Zero_Gamer
Smash Master
Sushi Lagann
This is the story of one man’s desire to achieve greatness in the world; a man who must overcome an enormity of perils and evils, but if he can manage to do so, then he shall attain everlasting Yayz. This is the story of the Sushi Lagann.
Located an infinite distance from Earth, an epic battle is readily unfolding. Amidst the stars and the emptiness of outer space lie millions of spacecraft locked in combat. The fire intensifies and hoards of ships explode into super-novas; even the galaxies themselves shudder at their firepower. One ship stands among all as the symbol of what they are fighting for.
“Mirror armor platings detaching from block 3865!”
“Damage?”
“Minimum, but our thruster flame’s visible now.” The engineers were frenziedly monitoring - and repairing - the damage their ship was sustaining. “Enemy fleet size is off the charts!”
The captain marched confidently astride the deck, maintaining his composure and exemplifying the sheer will power it will take to win.
“Stand fast everyone. Let’s teach them a little something… Teach them exactly who they’re facing!” Another man was by his side, knowing fully well what was going to happen next. “So, all the lights in the heavens are our enemies now…”
“Yeah, but they’re worthy opponents. I’ll use the fabric of space-time to rip them out of existence!”
He knew what he was fighting for; they all did. This would be their final push into the unknown; the push that would take them to the end and the beginning.
“Team Sushi Lagann! Just who the f*ck do you think I am!?”
*Unfortunately, this is what happens way later in the second season of the story. Instead of total badassery, you will be redirected to a genesis of angst and awesomeness, with a side of whoopass.*
Sushi:
Was hard at work digging tunnels for his underground village. That was his job; everyone’s job. The more he digs tunnels. The more the village can expand.
This is the result of all of his and everyone else’s efforts:
When he digs enough holes the village chieftain is happy. When he makes the village chieftain happy, he feeds Sushi lots of d*ck. Does he just dig for the d*ck? Not exactly… He also does it so he can find treasure. As he digs, he stumbles upon a small, glowing sword – or rather, a dagger – that pulsates with its luminescence. Almost by instinct, Sushi snatches up the sword and returns immediately to the village with the sword hidden in his pocket.
As he returns, a group of trolls could be heard gossiping behind his back.
“Oh look, it’s Sushi, the Meta Knight main.”
“I don’t get it, what’s so great about getting covered in d*ck?”
“He’s so gay.”
“And queer.”
“And Asian.”
“And a Tier *****.”
“And he plays Brawl.”
“Really? Holy crap, what a nub.”
“Doesn’t M2K use Meta Knight?”
“No, he uses a gamecube controller, you f*cktard.”
Sushi had been trolled ever since he was a kid, so his confidence was not very high. The successful trolls were successful and he kept his d*ck flaccid with shame. His d*ck was so flaccid, in fact, that he wasn’t watching where he was going and he accidentally bumped into someone. Before he had a chance to apologize, the man spoke.
“Walk with your d*ck held high, Sushi!” The man exuded an aura of sheer homosexuality. One look at this man and any individual could tell that his Marth was extremely homo. Aside from his aura of Marth shenanigans, one could tell that this man had a lot of spirit. His name was zCasanova:
“Oh, hey Casanova…”
“Hey, don’t call me Casanova, call me bro.
“We’re not related though… Are you suffering from a mid-life crisis?”
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“Hey, it’s not about blood! We’re siblings of the spirit! Don’t worry about what those stupid, ugly, Danny Mexico trolls say. You’ve got the heart of a low tier main, and don’t you forget that… say, that’s a nice dagger-thing you’ve got there…” Casanova gave Sushi a hearty slap on the back and went on to say, “Forward-Tilt spam is your soul, don’t you forget that! Now come on, I’ve got something to show you.”
“I already know about ‘2 Girls, 1 Cup.”
“Not that, Sushi.”
“I already know about the ‘Opening Song to Tenjou Tenge.’”
“Not that, Sushi.”
“I already know about ‘Yu-Gi-Oh: the Abridged Series.’”
“Not that, Sushi.”
“I already know about the “Ganon Should be Higher on the Tier List Argument.”
“Not that, Sushi.”
“I already know about your d*ck.”
