Why is it considered shallow if one is attracted to a person's body?

[Siamese Lizard]

I get this alot for no reason at all, some how if a man goes up to a woman and does it because she is "hot" as they say, why is it that people find this shallow? This is vice versa aswell but the example is for men to women.

Both genders in most cases, know nothing about the other and therefore, neither can say "look at that girl's IQ, oh man, I need some of that" no, it just doesn't happen like that. If a girl is to overweight or to skinny/ other problems with her body and face, why is it shallow to reject the girl, even if she has the best IQ and personality?

To me, it isn't wrong, if you look so "nasty" then it is clear that you do not take care of yourself at all and is not really healthy. Do I wan't babies with 10,000 gentic, abnormal cells that will collapse on themselves after time or cause health problems for my child because I reproduced a girl only for her personality so now my baby is a monster? No, that is just dumb.

Take a note from other mammals in the animal kingdom, the female is dominant and wants a strong male to help survive, the male wants a female that isn't sickly, so overweight that she can't catch chicken/deer, the male wants a healthy female to reproduce with and have healthy offspring.

So women/men. It is not wrong to reject an ugly underweight, overweight man or woman, it isn't shallow in that sense because you ugly people need to take care of yourselves, watch what you eat, work out, stop being so lazy, take a shower, groom yourselves and then you can be healthy aswell. It is only shallow if you treat that person like trash and hold him or her on the side just to have sex with or use money and after you get what you want, you dumb the person and go on to the next. Going out with someone for sex is fine in a way but you have to be loyal to that person and only that person, treat with respect and so on.

 

[itsameSMB]

Attraction to another person is only natural and you can really change what attracts you to a person.The problem would be looking at only one aspect of the situation and basing any decisions off just that. There's more to a person than their body and as long as you realize/acknowledge that, I see nothing wrong.

 

[Eriatarka]

I'd agree it's not shallow, I mean, we can't decide who we are attracted to and who we aren't. We don't get to make that decision. I value personality most in a person, but if I'm not physically attracted to a potential girlfriend, I can't help that. If I were to treat that girl badly, because of her looks, or refuse to be friends with her, then I would say it is shallow.

But a romantic relationship has different mechanics to a regular friendship, there is different criteria between choosing a friend and choosing a boyfriend/girlfriend, and it is human nature to want an attractive partner. It is nothing personal, it is not an insult to a girls character to not be physically attracted to her, and neither is it your fault you don't find her so. Looks are something that no-one has total control over, and I wish we could all be attractive enough for looks to not be an issue anymore, and that personality would be the only deciding factor, but sadly that's not the case.

So yeah, I wouldn't say it's shallow to prefer an attractive boyfriend/girlfriend, because it's human nature to do so.
But actually mistreating someone because of their looks isn't ok.

 

[Teebs]

I think most people may find it offensive in a way if one is attracted to another's body, due to the fact that, OK, I guess you you can go out with someone just because they have a nice body, but then again, most people want to date because of each other's personality. I mean, if you're attracted to a woman's breast, and you try and talk to her, and you end up looking at her boobs most of the conversation, that would be considered shallow. Why? Because you care about her boobs more than her personality.

 

[TheManaLord]

It's more of a false generalization that it's shallow to judge or base opinions off of appearance. It's not wrong. Everybody does it, literally, everybody. Because sometimes the only thing you know about a person is the outside, sometimes you can only see the cover of the book. It's natural and should be assumed that things ought to be judged by their outer appearances, because that makes the first impression, and it makes a lasting one.

 

[Siamese Lizard]

Staring at her boobs doesn't mean I am not listening to her. Why is it asumed that I care about her boobs more? I can listen and watch at the same time. Who is to say that listening to her and ignoring her boobs is not an insult? Does it mean, hey, I don't care about your body, it is whatever. There has to be both, looking at her boobs is a compliment to her being healthy or well built but I am paying attention to her so it balances out with respect and also likeing her personality.


To put it simple, breast=personality. Breast as in beauty and physical well being.

