I might as well just befriend myself...

[RyuReiatsu]

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Something's not right lately. I've been declining offers to go out for over 3 weeks for whatever reason I could find. Otherwise, I'd make them up. 2 days ago was my friend's birthday and at the last minute, I lied about throwing up non-stop and etc.

Anyways, let's go straight to the point.
Somehow, I knew I was changing back into the guy I once was. The guy that didn't enjoy much other than playing video games, spriting, etc. In fact, the geek that hated people that tried getting near him. A no life, whatever you wanna call it. Thing is, I've never realized how badly had I been shifting back into my old self... Looking at myself now, I might just befriend myself in not very long.

For over 3 weeks, I haven't been out and that's all because of myself. For about 9 days, I've sticked with my grandmother. Because we're having family issues... but that was about it. The rest of the time, I've just declined offers after offers. And so, yesterday... There was that couple, 2 friends of mine I hadn't talk for a while, that asked me to play badminton with them tomorrow (I really mean tomorrow.)... At first, I felt enthusiastic as I rarely get to do stuffs with 'em and all. It's been almost half a year that I haven't seen / talked to them...

And just a moment ago, the girl talked to me for a confirmation. In case I would cancel or something, and I couldn't bring myself to give a definite answer. I felt guilty, because I definitely will cancel it. I don't want hang out, I don't exactly know why. And then, there was the boys that I've let down 2 days ago. Why didn't I want to go? I'm not exactly sure anymore...

At first, after 2 weeks of intense chillings (I was the one dragging out everyone outside)... I had to stay with my grandmom as I've said earlier. And then, after declining one offer, I thought: "Oh well, it might be because I've been hanging out too much with them."
But then, look at that. I'm declining these 2 other people that have absolutely no relation to them whatsoever.

Oh and I've got that other friend, a girl... Who going in a trip for 3 weeks, she's leaving in approx. 6 days if I'm right. During a period of time, I kinda considered her like my little sister. And so, she told me like 2 days ago that she wanted to go out with her friends and stuffs. But they were all working... And instead of offering to go out or something, I just said: "They ain't working 24/7, you know that. Stop worrying for nothing."

I felt it, what she was trying to tell me was that she needed to go out or she'd regret her summer vacations. I totally knew it, yet couldn't bring myself to give her a helping hand. I even lied and said I had things to do, and went back home instead.

In any case, I just felt like asking...
Am I really becoming anti-sociable again? I'm not sure why is that happening exactly. I feel kind of drowsy right now, if I've made any typo.. Uhh, I'm sorry.
In the end, I just feel like I'm going to befriend nobody else but myself...

Update:
Today. ... ...
I didn't go out. Yeah, I'm that lame. All that because of my stubborness.
My big bro and I rarely have conversations, and when we do. They are serious... And so anyways, we were discussing about family matters.
Bla bla bla, serious stuffs. Everybody being dumb and always fighting for crap. Like kids, worse than I, my bro or my sis. Seriously.
Anyways, so it was 7 AM and I really couldn't sleep, I wasn't tired at all just like my brother. And so, we ended up talking talking talking, chitchat chitchat.
Then my mom caught us awake, and yelled at me only. Saying I don't even remember what, telling me I was a kid that wouldn't even listen and ****s... I was having a ****ing go****ed talk with my brother O__O. What's the matter with her? Back in time, before she had her boyfriend. Everytime she caught us staying up all night talking, she didn't react that way. She'd always smile and ask: "Hey, what are you two talking about? You're gonna get sick if you don't, you should go to bed soon *smiles* -goes to bed-". And we'd do as told, she was just too nice.
It didn't happen often. But at least, her reactions were always the same.
Today, she just outburst and yelled at me. All pissed and ****. And so, because of her bad bad bad attitude (I love my mom, she was always nice before.)
I decided pissing her off even more. I was having a serious talk with my bro, about my worries regarding our family and she pop ups yelling only at me? What the ****?
Anyways, I stayed up all morning. Just to defy her, to provoke her. Because she's got such a bad attitude she'd yell at me for absolutely nothing now.

In the end, I fell asleep at 11 AM. And woke up at 5, the coffee was at 6. My house's 1 hour away from the city.
And so, that's what happened, I cancelled and ended up not eating a single thing up until now. Again, to piss off my mom. I know I'm acting like a ****ing kid...
But I can't help it. She said things that I can barely remember that were extremely insulting.

In any case, what happened? Didn't get to go out. Period.

 

[ndayday]

Sounds like me.

