I too have a theory

[Pelikinesis]

Link to original post: [drupal=3005]I too have a theory[/drupal]



First of all, the majority of user blogs all descend into Twilight-bashing. Now, normally I'd enjoy this, but I've thought of a frankly frightening possibility about this fact:

Twilight is its own religion now. And no, I don't mean the whole Team Edward/Team Jacob/Team Funkenstein thing; that's part of it, but it's the obvious part. Yeah, many people who KNOW better still love Twilight. It's scary.

But I've heard arguments that hate is a kind of love. I won't get into specifics or where I stand on the matter because you've all heard such things and that's not the point. But if you consider, hypothetically, that this is true, then that presents a problem.

I don't know anyone who feels ambivalently towards Stephenie Meyer's books. There are those who love them to an almost reverential degree, and there are those who hate them with a nigh-religious fervor.

Speaking of religion, most religions try to make themselves and/or the world conform with their idea of a perfect people/world, through services and outreach and evangelism and stuff.

I think Stephenie Meyer is doing the exact same thing. Christians want themselves and others to become like Christ. Meyer wants guys to be like Edward. She wrote a series of books so that all women will want their boyfriends to be like Edward and maybe even try to MAKE them like Edward.

"Why can't you be more sensitive?"
"Why don't you sparkle in the sunlight?"
"Why don't you break into my house and watch me sleep at night?"
Once "Edward" becomes a reality, Meyer will swoop in and take him away and have herself a real-life Edward.

Alternately, she wants MULTIPLE "Edwards", for who knows what sick, twisted reason. Maybe she wants her own harem of spineless Robert Pattinson rejects for harem-like reasons. Maybe she'll rent them out to the highest bidders and create the most unsavory human trafficking system in the world.

Maybe she has finally created a machine that converts reverence into pure energy and is her means of ascending to godhood. If that's the case and if hate is indeed a kind of love, then we're contributing to her deitification just as much as all the rabid Twilight fans in the world.

It's all just conjecture right now. But Meyer has displayed the power over the minds of intelligent girls of normally good taste. Is it not too farfetch'd to believe she has the rest of us right where she wants us as well?

 

[john!]

If you take the definition of "religion" to mean that, then most political parties and advocacy groups are religions as well. I agree that they tend to function like religions due to the human tendency to divide issues into black and white (when in reality they are usually more complex).

 

[Jim Morrison]

A religion is looking for the origin of all creation, often by a supernatural "being."

I'd classify this as a cult. I definitly would.

 

[Melomaniacal]

Uh-oh.... uh-oh!

RELIGIOUS DEBATE, GO!

 

[HoN3Y64]

Using the power of God I see into the future and know that this topic will be locked on page 2.

 

[Sucumbio]

Link to original post: [drupal=3005]First of all, the majority of user blogs all descend into Twilight-bashing.

Nah, it's still a minority of ub's, if it were a majority I'd make good on my threat to burn down SWF and then no one would have any fun.

I don't know anyone who feels ambivalently towards Stephenie Meyer's books.

I have 10 cups of ambivalence every morning for breakfast, then a healthy portion of lackluster indecision for lunch, a nap in the den of inequity for the afternoon, followed by a dinner feast at my favorite dive, chez igive2flying****s dot com.

Now as for her and others like her impact on the language of today? Yeah, ticks me off no end. I'm with Vonnegut in this, the English Language is dead, and before I'm dead, we'll all be speaking textese or emailese or whatever. I mean, there's even books that consist mainly of IMs and emails and popular culture. >.....<

Speaking of religion, most religions try to make themselves and/or the world conform with their idea of a perfect people/world, through services and outreach and evangelism and stuff.

Doh! (see?) that's actually interesting you view religions like that. are you athiest by any chance? if not, do you see yourself trying to make people and the world conform (transform) into your g(G)od(s)' ideal people/world??

"Why can't you be more sensitive?"
"Why don't you sparkle in the sunlight?"
"Why don't you break into my house and watch me sleep at night?"

I agree 100% here. She is definitely perverted and likes the thought of perverting children in her own image. And I mean perversion in the American Gothic sense (see writings of hawthorne, poe, etc).

we're contributing to her deitification just as much as all the rabid Twilight fans in the world.

Well not quite. She's the next J.K.Rowling without -quite- the "nerd" following, but darn near. It's more like a cross over audience. But then you have the It Girl series and crap like that, and that's just as bad as Sweet Valley High used to be (or still is? : / ...)

 

[kalle3004]

A religion is looking for the origin of all creation, often by a supernatural "being."

I'd classify this as a cult. I definitly would.

I agree. A seperate country for Twilight lovers doesn't seem far away

p.s. great avatar

 

[Chris Lionheart]

I agree. A seperate country for Twilight lovers doesn't seem far away

p.s. great avatar

.... That's a nightmare.... 90% of all women moving to another land to make a country of their own.... And then the decent 10% remainder of women will be fought over.



And yes, I love to hate Twilight. It's not a religion. It's a recreation.

