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Hat N' Clogs

John Tavares is a Leaf
Joined
Feb 9, 2012
Messages
7,858
Location
Southern tier NY state
3DS FC
1650-2469-6836
Switch FC
SW-3519-9567-9870
Oh. Is something else troubling you?
Damn right. This afternoon and evening has sucked. Fafsa passwords won't work, causing my dad unnecessary stress, and it makes me feel like a total idiot becuase the password SHOULD have worked, but it didn't, and after trying it too many times, we got locked out of his account, so now password resets must occur. Heck, after that things might not even work out becuase the fafsa is FRICKIN CRAP. Not only that, BUT: one of my close friends on discord blocked me today, for the 2nd time, for no discernable reason, and I feel like I just pushed them away without trying. And this friend has been battling suicidal thoughts, so I am worried SICK about them. But, they blocked me, so I do not know how they are doing right now, which is a horrible feeling to have. Heck, I feel like I push online friends and IRL friends away all the time. For what reason? I don't know, but considering how even my closest friends don't want to room with me next year and would rather be with other people, it makes sense that I only scare people off eventually. It's a wonder I somehow have a girlfriend right now, but heck, sometimes I wonder if she's bothered by me as well. Even with seeing counseling right now and feeling like I've gotten better, I still feel depressed sometimes and I especially feel like an anxious mess a significant amount of the time as well. Homework is annoying me as well, and I would focus on that more, but I can't because I can't feel comfortable or satisfied with my own personality and who I am as a person. I already knocked over and broke my clothing rack in a fit of rage, because of how angry I am at myself and everything right now. Everything that has stressed me out is boiling over for me right now, and I feel angry, tired, tense, frustrated, anxious, irate, sad, terrible, and just...idk...you get the picture...

Edit: Edited to include more detail...
 
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Jason the Yoshi

Watching Me, Wanting Me
Joined
Feb 26, 2014
Messages
18,791
Location
Waiting for Jesus
Damn right. This afternoon and evening has sucked. Fafsa passwords won't work, causing my dad unnecessary stress, and it makes me feel like a total idiot becuase the password SHOULD have worked, but it didn't, and after trying it too many times, we got locked out of his account, so now password resets must occur. Heck, after that things might not even work out becuase the fafsa is FRICKIN CRAP. Not only that, BUT: one of my close friends on discord blocked me today, for the 2nd time, for no discernable reason, and I feel like I just pushed them away without trying. And this friend has been battling suicidal thoughts, so I am worried SICK about them. But, they blocked me, so I do not know how they are doing right now, which is a horrible feeling to have. Heck, I feel like I push online friends and IRL friends away all the time. For what reason? I don't know, but considering how even my closest friends don't want to room with me next year and would rather be with other people, it makes sense that I only scare people off eventually. It's a wonder I somehow have a girlfriend right now, but heck, sometimes I wonder if she's bothered by me as well. Even with seeing counseling right now and feeling like I've gotten better, I still feel depressed sometimes and I especially feel like an anxious mess a significant amount of the time as well. Homework is annoying me as well, and I would focus on that more, but I can't because I can't feel comfortable or satisfied with my own personality and who I am as a person. I already knocked over and broke my clothing rack in a fit of rage, because of how angry I am at myself and everything right now. Everything that has stressed me out is boiling over for me right now, and I feel angry, tired, tense, frustrated, anxious, irate, sad, terrible, and just...idk...you get the picture...

Edit: Edited to include more detail...
Oh. Well hopefully this doesn't last.
 

Hat N' Clogs

John Tavares is a Leaf
Joined
Feb 9, 2012
Messages
7,858
Location
Southern tier NY state
3DS FC
1650-2469-6836
Switch FC
SW-3519-9567-9870
Oh. Well hopefully this doesn't last.
Been dealing with some of this stuff since August...some days I want to say "I certainly have gotten better!" and for a while I thought that I was indeed a lot better than before. But right now...not sure. I just feel like a loser who gets stressed too easily and is a "sloppy seconds" friend, despite me giving my all to care for other people.

I don't want to feel this way...I HATE feeling this way...I am fighting against that feeling at any given moment so I don't sink deeper...but this is one of those times where it feels harder than ever to fight against such a self-hating feeling...
 
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Jason the Yoshi

Watching Me, Wanting Me
Joined
Feb 26, 2014
Messages
18,791
Location
Waiting for Jesus
Been dealing with some of this stuff since August...some days I want to say "I certainly have gotten better!" and for a while I thought that I was indeed a lot better than before. But right now...not sure. I just feel like a loser who gets stressed too easily and is a "sloppy seconds" friend, despite me giving my all to care for other people.

I don't want to feel this way...I HATE feeling this way...I am fighting against that feeling at any given moment so I don't sink deeper...but this is one of those times where it feels harder than ever to fight against such a self-hating feeling...
Have you thought of getting help from a psychiatrist or someone like that?
 

Hat N' Clogs

John Tavares is a Leaf
Joined
Feb 9, 2012
Messages
7,858
Location
Southern tier NY state
3DS FC
1650-2469-6836
Switch FC
SW-3519-9567-9870
Have you thought of getting help from a psychiatrist or someone like that?
Been seeing someone since October. And if you think I'm bad now...I was in a worse place back in August/September. The past few months have been a battle concerning depression, anxiety, self-doubt, and self-esteem. It's tough...it really is.

Edit: And honestly...sometimes I think "why can't I be normal?"
 
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