“Not tha-… wait – what – you serious? Darn, well, I guess I’ll just show you our escape plan; the plan that will take us out of the underground of South Carolina and to the surface of North Carolina!”
“Not if I have anything to say about that!” Just then, the village chieftain appeared from the shadows. He stood a menacing eight feet tall and he was wielding a giant turnip in his hand with a marking on the front of it. One could say it was called a ‘stitchface,’ but this is was what the symbol looked like:
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“What do you mean, old man?” Casanova’s question seemed to have angered the chieftain and he slammed his *** into a nearby boulder, crumbling it to pieces.
“Old man?.... OLD MAN?!... Who are you calling old man?! I am the village chieftain; I… am… Mike_G!”
“I don’t care who you are, old man, Sushi and I are going up to North Carolina, where the sun shines!”
“You’re a fool Casanova, there’s nothing but more ceiling up there; the surface doesn’t exist.”
“You’re the fool, chief, don’t you get it? Up at North Carolina there ain’t no ceiling!”
As Casanova made his proclamation, the earth above him convulsed powerfully; an earthquake. Boulders fell from above and would, no doubt, be the end to anyone who was unlucky enough to be directly under them. All the villagers had already fled for cover, including Mike_G (but he managed to give out an infraction before fleeing), except for Casanova and Sushi. Sushi stood by Casanova, locked in fear for their lives.
“Bro, we gotta get out of here!” Sushi gestured toward an area of safety, but Casanova stood his ground.
“No way, I don’t run away from anything, not even an Earthquake of base 100 power multiplied by 1.5 because of a same-type-attack-bonus from an Arceus holding a Ground Plate that had used Swords Dance 3 times and Focus Energy.”
“Bro, that doesn’t make any sense, why would an Arceus do a Swords Dance three times and a Focus Energy!?”
“Maybe because the trainer wanted to get OHKOs (one-hit-knock-outs) with whatever move he uses.”
“But its base stats are so high that it already gets OHKOs with whatever move it uses!”
“Talking about it doesn’t make a bit of difference, Sushi… look, the village is inert.” The village was once again at ease after the worst of the earthquake had ended and Mike_G returned to face them once again, this time holding what looked like a tiara along with his turnip in his other hand. Mike_G leapt into the air and launched the turnip toward Casanova and Sushi. Casanova quickly unsheathed his sword and slashed at the turnip, but was unable to cut it, so it merely deflected high it into the air and Mike_G caught it as he raised his tiara above his hand and brought it down with intense force. With an almost mystic grace, Casanova lifted Sushi into his arms and jumped to the side to dodge Mike_G’s attack. As Mike_G landed, the slab of rock that Casanova and Sushi were once standing on had been pulverized into dust, leaving a large crater etched into the earth.
“Old man!” Yelled Casanova. “What the hell do you think you’re doing!?”
“I’m doing what’s best for the village. You’ve angered our god, Queen Killjoy, with your delusional ranting of North Carolina and he has punished us with these tremors,” Mike_G then revealed a sword that was peculiarly shaped, like a golf club, as he made his way toward Casanova and Sushi once again. “For everyone’s sake, I cannot allow you to continue blaspheming our… what the?!” Suddenly, another earthquake was happening, this one far more intense than the previous, until, finally, the earth above the village gave way and collapsed.
Thankfully, no one was harmed, except for Don Hudson, who was banned from life when he used his massive abdominals to protect the villagers, but he has now been granted another chance at life, but he must become a detective for the king of the spirit world; he must become a spirit detective (Kudos if you get the reference – <3 Behr), but that is a different story for a different time.
A man could be seen falling from way above. He was spinning extremely fast and he was on a crash course for Mike_G. Unable to get out of the way, Mike_G had no choice but to brace himself for the oncoming attack as the man landed right on him. The force of the impact was so huge that Mike_G had rebounded off the ground and was launched into the air, to which the unknown man had responded to as he leapt at him and summoned a glowing, blue hexagon that struck Mike_G and propelled him even further into the air. The man was, somehow, able to jump again in midair and he pursued Mike_G even further as he performed a reverse kick that struck him, hard, in the chest, slamming him back into the ground (One could speculate that this ‘reverse kick’ could be called a ‘back aerial’). Miraculously, Mike_G was still alive, if barely, after that brutal attack, “But…why…,” he asked.
