Back Room Essay Contest

[Crimson King]

We in the Back Room has decided that it's time for a breath of fresh air; i.e., it's time to let one or two new members back there. To do this, though, we have to carefully screen everyone who wants in. As you can imagine, this can be an arduous process if done wrong, but fortunately, we've come up with a fun alternative! And so, without further ado, we announce our

BACK ROOM ESSAY CONTEST

Now, I know what you're thinking - "Oh God, I have to write an essay??" It doesn't necessarily have to be a serious essay, but it shouldn't be over the top, either. Try to make it long enough to let us know who you are and give us a glimpse of your personality, but don't flood us with info, either. We're trying to see what you have to offer the Back Room, because although we think we could definitely use some new influences back there, it is a place for fairly serious discussion. So, here are the guidelines:

The topic is, "Why My Presence Would Benefit the Back Room"

- Up to 500 words. It doesn't have to be that long, but don't skimp out, either.

- Show us who you are! Vary it up with some humor and some intellect - we want someone with a good range.

- You have to use the word "shenanigans" at least 3 times, but not in a repetetive manner. I'm not joking. Just do it.

All submissions will be reviewed and judged fairly - we won't just ignore some because we don't feel like reading it.

I know this seems like a dubious time for this to happen (Oh, it can't be serious, it's April Fool's, etc. etc.), but we're serious. Afrotaki actually gained the chance to post via this contest. If you have any questions, feel free to post them here or PM one of the members involved with judging this contest:

Afrotaki
CrimsonKing
Ender
Annoying_Jammez
Mic_128
Hiemie

 

[Afrotaki]

You can start submitting just as soon as you've got it written. We did this a while back, too. That's actually how I got in the Back Room, so this is for real. We'll set a deadline later, though.

 

[ender]

ya its cool.

ps i cant get into the backroom anymore. neither can a gilgamesh. whats goin on.

 

[joshisrad]

April Fool's.

 

[bluezaft]

- You have to use the word "shenanigans" at least 3 times, but not in a repetetive manner. I'm not joking. Just do it.

Whoever jumps through your hoops best gets to be in the back room! I can hear all the tools out there queuing up.

 

[Xsyven]

ps i cant get into the backroom anymore. neither can a gilgamesh. whats goin on.

Yeah, they April Fooled the BRoom this time-- the BRoom is hidden in the Meelee character specific > Luiiigi forum.



So yeah, we're seriously just bored back there. Write something entertaining.

 

[Blackadder]

I sense lies, sex, **** statistics, and April Fools in this here thread.
Nonetheless, writing IS fun, and PM/posting up essays IS fun, and, well, the word “shenanigans” three times is probably what sounds REALLY fun.

*waddles off*












Heeheh… “shenanigans”

 

[Wikipedia]

*reserved* for my essay ^_^

 

[Zero Beat]

April Fool's.

Holy****, I completely forgot about you:-p. Nice to see some familiar faces again:-p.

I heard Bungie saying that any of the winners also get the Rec0n armor set and a flaming head.

 

[Junpappy]

The date of the original post was dated for the 31st so I'm suing SWF if this is a joke. This post is not an April Fool's day joke either ^_^

 

[Bedi Vegeta]

The date of the original post was dated for the 31st

In what t|me zone?

 

[Pink Reaper]

I smell shenanigans. Alot of shenanigans. So many shenanigans that I do believe that this is an April Fools joke, and as such, I will NOT respond and will instead take my leave. Good day to you sir.

 

[Mini Mic]

Mic doesn't have time for this ****.

 

[solesoul]

Ya know, I would love to do this, but I don't have time to ponder such shenanigans as Liiink has just grabbed a Smaash Ball.

So.....yeah. I'll go unlock Megaman now.

 

[KevinM]

Man the majority of people so far reak of stupidity.

LOL

 

[Mic_128]

Mic doesn't have time for this ****.

Speak for yourself

 

[F8AL]

I swear that I will pistol whip the next guy who says "shenanigans"!

Btw, do we have to post our essay here in this topic or PM it to one of the staff incharge of this?

 

[F8AL]

Edit: Why did smashboards double post for me?

 

[Mic_128]

So, you gonna pistol whip yourself now?

