Sporkman
Smash Ace
BAD night! 
Was out with Will, my housemate, and Annabel, an older Uni mate of mine. We've become good friends since she got divorced. So we're down the pub and getting a little off the wall, 'cause her kid was with her folks. Jack, her son, is 5, and she's been divorced about 3 years now, so she doesn't get to go out much. Thank god Jack wasn't there. So we're walking home, her place is a few blocks before ours... Say our goodnights, ye, awesome night, again soon, I'll call, yadda yadda.
About a min later I get a call on my phone. It's quiet, then, you know how when someone's clearly in distress, that high pitched half-hine, half-whisper through clenched teeth? Yes. Like that. It's one of those where, if someone was having you on you might realise, but this was clear as black and white. 'There's someone in my flat! I'm.. in the bathroom downstairs".
I sort of half look at my housemate, and I'm like 'theressomeoneintheflat****come!' or something, and tear off down the road. Luckily ol' Bill he's in his jeans, so we beat it back down the road to her flat. We burst in, he charges straight upstairs - no thinking, in retrospect it could've been well dangerous. I go toward her bathroom to see if she's ok Thank god she was, so I'm like, come with me, let's get out of here... It's only like 15 ft to the door.
At that moment, there's a huge ****ing noise, like a crescendo upstairs. Will's missed the guy in another room, so this bugger comes tearing down the stairs as we're on our way out. He gallops down, uses Annie as a shield and bounces off the wall at the bottom and out the door.
She's on the floor, and I can't help it, it's human nature to check on her first, so the guy beats it down the road. I'm on my knees, Annie's out, having just been hit by this ox into the wall, and then it strikes me, there were no bloodstains on the carpet. This guy must be a smooth criminal.
__________________
Spoorkkmann, I always wanted you to go into Spoorkkmann
Carlsberg don't do Smash players, but if they did, they'd probably be like Sparkman
Was out with Will, my housemate, and Annabel, an older Uni mate of mine. We've become good friends since she got divorced. So we're down the pub and getting a little off the wall, 'cause her kid was with her folks. Jack, her son, is 5, and she's been divorced about 3 years now, so she doesn't get to go out much. Thank god Jack wasn't there. So we're walking home, her place is a few blocks before ours... Say our goodnights, ye, awesome night, again soon, I'll call, yadda yadda.
About a min later I get a call on my phone. It's quiet, then, you know how when someone's clearly in distress, that high pitched half-hine, half-whisper through clenched teeth? Yes. Like that. It's one of those where, if someone was having you on you might realise, but this was clear as black and white. 'There's someone in my flat! I'm.. in the bathroom downstairs".
I sort of half look at my housemate, and I'm like 'theressomeoneintheflat****come!' or something, and tear off down the road. Luckily ol' Bill he's in his jeans, so we beat it back down the road to her flat. We burst in, he charges straight upstairs - no thinking, in retrospect it could've been well dangerous. I go toward her bathroom to see if she's ok Thank god she was, so I'm like, come with me, let's get out of here... It's only like 15 ft to the door.
At that moment, there's a huge ****ing noise, like a crescendo upstairs. Will's missed the guy in another room, so this bugger comes tearing down the stairs as we're on our way out. He gallops down, uses Annie as a shield and bounces off the wall at the bottom and out the door.
She's on the floor, and I can't help it, it's human nature to check on her first, so the guy beats it down the road. I'm on my knees, Annie's out, having just been hit by this ox into the wall, and then it strikes me, there were no bloodstains on the carpet. This guy must be a smooth criminal.
__________________
Spoorkkmann, I always wanted you to go into Spoorkkmann
Carlsberg don't do Smash players, but if they did, they'd probably be like Sparkman
Edited for plausibility, originally by subwaysteve