The man was still unrecognizable; rendered invisible by the clouds of debris of crumbling rock, “Because there is no way you could ever become powerful enough to defeat these two and I also don’t want this story to last forever so, rather than sending an army of henchmen, I have chosen to tend to these matters myself.”
“But… Wouldn’t it have been better not to kill me since I’m your –”
“Shh! The readers don’t know about your secret identity yet!”
“What secret identity?” Asked Sushi.
The man let out a sigh before responding, “I guess it can’t be helped. It was foreseen that there would be an individual who would eventually learn that he wielded a great amount of Spiral Power – the energy that spurs on a rapid evolution – and then rise above the surface to eliminate me, the king of North Carolina. This man… your village chieftain… is actually a robot from another planet in the future, who is also the gay lover of Smith Lackey and the real father of Shinji Hikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion, sent to the past – in this timeline – to assassinate you. Unfortunately, before he was sent to this timeline he malfunctioned when he was ambushed by the Space Floridians and, when he teleported to this timeline, he believed that he should help the humans and that he, himself, was human as well. The rest, I’m sure you already know about, anyway, it is time I exterminate you.” The dust and rubble finally cleared after that monologue and Casanova and Sushi could make out the man’s features. This is what the man looked like:
What they didn’t make out, however, was that the man was holding a handgun. “Be glad that you have fallen before the might of King Dr. Peepee,” and he fired it at Sushi. Unable to dodge the bullet, Sushi held his arms out front to protect himself as it made its course, but the bullet never made contact with him. “Watch out, Sushi!” Yelled Casanova as he dove at Sushi and shoved him away and took the force of the bullet as it lodged itself in between his ribs. He didn’t get back up.
“Bro!” Sushi was about to run back to Casanova’s aid, but Casanova threw up his hands and yelled for him to stop his advance.
“Stop, Sushi!” Sushi halted his advance just in time, as Dr. Peepee had fired another bullet that had just missed its intended target.
“You would be wise not to keep your eyes off your enemy,” said Dr. Peepee.
“He’s right, Sushi, we’re gonna need everything we’ve got to beat this guy, besides…” Casanova managed to bring himself back up to his feet, “There’s no way I’ll let myself die from just one bullet.” He winced slightly from the pain, but Casanova brought himself not to double over again. He even provoked Dr. Peepee with a wide grin.
Dr. Peepee matched Casanova’s taunt with a grin as well, “Perhaps you’d allow yourself to die with two bullets,” and he fired his gun again. The sound of steel against steel rang as Casanova parried the bullet.
“The thing about dirty tricks, you see, is that they never work twice… Sushi!” Casanova made sure not to take his eyes off Dr. Peepee in case he’d try something underhanded.
“Yeah, bro?”
“You know that dagger-thing you’ve got in your pocket?”
“What about it?”
“Pull it out.”
“Bro, I don’t think something like that will help us here…”
“Pull it out!”
“Ok…” Sushi fumbled around his pockets for his treasure and he brought it out.
“I think I finally get what this Spiral Power thing you were talking about earlier is. It’s fighting spirit!”
Suddenly, a green light poured from the dagger and Casanova was completely engulfed in it. Sushi could see Casanova’s body changing shape, evolving from one stage to the next, his skin hardening to steel as his form stabilizes and the light fades, signaling the end of his transformation.
Casanova evolved into:
Dr. Peepee never changed expression, but Sushi could tell he was trying to hide his astonishment at Casanova’s display.
“Amazing that such an ape as yourself is already capable of tapping into Spiral Power so effectively,” he said. “Perhaps I’ve underestimated you, but even so, there’s no way you can defeat me by yourself.”
“You may be right, Dr. Peepee, but I’m not by myself! I’ve got Sushi to help me fight!”
“That pitiful lump over there? The prophecy only told of one man that could defeat me and that child isn’t worth the dirt I’m standing on.”
“You’re wrong! You might not see it, but I do– and that dagger is gonna bring out his potential – because he has the heart of a true god tier… Sushi, yours is the blade that shall drive through the heavens!”