I really don't know, I mean, I feel the same sometimes. It's like you just don't want to do anything or something along those lines, it's not that you don't want to hang out because you hate the people or anything like that. I'm no psychologist or that, but...uh, I'd agree with you in saying that you're becoming anti-sociable. Get better.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Sounds like me.

I really don't know, I mean, I feel the same sometimes. It's like you just don't want to do anything or something along those lines, it's not that you don't want to hang out because you hate the people or anything like that. I'm no psychologist or that, but...uh, I'd agree with you in saying that you're becoming anti-sociable. Get better.

Thing is, I haven't felt that way in a long time. And lately, it's been coming back extremely quickly. Guess I'm really becoming anti-sociable again. To think that my last summer resulted in me craving to go out, with everybody declining my offers... And this year's summer's basically the opposite, it's ironic.

 

[dualseeker]

Wow... Sorry to hear that....

If you really think your turning into something like that, tell it to someone close, like a best friend or a your girlfriend (if you have one). They may be able to tell you something you needed to hear at exactly the right time. Alone you face limitations, but partner up and you can charge right through them. Sorry for the random saying, it's from one of my games that I think really has value behind it. So I hope I was of some help. Hope you get better, and best of luck.

 

[squirtleuser007]

i feel exactly like that sometimes! if there's still some time left for you to accept, do it. you will feel SO good breaking a sweat playing badmitten. force yourself to do it, and you might enjoy it. who knows?

 

[highfive]

Maybe your emo?

On a serious note, perhaps you need to find someone who shares the same views as you. Perhaps you need to relax from things a while.

 

[squirtleuser007]

Maybe your emo?

On a serious note, perhaps you need to find someone who shares the same views as you. Perhaps you need to relax from things a while.

this kinda sounded a little...blunt...lulz. i agree 100%. to add, if you DO find someone like that, you can enjoy discussion while being active

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Wow... Sorry to hear that....

If you really think your turning into something like that, tell it to someone close, like a best friend or a your girlfriend (if you have one). They may be able to tell you something you needed to hear at exactly the right time. Alone you face limitations, but partner up and you can charge right through them. Sorry for the random saying, it's from one of my games that I think really has value behind it. So I hope I was of some help. Hope you get better, and best of luck.

Isn't that from TWEWY actually? Like in the beginning, when Shiki convinces Neku to partner up with her? I don't have a bestfriend anymore, no girlfriend either. Seems like girls that get to like me really ain't the ones that attract me (mentally speaking, as a lot of them were cute). It feels quite empty somehow, as if social meant nothing anymore to me. But I know it's a healthy thing for people.

i feel exactly like that sometimes! if there's still some time left for you to accept, do it. you will feel SO good breaking a sweat playing badmitten. force yourself to do it, and you might enjoy it. who knows?

I've got plenty of time to accept it. I haven't declined it yet, I've lied to them saying I might go if I have enough money. But I really don't feel like it anymore. Whenever I'd hear badminton, I'd normally jump right in. Because despite the fact that I don't play regularly, I love... or loved that sport.
A few days ago, I had to work with my bro and my mom's boyfriend in the backyard. Lifting really heavy things, in order to make huge stairs and ****s.

At first, when he asked me to help him out. I thought: "After breaking a sweat, I'll feel good!". Somehow, I don't know why... When it was all done, I just felt more depressed.

Maybe your emo?

On a serious note, perhaps you need to find someone who shares the same views as you. Perhaps you need to relax from things a while.

Totally possible. But I'm not one of those you'd label emo in public though, 'cause I'm usually acting like the sleepyhead or the idiot/clown.
Perhaps you're right. My social life started because of that girl that shared the same views as mines. She ended up taking another path.
I guess I'll never be that guy who likes crowds and diversity.

this kinda sounded a little...blunt...lulz. i agree 100%. to add, if you DO find someone like that, you can enjoy discussion while being active

It's all cool, not blunt at all to me.

 

[Grunt]

I have a very similar story.

I was in the same position as you, declining requests to hang out with people, not talking to anyone in school, etc. etc. the pretty **** anti social. I don't say much at all because of a lot of things that happened in my life that would take forever to explain, so I'll just skip it. A few weeks ago I got to go to New York for the NSLC. My only thought was "boy this will look good on a resume", but holy balls, was it a ton of fun. I owe most of this a really good friend I made while i was there. When I was hanging out with her, It was like being a different person. She wasn't incredibly social, like all those skanky clothed girls in school who would text 24/8 if it was possible, but a lot more so than I. In total I made a ton of friend while I was there, but she was the one who got me to do things I never would have tried otherwise, like dancing at the socials they had every so often. I don't even think she realizes how much she helped me with my social-ness, it really changed me inside.