And I'd say either'd do, either post it here, or PM one of the guys listed in the first post.

 

[solesoul]

I swear that I will pistol whip the next guy who says "shenanigans"!

Does anybody know the name of that really cool bar? You know, the one with all the crazy **** on the walls?

 

[Sporkman]

All submissions will be reviewed and judged fairly - we won't just ignore some because we don't feel like reading it.

Farely?

 

[Mic_128]

That's what happens when CK and Eor switch accounts for the day.

 

[Sporkman]

Ah, just noticed it's a bit of trickery missed out. Managed to stop all the time for stock though

 

[Zero Beat]

Man the majority of people so far reak of stupidity.

LOL

Cockfiddling madly into the night until it sprays its rainbow dreams all over its whiskers.

Such is the life of a gay walrus.

 

[Livvers]

Does anybody know the name of that really cool bar? You know, the one with all the crazy **** on the walls?

You mean Shenanigans? You're talking about Shenanigans, right?


Zero_Beat...I have no words.

 

[Zero Beat]

You mean Shenanigans? You're talking about Shenanigans, right?


Zero_Beat...I have no words.

I'll tell you exactly what I told Dodongo when he lol'd at me.

It means whatever you want it to mean. The quote's been around the forums since the beginning of 06'.(This is exactly the month I joined the forums, two years ago)

Nice to see a few familiar faces like Sporkman and JoshisRad;-p.

**** : a male chicken; rooster./the male of any bird, esp. of the gallinaceous kind./a. the part of the lock that, by its fall or action, causes the discharge; hammer.
b. the position into which the ****, or hammer, is brought by being drawn partly or completely back, preparatory to firing. -Dictionary.com

Gay : 1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.
2. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.- Dictionary.com

Completely justified.

 

[GoldShadow]

Such is the life of a gay walrus.

It's been a long time since I saw you post that trademark phrase of yours!
​

Also, this essay sounds like fun to write, but I'm already in the BRoom so for me, writing it would be a fruitless endeavor

 

[F8AL]

It feels like I'm taking crazy pills!

 

[Afrotaki]

You can just post the essay here. And to all you who think it's a joke...

Well, you're wrong. So there.

 

[Zero Beat]

It's been a long time since I saw you post that trademark phrase of yours!
​

Well if it isn't the interesting guy. Hell, you barely get on aim anymore.

Yes the phrase is still leet, but look what at Livvers thought of it.

 

[Grandeza]

*reserved for my essay*

 

[Zero Beat]

I pledge alleigance
To the flag
of the United Boards of /b/
And to the board
for which it stands
one /b/
Under Longcat
Indivisible by zero
With image macros and loli for all.

If that doesn't win, I don't know what will.

 

[WaterTails]

*reserved for my essay*

Also, CK, when's the deadline for these?

 

[NoSurprises]

Spoiler

"See," Ron gasped after a couple of minutes, thrusting in and out of Harry's mouth more quickly now. "You don't even notice when you've got your eyes closed."
Harry was doing everything he could to bring Ron off as quickly as possible. He sucked hard. He moved his hands to Ron's arse, pulling him deeper with every thrust in. He was flitting his tongue against the underside, and he pushed hard against the slit with the tip of it every time Ron pulled out for more than a second.
"God, you're so good," Ron panted, thrusting uncontrollably, ****ing Harry's mouth.
One of Harry's hands left Ron's arse to touch his balls, pulling on them not too gently, while he hummed around Ron's shaft.
Ron couldn't take any more, and he came down Harry's throat with a low growl.
Harry kept sucking until he'd swallowed the last of it, and then pulled back, laving the tip again for a few seconds, before backing off completely.
"One down," Ron chuckled; feeling relaxed and not so bothered by the situation in his post-coital state. His **** was as hard as ever.
"Thank ****."
"I thought you liked sucking me off," Ron sulked.
"No," Harry answered, his eyes still shut tight. "I like watching you when I suck you off." His hands left Ron's body as he touched himself through his jeans. "I like watching your eyelids flutter shut, and your lips parting. I like watching the muscles in your arms bulge as you grab at the sheets or hold onto the headboard." He unzipped his jeans and moved his hand inside to stroke himself as he spoke. "I like seeing your face and your chest flushing darker as you get closer and closer to the edge."
"God, Harry," Ron whimpered. "Let me **** you."
Harry turned to kneel on the bed, arse facing Ron, and took his shirt off. He shifted onto all fours and Ron climbed onto the bed behind him.
"I thought you didn't like me doing it this way?"
"That's only because I can't watch you," Harry admitted. "But as I can't see you now anyway, it'll be easier to imagine that you're there, and I won't have to concentrate on keeping my eyes closed."
"I am here," Ron said, pulling Harry's trousers and underwear down at the same time. He sat on his haunches and pulled Harry so his back was pressed against Ron's chest. "You can hear me," he whispered in his ear, moving his hand across his stomach, and chest, and thighs. "You can feel me."
He rubbed his thumb along Harry's **** a few times, running it in circles around the head, before grasping it firmly in his fist and stroking it.
He reached over to pick his wand up off the bedside table.
Usually, they took their time preparing each other but he wanted this to be over as quickly as possible, to be able to look into Harry's eyes again. He tapped the wand against Harry's arse, muttering stretching and lubrication charms. But a mistake was made, and out came Basil Dearden, who stabbed them both and killed the mood.

