zaneebaslave
Smash Journeyman
Link to original post: [drupal=3006]The Tax Master man...[/drupal]
I, ladies and gentlemen, have a phobia. I do not fear spiders, or snakes or rats. Death never bothered me, nor have I ever been scared of movies or stories. I fear something... Far greater. It is a special kind of fear. A fear I feel almost everyday. A fear that, though only lasts a few moments, is enough to shatter the very courage of the bravest man.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I fear the Tax Master guy.
You may know him as "Patrick Cox," the founder and CEO of a group of Taxation lawyers known as "Tax Masters." The man seems decent enough. He said Happy Holidays when Christmas came around, and he seems to know a lot about "taxes."
But... This man is so freaking scary, I cant even stand to look at him. Perhaps if you see his commercial, you'll see what I mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9YvldO6hSI
He stands at a slant and looks deep into the camera. It's as if he is watching YOU instead of watching him. He'd probably be less scary if he would... I dont know... move around a little bit. But he just stands there, like an oil painting: his eyes staring into your very soul. The only thing that moves on his whole body is his mouth... which in and of itself is scary and emotionless. But perhaps the most perplexing and horrifying things is his beard! Look at his newest commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4jAq1tsXoA
It is as if it isnt even attached to his face. It is it's own monster, living and breathing apart from the face of the Tax Masters man. It is as if it is on a different plain of existence... good lord.
Not only that... but he DOESNT BLINK throughout the entire commercial! He sometimes squints, trying to fool you into thinking that he is an actual human being... but it's a lie.
Ladies and gentlemen... I think Patrick Cox is a GHOST!
I know what you're probably thinking: "Zaneebaslave, how can Patrick Cox be a ghost?" Well, I'll tell you! I will point out all the things that prove as evidence that Patrick Cox is in fact a real live ghost!
1: Look how white this man is. only snowmen and DEAD PEOPLE are this white. Sure you might make an argument that he is a ginger and that all gingers are very light skinned. But he could easily dye his hair and beard orange. Whats under that perfect shade of orange is white, stringy, dead hair... the hair of a GHOST!
2: He doesnt blink. Perhaps he is just intimidating the IRS with his death glares, but I believe that he is not blinking because he doesnt need to. he is, after all, a GHOST!
3: He shows no signs of emotion or movement.
4: Only a ghost would be boring enough to be the CEO and founder of a bunch of lawyers who do tax stuff. Can you imagine how boring that would be for any normal human being? It would be so boring, you'd DIE of boredom. I believe that Patrick Cox DID die of boredom, but his restless spirit knew that he could not leave this world when so many people were still suffering from the evils of Taxes. Thats why he's still here on earth.
Whatever the case may be, I am scared ****-less everytime I see this guy. He's creepy and horrible. I hate him and wish he would move on to the Greater Plain already!
I, ladies and gentlemen, have a phobia. I do not fear spiders, or snakes or rats. Death never bothered me, nor have I ever been scared of movies or stories. I fear something... Far greater. It is a special kind of fear. A fear I feel almost everyday. A fear that, though only lasts a few moments, is enough to shatter the very courage of the bravest man.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I fear the Tax Master guy.
You may know him as "Patrick Cox," the founder and CEO of a group of Taxation lawyers known as "Tax Masters." The man seems decent enough. He said Happy Holidays when Christmas came around, and he seems to know a lot about "taxes."
But... This man is so freaking scary, I cant even stand to look at him. Perhaps if you see his commercial, you'll see what I mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9YvldO6hSI
He stands at a slant and looks deep into the camera. It's as if he is watching YOU instead of watching him. He'd probably be less scary if he would... I dont know... move around a little bit. But he just stands there, like an oil painting: his eyes staring into your very soul. The only thing that moves on his whole body is his mouth... which in and of itself is scary and emotionless. But perhaps the most perplexing and horrifying things is his beard! Look at his newest commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4jAq1tsXoA
It is as if it isnt even attached to his face. It is it's own monster, living and breathing apart from the face of the Tax Masters man. It is as if it is on a different plain of existence... good lord.
Not only that... but he DOESNT BLINK throughout the entire commercial! He sometimes squints, trying to fool you into thinking that he is an actual human being... but it's a lie.
Ladies and gentlemen... I think Patrick Cox is a GHOST!
I know what you're probably thinking: "Zaneebaslave, how can Patrick Cox be a ghost?" Well, I'll tell you! I will point out all the things that prove as evidence that Patrick Cox is in fact a real live ghost!
1: Look how white this man is. only snowmen and DEAD PEOPLE are this white. Sure you might make an argument that he is a ginger and that all gingers are very light skinned. But he could easily dye his hair and beard orange. Whats under that perfect shade of orange is white, stringy, dead hair... the hair of a GHOST!
2: He doesnt blink. Perhaps he is just intimidating the IRS with his death glares, but I believe that he is not blinking because he doesnt need to. he is, after all, a GHOST!
3: He shows no signs of emotion or movement.
4: Only a ghost would be boring enough to be the CEO and founder of a bunch of lawyers who do tax stuff. Can you imagine how boring that would be for any normal human being? It would be so boring, you'd DIE of boredom. I believe that Patrick Cox DID die of boredom, but his restless spirit knew that he could not leave this world when so many people were still suffering from the evils of Taxes. Thats why he's still here on earth.
Whatever the case may be, I am scared ****-less everytime I see this guy. He's creepy and horrible. I hate him and wish he would move on to the Greater Plain already!
