Premarital Sex

[2001]

Anyone that goes to highschool nowadays knows that counselors, guest speakers, and teachers bombard you on premarital sex information. My school does atleast. Anyways, it seems like the main reason they teach you that premaritaly sex is wrong is because of the risk of getting pregnet/getting somebody pregnant, or contracting an STD. But I think that most people would have to be pretty oblivious to what they were doing for something like that to happen.

But the reason I picked up from a different one of my teachers was that premarital sex is "wrong" is because when you have intercourse with somebody, you are ALWAYS connected to that person in some way no matter what the relationship was between you and that person. It follows you for the rest of your life and it interferes with your marriage life. When you get married, you don't feel love for that person because you are still connected to the person you had intercourse with.

I get what my teacher is getting at. Life will get boring, you won't find true love, you'll get divorced. But to be honest I can't imagine always being connected to somebody by having sex with them. Everytime you have sex it's memorable but for it to pratically haunt you for your life is too much. Is premarital sex really that big of an issue for you people or do you not really care about it and agree with me?

 

[|RK|]

I'm against premarital sex. I mean, I see so many people thinking that sex is the basis of a relationship. It isn't. Doesn't love count for anything anymore? You're willing to go and have fun with people, why can't you wait until after marriage? Or do you not think that you'll be together that long? You go and trash people's lives, and put yourself in risk of contracting STDs. Now we need "morning after" pills for teens because no one actually wants a baby yet if at all, or they just don't want a baby with that person. Then when you get STDs, you feel bad, and no one actually listens to what you're saying, just like you did when you were healthy. Frankly, sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, and too much people believe that. Honestly, why?

Oh, and your teacher is wrong. Frankly, it'd be a surprise if you remember that person at all.

 

[2001]

I'm against premarital sex. I mean, I see so many people thinking that sex is the basis of a relationship. It isn't. Doesn't love count for anything anymore? You're willing to go and have fun with people, why can't you wait until after marriage? Or do you not think that you'll be together that long? You go and trash people's lives, and put yourself in risk of contracting STDs. Now we need "morning after" pills for teens because no one actually wants a baby yet if at all, or they just don't want a baby with that person. Then when you get STDs, you feel bad, and no one actually listens to what you're saying, just like you did when you were healthy. Frankly, sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, and too much people believe that. Honestly, why?

Oh, and your teacher is wrong. Frankly, it'd be a surprise if you remember that person at all.

I don't think sex is the basis of a relationship. That's why I don't think having sex before marriage could affect you that much. I agree with you though, it is love that makes a relationship. I look at sex before marriage as nothing but a pleasure. Sure you don't just go out and do it with anybody for pleasure, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are a hundred percent committed to each other's lives. If you were then you should get married and have a baby and then everything is okay.

 

[|RK|]

Uh-huh, and your wife knows that you didn't care and just ran around, having sex with any girl cause it's fun. Kids these days...

 

[Mr.Lombardi34]

Joker, are you saying that people should only have sex after marriage, or do you believe that it's okay to do as long as the relationship is serious? What if two people are engaged? What if they've been dating for over 6 months?

 

[2001]

Uh-huh, and your wife knows that you didn't care and just ran around, having sex with any girl cause it's fun. Kids these days...

If I did have a wife I don't think it would a big deal if the sex I had before our marriage was safe sex. Also, like I said, if I was a hundred percent committed to that person I would have married that person instead of my hypothetical wife. Premarital sex isn't that big of a deal nowadays.

 

[|RK|]

Uh-huh, and what about the actual benefits of marriage? After reading so many FMLs, and that thing with Alfie Patten, I'm pretty sure that 6 months doesn't mean much. An actual relationship means much more. It's honestly America and the rest of the world these days. So much things that are perceived as right, when there's no love involved. If you actually love the person, then WHY aren't you married? And who the heck knows whether a relationship is serious or not anymore?

 

[RDK]

I'm against premarital sex. I mean, I see so many people thinking that sex is the basis of a relationship. It isn't. Doesn't love count for anything anymore?

Is there something stopping you from loving anyone else besides your girlfriend? If not, then what is the difference between a friend and a girlfriend?

You have sex with your girlfriend.

People should be able to do whatever they want. If they catch an STD or a baby develops from the situation, then that just means you weren't careful enough and you're going to suffer the consequences. But classifying premarital sex as "immoral" without any rational thought as to why seems pretty heavy.

In any case, if God wanted to keep you from having teen sex, he would have created a biological mechanism that allows sperm and ovaries to pop into existence once you reach 18.

 

[|RK|]

You sound very much like an anarchist, you know that? "People should be able to do whatever they want." What?

And I'm avoiding religious discussion here. However, do note that God allows you to make choices. You have free will. Besides, chain reactions, RDK.