 

[Pink Reaper]

I pledge alleigance
To the flag
of the United Boards of /b/
And to the board
for which it stands
one /b/
Under Longcat
Indivisible by zero
With image macros and loli for all.

If that doesn't win, I don't know what will.

FAIL

learn2shenanegins new***

 

[BreakWing]

I've been here for a while now. You could call me a lurker, but really, it's not my fault. I'm on Smash World Forums all the time, its just that every topic I read suffers from the same sort of... paradigm fixation. I'll get to that later.

Humor me for a moment while I take you through my thoughts. The forum is a creature in itself, and each sub-forum is a vital part. Extending this metaphor to SWF is quite simple. The Melee discussion is a pair of arms that have kept this forum active for the almost decade that it has been in existence. The Brawl discussion is a pair of legs, treading into this new era of Smash Bros., whether some of the players like it or not. These legs have and will continue to broaden the community's populous. But a body is more than a list of appendages; a human is more than arms and legs. A body needs a mind -- both the Creative Mind and the Tactical discussion. A mind needs Arts and Entertainment, and yes, even the seldom Decisive Game.

Which brings us to the PRoom. What is this place? It's supposed to be "general discussion at its prime." Honestly? One-sided discussions on politics and religion; a collection of angst-ridden, immature shenanigans; relationship advice... if this is general discussion, make me a mute.

A ha! But Wing, thats what you have been the past few years you've been here. In fact, you didn't even make an account until months after coming to this forum. Enter the paradigm fixation. Everyone in the PRoom falls into an internet stereotype. There's the semi-veteran who pines for the days gone by, there's the new kid who doesn't quite know his way around, there's the do-gooders who mean well, there's the person who is so offensive and vulgar that you just know they have problems, and there's the pair of boobs that everyone pays attention to. Once I read a topic with five or six responses, I know that any following comments are almost useless... because everyone has no soul. I've no reason to post anywhere, save the possible local tournament, the question on fox's shine, and again, touching base with the locals.

But a community that has lasted this long must have a base of great discussion, a conglomerate of great friends, that would keep coming even if Smash induced seizures. The soul of the forum lies in the BRoom. Mature discussion? Most likely. Humorous anecdotes? I would expect as much. In fact, I imagine the BRoom to be everything that the PRoom should be -- a smaller community of established, outspoken individuals.

I know that this entry will be riddled with April Fool's word-filter mumbo-jumbo for now, but I'm certain that I've made my point clearly enough. I don't think this community lacks a certain individualistic, soulful flair. It's just that I'm unable to access it -- the Back Room. And yes, this essay is exactly five hundred words. Shenanigans.

 

[Vicious Delicious]

No Surprises: what...the ****?