 

[Teebs]

But you have to put in into perspective of the girl that you are talking to. Do you really think she knows you're listening, or do you think she thinks you're a pervert because you stare at her boobs? (not saying that you are) Or how do you think she will take it if you say, "I was listening the whole time, but your breasts are attracting." Some girls may actually take it as a compliment, but I'm sure most won't.

 

[Siamese Lizard]

But you have to put in into perspective of the girl that you are talking to. Do you really think she knows you're listening, or do you think she thinks you're a pervert because you stare at her boobs? (not saying that you are) Or how do you think she will take it if you say, "I was listening the whole time, but your breasts are attracting." Some girls may actually take it as a compliment, but I'm sure most won't.

Is it my fault that the girl is so immature into thinking that?

Is it my fault that she has been conditioned to think it is bad and that whoever stares at her breast is a pervert, despite them listening and interested in her words? No it is not, that is the point I am comming accross, we need to deprogram people and ask why is it really wrong or ok? In some countries, they would be very offended on half the things America does; dealing with their way of life but does that mean we are wrong and somehow bad people?

No, they were conditioned to think that way. This goes back to the topless women thread, for the people that say allow topless women, can't it be said that if someone stares at me topless, they are a pervert? See the logic in that. It is just like this, being a topless woman should be fine, it is foolish to think there is something wrong with it, if handled with respect. If the immature girl thinks I am a pervert, for staring at her breast but listened to her and responded the same way with intelligence and respect, as if I was looking into her eyes, then there shouldn't be any problem.

 

[Shiny Noctowl]

I get this alot for no reason at all, some how if a man goes up to a woman and does it because she is "hot" as they say, why is it that people find this shallow? This is vice versa aswell but the example is for men to women.

Both genders in most cases, know nothing about the other and therefore, neither can say "look at that girl's IQ, oh man, I need some of that" no, it just doesn't happen like that. If a girl is to overweight or to skinny/ other problems with her body and face, why is it shallow to reject the girl, even if she has the best IQ and personality?

To me, it isn't wrong, if you look so "nasty" then it is clear that you do not take care of yourself at all and is not really healthy. Do I wan't babies with 10,000 gentic, abnormal cells that will collapse on themselves after time or cause health problems for my child because I reproduced a girl only for her personality so now my baby is a monster? No, that is just dumb.

Take a note from other mammals in the animal kingdom, the female is dominant and wants a strong male to help survive, the male wants a female that isn't sickly, so overweight that she can't catch chicken/deer, the male wants a healthy female to reproduce with and have healthy offspring.

So women/men. It is not wrong to reject an ugly underweight, overweight man or woman, it isn't shallow in that sense because you ugly people need to take care of yourselves, watch what you eat, work out, stop being so lazy, take a shower, groom yourselves and then you can be healthy aswell. It is only shallow if you treat that person like trash and hold him or her on the side just to have sex with or use money and after you get what you want, you dumb the person and go on to the next. Going out with someone for sex is fine in a way but you have to be loyal to that person and only that person, treat with respect and so on.

I believe that being attracted solely to someone's looks is shallow. While some things (such as most obesity) are the fault of the person, other things are genetic and not that person's fault at all.

 

[Siamese Lizard]

Anything could be shallow, being attracted to only her IQ is shallow if you are using her for it and so on. The bigger picture is, if the guy rejects a girl with a decent personality because she doesn't look that great and accepts one that looks great and has a decent personality, why is that guy shallow? It is not like he is treating the ugly one like garbage, just that she will be listed in the "friend" area because she is ugly. It is personal preference. Everyone has their taste but don't admit to a thing and dismiss it as shallow.

 

[Teebs]

Well, you have the features which are considered "solely shallow," which means it's shallow to popular opinion. Things, once again, such as breasts would probably go under this term. I would take a bet if I surveyed 100 women about a guy commenting on their breasts, they would take it as a shallow remark, and to give a estimate, I'd go about 75-80 of the women.

 

[Kur]

It's not shallow at all. It is biology.

An example of being shallow would be if you were attracted to a woman because she is super hot but later found out you can't stand her personality to the point it makes you furious to even be around her, yet you keep trying to sleep with her just because she has a great a$$. That is shallow.

