How to change my life?

[Chris Lionheart]

At the moment, I'm just really unhappy with my highschool social life. I feel like an outcast... a smart quiet person in a school filled with outspoken rednecks. I've always had severe self confidence issues, with only slight improvement over the last couple years.
At the moment, I am a sophomore and would like to go into my Junior or atleast Senior year as a "better" person. I want to be able to socialize with the people I know better and more than anything I want a girlfriend.

I've tried asking several of my friends for advice, but they have been less than helpful. One of them went as far as flaming me and questioning my manhood (due to my different opinions). He asked me why I would want a girlfriend if not for sex or social status, and my answer, though not completely clear, was simply just for me... What can I say other than I want to have a close friend of the opposite gender.

I know my only chance of a better social life is to improve my self confidence and my image... but how can I do that? Especially when there is nothing to really be confident of...

 

[Eor]

All you're going to get from this forum is, more likely then not, bull**** answers. They'll be completely serious, but what they say won't be worth anything. Besides, there is no way we have any more knowledge over what would be better for you then you do, chances are you already know what you want to improve on. And to improve you just practice. Talk to a mirror/talk to yourself if you have problems with talking. Things like that. It'll all come from you

 

[orintemple]

First off, the internet is the worst place to ask for advice. People on the internet are 100 times worse than people in real life.

Secondly, I understand what you mean by the girlfriend thing not for sex. I too share the same kind of love of just having someone who you are close too and can show affection to, sit with on a moonlit night and waste away hours talking, and just BE there with you. Most guys are too shallow to understand this longing but guys like you are the guys who will get the good women, the women who are around for more than just a good time. Sensitive guys may not get the girls early on but later in life when they are truly grown women it will be easier.

Third, high school sucks balls. But you will get through it. After that, go to college if you have the ability. College changes everything. I was just like you in highschool(or at least your slight description makes me think so) but after high school I became a totally different person. I threw out ideals that held me back and most importantly became much more social. It is a great place to make a new start for yourself. The problem with changing who you are in highschool out of the blue is that people will notice it and it will feel awkward to blatantly try to change who you are right in front of everyones face. People in college generally suck much less than highchoolers anyway.

Fourth, just remember that you can't completely change who you are. You can work on things you want but inside you will also be bound to your "nature." All you can do is sway it in certain directions a bit. I will never not be a shy person, but I have become much less shy then I used to be, and a lot more open, and you will too if you truly want to.

Just keep on going and don't even think about doing anything stupid.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

First off, the internet is the worst place to ask for advice. People on the internet are 100 times worse than people in real life.

Secondly, I understand what you mean by the girlfriend thing not for sex. I too share the same kind of love of just having someone who you are close too and can show affection to, sit with on a moonlit night and waste away hours talking, and just BE there with you. Most guys are too shallow to understand this longing but guys like you are the guys who will get the good women, the women who are around for more than just a good time. Sensitive guys may not get the girls early on but later in life when they are truly grown women it will be easier.

Third, high school sucks balls. But you will get through it. After that, go to college if you have the ability. College changes everything. I was just like you in highschool(or at least your slight description makes me think so) but after high school I became a totally different person. I threw out ideals that held me back and most importantly became much more social. It is a great place to make a new start for yourself. The problem with changing who you are in highschool out of the blue is that people will notice it and it will feel awkward to blatantly try to change who you are right in front of everyones face. People in college generally suck much less than highchoolers anyway.

Fourth, just remember that you can't completely change who you are. You can work on things you want but inside you will also be bound to your "nature." All you can do is sway it in certain directions a bit. I will never not be a shy person, but I have become much less shy then I used to be, and a lot more open, and you will too if you truly want to.

Just keep on going and don't even think about doing anything stupid.

I'm completely aware of the first statement... I just don't feel as though I have anyone to
turn to in real life either... I thought maybe I would get a few good opinions out of all the BS.
I'm glad someone can understand me. I'm ofc aware that my nature will always be my nature... but I really want a way to get around it and lesson its obviousness if only enough to get by.