Sushi was unsure of what to make of Casanova’s speech. He didn’t feel strong…
“It’s okay if you’re not ready to bring it out yet, Sushi, I’ll take this guy on by myself for now, but if you keep sitting there acting like PLUR I’ll knock you a good one…” With lightning speed, Casanova made a dash for Dr. Peepee and swung his sword at him, but the NC King stepped to the side and made his counter-attack by summoning the blue hexagon he used on Mike_G which launched Casanova in the air and Dr. Peepee pursued him. He tried to hit him again with the blue hexagon, but Casanova swung his blade downwards to Dr. Peepee’s neck, forcing him to halt his attack and block the oncoming steel with his arms. The blade barely cut into Dr. Peepee’s arms, it was like trying to cut a tree with a butter knife. Casanova tried to pull his sword out of Peepee’s arm, but it was stuck and the King kicked him away.
They were both moving with such fluidity and speed that Sushi could hardly keep track of where they were. There was a loud clack sound as Casanova and Peepee clashed once again – this time locked in a stalemate – as each one tried to force the other for the upper hand. “Sushi… you can do it,” Casanova’s voice strained as he struggled against Peepee’s strength, “You just have to believe in yourself!”
Sushi was still shrouded in doubt. If only he was asked to believe in Casanova, that would have been a lot easier. After all, what could he do that anyone else couldn’t do better? Just then, Casanova shoved Dr. Peepee away from him and walked quickly to Sushi as he reverted back to his original form, “Let’s see you grit those teeth!” Casanova punched Sushi so hard in the face, he fell over, “I told you I’d knock you a good one if you kept acting all emo on me, now man up! Agh!” Suddenly a giant drill exploded out from Casanova’s torso and he dropped to the ground.
“Bro!” Sushi turned to Dr. Peepee, “What the hell did you do to him!?”
“That injury was self-inflicted. When he evolved with the aid of Spiral Power, the bullet lodged within him also evolved. He was punished for his bravado when he reverted and the bullet did not.” Sushi knelt by Casanova’s side and felt something warm from the ground. A pool of blood had formed around Casanova and Sushi watched in horror as blood continued to pour from his side.
“I feel terrible, Sushi… my body won’t move anymore and I don’t know how much longer I can keep my eyes open. I just feel so… heavy.” Sushi could see the life draining from Casanova’s eyes; he was dying. “Sushi, whatever happens –” Casanova winced in pain from his wound, “don’t give up… Everyone else might not know what you are capable of, but I do...Sushi… I believe in you…” His last words said, Casanova slowly closed his eyes and took his final breath. Sushi wrapped his hands around his bro and shook him once... twice, “Bro, what are you saying? There’s got to be something we can do, you just have to hang in there. Please… please don’t die!” Hot, stifled tears welled in his eyes because he knew what had happened, that his bro would no longer be around to save him, but he refused to acknowledge it. How could he? Casanova had been around to protect Sushi since he was a child; there’s no way he would leave him now, not when he needs him most.
And yet he did.
And it was Sushi’s weakness that led him to his demise.
A myriad of emotions stirred within him: Sorrow, fear, confusion, but most of all:
Rage.
“Bro, there’s no way I could believe in myself. I’m just not strong enough to do that, but you were,” Sushi paused; it hurt him to refer to Casanova in the past tense, it only made his death that much more real, but he continued as he slowly became engulfed in light, “So I’m still going to believe in you… Believe in the you that believed in me!” Just then, tendrils of green energy flowed in the air encompassing Sushi; the earth around him shook violently as he transformed from Inui Logic, or rather, Inui Inspiration.
Sushi evolved into:
Sushi wasted no time. With light speed, he dashed at Dr. Peepee and slashed three times as he tried to cut him. Dr. Peepee managed to parry the blows, but Sushi struck with such force on the final cut that he lost his footing and staggered back, to which Sushi took advantage and he sliced his opponent’s left arm off. Dr. Peepee howled in rage as he tried he tried to kick Sushi, but his new form was just too fast and he vanished just before the foot impacted. He reappeared behind him and he pulled his sword back for a brief while, “This is for everything you’ve taken from me: My life, my village, and most of all, my brother! And he slashed hard into Dr. Peepee’s torso.
