my first peom!!

[h1roshi]

i found this thread on smashboards
so i thought i would post,
i like to eat electrical cords
and i love to eat toast,
my hobby is sleeping
and i'm really good at it,
at night i go creeping
and try to steal a honda fit,
i like to scour the depths of hell
i like to search the secrets of heaven,
i like to ring my little bell
i have a good friend named kevin, ( not really)
i like to fight baby dolphins
i like to heal damaged rodents,
i like to hide in my coffin
i like to pop in lots of mints,
i poop shards of glass
i smoke big black bass,
i like to rhyme and make no sense
oh crap, the cops!, gotta jump the fence,
random explosions make me happy
my aunts stomach, its kinda flabby,
im scared of rabid zombies
they remind me of gumby, (bad rhyme)
i'm gettin bored of this...
and i gotta take a major....dump?

rate please

peace

-hiroshi

 

[Akebo]

1/5. I did not like it at all. I'm sorry, but on Smash Boards, I am the writing rapist. So, prepare to get flamed.

Rhymes are WAAY too forced. And they never made sense. It was just...not good. My sister is 9 and she can write better poems than you. I didn't see any point to this poem expect SPAM or random crap. Noe motion at all, I really don't think you gave it all that much thought. it was just...horrible.

 

[Ba1100n_Drag0n]

You really have to look at the humorous side of the poem.
There are, of course, grammar problems that are obvious, bot not everybody can be perfect and nor does everyone want to achieve, strangely.

 

[Akebo]

"Humerous"? What is this..."humerous" of which you speak of?

 

[Ba1100n_Drag0n]

Some things random are good.
Congratz on 100th post.
I mean, I'll admit it's BAD, but you have to look at the brighter side of things. I don't find it necessarily funny, but I do acknowledge maybe others will find it funny.

The poem is bad. The concept is semi-good. Having these sort of poem things is good, but again, too many of them is bad. It's a nice refreshener, and if you're not lazy enough, a good thread to point out corrections/suggestions.

 

[h1roshi]

lo...i was just being stupid and i knew you were gonna come in and flame cuz you replied to like every poem or story in here....so i was like...fvck it...i am wanna see what he says about my poem that i made in like 5 mins...i was trying to be as random as h3ll....the name of the poem is actually called "Random" is of right now...i am currently working on making "Random 2"...peace

-hiroshi

 

[Akebo]

Ha1 I achieved some amount of famousnes in here. Albeit, as a flamer...

 

[h1roshi]

like i said...i knew u were gonna come in...u freakin replied to EVERY single other thread...lol...peace

-hiroshi

 

[Luigitoilet]

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