Me and Dee broke up, and the realization that in two short weeks 6 months ago I lost everything despite having done everything perfectly, and not the stereotypical version of perfect of going to college to become a doctor/lawyer/etc be driving by 16 and all of that stuff, but did everything the best I could in each situation. Me and Dee still love each other very, very dearly, the long distance relationship simply leaves her too strained. She can't carry the weight on her shoulders anymore. Perhaps one day I'll be in a situation where I can be with her again, but right now we both have to do what's best for each other. Its hard, really, really hard to let go. We are going to have one big talk about it tonight, and if nothing comes of it, we will be officially separated.
I also realized how lucky I was, to go 19 years and never once think "Life is hard" or "Life is weird" I believe I have my family to thank for that.
On a positive note, I think less about death. Why worry about a death I can't control when I can't even control life?
And its really weird how this all came to happen. My father threatened to my sister that he would leave the house if people didn't stop blaming the situation on him (no one does), Dee said she wanted us to break up 3 days ago, the next day I'm eating pancakes and say they are dry and my uncle attacks me, my parents come and a parental meeting of sorts, my step mother yelled at both my father and my uncle for continuing the poor parenting that they were raised on and that if anyone yells at us or puts their hands on us again she'll take us away, all the while I'm trying to work this out with Dee as I JUST got a permanent job and can finally see her on Valentines day 100 percent sure, and somewhere in this I came to realize how little of life we have control over. Its something I have to learn to accept and work with the best I can.