The blade harmlessly clanged against Dr. Peepee’s body, however, and Sushi jumped away.
Dr. Peepee summoned a blue light, different from the hexagon he had used earlier, as his skin shattered and form changed. He laughed maniacally as the earth trembled beneath his feet and his severed arm re-grew itself, “This is fantastic! You’ve not only managed to hurt me, but you’re also the only ape that has brought me to my true form. Now… witness true power!”
Dr. Peepee evolved into:
The aura emanating from his body was so enormous and so vivid that Sushi was still unable to see what Dr. Peepee had become until he saw an arm extending at an impossible length and a fist flying at him. Unable to react in time, Sushi braced for impact as the blow threw him backwards. Without a moment’s respite, Dr. Peepee extended his other arm and launched a massive uppercut and Sushi flew upwards. The power of the blows were far too powerful; Sushi could not respond fast enough to defend himself as he flew ever higher into the air. He almost flew into Don Hudson’s abdominals (which would have surely killed him); until Dr. Peepee’s lengthened arms wrapped around him and swung him back downwards. Just before impact, Sushi managed to break free from Dr. Peepee’s grasp and spread his wings. His whole body screamed in agony when he caught the drag beneath his wings and he had to use all his strength to curve away from the ground, but he had built so much momentum on his descent that he broke the sound barrier as he approached his enemy. Veering under and around a hail of fists and kicks, Sushi had made it through Dr. Peepee’s defenses, but something was repulsing him. The aura that shone from Dr. Peepee’s body was another manifestation of his power and it clashed with Sushi’s.
This was his chance to avenge his brother; he could not back down now. He willed everything from his body for this to be the final blow and plowed slowly through the barrier.
“This blade of mine is burning red!
Its hot fury tells me to grasp victory.
Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my sorrow!
Erupting…
Burning…
…wiener!”
And just like that, there was nothing. Everything had vanished without a trace. His world, his brother, his enemy, all of it was completely torn out of the frame. Sushi was alone once more, from everything, shrouded in the comfort of everlasting darkness. Tears flowed endlessly as he mourned the loss of everything that mattered to him. He was all alone…
“Bro…”
End.
A man stood alongside him, “What’s wrong, Sushi?”
Sushi didn’t respond.
“Hey, that’s no way to treat your bro.”
Sushi held to himself deeper, “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to get up, Sushi.”
“And then what?”
“I don’t know, but what I do know is that you can’t just lie there sulking.” A long silence followed.
“I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t find the courage to help you, and now… you’re gone…”
“You’re wrong, Sushi, I’ll always be with you. Just close your eyes and look to your heart. Do you feel it?” Sushi shut his eyes and he did indeed feel something warm from within him, “That’s the spirit of the bond we’ve had, and that spirit will live on for as long as you keep me in your memory.”
The warmth had reinvigorated Sushi, he could move again. Slowly he rose to his feet and looked into Casanova’s eyes.
“What now?”
“You tell me; you’ve got a nice pair of legs on you. You can use them to get up and move on.”
“I guess this is the part where we say, ‘goodbye’.”
“I guess so.”
Sushi and Casanova held and shook each others’ hand.
“You’ve become strong, Sushi.”
“And it’s all because of you.”
“Goodbye, Sushi.”
“Goodbye, bro.”
The blackness around Sushi slowly faded away, along with Casanova, and the real world began to settle in.
“Thank you, Casanova.”
Sushi awoke to the feeling of rushing water. He took some time to open his eyes because they hadn’t yet adjusted to the bright something that glared onto him. When his eyes adjusted he looked up at the clear blue ceiling above him. No, this was no ceiling; this was the real deal: The sky, and that bright something was the sun. Around him he felt the coarse grains of sand and flowing water brushing against his body. The sound of the rising and ebbing tide, the warm, tropical air, it was relaxing.
“Hey you, are you okay?” A woman asked.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in North Carolina. We saw you two falling from the sky, are you hurt?”
“No, I’m okay and…” Confused, Sushi rose to his feet, “The two of us?” He looked to his left and there was, indeed, another person. He gave a thumbs-up gesture and said, “We did it, Sushi.”
The End.
Also, when Sushi looked to the right he saw:
This is a true story that happened at a Billfest.