 

[KosukeKGA]

Orin, that was some decent motivational speaking despite saying the internet is one of the worse places to ask for advice.

 

[Illussionary]

Different methods for getting a girlfriend.

1. Find someone who you have physical attraction to. Then find out if she likes you back, this is how I found my girlfriend, but it can often be difficult to find out if they like you back.

2. Be offensive and start a conversation, jokes seem to be extremely effective. This is extremely important because first impressions are everything if you start to babble you pretty much just blew your chance. But no Pressure.

3. Meet at a social gathering, lets say you go to a dance or something. Maybe ask her to dance. If she says "Yes" you'll get a great perspective on how far she's willing to go by how she dances. Like if she's a grinder then you know she's outgoing and permiscuos.

4. I like to call this the Tag Team Knight in Shining Armor Act Aka. TTKSA . Basically just get one of your friends to be a total arse to the girl you like. Then you rush in and tell him to buzz off, therefore rescuing the girl. She'll probably like the gesture and want to learn more about you..

These are just basics, hope this helps.

 

[Cubemario]

All you're going to get from this forum is, more likely then not, bull**** answers. They'll be completely serious, but what they say won't be worth anything. Besides, there is no way we have any more knowledge over what would be better for you then you do, chances are you already know what you want to improve on. And to improve you just practice. Talk to a mirror/talk to yourself if you have problems with talking. Things like that. It'll all come from you

Amen, this is the truth.

 

[orintemple]

Different methods for getting a girlfriend.

1. Find someone who you have physical attraction to. Then find out if she likes you back, this is how I found my girlfriend, but it can often be difficult to find out if they like you back.

2. Be offensive and start a conversation, jokes seem to be extremely effective. This is extremely important because first impressions are everything if you start to babble you pretty much just blew your chance. But no Pressure.

3. Meet at a social gathering, lets say you go to a dance or something. Maybe ask her to dance. If she says "Yes" you'll get a great perspective on how far she's willing to go by how she dances. Like if she's a grinder then you know she's outgoing and permiscuos.

4. I like to call this the Tag Team Knight in Shining Armor Act Aka. TTKSA . Basically just get one of your friends to be a total arse to the girl you like. Then you rush in and tell him to buzz off, therefore rescuing the girl. She'll probably like the gesture and want to learn more about you..

These are just basics, hope this helps.

I don't think the OP is looking for just sex...

And number 4 is too good lol.
I am not so sure about going that far with it(although it could work) but having a wingman is always great.

 

[omfgomfg]

3. Meet at a social gathering, lets say you go to a dance or something. Maybe ask her to dance. If she says "Yes" you'll get a great perspective on how far she's willing to go by how she dances. Like if she's a grinder then you know she's outgoing and permiscuos.

promiscuous
you do know what that means do you not

 

[Livvers]

Fourth, just remember that you can't completely change who you are. You can work on things you want but inside you will also be bound to your "nature." All you can do is sway it in certain directions a bit. I will never not be a shy person, but I have become much less shy then I used to be, and a lot more open, and you will too if you truly want to.

Not completely true, and thinking like that will hinder a person more-so than not. I believe people can be born a certain way or whatever(I'm naturally extremely shy), but you can change that through time and effort. I have changed many parts of myself and my initial nature through determination and pushing my boundaries. I think it's more accurate to say your initial nature will make overcoming certain things more difficult than it would be for other people. But, you CAN change your nature. It just isn't something that will happen overnight.


Oh, and this could be some perspective for the OP to read, too. Anyways, college will be coming soon, and you'll have loads of opportunities to make new friends if you are willing to go out of your comfort zone to talk to people and meet people.

 

[Met]

High school sucks just get through it, I did that by drinking... but thats not the way to go about it. haha when you get on your own thats when things get better. And despite my sig i am not one of those guys just trying to get laid. you know it just takes time to find someone right for you.

