Why do I even bother?

[Proverbs]

Link to original post: [drupal=1198]Why do I even bother?[/drupal]



Yeah, I'm talking about that same girl. If you don't want to hear it. You don't have to. There's a link right above this that says 'User Blogs'. Go click that to find something more worthwhile.

So yeah. I'm kinda depressed/annoyed. Nothing bad happened or anything. In fact, there's even a good chance this girl does or will like me. But it hit me the other day, I'm probably not going to get married to this girl.

Now that sounds like a very childish way of looking at it, but let me ask you: What's the point of me pursuing her if there's no real chance for that? And--sure 'anything is possible', but let's be realistic here. I'm a freshman in college. It's not so unrealistic as if I were still in high school, but most people I'm sure would say that nothing will probably come of this relationship. Understand that the reason I was pursuing her was because I considered it a realistic possibility.



Now, if there's no possibility, or even probability of that happening, why in the world am I pursuing this girl? I should just give up. Save myself the heartache. I know I'm going to really like her, so what's the point if it's not going to fully bloom? Or will it? Should I go in and say "Because there is a possibility, I will pursue this to its fullest extent, so that I may have no regrets"? Or am I even being pessimistic in saying that there's no possibility? I don't know. My heart is so messed up right now. Or not messed up--but I realized I'm putting way too much stock in Kristen.



I hate this. I kind of never want to get into a relationship ever again now. It just makes me feel like every time I find someone I like, everyone's telling me "It's unrealistic for you two to get married." Which is in essence saying, "You're stupid. Nothing will ever come from this." If that's the case--why the heck do I have feelings for this girl? Or any girl for that matter? It always seems to be the case that it's foolish and purposeless.

So what do I do here? I've got a great girl that I think I will definitely start liking if I let myself, but I feel like I've already put too much stock in this relationship when not a lot's happened.

Am I just being retardedly idealistic as usual? Or am I being pessimistic and not seeing that this is worth it?

I just don't even know how to handle these things anymore. I plan on calling a friend today to work these things out, but I wanted everyone here's opinion.

What point is there for relationships if you know it's probably just going to dissolve into heartache?

 

[Firus]

Personally, I can tell you that I haven't had a relationship in three years. Not only because I don't think anyone would want to date me (>_> but because I'm really not looking.

So I really don't pretend to be some sort of expert on relationships. However, I can say this much; of the one relationship I've been in, I was naive and thought I was going to get married to the girl. Yeah, the relationship flopped. I had been good friends with the girl beforehand, too, and that pretty much ended. However, I wouldn't take back the decision to go out with her. I learned more about relationships and my feelings personally about them than I ever could have imagined. I feel I'm a better person for it.

Now, I don't know how many relationships you've been in -- probably more than I have -- but the point of dating is partially to find a soulmate and partially to realize what you really want from said soulmate. If you never date someone who's a certain way, you may think you do/do not want that kind of a person and never know otherwise.

I'm not trying to tell you to go through with the relationship or to not go through with it, because I really don't feel like I have good advice. I'm just trying to tell you that...stupid as it may seem, dating when you have a minuscule chance of getting married actually serves some sort of a purpose. And it may turn out that she is a special someone whom you would marry. You're never going to know if she's the one for you or not unless you go for it, but if you really loathe the thought of possibly meeting an ill end, then don't necessarily go out with her.

Hope this helped.

 

[Proverbs]

Hmm...I'm not sure. Honestly, I've dated more girls than I like to mention. And many I thought I was going to marry--I'm incredibly naive and idealistic. However, for her I analyzed the situation from every possible angle, and it did look like she would be perfect for me, and I for her. Not that either of us are perfect--far from, but rather that we compliment one another in an amazing way. Likewise, she's one of the few people that can sort of begin to solve this Rubix cube brain of mine. I've spent a long time praying over this issue, too, and at many times just wanted to give up for fear of it going awry--and this is even before I was sure that I liked her. I still feel like I need more time to get to know her on a more friendly level (we know each other more on the personal level which doesn't always carry over). But things have moved in a great direction even with how things have moved thus far--and I know when I'm being idealistic and naive and am just being a fool because I have butterflies in my stomach. But I've been interested in this girl on and off for a year now, and steadily interested for the past three months--and only recently have I gotten 'butterflies'.

So, in that sense, I see that this is more 'real' than other relationships I've been in where I've blindly rushed into it and blindly thought it would work out. However, I'm afraid Elen might be wrong, and that it might not always be 'worth it'. I'm simply trying to weigh things out here, because I know if I don't solve this now--I'm going to get much more deeply involved emotionally. And I just don't want to get hurt again like the countless times before. I don't feel like I have it in me to really give my heart to another girl. I only have enough in me for one more time, I feel like. So I don't want to use that on her if it's just going to end terribly. I don't know. I'm not sure if I know I even know what I don't know.

 

[Proverbs]

Double post and I don't care. Otherwise it wouldn't be updated and people wouldn't see it.

But yeah, I was just being really stupid. Elen was right. It's always worth it. And this girl is worth it. Even if things don't work out romantically, she'd basically still be one of my best friends. So I'm good with whichever way things go. And, the great thing is, in our church typically when people start dating, like 9 times out of 10 they get married--well, maybe not that often (or maybe it is that often--to be honest I don't really know). But the point is, in our church, it's like a million times more likely that it grows to that level. I'd say it's because we make a point of having godly relationships and dealing with them in the best possible way. You may disagree, but I hold to that opinion.

So sorry that I was just being stupid, that's what happens when I don't get the time I need to pray for like a week. Not that I wasn't praying at all, but I need at least like 30 minutes to an hour of prayer daily--and often I find that's not even enough. Hahah, it's really amazing. You should try it!! The more I pray the more I find I'm helped by prayer and the more I understand that I NEED prayer. It's ridiculously amazing and so is God.

Well, sorry about the double post, but I'm all right with it!