OP, if these people want you to hang out with them, or this girl before she leaves, you need to do it. It can change your life, even just by a little bit. If it doesn't, you didn't really lose anything either.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

I have a very similar story.

I was in the same position as you, declining requests to hang out with people, not talking to anyone in school, etc. etc. the pretty **** anti social. I don't say much at all because of a lot of things that happened in my life that would take forever to explain, so I'll just skip it. A few weeks ago I got to go to New York for the NSLC. My only thought was "boy this will look good on a resume", but holy balls, was it a ton of fun. I owe most of this a really good friend I made while i was there. When I was hanging out with her, It was like being a different person. She wasn't incredibly social, like all those skanky clothed girls in school who would text 24/8 if it was possible, but a lot more so than I. In total I made a ton of friend while I was there, but she was the one who got me to do things I never would have tried otherwise, like dancing at the socials they had every so often. I don't even think she realizes how much she helped me with my social-ness, it really changed me inside.

OP, if these people want you to hang out with them, or this girl before she leaves, you need to do it. It can change your life, even just by a little bit. If it doesn't, you didn't really lose anything either.

Thing is, I went through that "I met that girl who completely changed me inside" phase already. And after 4 years, I'm shifting back into that "I don't want to see people -_-..." mood.

For a while, as you've said. I needed it, but I feel like it's just annoying to me right now. I don't know about what happened in your life. But I clearly know what you mean when you talk about that trip, the things she made you try, etc. I couldn't even take the metro before I met her. Now I've got like 'mad skillz' as some people claimed. Right now, I know how I'm thinking and what do I like. And it seems like social has been erased or something. Or at least group of friends...

There's this friend of mine who just happened to ask me out for a coffee tomorrow after she's done working. And I must say the idea of going for a coffee with only a single person really looked more 'tasty' than hanging out with my usual crew or playing badminton with my friends who happen to be a couple and their friends that I don't know. Crowds, groups... Feels as annoying, irritating... as before. I'm not exactly sure why am I becoming like that. But I do know that I don't need all that much social right now.

About my friend who's leaving for a trip. Just to make it clear, I don't have any feelings toward her. Nor does she. I just happen to know that she feels kinda helpless at the moment.
I'd like to help her. But I don't want to do so at the same time. It might be a mix of pity and possibility of self-gain. (I could look like a **** good friend if I were to hang out with her.)

EDIT: I forgot to mention. I've always favored 1 on 1 outings than crew/group. But even that, I feel a lot less tempted to do so than before. I might end up not even being tempted taking a coffee 1 on 1.

 

[Grunt]

Then I honestly don't know. If you're past it than i can't really help. :\

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Then I honestly don't know. If your past it than i can't really help. :\

Well, thanks anyways.
It's kinda weird that I happen to shift back into the same guy. I'll end up being irritated when people talk to me and worship video games if this goes on...

 

[Solaris1110]

Maybe you're just in minor depression?

Just because you dont feel bad or anything doesn't mean you're not depressed as there's many variations of it, including ones that sound similar to your situation.

Or, have you been without sun for a while lately? The sun helps regulate serotonin which helps your overall mood and inclination to socialize.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Maybe you're just in minor depression?

Just because you dont feel bad or anything doesn't mean you're not depressed as there's many variations of it, including ones that sound similar to your situation.

Or, have you been without sun for a while lately? The sun helps regulate serotonin which helps your overall mood and inclination to socialize.

Maybe these past 2 days, I've been without sun.
But other than that, it started much earlier... I was even working outside, doing the backyard's stairs and all... Lack of sun might not be the answer.

But I forgot to mention that I do feel depressed at times. Well, I get moodswings.
Sometimes, I just feel mega hyped. Resulting in singing loudly in my room while doing mad quick animations (I've picked up animation like 2 days ago). Otherwise, I just stop doing anything and listen to music on my chair. Slowly lurking on various forums. I usually ignore people talking to me on MSN and decline offers to go out everyday.

I don't know, really. My so-called closest friends told me I was no bipolar depressed kid. That I was simply an attention seeker... And I've never had the guts to go to a clinic or something... Another friend of mine promised he'd go with me at the beginning of the summer. But he didn't keep his promise, he was too busy making up with his girlfriend (Which in that case was I who prepared everything so they'd be forced to talk.)