 

[NintendoMan07]

Meh, it's super-ineffective on me. /pokemonreferencefail

Actually, I'm the one person that's going "What's a Twilight?"

Seriously, all I seem to know about it is vampires which happens to have a dedicated TV series spin-off-type-thing.

 

[UltiMario]

So, the goal of the Twilight Books is to turn the entire male population into vampires?

 

[highfive]

Religion is simply the idolization of a higher power. Anything can become a religion. Twilight. BlargCow. brawl. It's all just a matter of time.

 

[Melomaniacal]

Religion is simply the idolization of a higher power.

Debatable.

In fact... lets debate it.

RELIGION DEBATE, GO!

 

[Pelikinesis]

So, the goal of the Twilight Books is to turn the entire male population into vampires?

Not quite. The goal of the Twilight Books is to turn the entire male population into Twilight vampires that Meyer and females like her can bite their lips at.

Religion Debate? I'm PROBABLY far too lazy to keep up with one, but you kids go ahead and have fun mkay? I'll just lurk moar.

 

[•Col•]

I recommend reading this article: http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/

It may be a bit long, but most of the time you'll be laughing at it anyway. I'll take a few choice segments from it that have to do with this topic....

This novel thus teaches two important lessons to young girls everywhere:

1) If a guy dumps you and says he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do is beg and destroy your life to prove that you really love him, and he'll come right back and love you even more!

2) It is perfectly cool to string along innocent but decent guys who are crushing on you and then dump them immediately as soon as your ex-boyfriend reappears, and totally normal if said ex-boyfriend forbids you from seeing your old friend. After all, your love for your ex must be far stronger, because he makes you feel 'alive' and 'dangerous' since he's always on the verge of killing you. And stalking you. We can't really mention that enough.

. . .which teaches us more lessons:

1) If a girl says she doesn't love you, just keep sexually assaulting her. Eventually she'll realize she likes it.

2) Leading two guys on for years because you 'love them both' is perfectly acceptable, as long as you feel really bad about it at some point.

"It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system."

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bella Swan: eighteen and already looking forward to death, she is the perfect role model for your young teenage girl.

But we learned a few more things:

1) It doesn't matter if he hurts you

2) He only did it because he loves you.

Excluding all the questionable sex, you might start to think that maybe this book isn't an entirely bad influence on teenage girls, with its 'don't go to bed with anyone unless he has proven that he loves you' message. And then Stephenie Meyer takes that trust, uses it to get your address and credit card numbers, and then breaks into your house and poisons your dog.

Long story short: Bella gets pregnant. It goes downhill from there.

And then, my personal favorite:

With the baby suffocating, Edward and co decide to perform a vampire cesarean. Jacob takes some time off to write down 'Vampire Cesarean' as a possible future name for his punk band, and then races to Bella's side in time to hear her spine break.

Once again, we are not making this up.

Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet... Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.

"Her spine," he choked in horror.

It's only implied, but we like to think Edward tries to cheer Bella up about the whole paralysis thing by saying 'Hey girl, at least we don't need an epidural!' Bella gurgles some more, and Jacob takes some time out of the birthing to randomly beat up Edward's sister. That's just how Jacob rolls. At some point, Edward rips open Bella's uterus and delivers the baby.

He rips open her uterus.

With his teeth.

Then stabs her with a vampire venom-filled syringe.

At this point the reader is filled with something not unlike calm relief. At least nothing, nothing in the world, could be more disturbing than this. Except, like, quasi-child porn or something. Luckily, of course, that would be entirely--

Then Jacob falls madly in love with the newborn baby girl.

No, we don't mean in the sense of 'Oh, I fell in love with that kitten the moment I saw it'. We mean in love love. Really, what we're trying to say--and let us know if you don't understand--is that Jacob the borderline rapist and the tiny baby vampire chest-burster are going to get married and have babies.

Also, just want to point out a couple funny things that the actor who played Edward in the films said:

"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."

When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her — her sort of sexual fantasy about some — especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, "Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy" and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And I sometimes ... feel uncomfortable reading this thing, and I think a lot of people feel the same way, that it's kind of voyeuristic ... It creates this sick pleasure in a lot of ways.

http://io9.com/5096763/twilight-makes-for-the-best-fanwank-ever

 

[Mardyke]

I love you Peli.

 

[Pelikinesis]

@Mardyke:

I luv U moar Mardykeepoo.


@everyone not offended or grossed out enough by what I said to have immediately closed their web browser and puked out their souls:

I read that Cracked article way before I wrote this and it probably had a hand in influencing me on my current position on Twilight and lots of other things. I think I said all I wanted to say on the matter though so if you guys want to get this thread closed via teh flame warringz you have my blessing (of ambivalence).

 

[Sephiroths Masamune]

Twilight is just over-rated and it get's more hype by making threads like this.

Sure there are still some die hard Twilight fans out there, but normally their all junior high girls.

My younger sister went in and out of the twilight phase not that long ago, and now she's totally over the Twilight Bull ****.

 

[Pelikinesis]

That was one of my points(?), actually. Hating on Twilight ONLY MAKES IT STRONGER.