 

[pockyD]

It IS shallow; not considering all aspects of someone is innately shallow

It is (in my opinion, which is not the prevailing opinion of society), for example, no more shallow than beginning a relationship with someone with whom you have had many wonderful phone conversations with, but have never seen their face

The idea that "shallow" is a negative thing (as opposed to liking someone for looks only being "shallow") is the stigma imposed by society

 

[farfallas]

It simply isn't shallow to be attracted to the body.
But solely sexual pursuits cannot substantiate a happy and healthy lifetime with a mate.

Sexual Attraction Among Humans

Each gender is biologically programmed to have preference. A degree of influence on the psyche throughout our lifespan plays into the particular selection of a mate.

 

[Vro]

It's more of a false generalization that it's shallow to judge or base opinions off of appearance. It's not wrong. Everybody does it, literally, everybody. Because sometimes the only thing you know about a person is the outside, sometimes you can only see the cover of the book. It's natural and should be assumed that things ought to be judged by their outer appearances, because that makes the first impression, and it makes a lasting one.

I whole heartedly agree. There have been many women I've looked at. Which ones did I ever pursue? The ones who had an appealing cover. I wasn't shallow in my selection, it's just that in a library (human population), there are so many things to read, why not read the ones with interesting titles/covers (physical appearance).

Not only that, but our preferences in what we think is beautiful as a species isn't that really defined. We may agree upon certain features or ratios, but people will always have their own feelings about beauty. Most commonly, people who look somewhat similar are more likely to be attracted to another (this is also ensured in similar background and economic status).

So how can it be shallow if our preferences are unique? How can it be shallow if we do not only judge a book by its cover? The cover is a good start. It's only shallow of it's also the end.

 

[Johnthegalactic]

Attraction to another persons body is not wrong, I believe lust is so where you look at someone and are like, well, how twelve year olds act when they see ZS Samus, lol.
But, I would want to be attracted to my future wifes body when I get married, but want to enjoy her personality too.
Doesn't it seem wrong to enjoy your wifes personality but totally hate the way she looks, or maybe vice versa.
Bottom line, attraction to someones body can be shallow, but it is an important component in the relationship.
Atleast IMO.

 

[Firus]

Staring at her boobs doesn't mean I am not listening to her. Why is it asumed that I care about her boobs more? I can listen and watch at the same time. Who is to say that listening to her and ignoring her boobs is not an insult? Does it mean, hey, I don't care about your body, it is whatever. There has to be both, looking at her boobs is a compliment to her being healthy or well built but I am paying attention to her so it balances out with respect and also likeing her personality.


To put it simple, breast=personality. Breast as in beauty and physical well being.

Well, as to this, you bring a good point to the table. Even so, I don't think you'll meet many self-respecting girls that would accept your argument. Just because you can listen and watch at the same time doesn't mean it's not a little creepy.

But as to this and the main topic, I think the real answer is that it's just how society has developed. I'm sure that centuries ago when women had no rights, it wasn't considered a bad thing at all,. But as women developed more rights and wanted to be respected more, they were able to stand up for themselves and stop it.

Honestly, I think it's just the way society has turned out, and I'm not necessarily inclined to think it's the right or wrong way for that to happen, it just has. Why has society developed to believe that men are supposed to be virile and strong, and women are supposed to stay home, take care of the kids, and clean house? God knows. I've always hated that about society, since I've never liked sports nor have I ever been strong.
I've never even considered that staring at a woman's breasts or being attracted to her solely for looks was not shallow, but then again, I grew up in a household with two sisters who were constantly lecturing me on what not to do to a girl because they'd had it done to them.

All in all, I'm inclined to believe that the reason for this is another stereotype of men; that they're only after one thing. Maybe it stopped being accepted because it was accepted that all men are perverts and that none of them can be listening to a woman while staring at her breasts, or respecting a woman if they are attracted solely to her looks.

In my personal opinion, I'd say that you can be initially attracted to a woman by her looks, but you should take into account her personality as well, and do the opposite--you can be attracted to a woman by her personality, but don't get serious unless you're attracted to her physically as well. Just don't be a complete pig if you are attracted to her, or a complete jerk if you're not.