 

[BlackFoxPariah]

You should learn how to do a back flip. It sounds silly, but when everyone knows you schools is a lot more enjoyable. Worked for my friend...He did a back flip off of a vending machine- now everyone knows him.

 

[Bibbed]

I say pick-up a hobby that involves something besides computers, videogames, or something of the like. Maybe the guitar? Girls in high school may not go gah-gah over it (social hierarchy is too influential), but they'll swoon for that **** in college. I agree with Met though, high school blows (and I didn't have any popularity/social issues). You just have to get through that ****.

 

[Mrs. Bahamut]

Sounds like you don't need a girlfriend, but a friend that is a girl. Don't go looking for a serious relationship, just a friend! Baha and I were friends before we decided we were right for each other, then we had things to base our relationship on. Don't change yourself, please don't. You sound like you are well on your way to finding the right person for you. It's just going to take time. I don't know how many times I've posted this on SWF, but don't go looking for a relationship. It will fall right in front of you when the time is right.

You sound just like me when I was in high school, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to your situation. Just wait it out. Kid's brains are just crazy at that time, and when you get to college, you'll see that people don't care about popularity anymore. People become friends with people that they can relate to. So you'll meet people equally as cool as you are. (Yes, I consider you cool. Just because kids don't see you as "cool" right now, doesn't mean you aren't. In college, the people that are cool are the people who are themselves and don't change for anyone.)

Just stay afloat those last couple of years in high school, and you'll see the awesome people you'll meet when you get to your college campus. All those rednecks you keep talking about will (this is mean to say) be weeded out at the university level because they can't make it passed the SAT and first few classes of college. Sure you'll run across some stupid people in college, but you don't have to socialize with them. That's the nice part about it all.

(Moral of the story: Don't take anyone's advice to change yourself!!)

 

[Cubemario]

I agree with bahamut. His advice is the best advice. Who would have thought there was anyone smart on smashboards.

Honestly, people are jerks, it's just people are bigger jerks in high school.

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

At the moment, I'm just really unhappy with my highschool social life. I feel like an outcast... a smart quiet person in a school filled with outspoken rednecks. I've always had severe self confidence issues, with only slight improvement over the last couple years.
At the moment, I am a sophomore and would like to go into my Junior or atleast Senior year as a "better" person. I want to be able to socialize with the people I know better and more than anything I want a girlfriend.

I've tried asking several of my friends for advice, but they have been less than helpful. One of them went as far as flaming me and questioning my manhood (due to my different opinions). He asked me why I would want a girlfriend if not for sex or social status, and my answer, though not completely clear, was simply just for me... What can I say other than I want to have a close friend of the opposite gender.

I know my only chance of a better social life is to improve my self confidence and my image... but how can I do that? Especially when there is nothing to really be confident of...

I know exactly how you feel dude....

Here's my story.

I used to hate the world and decided to join the Air Force. There was this girl I didn't really like much but for some reason I went crazy over her just a few weeks before I was about to leave and it sucked. I went out with her and it was going okay but then she realized I was leaving and ignored all my calls.

You see this is when the ironic bull **** in life occurred. I got kicked out of the Air Force and now this girl supposedly "found the love of her life."

Dear god there are so many disappointments in my life right now. If you want a girl friend then FIND ONE. I learned this the REAL HARD WAY! And don't ignore any girls too much, especially if they are interested in you, you'll regret it.

 

[mukoe890]

I'm naturally shy as well. I don't like to voice my opinion that much due to criticism from my peers. I can't really think of anything that hasn't been said already, about get through high school, college is much better yada yada. What I can suggest is get into a really good band. Sure it's a form of escapism and you won't really get anywhere, but a good rock/folk/whatever band can REALLY turn your life in a different direction. Let's say you think you had a certain thought/feeling and you thought it only crossed YOUR mind, but you hear a talented songwriter and find out he/she has expressed it very articulately and accurately. Maybe you already have a broad and diverse music taste and you've heard everything I just blurted out, I don't know. Well that being said, my favorite albums to listen to when I have those days(everyday) are Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins, and Dummy by Portishead. Sincerely hope this helps

 

[Tom]

If you're going to make changes, don't do it for anyone else but yourself. =)

promiscuous
you do know what that means do you not

i lol'd =)

I agree with bahamut. His advice is the best advice. Who would have thought there was anyone smart on smashboards.

you totally missed the "Mrs." in her name.

