Hello. This is my first story posted on the Smash Boards, and while I haven't gotten the chance to post much elsewhere, I'd figure I'd throw up one of my pieces of writing to get into the writing community here. It is called "W: The Beginning," and is a Wario Ware fic dealing with how Wario (and Waluigi, who I have thrown in despite his lack of appearance in the WW franchise) arrived in Diamond City and the misadventures that follow. Without further ado, here is the first part of Chapter 1. Enjoy!
CHAPTER 1
Diamond City was bustling with the usual activity. People drove to work in the congested streets, pickpockets made use of the crowded sidewalks to swindle goods, and transvestites coaxed naïve businessmen into the “time of their life.” In short, it was like any other city in the world.
The only problem, though, was that there were no other cities to compare it to.
The Mushroom Planet had existed for centuries, but it was only recently that the population, resources, and miracles required to create a city had become available. On top of that, the first kingdom to urbanize was the infamous Rancho. Rancho was best described as an oversized stretch of green with a house every few miles or so. Its king was a farmer with a big pitchfork while the queen was the king’s cousin. It was the last kingdom expected to contain the world’s first city, yet that was precisely what happened.
It began simply enough. King Rancho was tending to his field one day when his pitchfork broke. It then dawned upon him that there was no way to replace broken equipment as the nearest store was approximately one-hundred and fifty miles away on Rancho’s border, and the lack of roads made long distance travel a suicidal march. The king knew that solving this predicament had to be his number one priority, so together with the queen he went to work on outlining a plan for giving the kingdom’s denizens access to much needed supplies.
His efforts culminated in Moo Moo City, a metropolis that would have dozens of stores catering to a farmer’s needs: pitchforks, animals, seeds, and banjos. Dirt roads would stretch out in all directions from the city, extending to the kingdom’s borders and passing by the house of every citizen. It would also be a nice getaway from the smelly, isolated farms that most Ranchonians resided in while attracting foreigners looking for a nice vacationing spot. After all, who wanted to keep going to tropical beaches and ski resorts?
Unfortunately, the lack of post offices prevented King Rancho from informing fellow Ranchonians of the plans, and he and the queen passed away before Moo Moo City could see the light of day. Nobody knew of the city plans, and it was only a miracle that allowed for a city to be created anyway. It was named Diamond City, and at the present time it accounted for approximately 78% of Rancho’s population, as well as 99% of The Mushroom Planet’s human populace.
Dr. Crygor was one of the humans in Diamond City, although he didn’t like grouping himself with the “intelligently deficit.” He considered himself a species of his own, enhanced to the point where he could only be described as “most human.” In his mind, he was a role model that the inferior could try and aspire to. To everybody else, he was a pudgy man in a yellow jumpsuit that waddled around the streets trying to sell his inventions to annoyed passers-by.
His current target was a businessman who was late for work as it was and did not appreciate Crygor’s attempt to sell him a bottle of a sickly green liquid that bubbled profusely.
“You see,” Crygor was saying, “let’s imagine for a second that you are at your workplace and suddenly riots break out on the streets, forcing you to stay inside for several days. Obviously, a lack of water would prove to be quite a hassle, wouldn’t you say?”
The businessman clicked his tongue irritably, but said nothing. His previous attempts at walking away from the conversation had ended with him pinned against the wall by an Extend-O-Arm, so he pretended to listen and hoped the spiel would end soon.
“I understand these concerns, so through a series of dangerous experiments I have created a new element that, once it enters the body, serves the same purpose of water. This liquid, however, is even better than water in that it can keep you hydrated for a month. You can even use it as a replacement for water if you don’t have time to drink the required seven glasses a day, which I’m sure speaks for itself in terms of its benefit.”
“That sounds like a lovely product,” the businessman said hastily. “If you have a store, I will more than gladly come later in the day to purchase this---liquid water riot thing. Anyway---”
Dr. Crygor grabbed him by the sleeve, a difficult task considering Crygor was only three feet tall. “But you must wait one second!” he said. ‘Why not take a sample? I ensure that you will enjoy it.”
He pushed the cup of the green liquid into the businessman’s face, the strong stench almost knocking him out. The businessman waited until his eyes rolled back into place before taking the cup, deciding that if he drank it, he could run off to work and get on with his life. With some hesitance, he gulped it down in one go.
Almost immediately, he clenched his throat and squeezed as the burning sensation began to spread. His back bent backwards into an awkward position as he broke into a violent spasm. Crygor stared at this display with a smile, as if this was the intended result. After a minute or so of jerking back and forth while passive commuters stepped over him, the businessman stopped moving. He was alive, but at that moment he wished he had died years ago just so he could have avoided feeling such a horrid liquid grace his insides with a dose of hell.
“How did it taste?” Crygor asked with a grin.
The businessman tried to reply, but his jaw felt like silly putty and all he could manage was a pathetic gurgle.
“Wonderful. I’m opening a store in a month, so be sure to stop by if you want some more.”
Crygor walked off at that point, leaving the hapless businessman gurgling on the ground in hopes somebody would help him up. Nobody bothered, leaving him to struggle to his feet for the next two hours. If there is any doubt that he would be able to live to see the next day, rest assured that the nameless businessman managed to get to his job. Unfortunately, his extreme tardiness had gotten him fired, and by the next month his girlfriend had left him, he was in the unemployment line, and the green liquid had caused a mutation that left him with one arm, three legs, and no nose. On the plus side, he wasn’t thirsty for a long, long time.
However, the businessman’s future is of little concern in the long run. In drinking the green liquid, he had established the foundation for a series of events that would affect Dr. Crygor and---in due time---all of Diamond City.
