DeLux
Player that used to be Lux
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2010
- Messages
- 9,313
Link to original post: [drupal=4159]Why I chose (Lux)[/drupal]
I hate handles. I always have, and I always will. The construct of handles in the video game community consistently discredits our competitive viability in comparison to other competitive ventures like pro sports or pro anything for that matter. There is a lack of ethos when it comes to a screen name. It acts as a mask, letting people hide behind a false name, letting people become who they are not. In the same manner, I guess a handle can be seen as a shield, protecting people from their personality flaws they so desperately are trying to guard against the outside world.
But I had to choose a handle when joining SWF. I chose my common game name I've used since I was forced to make one in order to play back then, too. I can already hear the counter argument, "If you hate handles so much, why didn't you just register as your birth name?" I didn't register as my birth name because most sites consider it censor dodging so I am usually not allowed to use it. Even for college, I had to get a special waiver in order to use my last name as part of an email address.
I went with Lux. The name is significant to me in many regards. However, I recently almost dropped it in favor of some new arbitrary name. Since I find myself at a crossroad where I will be changing from Lux to DeLux once the premium accounts return, I thought it would be nice to use the transition to document what Lux means and why it's time to move on.
Lux in Latin translates to "light". That in it's very essence is the origin of the name. But in my mind, the meaning of light has little to do with the physical entity. Rather, I chose Lux and light in regard to finding a state of illumination.
One of my friends past away a couple of years ago. I will call him Geist for privacy reason. Geist and I were having a talk with each other late one night the winter before he would pass away. It seems ironic now that we would have this conversation based on the nature of his passing.
He and I were both fatalist in philosophy back then. And we operated with this general conclusion that, "We are all eventually going to die. So in that respect, we are already dead. If we are dead, then we cannot die again. If we cannot die, then we are immortal. If we are immortal, then were are powerful beyond all measure."
From this conversation and mentality we expanded further. t felt like there was this light, somewhere both inside and outside of our beings. I wouldn't say it was necessarily being the best you can be, or even being what you wanted to be. It was about just chasing that light. And no matter what, even if we felt we had reached it, we had to keep chasing it. We could never reach it, but we could always keep chasing it.
I had always wondered if that conversation was the final turning point in our road together. Interpreted one way, I can see how the line of thought can be very negative in view. It's why I have slowly shifted away from fatalism in some regard. These fears aren't unfounded, because I realized from past experience how the mentality can change a person. It changed me.
Lux consumed me when I first thought of this philosophy. My personality molded around Lux. My personality became bright and flashy. I started spining glowsticks and fire for fun because it matched the Lux persona. Even in college, for a hobby, I would go to house parties wearing all kinds of light up trinkets as a conversation piece. I would make it a contest in my mind to get as many phone numbers as possible.
Yet sometimes what we perceive as "the light" isn't necessarily the right direction. I figured out I was a lot of flash and not much substance. I still love spinning when I get the chance, but I do it because I want to and not for the attention. I would start keeping numbers if I chose to get them instead of deleting them the next number because they meant something to me.
So it can have a negative impact. I realized this and again tore down my identity and sought to rebuild something new. That's what a typical deontologist will do from time to time.
But still there, after all the rebuilding, was that drive to keep chasing it. It's what drives me. It's what makes me good. Hopefully one day it'll make me the best. But for now, it's what made me choose (Lux).
As you can tell, this isn't going to be your typical blog.
I hate handles. I always have, and I always will. The construct of handles in the video game community consistently discredits our competitive viability in comparison to other competitive ventures like pro sports or pro anything for that matter. There is a lack of ethos when it comes to a screen name. It acts as a mask, letting people hide behind a false name, letting people become who they are not. In the same manner, I guess a handle can be seen as a shield, protecting people from their personality flaws they so desperately are trying to guard against the outside world.
But I had to choose a handle when joining SWF. I chose my common game name I've used since I was forced to make one in order to play back then, too. I can already hear the counter argument, "If you hate handles so much, why didn't you just register as your birth name?" I didn't register as my birth name because most sites consider it censor dodging so I am usually not allowed to use it. Even for college, I had to get a special waiver in order to use my last name as part of an email address.
I went with Lux. The name is significant to me in many regards. However, I recently almost dropped it in favor of some new arbitrary name. Since I find myself at a crossroad where I will be changing from Lux to DeLux once the premium accounts return, I thought it would be nice to use the transition to document what Lux means and why it's time to move on.
Lux in Latin translates to "light". That in it's very essence is the origin of the name. But in my mind, the meaning of light has little to do with the physical entity. Rather, I chose Lux and light in regard to finding a state of illumination.
One of my friends past away a couple of years ago. I will call him Geist for privacy reason. Geist and I were having a talk with each other late one night the winter before he would pass away. It seems ironic now that we would have this conversation based on the nature of his passing.
He and I were both fatalist in philosophy back then. And we operated with this general conclusion that, "We are all eventually going to die. So in that respect, we are already dead. If we are dead, then we cannot die again. If we cannot die, then we are immortal. If we are immortal, then were are powerful beyond all measure."
From this conversation and mentality we expanded further. t felt like there was this light, somewhere both inside and outside of our beings. I wouldn't say it was necessarily being the best you can be, or even being what you wanted to be. It was about just chasing that light. And no matter what, even if we felt we had reached it, we had to keep chasing it. We could never reach it, but we could always keep chasing it.
I had always wondered if that conversation was the final turning point in our road together. Interpreted one way, I can see how the line of thought can be very negative in view. It's why I have slowly shifted away from fatalism in some regard. These fears aren't unfounded, because I realized from past experience how the mentality can change a person. It changed me.
Lux consumed me when I first thought of this philosophy. My personality molded around Lux. My personality became bright and flashy. I started spining glowsticks and fire for fun because it matched the Lux persona. Even in college, for a hobby, I would go to house parties wearing all kinds of light up trinkets as a conversation piece. I would make it a contest in my mind to get as many phone numbers as possible.
Yet sometimes what we perceive as "the light" isn't necessarily the right direction. I figured out I was a lot of flash and not much substance. I still love spinning when I get the chance, but I do it because I want to and not for the attention. I would start keeping numbers if I chose to get them instead of deleting them the next number because they meant something to me.
So it can have a negative impact. I realized this and again tore down my identity and sought to rebuild something new. That's what a typical deontologist will do from time to time.
But still there, after all the rebuilding, was that drive to keep chasing it. It's what drives me. It's what makes me good. Hopefully one day it'll make me the best. But for now, it's what made me choose (Lux).
As you can tell, this isn't going to be your typical blog.
