Losing sight of myself

[Skadorski]

Link to original post: [drupal=4942]Losing sight of myself[/drupal]



This is just something I really want to get off my back.

A few years ago I felt like my personality was just taking a U-turn.
Summer 2010. I was the most happy-go-lucky kid there was. I lived life to the fullest. I juggled playing WoW seriously and playing tennis seriously both at the same time. Even playing in 100-degree summer heat in Florida for multiple hours, I only needed to sleep about 5 hours for almost endless energy. I never took a break and always kept going and rushing head-first into things. I had lots of friends, both IRL and online with my WoW guildies. Everyone loved having me around and I just had a really fun time then.
After the summer, things quieted down a bit and school started again, but I was still playing WoW and tennis. Didn't need to sleep much. Still had lots of fun. Listened to a lot of music, too.

From 2010 December to today, I started making a complete 180. I stopped playing WoW as much, I didn't enjoy tennis as much as I used to and my skill level dropped significantly, I started to sleep longer every day, and I took naps more frequently. It wasn't too bad a summer, but it wasn't nearly as good as last year's. After the summer, I just became less and less "me". Eventually by November 2011, I started sleeping for almost 12 hours every day, I didn't have any goal in life whatsoever, I lost almost all social communication, and I started having mood swings like crazy. And it hasn't gotten better.
I feel like I have nothing in my life important to me now. The only things I do anymore are listen to music and play Brawl. I don't know why I'm not my old self anymore. I hate talking to people irl now and try to avoid all communication possible. I don't know what could've happened last year. Nothing really changed much for me.

TL;DR I've changed a lot and I don't know why. I'm not asking for a magical answer as to why I changed, I just wanted to get this off my mind. Thanks for reading.
Oh, and I can't preview my post, so I may have made a few sentence or grammar mistakes.

 

[Crooked Crow]

Depression?

 

[RespawningJesus]

Something had to happen to cause this 180. Maybe you're scared of something, or some significant event happened.

All I know is that you cannot live a life like that. It just sucks, and will only make things worse for you in the long run.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Yeah, there is nothing with a cause, it can be identified and fixed.

But its really awesome you played Tennis! What an exhaustive and intense sport, I tried but failed because of how demanding it was physically.

To bring up something I have thought for a long time, life really doesn't have any significant meaning or amazing purpose, but before that idea depresses you, you have to think that this is perhaps what defines our existence, and gives it meaning by result. You go and find meaningless things, such as tennis or World of Warcraft, and you arbitrarily attribute purpose to them. It sounds so base yet so beautiful. How human. How... us.

It is like a line Orochimaru says in Naruto (don't know if you like it, or even know what it is), he says to someone lost and confused about life who is talking to a flower he has noticed before, "There probably isn't any meaning in life. Perhaps you can find something interesting to do while you are alive. Like how you found that flower. Like how I found you." Just something to ponder on.

If you want to play me in Brawl online, let me know, I'd enjoy a match or two. :D

 

[global-wolf]

I remember when I met you on the xat last year, you were really fun to talk to. Hope stuff gets better for you.

 

[Chronodiver Lokii]

It honestly could be clinical depression
It doesn't always have to have a trigger in your life - it could be a biochemical change in your body

Try something new that you never would have thought of doing. New hobbies and interests are always a good way to spice up your life and give you some enjoyment : o

And stay positive! Find a way to break out of your rut

Hope everything works out!!!!!

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Yeah, but so do all emotional changes, and all emotional changes have a cause.

Everything will work out whether you like it or not. XP

 

[Vinylic.]

I'm pretty much feeling the same right now.
But suddenly, I have wanted to go somewhere so I can take my mind off off and just enjoy a week at the fullest.

Like a cruise ship.

Should it help? The only way to find out is to try.

 

[Holder of the Heel]

Just make sure you aren't capable of getting sea sickness. XD

 

[Jim Morrison]

Hmm, the main thing is that you are unhappy with where you are. And that means you want to move from the current position. Which is good.

DAK, I disagree, it's perfectly possible to just suddenly... stop enjoying certain things and not finding anything else you care much about. People can have change of hearts suddenly just because they have gotten certain epiphanies/insights they didn't have before. The problem here is that OP has found things he got bored with or didn't want to do.