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

Do you guys think the woman in my post might be mad at me? She won't talk back.

 

[orintemple]

Do you guys think the woman in my post might be mad at me? She won't talk back.

Did you give her a reason to be mad at you. It might be something small and stupid but many women will go insane over what a man might think is insiginificant.

Also, I love how it is pretty much the concensus in this thread that High School sucks and College is great. Amen to that.

 

[Mini Mic]

All you're going to get from this forum is, more likely then not, bull**** answers.

Wait weren't you the one who said "grab her breasts"?

 

[TheMoonman]

I'm so glad I found this thread before I went to sleep.

I'm pretty much having the same problems as TC. High school is certainly starting to suck wholeheartedly; I don't have a single friend. The only thing that keeps me ticking are videogames, my life as an artist, and a very, VERY good friend back at California.

So much so a good friend that sometimes I wonder if she and I could work together. She's a bit awkward in a sense, and maybe a bit nerdy and fangirlish (but that's forgivable; it's not like I'm any better), but she's really nice and shares a lot of my interests. But more importantly, it feels like she's the only person I've met who actually enjoys my company. I couldn't ask for a better friend.

But she lives half-a quadrillion miles away from me, and I don't know how long-distance relationships would work (or if she'd be up to it...), but either way, she's definently making my days much more easier on me.

But still, I get extremely lonely in school, and based on what some of you older users here say about college and junk, I can't wait to get out of this hell hole.

Sorry if I'm not really on-topic; I thought this'd be a good place to get this off my chest. To the TC, the only thing I can say is that you aren't the only one in that kind of a situation to have to ask random strangers on the internet your emotional problems =P

Keep on truckin', I guess. When you're me, it's the only thing you can really follow...

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

You should hang out with her more often, like during lunch or something like that.

Don't jump to conclusions so quickly because it is impossible to determine who someone is with just one date. If you want a serious relationship it will probably take time but don't forget, DON'T jump to conclusions so quickly. I thought I knew a certain someone and she turned out to be the BIGGEST WH0RE EVER!!!!!

 

[KMB23]

I say pick-up a hobby that involves something besides computers, videogames, or something of the like. Maybe the guitar? Girls in high school may not go gah-gah over it (social hierarchy is too influential), but they'll swoon for that **** in college. I agree with Met though, high school blows (and I didn't have any popularity/social issues). You just have to get through that ****.

seriously, girls like guitarists. guitar skills will also help you make friends who are really into music, that way you could start a band.

start an experimental/progressive band. that works because you'll be so unique that people won't know how to judge you.. even if you suck you'll be different, and people like different.

learning the guitar is hard.. but if you have a lot of free time it won't be too hard.

 

[Livvers]

You know what?

I loved high school =D


Learning any skill you can show off is a good way to impress girls. One thing Napoleon Dynamite had right was that girls like guys with skills.

 

[orintemple]

I'm so glad I found this thread before I went to sleep.

I'm pretty much having the same problems as TC. High school is certainly starting to suck wholeheartedly; I don't have a single friend. The only thing that keeps me ticking are videogames, my life as an artist, and a very, VERY good friend back at California.

So much so a good friend that sometimes I wonder if she and I could work together. She's a bit awkward in a sense, and maybe a bit nerdy and fangirlish (but that's forgivable; it's not like I'm any better), but she's really nice and shares a lot of my interests. But more importantly, it feels like she's the only person I've met who actually enjoys my company. I couldn't ask for a better friend.

But she lives half-a quadrillion miles away from me, and I don't know how long-distance relationships would work (or if she'd be up to it...), but either way, she's definently making my days much more easier on me.

