Hey all, so I've been planning out a new fanfiction, and considering how I've advertised it elsewhere, it made sense to bring it here! Some of you have heard of it, but many of you haven't!
The Stories of New Tendo City is a 21st Century reimagining of Nintendo characters living in a Nintendo version of New York City called New Tendo City. Every Nintendo character ever created lives in the city, and its basically a sitcom with lots of slapstick similar to the original Looney Tunes of yesteryear!
http://fantendo.wikia.com/wiki/The_Stories_of_New_Tendo_City
http://fantendo.wikia.com/wiki/The_Stories_of_New_Tendo_City/Characters
Above, are the two articles. The first one is the main article, and the second one is the character list. Both the episode list, and the character list are updated frequently!
I would love feedback, episode ideas, and character requests to be done. Anyways, enjoy the article folks! ~ Afro
Well, seeing as you
asked for feedback, I read over the character list, the premise article, and the stuff posted on your deviantart. I'll just say right now that it honestly isn't good so far. At all. Honestly it's kind of insulting, if anything.
The main issue stems from an inherent disconnect between what the article
says the premise is and what it actually delivers. According to the article, "The series is intended to be in good taste, and Muldrew has stated that he didn't want to detract from the personalities that made the many Nintendo characters enjoyed by their fans." But the entire premise has the characters reinvented as actors. As such, what made the characters enjoyable to so many literally never happened in this universe, with almost every character being so different from the versions we as an audience know that they may as well have been OCs.
And this is illustrated even further in the first episode posted on your deviantart. It stars Lucina, a character well liked by many for persevering in a reality where her father and most of her country died at the hands of Grima. She is stern and stoic, but longs for a simpler life free of the pains of endless war. She's also comically bad at picking clothing, having no fashion sense in the slightest.
...And here, she's a foulmouthed and fashionable everyday girl who ends up getting sexually harassed and borderline sexually assaulted for what basically amounted to a humiliation fetish story (and the presence of an alternative yaoi version and the presence of fetish tags on the piece confirm this). What the ****?
No, seriously...
what the ****?
If your aim was to stay true to the characters that people already like, you've already failed miserably on the
first episode. When you butcher a character to that degree, you alienate your audience. And this is clearly an inherent problem with your universe: by making all of their games fictional and making each character nothing like their canon self, you aren't delivering on your promise of respecting what made people love the characters in the first place. This is especially true if you take a popular character and make her the subject of a public nudity and humiliation fetish in the same breath.
There is also the issue that Lucina technically shouldn't even exist in this world because you made Marth gay for Roy, meaning that Lucina shouldn't exist because Marth never got with Caeda, but that's another matter entirely.
Other than that the prose itself was amateurish. Sloppy and misused dialogue tags, poor pacing, stressing details that shouldn't have needed to be stressed, that kinda thing. One example is a case of inconsistency where you describe a metric ****-ton of unnecessary and distracting cameos on Lucina's way to the store, only to say she didn't pay attention to any of that. Considering the story is told from her viewpoint, she clearly did. Either way it was unnecessary detailing that did more to distract the reader than to build the world.
Honestly this whole concept needs to be rebuilt from the ground up if you're serious about it. Because in its current form, not only did it not make me want to continue reading, it actively made me want to avoid the series, and that's a problem.
Also you shouldn't give a direct link to your deviantart because there's an image in your gallery where you can clearly see Link's dong.