Quitting WoW because it's boring is possible. Playing tennis for five years and then just having enough of it, it's possible. And not finding anything else to fill this void that is created is also possible, it's kind of the situation I am in right now. The saving grace here is that I play SSBM and go to tournaments and make a lot of new friends and see old ones there. Mandatory school also helps me get out of the house.

Savarin, do you have a job or some school you attend?

 

[Vinylic.]

Just make sure you aren't capable of getting sea sickness. XD

Lol, I've never been on cruise ship before. I'll be aware of that.

But yeah, cruise ship. New things.
And what Lokii said, biochemical change.

It could be that you've been doing that same things over and over, red.
I could be wrong but, I'm just making an educational guess.

 

[Jim Morrison]

You mean uneducated guess?

 

[Vinylic.]

Gee, why thank you, Gus.

For correcting me, that is.

 

[Skadorski]

First off, I'd like to thank everyone that replied. I think it might be depression, but nothing has happened that would make me depressed or unhappy or anything. Looking back, it seems like I've dropped a lot of the stuff that DID make me happy, and I've moved on to new things. So it may be that I miss the old things and I might not be adapting to the change. But I don't know. I'm getting back into a regular tennis schedule now and I think it's making me a bit more cheerful.

Savarin, do you have a job or some school you attend?

No, I'm homeschooled and don't have a job yet.
Even though I'm homeschooled, I have quite a few opportunities to meet new people, but I just don't feel like going or doing anything. I feel like a lot of people are just... annoying to me now. I want to block them out and be left to my own thoughts which, I hope I made clear in the OP, was not the old me.
I'd understand if my interests were changing, but it's like my attitude's made a complete 180. I'm not talking to people or opening up to them anymore. I used to be able to talk to anyone, and now I don't feel like talking to anyone.

 

[highfive]

Hello Red Savarin. It's me, Highfive. Ex-commander of HOR, Octopus of the blah blah blah. Back from the grave.

I by no means understand what is happening in your life since I don't know you and I don't have the same experiences as you. BUT; I understand you're having a tough time. I knew a man by the name of Evan. Evan was a curious man. He didn't talk much and he didn't have much of a drive, somewhat like how you've been describing. Before I met him he didn't have a whole lot of fun. Sure, he hung out with people and did regular things, but he wasn't really absorbed in to the things he did.

Until he got a hobby. He decided to pick up a fish tank. You might think it's odd, but he was much more alive the next time we met. You see, he found something that depended on him. I'm a fish tank keeper too, and what he found and what I realized was that he needed something to depend on him. By that I don't mean how a girlfriend depends on you, it's different than that. A fish in a tank needs attention in the way that; without you, I will die. And in return, you get nothing from the fish. You might think it's weird that he would be more alive knowing that his fish could die, but he suddenly had more drive because he knew that.

So here is my suggestion to you; I think you should find something that more or less forces you to give your attention to it. I'm not saying a dog, or a large animal or even a person! In fact, maybe something like a fish tank may work for you. Maybe you need to have some satisfaction of knowing that what you do, makes a large difference.

Even if you don't take my advice, I'm still open ears. Cheers mate!

You're friend,

Wil AKA Highfive.

 

[DTK.L]

What you sound like you need red is a person to talk to. You need someone you can vent to confide your trust in and release stress to having someone to listen and give good feedback without them becoming someone who is irritating or "annoying".

Playing brawl and listening to music is fine if you're homeschooled just try not to make it you're world living in a shell will make you oblivious to changes happening to friends if not your surroundings. You're still young so life isn't at the zenith of excitement and discovery that you'd hope for. Your teen years are about discovering who you are and what you love and enjoying life to sum it up these are your golden years.

Everyone goes through these changes be it mood swings, psychological anxiety, family issues, personal troubles and such. You're the artist of your life
Your goals are the paintbrush and your actions are the paint and the world is your canvas. You'll find who you once was i once thought and believed i was losing myself as well. I just needed a partner, someone that cares and someone that listens. Take advice if it sounds helpful and uplifting but be your own mind, dreamer and believer and you'll find yourself in a moments notice.

Don't be afraid to try new things that interest you and don't forget about the things you grew up enjoying i always know if i'm in a gloomy situation then there's a way to solve my worries.

Hakuna matata, Red. I hope you find your light.