Jim Morrison
Smash Authority
Link to original post: [drupal=1766]Pooping in the Ardennes[/drupal]
Now this a story all about how
I'm going to tell you about my time in the Ardennes last year.
I was 14 and I was in 8th grade/2nd year of high/middle school, whatever you want to call it. We went on a school trip to the Ardennes (for ye who knows not: Belgian "mountains") for 4 days.
Now the time I was there, it was terrible, but when I look back, it was the best ****ing expierence in my life.
Now I could tell a lot about it, but I won't. I'm going to tell you about the caves.
So it was around 1 PM when we were up at the caves. We all took old clothes, because we would get dirty. We got to wear a mad awesome mining helmet with lights that are terribly weak. I suddenly realized I felt something rumbling in my stomach. I thought it was no big deal and I would be able to hold it for the 45 minutes I was going to be in there. How close I was.
So it was time we entered the caves with our Belgian group leader "Chris". Now of course he talked Dutch with a Belgian accent (as did we all, but without the silly accent), but I'm going to put it in English.
Anywho, we entered the caves and it immedeatly felt terrible. I entered last of the group. We crawled trough the first parts of the cave, easy enough. We got to a semi-big cave where you could stand up straight. Of course, you can't have it that there was enough room for all of us, so me and 2 others had to stay in the narrow hallway. I got scared, no shame in admitting, and started to half-cry. Now this would be weird if I was just scared, but then I realized I had to poop NOW. I yelled "CHRIS!!! I got to poop, how long will this take?" Chris answered "Allé (sort of a 'come on' in Belgium), you can hold it up for another hour and a half."
...
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK
Ok, well I was not gonna wait it out so I announced I would poop in the cave. People were all like "NO NO WE WILL SUFFICATE" but I didn't give a crap (pun not intended). However, it would feel dirty to not wipe. So we continued, and we came to the part called 'the mailbox'. It's a narrow passage where you have to help someone get trough. I thought it was a real mailbox so I took the liberty of telling peolpe I would poop inside it to mask the scent. My disappointment when arriving there was great.
So we went deeper and deeper, where not much happened, other than finding Mary's Hole and half-crying a lot about pooping. We got back in the really large cave and waited 15 minutes for everyone to assemble. We had to get back up the mailbox which was easy enough for me. I think we all know what desperation does to people, I went up the mailbox with super strength. But once you got up there, you had to help the next person. I had to help Raihaan, the only fat kid in our class. He got stuck in the mailbox and it took 3 people pulling and an adult pushing from below to get him out.
So we were all waiting for Chris to show us our way out, because we are lazy 14 year olds and were lost in the caves. I asked "Chris, where do we go now". His answer "You haven't moved yet? You just have to follow the smooth stones." "Chris, every stone is smooth!" "Allé, then you know that you're right, god****it."
Chris basically said LOL **** YOU and took some shortcut out and I was gonna follow him but I thought nah.
So, we were figuring out what to do by not talking and just sitting around for 15 minutes (you know what's it's like, yes you do). Eventually, we found that we had to climb up somewhere. After another stupid 15 minutes of tripping girls (SAKURAI) and scraping knees we got out. I threw off my dirty jacket and my miner's helmet. We had a great field down the hill we were up, and at the other side of it was a dirty wooden toilet/shed.
I walked down the stairs, slowly going faster, untill I was down at the field. I ran as fast as I could with a load of **** up my arse. I arrived at the stinking toilet where women + men toilet = same. I pooped long, hard and satisfying. I went to reach for the toilet paper.
Now to quote myself from earlier:
"However, it would feel dirty to not wipe."
We ran out of toilet paper
...
So I pulled up my pants and searched the other toilets. I finally found it and rejoiced.
I hope you enjoyed this blog.
I might write some more sometime.
I'm going to tell you about my time in the Ardennes last year.
I was 14 and I was in 8th grade/2nd year of high/middle school, whatever you want to call it. We went on a school trip to the Ardennes (for ye who knows not: Belgian "mountains") for 4 days.
Now the time I was there, it was terrible, but when I look back, it was the best ****ing expierence in my life.
Now I could tell a lot about it, but I won't. I'm going to tell you about the caves.
So it was around 1 PM when we were up at the caves. We all took old clothes, because we would get dirty. We got to wear a mad awesome mining helmet with lights that are terribly weak. I suddenly realized I felt something rumbling in my stomach. I thought it was no big deal and I would be able to hold it for the 45 minutes I was going to be in there. How close I was.
So it was time we entered the caves with our Belgian group leader "Chris". Now of course he talked Dutch with a Belgian accent (as did we all, but without the silly accent), but I'm going to put it in English.
Anywho, we entered the caves and it immedeatly felt terrible. I entered last of the group. We crawled trough the first parts of the cave, easy enough. We got to a semi-big cave where you could stand up straight. Of course, you can't have it that there was enough room for all of us, so me and 2 others had to stay in the narrow hallway. I got scared, no shame in admitting, and started to half-cry. Now this would be weird if I was just scared, but then I realized I had to poop NOW. I yelled "CHRIS!!! I got to poop, how long will this take?" Chris answered "Allé (sort of a 'come on' in Belgium), you can hold it up for another hour and a half."
...
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK
Ok, well I was not gonna wait it out so I announced I would poop in the cave. People were all like "NO NO WE WILL SUFFICATE" but I didn't give a crap (pun not intended). However, it would feel dirty to not wipe. So we continued, and we came to the part called 'the mailbox'. It's a narrow passage where you have to help someone get trough. I thought it was a real mailbox so I took the liberty of telling peolpe I would poop inside it to mask the scent. My disappointment when arriving there was great.
So we went deeper and deeper, where not much happened, other than finding Mary's Hole and half-crying a lot about pooping. We got back in the really large cave and waited 15 minutes for everyone to assemble. We had to get back up the mailbox which was easy enough for me. I think we all know what desperation does to people, I went up the mailbox with super strength. But once you got up there, you had to help the next person. I had to help Raihaan, the only fat kid in our class. He got stuck in the mailbox and it took 3 people pulling and an adult pushing from below to get him out.
So we were all waiting for Chris to show us our way out, because we are lazy 14 year olds and were lost in the caves. I asked "Chris, where do we go now". His answer "You haven't moved yet? You just have to follow the smooth stones." "Chris, every stone is smooth!" "Allé, then you know that you're right, god****it."
Chris basically said LOL **** YOU and took some shortcut out and I was gonna follow him but I thought nah.
So, we were figuring out what to do by not talking and just sitting around for 15 minutes (you know what's it's like, yes you do). Eventually, we found that we had to climb up somewhere. After another stupid 15 minutes of tripping girls (SAKURAI) and scraping knees we got out. I threw off my dirty jacket and my miner's helmet. We had a great field down the hill we were up, and at the other side of it was a dirty wooden toilet/shed.
I walked down the stairs, slowly going faster, untill I was down at the field. I ran as fast as I could with a load of **** up my arse. I arrived at the stinking toilet where women + men toilet = same. I pooped long, hard and satisfying. I went to reach for the toilet paper.
Now to quote myself from earlier:
"However, it would feel dirty to not wipe."
We ran out of toilet paper
...
So I pulled up my pants and searched the other toilets. I finally found it and rejoiced.
I hope you enjoyed this blog.
I might write some more sometime.
