onje I've been pleased enough with for a long time.
Introduces a sweet new character also, and I finaly have a reason to stop writing Crimson's name in red all the time! Rejoice.

I hope you guys enjoy it. It has a few gags that I don't think worked out to well "The contemplating breakfast over fate joke) but y'know. Live and let Live.

The action is similar to what it was originaly, very fast paced. One second we're here, the next we're not. Keep up!

(This is a repost of what was on the previous page. Just in case anyone missed it)

 

[Banana_Dragon]

Well, I'm still reading this
Somebody... lawl... Genius! Brilliant!
I like it, it still makes me laugh, and it's all good clean random fun.
I'd say keep it up! That is, if you want to keep it up for a one-man audience

 

[Blackadder]

Chapter 23: “Peace out *****.”

“MWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAH…ahhhh….WHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!” Somebody bellowed out in a loud and exaggerated tone.
“I am so evil! No…EEEEEEEEVIL. With my large technical office, my hundreds of cameras spying on Kip, Jing, and Swig, my darkened smile, and my muscular Russian body!”
Marleen burst into the room.
“Lord Somebody! Jing has spontaneously combusted!”
“WHAT!?”
“Uh! Don’t hit me!”
“WHAT!?!?!”
“Ah, sorry zire!”
“KITTENS!?!?!?”
“…Uh…yes. Zire, what shall ve do about ziss?”
“get rid of your outrages accent, and all will be forgiven!”
“But zir! If it goes, no one vill know I am a mad scientist!”
“Exactly!”
Somebody then burst into another loud, embroidered laugh.

Kip was walking down the hallways of the spooky mansion…something was eerie about the place…almost like he wasn’t alone. Kip’s heart began to beat harshly.
“It’s okay…” he thought to himself, “It’ll all be okay in the end…no one is here…just me, and my mind.”
“And me!”
“Oh, and my schizophrenia, of course.”

We all have a faults, after all.

Jing’s eyes were swirling in little circle thingies.
They emitted a high itch “OoOoOoooOoooO” sound that seemed to drill through one’s head…past the head into the skull, gradually cracking into the hosts delicate mind fiber…sweat slides down their heads onto there feet…then up again….the person’s nipples’ then turn inside out while glowing purple…then the unthinkable happens to their left nostril…
But that’s all for another time.

Jing was heading straight for a large (And stupidly) placed hole in the Mansion. (Whoops, Jam doesn’t like parenthesis!)
(****!)
Jing sighed, gave the Writer a disgruntled look, and walked into the hole.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhh……”
*SPLAT*

Back in his large and dank office, Somebody chuckled.
“With Jing dead, no one can stop me!”

Suddenly a tune began. A rockin’, American Teen theme tune.
At first it was quite and light, but it was growing. Everyone heard it.
Words could be heard.
Suddenly it became obvious. People ran, children hid, and dragon’s ate.
The lyrics became clear…
“GO GO POWER RANGEEEERS!”
“GO GO POWER RaNGEEERS!”
“GO GO POWER RANGEEERS, YOU MGHTY MORPHIENE MORPHIN’ POWER RANGEEEERS!”

Kip, Swig, and Jing all suddenly transported away from the Mansion in coulerful blurs of Hippie love!
They ended up in a large bleeping blue place.
Kip looked worried. “What the fu-“
“RANGERS! AIY AIY YAI YAI!”
Everyone’s heads’ turned to the right.
“My name is Alpha!”
“And I am Zordon!”
Swig screamed.
“OH MY GOD WHAT THE **** IS THAT A GIANT HEAD IN A TUBE TALKING TO ME HELP ****! ****! FUUUUUUUUCK! HELP! ****, THIS IS IT! KILLED BY A GIANT HEAD!”
Zordon gave a disapproving look.
“Shut the **** up! Alpha, shoot him.”

And so he did.
Also, to extend the story a line or two, I have no friends!

 

[Blackadder]

Well, I'm still reading this
Somebody... lawl... Genius! Brilliant!
I like it, it still makes me laugh, and it's all good clean random fun.
I'd say keep it up! That is, if you want to keep it up for a one-man audience

Looks like I am.
Also, Demoncaterpie has said he will review my story! Yay for that!

Hope you like the chapter. I've been trying to get a Power Ranger joke in for ages now.