Another thing, my reasoning is that so many people may believe that sex is the basis of a relationship. It is NOT. If you can have sex with her, you can commit to her. If you can't commit to her, why are you with her? And who knows how many girlfriends you'll end up going through? It is immoral because so many people think that they're in love after having sex, then they break up with the poor girl. Society should be a bunch of sex-starved sluts? That sounds really ignorant, RDK.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Uh-huh, and what about the actual benefits of marriage? After reading so many FMLs

You can't use FML as the basis of your argument, that's absurd, these are just random things that happen to like one person, and are not likely at all.


On this topic though, I don't see anything wrong with premarital sex. Sex should only occur if you love someone, and you can definitely love someone without being married to them.

 

[|RK|]

Okay, but you do realize there's other evidence you selectively removed.

And again, if you love them, why can't you commit to them?

I swear the internet is all liberals. I mean, maybe the week before you're married, but things can happen then, too. Honestly, what is wrong with the fear of commitment these days? No one wants to get married anymore. Also, there are plenty of relationships that do not work out even after sex. Trust me. One of my friends said that sex makes relationships. Sure. Other friend tried that. He's thinking about breaking up with her, because while they still (by society's crappy standards) "love" each other, she's still lying to him while he isn't lying to her. How the heck does sex help a relationship? This is me asking, relationship counselor of my friends, the dude who stays up listening to stories about love, when it doesn't work out, when to have sex and everything. This is MY arena.

 

[RDK]

Society should be a bunch of sex-starved sluts? That sounds really ignorant, RDK.

The only thing I said was that people should have freedom to do what they please. I never made a proclamation about in what matter that freedom is used.

As long as it's not directly harming a third party, how they use that freedom is nobody's business but that person's. The only thing I'm doing is acknowledging that individual's right to choose, just as you say your god is.

I swear the internet is all liberals. I mean, maybe the week before you're married, but things can happen then, too.

How is that any different than if "something happened" right after they got married? In fact, it's worse. Then you have to go through divorce proceedings.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

@Joker

Look, your second paragraph is kind of irrelevant, I don't know who it's aimed at.


You can love someone without being married to them!

Of course you can, and it has nothing to do with fear of commitment! You have to love someone to propose to them, and you're most likely having sex then.

 

[|RK|]

Hey, hey. What did I say about religious discussion? I'm not doing it. I'm not even arguing as a religious person.

I'm arguing as a person who has heard more sex > break up stories than you ever could have. Sex has even ruined many relationships because "the sex wasn't good". Poor Alfie Patten loved some girl. Look what happened to him. He trusted her and loved her with his soul. Look what happened there. Then I have my friends as examples. Honestly, what?

 

[2001]

You sound very much like an anarchist, you know that? "People should be able to do whatever they want." What?

And I'm avoiding religious discussion here. However, do note that God allows you to make choices. You have free will. Besides, chain reactions, RDK.

Another thing, my reasoning is that so many people may believe that sex is the basis of a relationship. It is NOT. If you can have sex with her, you can commit to her. If you can't commit to her, why are you with her? And who knows how many girlfriends you'll end up going through? It is immoral because so many people think that they're in love after having sex, then they break up with the poor girl. Society should be a bunch of sex-starved sluts? That sounds really ignorant, RDK.

You CAN become committed to person by having sex AND end up happy together. Also, you don't have to be committed to a person to have sex with them. You can have sex whenever you want if you have somebody to do it with. I dont mean force them to have sex but like when two people hit it off. Very quickly.

 

[|RK|]

Uh, no. You'd be committed to the sex, not the person. The happiness is an illusion. They are more physically attracted than actually attracted. Think about it. What happens to those other girls, who are worth something but simply have no sexual appeal? I'm sure at least one of you has seen the poem on a female classmates binder, about how girls are like apples, and too many guys are afraid to climb to the top to get the good apples, so they just grab the one that has fallen? Yeah, applies here. I guess it's just my distrusting nature here, but sex should never start off a relationship. And if you claim to love them, then why not commit to them? Answer the question, properly, please.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Joker you're relying on specific incidents as opposed to accepting that those incidents do not necessarily apply to everyone.

You're making unfair generalizations, I mean of course people can like other people that are "ugly" that have good personalities, it happens, but you're being extremely close minded and for some reason not accepting that.

Like I said earlier, you can love some one and not be married to them as well, it could be that you're to young to be married, or that you don't want to propose yet, or any number of reasons. You're being a bit misanthropic (may be a bit too harsh a word for this situation) and assuming that what happened in the examples you used is going to happen to everyone having premarital sex, which isn't backed up and is unfair.

 

[RDK]

Not to sound cruel or rude, but from a naturalistic perspective, if an animal isn't physically appealing enough to attract a mate, then that's usually just the way it goes.

