Who am I to say...

[NintendoMan07]

Link to original post: [drupal=2968]Who am I to say...[/drupal]



So it recently came to the point where I intensely had an internal debate about dropping one of my "friends" like a hot rock and... that's it.

The reason? The guy's conceitedness* has gotten to the point where it drains me of any ability to respond on an equal level. The problem is: I'm a living doormat, so I also came to the conclusion that from my perspective EVERYONE could be as "conceited*" as he is. So now I've confused myself as whether I should continue keeping contact with the guy or block him in every way possible so I never hear from him again.

I'm just now considering the consequences of such a move, and... quite frankly, the outcome doesn't seem pretty. I rarely come across people that can put up with me (and vice versa) in the first place, so it's almost like taking a winning lottery ticket and burning it.

This is someone I've known for about nearly two years and I have put up with the conceited* part until just now. And to be honest, this only rears its head occasionally. He's not screaming "I'm awesome!" constantly, but it doesn't go unnoticed when it does show itself.

So, is this another case of me having too much time to think about stuff (i.e. not having enough productive stuff to do), or can this be a REAL problem?

*Since I have been known to use a word that doesn't fit the situation, dictionary-lovers and grammar-nitpicks are free to tell me what word I SHOULD be using.

 

[HQ5]

I had to deal with a situation like this just a few weeks ago. I had a "friend" who I had known for five years and hung out with a lot, but I was getting fed up with his daily rants, whinings, and complaints more and more each day. The rants weren't particularly frequent, and I could lend a sympathetic ear once in a while, but (run-on sentence, lol) I disliked being the acoustic sandbag. I had put up with his crap for the past five years (even tried telling him to stop a few times, to no avail) but finally decided my personal happiness was much more valuable to me than some unhappy companionship. In short, I started taking some more personal time away from this friend and hanging out with some other people. It was disorienting at first, but I got used to it and found myself much happier not having to deal with the rants.

The time away really helped me cool off and rethink my situation. I approached my friend again and asked him why he ranted to me so much. He was surprised that I had even thought he ranted a lot but told me he would try to rant less if it would get me to hang out with him again. He had noticed my absence and apparently did some thinking too.

But there are plenty of ways this friendship could have ended in a much worse way. I'm grateful that I got to be friends again with Ranter (it's getting better) but also found that I like hanging out with other people (or even just not hanging out with anyone at all). My friendship with Ranter (lol, I'm going to start calling him that in real life) has definitely cooled down from what it used to be, but I'm happier that way. I think both of us needed some space after five years of ultra-buddyness.

You're right in thinking your situation could turn out to be a real problem. Sometimes it's better to have no friends than bad friends. Your blog reminded me of something George Lichtenberg (a late-18th century popular philosopher and cultural critic) once wrote, "Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers, we outgrow acquaintances, libraries, principles, etc. . . . at times before they're worn out and at times - and this is worst of all - before we have new ones."

This will happen to everyone at some point or another, but it's probably for the best.

After all, you don't want to be wearing the same pair of pants for the rest of your life, right?
Better naked and free than chafing at the crotch, yeah?


...okay, bad analogy, but you get my point. xD Take some more time to think about which you value more (personal happiness or unsatisfying companionship) and remember that being alone does not have to mean being lonely. If you end up ending this friendship, I'm sure you'll get more friends (who aren't as arrogant or ranty and is someone you will enjoy being with -- not just someone you put up with) in due time.


Yep, all in due time.



/long post, lol.



Hope this helped a little, NintendoMan07.



For the word substitution: *arrogant, maybe?

 

[Jim Morrison]

I would just put up with it, jokingly telling him to shut up when he does it, but still meaning it.

 

[NintendoMan07]

I had to deal with a situation like this just a few weeks ago. I had a "friend" who I had known for five years and hung out with a lot, but I was getting fed up with his daily rants, whinings, and complaints more and more each day. The rants weren't particularly frequent, and I could lend a sympathetic ear once in a while, but (run-on sentence, lol) I disliked being the acoustic sandbag. I had put up with his crap for the past five years (even tried telling him to stop a few times, to no avail) but finally decided my personal happiness was much more valuable to me than some unhappy companionship. In short, I started taking some more personal time away from this friend and hanging out with some other people. It was disorienting at first, but I got used to it and found myself much happier not having to deal with the rants.

The time away really helped me cool off and rethink my situation. I approached my friend again and asked him why he ranted to me so much. He was surprised that I had even thought he ranted a lot but told me he would try to rant less if it would get me to hang out with him again. He had noticed my absence and apparently did some thinking too.

But there are plenty of ways this friendship could have ended in a much worse way. I'm grateful that I got to be friends again with Ranter (it's getting better) but also found that I like hanging out with other people (or even just not hanging out with anyone at all). My friendship with Ranter (lol, I'm going to start calling him that in real life) has definitely cooled down from what it used to be, but I'm happier that way. I think both of us needed some space after five years of ultra-buddyness.

You're right in thinking your situation could turn out to be a real problem. Sometimes it's better to have no friends than bad friends. Your blog reminded me of something George Lichtenberg (a late-18th century popular philosopher and cultural critic) once wrote, "Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers, we outgrow acquaintances, libraries, principles, etc. . . . at times before they're worn out and at times - and this is worst of all - before we have new ones."

This will happen to everyone at some point or another, but it's probably for the best.

After all, you don't want to be wearing the same pair of pants for the rest of your life, right?
Better naked and free than chafing at the crotch, yeah?


...okay, bad analogy, but you get my point. xD Take some more time to think about which you value more (personal happiness or unsatisfying companionship) and remember that being alone does not have to mean being lonely. If you end up ending this friendship, I'm sure you'll get more friends (who aren't as arrogant or ranty and is someone you will enjoy being with -- not just someone you put up with) in due time.


Yep, all in due time.



/long post, lol.



Hope this helped a little, NintendoMan07.



For the word substitution: *arrogant, maybe?

Yeah, I guess I kinda need space. Actually, I've already begun "taking a break" from him since I've been obsessed with Spirit Tracks (Zelda game, for those that don't recognize it) lately, so we haven't talked much.

From our recent conversations, I'm starting to wonder why I wrote this in the first place, though. He's not all that irritating to talk to now. I'm going to chalk this up to having too much idle time to think.

I would just put up with it, jokingly telling him to shut up when he does it, but still meaning it.

This sounds good at first, but I have a feeling I'll just be feeding him more bait by saying that.