But still, I get extremely lonely in school, and based on what some of you older users here say about college and junk, I can't wait to get out of this hell hole.

Sorry if I'm not really on-topic; I thought this'd be a good place to get this off my chest. To the TC, the only thing I can say is that you aren't the only one in that kind of a situation to have to ask random strangers on the internet your emotional problems =P

Keep on truckin', I guess. When you're me, it's the only thing you can really follow...

This whole thing, what you just said right here. If you are seriously thinking that you two would work well together then tell her what you just told all of us. This is really sweet and she would probably go for this after she understands how much she helps you get through your lonley life.

You know what?

I loved high school =D


Learning any skill you can show off is a good way to impress girls. One thing Napoleon Dynamite had right was that girls like guys with skills.

You are one of the lucky few around here who liked high school I guess. Were you a jock or other popular type, because then it would make sense.

 

[Mrs. Bahamut]

I agree with bahamut. His advice is the best advice. Who would have thought there was anyone smart on smashboards.

Honestly, people are jerks, it's just people are bigger jerks in high school.

Apparently people are getting my husband and I confused. This amuses me! Bahamut is another mod here on SWF!

A picture just so you can identify us: (I guess this proves how little we've been on SWF lately!)

Bahamut and I having fun on our wedding day:

Yall will all hit your mid 20's and realize swimming through all the bad times in high school was worth it to get where you are. Don't let all the crazies in high school drown you! Baha and I had to wait 7 years before we could tie the knot. Just because we both wanted to finish school. You'll eventually find the right person, but like I said before, don't go looking. Baha and I were both not looking at the time and ended up finding each other.

 

[Retroking2000]

social anxiety ouch ........


i pity the fool

 

[Zook]

You know what?

I loved high school =D


Learning any skill you can show off is a good way to impress girls. One thing Napoleon Dynamite had right was that girls like guys with skills.

I love highschool. Why shouldn't I? It's hilarious.

Wait weren't you the one who said "grab her breasts"?

Oh, by the way Eor, that didn't work out nearly as well as I had hoped.

 

[Livvers]

You are one of the lucky few around here who liked high school I guess. Were you a jock or other popular type, because then it would make sense.

Ho ho ho. Far from it. I was "goth", had social anxiety and phobia problems, and was depressed. But I had a couple good friends, and we knew just to laugh at everything. It made for good times.

Oh, by the way Eor, that didn't work out nearly as well as I had hoped.

Aw, well, there's always next time, Zook!

 

[Exia 00]

...........................

 

[Tom]

I'm a ******.

Thanks for contributing.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

Thanks for the comments, some of them look helpful. And I suppose I agree with Mrs. Bahamut. I am looking for a friend whos a girl... but honestly... it seems like I don't even have that. Right now, I really think a lot about this girl in band. Shes really talented (but for some reason doesn't have the confidence to back it) and looks nice. Shes a bit of a tomboy (not like a **** or anything) and I kind of like that... common sense tells me that it would be easy to get along with such a person. The only problem is that she, like most of my fellow bandmembers, thinks pretty low of me. I'm pretty much just the "odd" and shy guy who tries (possibly to hard) to be supportive of her. But meh... what can a guy do?
I suppose there is always Junior year... or Senior year... or College.

 

[drcossack]

Thanks for the comments, some of them look helpful. And I suppose I agree with Mrs. Bahamut. I am looking for a friend whos a girl... but honestly... it seems like I don't even have that. Right now, I really think a lot about this girl in band. Shes really talented (but for some reason doesn't have the confidence to back it) and looks nice. Shes a bit of a tomboy (not like a **** or anything) and I kind of like that... common sense tells me that it would be easy to get along with such a person. The only problem is that she, like most of my fellow bandmembers, thinks pretty low of me. I'm pretty much just the "odd" and shy guy who tries (possibly to hard) to be supportive of her. But meh... what can a guy do?
I suppose there is always Junior year... or Senior year... or College.

Just try talking to her. Start with compliments. The rest should happen naturally.