 

[2001]

Uh, no. You'd be committed to the sex, not the person. The happiness is an illusion. They are more physically attracted than actually attracted. Think about it. What happens to those other girls, who are worth something but simply have no sexual appeal? I'm sure at least one of you has seen the poem on a female classmates binder, about how girls are like apples, and too many guys are afraid to climb to the top to get the good apples, so they just grab the one that has fallen? Yeah, applies here. I guess it's just my distrusting nature here, but sex should never start off a relationship. And if you claim to love them, then why not commit to them? Answer the question, properly, please.

I'll answer it. If you can't love somebody without marrying them you are goinig to be extremely lonely until you are desperate to get married so you look for others that are desperate. You have to be open minded towards relationships. You can't shield yourself from people if there not perfect for you. You act like if there is one single thing wrong with a person, you cannot love that person and therfore spend absolutely no time with them.

 

[|RK|]

Yes it's a generalization because this is what happens to most people. Life isn't a fairytale.

If I said that there was a 2% survival rate for my parachute school, would you register? I think not.

The generalizations are very fair.

The fact that not everyone is left in the wind does not make it a rule, rather the exception.

Besides, abstinence is always the best protection. If one dude gives a girl an STD, what are the chances they're having sex again? Better yet, what's the chance of them seeing each other again?

 

[|RK|]

I'll answer it. If you can't love somebody without marrying them you are goinig to be extremely lonely until you are desperate to get married so you look for others that are desperate. You have to be open minded towards relationships. You can't shield yourself from people if there not perfect for you. You act like if there is one single thing wrong with a person, you cannot love that person and therfore spend absolutely no time with them.

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That's not what I meant. If you love somebody, then why can't you wait until after marriage to have sex with them? Or do you not expect to be with them that long? Oh, and sex isn't an embodiment of love, for anyone thinking that.

 

[2001]

1. You don't have to be married to have sex, nor do you have to be in true love.
2. If you don't expect to be with a person that long, that doesn't mean you can't be around that person at all because they are not perfect for you.

Seriously, you sound like you are implying that. If thats not what you mean, then I have no idea what you are saying.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Not to sound cruel or rude, but from a naturalistic perspective, if an animal isn't physically appealing enough to attract a mate, then that's usually just the way it goes.

I understand that, I'm just saying that that doesn't necessarily mean an "ugly" person will never find love or anything like that.

 

[|RK|]

1. Duh, but does that make it right? No. Does it hurt at least one? Unless they're a prostitute/whore or just have no emotions, yes.

2. Society these days sucks. Sure you can be friends, but if all you want is sex, see above. I really find it hard to believe that nobody finds this wrong but me.

Honestly, these debates are more like pile-ups. On me.

 

[RDK]

I understand that, I'm just saying that that doesn't necessarily mean an "ugly" person will never find love or anything like that.

That was in reply to Joker's comment about sex not being (or shouldn't be, rather) the main part of a relationship. My point was that, in a naturalistic sense, yes it is. Animals that mate for life are few and far between, so should the human race be an exception to that rule based simply on what society says is right? Based on tradition?

And for the record, I'm not trying to pile up; I'm simply trying to get you guys to think. In case you think I am piling up, I'll step out of the conversation so that people who aren't senior debaters can chime in.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Honestly, these debates are more like pile-ups. On me.

Maybe if you were more pleasant and didn't make comments like this, that wouldn't be the case.

People not agreeing with you isn't a big deal, it just means you're outspoken.

Oh sorry RDK, thought that was at me.

 

[2001]

There you go again.

"sure you can be friends"

You just don't know how to trust people. You are going to live in fear your whole life.

 

[|RK|]

I get the paranoia from my parents, lol. But seriously, I speak from knowledge of the subject, and experience with people who have experience.

RDK, I see what you mean, sort of. I mean, sex appeal... well, that normally starts off relationships, especially if there is no chance to really meet the uglier person. Its natural. However, why do people have to have sex before marriage? It sounds more like a defense against the things that you guys enjoy doing. Think about it... is it REALLY right? Does it leave both people happy if there is no love? If there is love, then why wouldn't you commit? Would you really risk the chance of STDs, a child, or killing a potentially successful child?

 

[2001]

Yea. You sound paranoid. But your relentless. I guess if you really believe that having premarital sex is wrong and has consequences, you have a good reason to believe in abstinence. I just can't agree.

 

[RDK]

I get the paranoia from my parents, lol. But seriously, I speak from knowledge of the subject, and experience with people who have experience.