Result? He's now getting drunk everyday, complaining about his possessiveness and her carelessness. I don't even feel like going to check on a doctor anymore. Seriously.

And usually, when I'm depressed... I'm socially dependent. This time, it might not be because of my minor depressions. I think it's something else...

 

[Solaris1110]

Well do you get anxious when thinking about talking to other people? Or is it just like, 'meh, I'm too lazy atm'. (and are you more tired than usual lately?)


I dont know, I've had to deal with alot of these wierd issues before too, and as a result became very self aware. There was a time when I just hate being near people I know (like family) because I just felt uncomfortable around them, and felt as if I couldn't think straight with them around. Other times, even though I wanted to socialize, I would get extremely anxious when someone talked to me and as a result unable to say anything, which made my mood even worse.

I think you should really try to break out of the chain and accept the badminton game. If you just continue to do what you normally did, the antisocial mood could just die off with time.

Fun fact: In Japan, people often see depression as no different than a common cold; something minor that will go away after a few days.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Well do you get anxious when thinking about talking to other people? Or is it just like, 'meh, I'm too lazy atm'. (and are you more tired than usual lately?)


I dont know, I've had to deal with alot of these wierd issues before too, and as a result became very self aware. There was a time when I just hate being near people I know (like family) because I just felt uncomfortable around them, and felt as if I couldn't think straight with them around. Other times, even though I wanted to socialize, I would get extremely anxious when someone talked to me and as a result unable to say anything, which made my mood even worse.

I think you should really try to break out of the chain and accept the badminton game. If you just continue to do what you normally did, the antisocial mood could just die off with time.

Fun fact: In Japan, people often see depression as no different than a common cold; something minor that will go away after a few days.

I don't get anxious when I'm near people... Lately, I've been feeling either annoyed or irritated. It's more like "Ah, I don't feel like talking." - "Annoying, I'm going." or "****, would you shut the **** up? 'Cause what you're saying is ****ing uninteresting."

Guess what? The third sentence, I happened to have told it to somebody like 3 days ago. Because he annoyed me down to death with his life.
I'm very self-aware myself. I know when I'm depressed, when I'm happy. I know it when it's starting to swing the other way around, etc. But I can't seem to find a cause, because... To tell you the truth, my life really is all good. My sister knows me pretty well too, she's good in noticing things. And so, whenever my mood's off... and she talks to me, I tell her that I ain't feeling all that well. She then stops telling me about her random TV shows and leaves me alone. What a nice girl she is... But thing is, I really don't want to go play badminton with them anymore. There's just no fun in it to me now. They've got like their friends I don't know and ****s. And... I've accepted going to get a coffee with a girl. Hopefully, that'll lighten up my mood a bit. And maybe break out that anti-sociable barrier.

Well, I'll either make a new thread or post in this one if something's up. I'll keep you updated with how the coffee worked out. It might give more hints about whatever is going on.


And to think that I've always thought of Japan as extra intelligent people -_-... Close minded people, dammit.

 

[Solaris1110]

ahah well its mostly because the word 'depression' has the the characters of 'common cold' within it, which unexpectedly lead to the misunderstanding that it's a slight illness.

 

[Heartz♥]

I'm like that in real life, so I use Smashboards as an excuse.

On a more serious note, I don't know what to say except try to find a significant other. You can make a lot of friends through one person.

 

[PhoenixoKaZe]

I felt like that too. Sometimes I just don`t feel like I`m hanging out with my "friends" guess that could be the only differennce o-o

 

[RyuReiatsu]

I'm like that in real life, so I use Smashboards as an excuse.

On a more serious note, I don't know what to say except try to find a significant other. You can make a lot of friends through one person.

I guess you're right. That other girl was something different, just not the significant person I needed.

I felt like that too. Sometimes I just don`t feel like I`m hanging out with my "friends" guess that could be the only differennce o-o

I think that in reality, I just want people to love me. Somehow, I don't really consider them my friends. But hey, what can I call them? You know what I mean?

Anyways, little update. Go look at the first post, I'll be done editing it in 5 minutes.

 

[wool]

Dude I felt like that this summer (actually the last two weeks) and I had no clue why. I just wanted to think to myself, and I ended up doing nothing except videogames or like re-reading harry potter or something stupid like that.

Then my soccer pre-season started and I was like dang, I really dont want to go, but if I dont ill be hated throughout the team. So I went. The exercise I got really helped me. I came back home very fresh and more alive. The hardest part is saying yes. But afterward you will NOT regret it. Trust me. Try it once.