Your next few years will go by quickly. I definitely suggest going away to college. You don't get the opportunities to know people as well if you're a commuter.

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

Don't be a nice guy because it turns them off. If they say they want a nice guy then they are full of complete and utter bull ****. Nice guys are the type of people who end up beating their wives; I know thats kind of hard to believe but it happens.

Maybe your giving that band girl too much attention? Just ignore her completely and she will come back, they always do.

And don't tell her all of your feelings. It may hurt to do so but turns a lot of women off. Hell it even turns guys off! I had a lady tell me her feelings and she was putting too much of a burden on me! I barely know her!

If a man says he likes knowing a womans feelings then he is LYING. He's just trying to get in your pants!

 

[Mini Mic]

You are one of the lucky few around here who liked high school I guess. Were you a jock or other popular type, because then it would make sense.

I loved high school too, maybe it's different going to an all boys school where no one is popular

 

[Livvers]

Don't be a nice guy because it turns them off. If they say they want a nice guy then they are full of complete and utter bull ****. Nice guys are the type of people who end up beating their wives; I know thats kind of hard to believe but it happens.

Maybe your giving that band girl too much attention? Just ignore her completely and she will come back, they always do.

And don't tell her all of your feelings. It may hurt to do so but turns a lot of women off. Hell it even turns guys off! I had a lady tell me her feelings and she was putting too much of a burden on me! I barely know her!

If a man says he likes knowing a womans feelings then he is LYING. He's just trying to get in your pants!

Thanks for the lol.

 

[Chris Lionheart]

Don't be a nice guy because it turns them off. If they say they want a nice guy then they are full of complete and utter bull ****. Nice guys are the type of people who end up beating their wives; I know thats kind of hard to believe but it happens.

Maybe your giving that band girl too much attention? Just ignore her completely and she will come back, they always do.

And don't tell her all of your feelings. It may hurt to do so but turns a lot of women off. Hell it even turns guys off! I had a lady tell me her feelings and she was putting too much of a burden on me! I barely know her!

If a man says he likes knowing a womans feelings then he is LYING. He's just trying to get in your pants!

I completely and totally disagree with almost everything you've said here. I actually do like knowing a girls feelings and I could care less about getting into anyone's pants during my teenage years.

And I really don't give her that much attention.. I try to be kind and compliment her (seeing as she doesn't have the self-respect to compliment herself.) And that first statement was utter bull****. Nice guys beating their wives!? That makes them NOT nice guys.

 

[KingJiggyWiggy]

You see, men like that tend to seem as though they are giving everything the woman needs. Then he will tell her things like, "The only reason I am here is because of you." That is too much of a burden.

I too, wouldn't mind if somebody told me their feelings because I would rather have a straight-up honest friend than a phony.

 

[the melon!!!!!]

Straying away from the date topic, I was in the same situation with friends earlier this year. I found out the best way to become popular is to talk to people. It doesn't matter who you talk to, just talk to someone. It's best to just jump into a conversation that is close to where you sit in class, chime in at a certain point, and maintain your opinion until you get stuck in their talking circle. Then spread out until the class thinks you are ok and spreads it. As long as you DON'T make yourself look insane or act like a total jack***, you should be alright. Even if they are rednecks, you must show respect to peers, whether you like it or not, because they can just as easily turn it around and screw up your time at school. Lucky for you though, if they are rednecks, they will be easier to impress than your prep school kids. Studies have proven that the dumber you are, the easier you are amused. That is why the comedian Larry The Cable Guy became so popular. Anyway, back to my point. Eventually you will be known by most of the grade if not the school, and you can cross popularity off the list. I hope this advice helped you. Trust me, this works. It kept my one friend from killing himself (no joke, scared the living crap out of me). I got a little lucky because I got encephalitis my freshman year and almost died. Students in my grade called me "The Boy Who Lived" because I was in a coma for three days and scared them all, and the fact that I look like a slightly emo Harry Potter.


Anyway, I hope this was helpful. It's alright. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!