VVV Essay Below VVV

Spoiler

BACK ROOM ESSAY
By Vicious Delicious

To whoever is reading this essay: hello. My name is Vicious Delicious and I would like to be a part of the awesome place that is the Back Room. See, that’s why I’m writing this thing; I’m hoping my words will bring your approval for my admission. Now, before you instantly reject me (even though you said you wouldn’t ), guys, think about this:

I’m taking sweet time out of my eventless schedule to write an essay for a room on a forum entirely dedicated to a single trilogy of games. I’m sending this with hope and apprehension to a group of people that I’ll probably never meet in real life in hopes that they’ll accept my presence. I’ll actually be really happy if I get accepted. If I’m not accepted, well, for what I’ve just said, it’ll pretty much be the biggest diss, a terrible and unfunny shenanigan, and a major self-esteem crusher ever. I say this, of course, in a humorous and sarcastic tone that should in no way be taken in an entirely serious manner.

Then again, if I’m not accepted, I suppose I’ll be on my merry way and continue my regular shenanigans around Smash World Forums. That’s life, I suppose.

Hmm, what do I have to offer the good people of the Back Room? Well, for one, I care about the betterment and future of Smashboards. I’ve also been around for two years now; I hope something would come out from spending my time here! I would say that I’m pretty worthy competition in Super Smash Bros Brawl, and I’d also say that I’m eagerly hoping to see the competitive scene of the game rise up to the glorious state that was/is Melee’s state. I post with respect, kindness, and intelligence, something you don’t exactly see a ton of around here. Upon that note, the position wouldn’t inflate my ego or anything like that, so there are no worries about my Internet persona changing.

I also play a pretty mean guitar. Seriously.

What do I know about the Back Room? I know that if one has either the magical grimer by their side or the sexy green letters shrouding their title, they automatically have a reverable status. Also, when I see someone particularly intelligent or important, the grimer almost always graces their posts and gives their presence a particular importance that just isn’t seen every day. Even if their posts are purely shenanigans designed to spew some “lol!” or “rofl!” posts, those posts are still in good taste and usually contribute to the matter. Basically, to me at least, a BRoomer is just a cool, funny, and noteworthy person that has achieved enough respect and recognition to be whisked away from “regular guy” to “BRoomer guy.” That’s what I’d like to be.

So please, let me join the club. Bye-bye

Forgot about the April Fools gag. Will edit specific words tomorrow unless it will automatically be done...

 

[Livvers]

My Essay

Hai gais! I decided to put my essay in comic form! Which doesn't really make it an essay, but I'm fine with that.

My art skills are really unmatched. I hope I didn't blow too many minds with this. It's ok to look away. True, unabashed beauty is a difficult thing to witn.ess.

 

[Zero Beat]

xZero Beatx
Hello. I've been on these forums for about 2 years. If the search option does not do my posts justice, well my favorite sections are in order; Debate Hall(Which I joined within the first month or two of being in the forums), Pool Room, and the Light House. What the hell are shananigans?

I'm in a serious 5 year relationship with my sweetheart, and I truly lover her, you'll sometimes find pictures of her and me at the 'Pictoras' thread. I am a complete sucker for topic discussions such as: Relationships(They call me Dr. Love in the Pool Room, at least those from the 06' group, these new people are all obtuse, at least the majority<_<), any philosophical extensions, helping others deal with the opposite sex, and anything that has to do with SCIENCE! I'm a nut for Astronomy(minoring on that).

Why would you want me in the Back Room? Entertainment, a new face,(not so new among members like CK, Goldshadow, Dodongo, Alt4, and Cashed )fresh discussions, and did I mention I love literature? I'm the type of person who generally knows when it's time to be serious or when it's time to joke around and have a fun time. Besides, I'll charge you less for letting you use my Gay Walrus quote. Cockfiddling madly into the night until it sprays its rainbow dreams all over its whiskers.Such is the life of a gay walrus. Ask GoldShadow about it. Shananigans sound like hyper Space Ninjas..like the Flood, from Halo.

Since this is a boring 'essay,' I'll try to spice it up with the best poem the Internetz has been blessed with :

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
of the United Boards of Grimer
And to the Back Room
for which it stands
one Grimer
Under Longcat
Indivisible by zero
With image macros and loli for all.

So there you have it. I still don't know what shananigans are.
---------------
That was lulz.

 

[Crimson King]

All right, and contest closed.

April Fool's prank? This was real. The joke part is everyone would think it's fake and miss this opportunity. Yea....