 

[Amide]

It is shallow. It tells you that you like so and so girl without knowing anything about her personality. But in reality, everyone's guilty. But to like someone just for it is always a bad idea, that is, until you get to know them.

 

[victra♥]

It is shallow. It tells you that you like so and so girl without knowing anything about her personality. But in reality, everyone's guilty. But to like someone just for it is always a bad idea, that is, until you get to know them.

Isn't it also shallow to like someone solely by their personality as well? People whine and complain that it's shallow to like someone by their looks, and yet i'm sure the majority of those people will not be attracted to someone who is overweight or anorexic, regardless of their personality or not.

One thing leads to the next. If i'm wandering the halls and I see someone who's cute, i'll start talking to her and over a few days, i'd probably date her. But before that, during the time i spend with her, if i didn't like her habits, or her personality or her attitude or anything besides her looks, i wouldn't go on to asking her out. A person's looks is the first thing that you're attracted too. I'm not going to attempt to go out with someone who's just plain disgusting looking to see if they potentially have a great personality. Sure, i'd probably be friends with someone like that, but i wouldn't want to go further than that. You can't look across the street and see how great a person's personality is, but you can see that they take care of their bodies and actually put some effort into making themselves look good.

Really, it's only shallow when you're just going around, hooking up with random good looking people just to have some skanky one night action.

 

[Firus]

You can't look across the street and see how great a person's personality is, but you can see that they take care of their bodies and actually put some effort into making themselves look good.

Okay, that's one reason being attracted to someone solely by looks is really bad. It takes more than just 'some' effort to make yourself look good, and if you have to look just perfect for anyone to be attracted to you, that's rough. It's probably a good part of the reason women are so self-conscious about their weight. That's kind of unfair. The way you phrased that sentence is kind of...mean. While I agree that looks should certainly apply, to say that someone doesn't try to take care of their body or put effort into making themselves look good if they are slightly overweight or not attractive to you is mean. And honestly, this is where it comes to being shallow. If you expect girls to look perfect or you won't date them, then they are either forced to not get any dates or forced to change just to get a date. That's not really fair, because while women obviously will have the same basic idea when they look for a date, it doesn't hold up as much. Men aren't expected to be hot or they won't get a date, yet women pretty much are. Not to say that there aren't exceptions, but...women are held to that standard much more.

 

[victra♥]

I think you're taking it the wrong way. When i said that they should take care of their bodies and actually put some effort into making themselves look good, I just meant that I personally wouldn't be attracted to some one who was a total slob, who didn't shower, or someone who just, didn't take the time to look good. I think it's fair to say that people of any sex should take the time in actually grooming themselves. I don't mean that they should dress up in 50 dollar shirts and 200 dollar pants, but they should at least dress well enough to make themselves presentable. On the weight issue, i'm not expecting that they should diet so they can retain a 110 pound body or anything, but that they take the time to eat healthy, have reasonable amounts of exercise and so on. Regardless of how great someone's personality is, if they continually ate out at McDonalds, weighed 200 pounds and sat on the couch watching television all day, would you find that person attractive? Regardless of their personality? What if they were so skinny that you could see their ribs, and their arms are so skinny, they can barely lift a book? I wouldn't for either of them. Expecting someone to have a healthy weight isn't shallow at all. It's just like how i expect myself and my girlfriends to have at least a steady 80-90 grade, just like I would expect anyone to have a reasonable weight. If some one was of just normal, standard weight, i'd know that they take the time to be active and to eat right. That isn't something hard to do. I have a friend who wears the same sweat pants day in and day out, bland un-ironed t-shirts, and he doesn't comb or shave. He's not extremely overweight, but he has extremely wide hips from sitting on the computer all and man breasts. He looks like a total mess. Why? Because he doesn't take the time to make himself presentable, he eats chips and burgers all the time and he doesn't exercise. Does he get dates? No. Sure, he's a nice guy and all, but no self-respecting girl would want to date him.