~~~
W
The Beginning
The Beginning
“The real leader has no need to lead—he is content to point the way.”
(Henry Miller)
“What you are must always displease you, if you would attain to that which you are not.”
(Saint Augustine)
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
(ABBA)
~~~
(Henry Miller)
“What you are must always displease you, if you would attain to that which you are not.”
(Saint Augustine)
Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man’s world
(ABBA)
~~~
CHAPTER 1
Diamond City was bustling with the usual activity. People drove to work in the congested streets, pickpockets made use of the crowded sidewalks to swindle goods, and transvestites coaxed naïve businessmen into the “time of their life.” In short, it was like any other city in the world.
The only problem, though, was that there were no other cities to compare it to.
The Mushroom Planet had existed for centuries, but it was only recently that the population, resources, and miracles required to create a city had become available. On top of that, the first kingdom to urbanize was the infamous Rancho. Rancho was best described as an oversized stretch of green with a house every few miles or so. Its king was a farmer with a big pitchfork while the queen was the king’s cousin. It was the last kingdom expected to contain the world’s first city, yet that was precisely what happened.
It began simply enough. King Rancho was tending to his field one day when his pitchfork broke. It then dawned upon him that there was no way to replace broken equipment as the nearest store was approximately one-hundred and fifty miles away on Rancho’s border, and the lack of roads made long distance travel a suicidal march. The king knew that solving this predicament had to be his number one priority, so together with the queen he went to work on outlining a plan for giving the kingdom’s denizens access to much needed supplies.
His efforts culminated in Moo Moo City, a metropolis that would have dozens of stores catering to a farmer’s needs: pitchforks, animals, seeds, and banjos. Dirt roads would stretch out in all directions from the city, extending to the kingdom’s borders and passing by the house of every citizen. It would also be a nice getaway from the smelly, isolated farms that most Ranchonians resided in while attracting foreigners looking for a nice vacationing spot. After all, who wanted to keep going to tropical beaches and ski resorts?
Unfortunately, the lack of post offices prevented King Rancho from informing fellow Ranchonians of the plans, and he and the queen passed away before Moo Moo City could see the light of day. Nobody knew of the city plans, and it was only a miracle that allowed for a city to be created anyway. It was named Diamond City, and at the present time it accounted for approximately 78% of Rancho’s population, as well as 99% of The Mushroom Planet’s human populace.
Dr. Crygor was one of the humans in Diamond City, although he didn’t like grouping himself with the “intelligently deficit.” He considered himself a species of his own, enhanced to the point where he could only be described as “most human.” In his mind, he was a role model that the inferior could try and aspire to. To everybody else, he was a pudgy man in a yellow jumpsuit that waddled around the streets trying to sell his inventions to annoyed passers-by.
His current target was a businessman who was late for work as it was and did not appreciate Crygor’s attempt to sell him a bottle of a sickly green liquid that bubbled profusely.
“You see,” Crygor was saying, “let’s imagine for a second that you are at your workplace and suddenly riots break out on the streets, forcing you to stay inside for several days. Obviously, a lack of water would prove to be quite a hassle, wouldn’t you say?”
The businessman clicked his tongue irritably, but said nothing. His previous attempts at walking away from the conversation had ended with him pinned against the wall by an Extend-O-Arm, so he pretended to listen and hoped the spiel would end soon.
“I understand these concerns, so through a series of dangerous experiments I have created a new element that, once it enters the body, serves the same purpose of water. This liquid, however, is even better than water in that it can keep you hydrated for a month. You can even use it as a replacement for water if you don’t have time to drink the required seven glasses a day, which I’m sure speaks for itself in terms of its benefit.”
“That sounds like a lovely product,” the businessman said hastily. “If you have a store, I will more than gladly come later in the day to purchase this---liquid water riot thing. Anyway---”
Dr. Crygor grabbed him by the sleeve, a difficult task considering Crygor was only three feet tall. “But you must wait one second!” he said. ‘Why not take a sample? I ensure that you will enjoy it.”
He pushed the cup of the green liquid into the businessman’s face, the strong stench almost knocking him out. The businessman waited until his eyes rolled back into place before taking the cup, deciding that if he drank it, he could run off to work and get on with his life. With some hesitance, he gulped it down in one go.
Almost immediately, he clenched his throat and squeezed as the burning sensation began to spread. His back bent backwards into an awkward position as he broke into a violent spasm. Crygor stared at this display with a smile, as if this was the intended result. After a minute or so of jerking back and forth while passive commuters stepped over him, the businessman stopped moving. He was alive, but at that moment he wished he had died years ago just so he could have avoided feeling such a horrid liquid grace his insides with a dose of hell.
“How did it taste?” Crygor asked with a grin.
The businessman tried to reply, but his jaw felt like silly putty and all he could manage was a pathetic gurgle.
“Wonderful. I’m opening a store in a month, so be sure to stop by if you want some more.”
Crygor walked off at that point, leaving the hapless businessman gurgling on the ground in hopes somebody would help him up. Nobody bothered, leaving him to struggle to his feet for the next two hours. If there is any doubt that he would be able to live to see the next day, rest assured that the nameless businessman managed to get to his job. Unfortunately, his extreme tardiness had gotten him fired, and by the next month his girlfriend had left him, he was in the unemployment line, and the green liquid had caused a mutation that left him with one arm, three legs, and no nose. On the plus side, he wasn’t thirsty for a long, long time.
However, the businessman’s future is of little concern in the long run. In drinking the green liquid, he had established the foundation for a series of events that would affect Dr. Crygor and---in due time---all of Diamond City.