RDK, I see what you mean, sort of. I mean, sex appeal... well, that normally starts off relationships, especially if there is no chance to really meet the uglier person. Its natural. However, why do people have to have sex before marriage? It sounds more like a defense against the things that you guys enjoy doing. Think about it... is it REALLY right? Does it leave both people happy if there is no love? If there is love, then why wouldn't you commit? Would you really risk the chance of STDs, a child, or killing a potentially successful child?

Trying to speak reasonably about love is the first mistake. Love doesn't involve reason; it involves being physically and emotionally attracted to someone.

Secondly, only the people involved can say whether or not they're truly happy. You can throw around generalizations all you want, but unless you have some hard data or statistics, stories about "experiences" from friends aren't going to cut it.

If I told you that I have a bunch of friends who told me the exact opposite of what you're telling me (namely that you should have sex before marriage, preferably as soon in the relationship as possible), would you believe me? No. You'd probably ask for some evidence.

 

[Mr.Lombardi34]

RDK, I see what you mean, sort of. I mean, sex appeal... well, that normally starts off relationships, especially if there is no chance to really meet the uglier person. Its natural. However, why do people have to have sex before marriage? It sounds more like a defense against the things that you guys enjoy doing. Think about it... is it REALLY right? Does it leave both people happy if there is no love? If there is love, then why wouldn't you commit? Would you really risk the chance of STDs, a child, or killing a potentially successful child?

Why do people need to be married to love each other? People don't need to be in love to be married and they don't need to be married to be in love. It's situational, and you are using marriage as an arbitrary boarder dividing casual relationships and lasting ones.

Marriage is a title. It has nothing whatsoever to do with how ready a couple is for sex.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Yeah Joker, like I've been saying, what your friends say is most likely not going to apply to everyone so you can't use that, you make it seem like it's a fair generalization, when it really isn't at all.

Are your friends experts on the subject? Nope.
Just because your friends go through stuff and tell you about it
A. Doesn't mean it applies to everyone
B. Doesn't make it real evidence for your defense.

Like Mr. Lombardi said, marriage is a title. Marriage does not dictate whether the people love each other or not, it just means that they decided to get married. An unmarried couple could love each other more or be closer than a married couple (even though you can't really measure love).

 

[|RK|]

If I told you that I have a bunch of friends who told me the exact opposite of what you're telling me (namely that you should have sex before marriage, preferably as soon in the relationship as possible), would you believe me? No. You'd probably ask for some evidence.

Actually I would believe you and ask what's their reasoning for this?

@Lombardi: What. *sigh* If they love each other, then why is there such fear of commitment? A couple can be ready for sex many times, each with different people. This distorts their sense of what love is and makes them think that they're in love every time they start bangin each other. Are they afraid that the other person will not be there? Are they even going to stick around for much longer?

 

[2001]

Actually I would believe you and ask what's their reasoning for this?

@Lombardi: What. *sigh* If they love each other, then why is there such fear of commitment? A couple can be ready for sex many times, each with different people. This distorts their sense of what love is and makes them think that they're in love every time they start bangin each other. Are they afraid that the other person will not be there? Are they even going to stick around for much longer?

If you believe him then you wouldn't have to ask for reasoning OF COURSE NOW WOULD YOU?

Also, you need to face the fact that there is an answer to the question you keep asking, instead of rejecting the answer over and over and asking the question again how about you actually do something to make it sound like a debate.......

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Joker, you are, purposefully or not, disregarding people's explanations.

If people that love each other aren't married it doesn't mean they're afraid of commitment! Until you accept that, this discussion isn't going to go anywhere but in circles.

 

[|RK|]

*sigh* I understand what you guys are saying about age. However, again I explained these things above about age. Oh, and I didn't just say my friends. Due to my want to help my friends, I read all kinds of articles, listen to relationship stuff, etc. I am not disregarding any explanations. However, if my arguments are able to loop things around full circle, does that help anything? Nope, it just means that the argument can't get anywhere.

Let's try a different angle:
1) Does sex constitute a relationship?
2) Why do couples insist on having sex before they're married?
3) If the general population is hurt by these illusions of love through sex, is premarital sex still right?

 

[2001]

For the love of God, stop asking questions.......When you ask a question, you disregard our posts, put the debate back in a circle, and you are contradicting your above posts. Please, stop.

 

[|RK|]

Dear lord. Did you read my above post at all, or do I have to wait for someone else?

 

[KrazyGlue]

1) Does sex constitute a relationship?

No, a relationship can be anything from being friends to being married.

2) Why do couples insist on having sex before they're married?

For pleasure. Why tell them not to? If they are willing to risk the consequences, then why should we stop them?

3) If the general population is hurt by these illusions of love through sex, is premarital sex still right?

The general population is hurt through a lot of things (i.e. gambling) that shouldn't be made illegal.

 

[2001]

Prepare to reanswer those questions KrazyGlue