That's just me though. I'm sure there are plenty of guys here who would be attracted to overweight or underweight girls, just like how there are guys who are attracted to girls who do drugs or party and get hammered every weekend. Everyone has their expectations and standards and quite frankly, mine aren't that high.

 

[Firus]

I think you're taking it the wrong way. When i said that they should take care of their bodies and actually put some effort into making themselves look good, I just meant that I personally wouldn't be attracted to some one who was a total slob, who didn't shower, or someone who just, didn't take the time to look good. I think it's fair to say that people of any sex should take the time in actually grooming themselves. I don't mean that they should dress up in 50 dollar shirts and 200 dollar pants, but they should at least dress well enough to make themselves presentable. On the weight issue, i'm not expecting that they should diet so they can retain a 110 pound body or anything, but that they take the time to eat healthy, have reasonable amounts of exercise and so on. Regardless of how great someone's personality is, if they continually ate out at McDonalds, weighed 200 pounds and sat on the couch watching television all day, would you find that person attractive? Regardless of their personality? What if they were so skinny that you could see their ribs, and their arms are so skinny, they can barely lift a book? I wouldn't for either of them. Expecting someone to have a healthy weight isn't shallow at all. It's just like how i expect myself and my girlfriends to have at least a steady 80-90 grade, just like I would expect anyone to have a reasonable weight. If some one was of just normal, standard weight, i'd know that they take the time to be active and to eat right. That isn't something hard to do. I have a friend who wears the same sweat pants day in and day out, bland un-ironed t-shirts, and he doesn't comb or shave. He's not extremely overweight, but he has extremely wide hips from sitting on the computer all and man breasts. He looks like a total mess. Why? Because he doesn't take the time to make himself presentable, he eats chips and burgers all the time and he doesn't exercise. Does he get dates? No. Sure, he's a nice guy and all, but no self-respecting girl would want to date him.

That's just me though. I'm sure there are plenty of guys here who would be attracted to overweight or underweight girls, just like how there are guys who are attracted to girls who do drugs or party and get hammered every weekend. Everyone has their expectations and standards and quite frankly, mine aren't that high.

Well yeah, I think I did take it the wrong way. The way it came out to me was kind of mean, like if they're not incredibly attractive then they don't take care of themselves.

In any case, I would expect someone to have a reasonable weight. I obviously wouldn't date them if I weren't attracted to them; that makes no sense. The whole point of dating (well at least it SHOULD be) to get to know people so you can know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you go into a relationship knowing that you wouldn't want to do that, then that's unfair to the other person, who might think that you want to get serious.

But in all honesty, there are still exceptions to the rule. Honestly, I don't pay attention to my weight at all; I eat pretty much what I want (not that I don't eat healthy too, but I'll sit down and snack on potato chips for a snack) and I don't really exercise. Yet I'm really skinny; my metabolism must be through the roof or something. If I were to start gaining weight, then yeah, I'd probably pay attention and try to exercise. But until I do, I'm certainly not going to eat extremely healthy and exercise. That's just going to make me look anorexic, which isn't a good thing. And there are people on the other end, too; those that exercise, eat healthy, and try really hard but can't lose weight. Some people just come by weight genetically. So you can't assume that someone does or does not care (it's a fairly safe assumption, but not always true) if they are or are not average weight.

 

[Vro]

Weight isn't that much correlated with personal hygiene, or how well you take care of yourself. As you said in your example, metabolism is a large factor in weight, regardless of exercise or eating habits.

However, just as Janitor said, there are guys and girls who like people who are underweight, overweight, party, etc. A lot of what people physically seek for usually speaks about themselves. Why do you think interracial couples are not as common as homo-racial (if that's a word)? People with similar hobbies often get along better too. Coincidence?

If most attraction really is dictated by similarities, it really isn't shallowness. Someone's physical appearance is likely the first thing you see in them; it's right there. If you date so that you might know if you want to spend the rest of your life together, wouldn't a good starting point be their appearance? From there you could determine whether your personalities are compatible, your hobbies similar, etc. It really is a step-by-step process in how you're attracted to someone; the first being physical attraction. It isn't shallow if you further look into their character.