The Rebellion

[Dr. Robotnik]

Ok everyone, i might be new to this site, but that doesn't mean i dont know how to write fan fiction.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

I put the story farther down this page because it needed editing.

 

[Armagopalypse]

I'll gladly volunteer. After you read my monster of a story it's the least I can do.

Pretty nice start of a story. As you probably know, however, you always spend about one sentence saying how good something is and several paragraphs saying whats wrong, even if it was the bestselling book known to man (although I don't know who whould critique the bible ).

I'll start out with the obvious. Grammar. I saw a lot of mistakes in there that were just...mistakes.... so I won't get into those. I noticed that your entire story is made up of dialogue. I'll get into that more, but just know that when characters are talking, you need to be specific who is talking.

Every time you change to a different speaker, there need to be a paragraphs break, otherwise it gets incredibly confusing. I found myself reading and re-reading parts because I wasn't sure who was saying what. When it's just two people speaking back and forth, it isn't essential to point out the speaker each time. You'll just know by the paragraph breaks. However, once you have more than two people talking, you need to make sure you specify exactly who is talking and when. Thats pretty much it for writing style.

To put it bluntly, your story needs work. Your story idea is sound, it just gets lost once you start writing. The main reason is because the chapter is completely dialogue. No descriptions of emotions or scenery. Right now, you can't have any idea where the story is taking place or what the scenery looks like, which makes envisioning the tale as you read incredibly difficult.

You have to spoonfeed the reader everything, from the facial expressions of the characters to how they interact to the world around them to the thoughts that go through their head as they speak. Even one writing in third person, the point of veiw almost always centers around one character at a time. For example, in Harry Potter, everything is how Harry sees it. Pick your characters (I'd go with Mario and Fox), and then express the world from their point of view. You want the reader to become the character. I want to know the thoughts that went through Mario's head as he read that letter, and starting feeling that things were fishy, not just hear him talk about it. As you surely know, people say about 10% of what they actually feel. Show me that other 90%

So to sum it up.....WHERE'S THE BEEF?!? Beef out your story from just dialogue and you'll have a masterpiece on your hands.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

omg, you have laid the cradle of life on my lap, i can see just how i am going to write this story, i will work for solid hours tonight.

oh and it would have bean better on the spelling and grammer and stuff, but like i said before its' bean a while since i edited this story.
thanks

 

[Armagopalypse]

omg, you have laid the cradle of life on my lap, i can see just how i am going to write this story, i will work for solid hours tonight.

oh and it would have bean better on the spelling and grammer and stuff, but like i said before its' bean a while since i edited this story.
thanks

Yeah I know. Once you've finally churned out a story the last thing you want to do is go back through it and see if it's missing a period. Which is why I don't do it either.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

K, i am like, only a quarter done editing the first part, but as soon as i am done, i will replace the old one with the new one. thanks for evrything.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

For some reason i cant it would load all the new words, so i am just going to put up another post.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

the edited version.
Prologue


9 / 18 / 2123: I have an odd feeling of what is happening to this place. My family has bean taken by an unknown force that I believe I can’t fight by myself. The team is all I have left, but the commander doesn’t think it will be enough to challenge this incredible force. The crew grows tired and worried by the hour, and I have not slept in a week. We will launch our attack soon and if we happen to receive victory, we still think the force will return another day. I don’t know when my next login will be. END LOG.
4 / 23 / 2124: We have received our final mission against the enemy, and we go off to battle tomorrow against the entire armada. I don’t think I will return. If someone is reading this and I am dead, tell Krystal to never give up and I will always be there for the team. END LOG.
4 / 29 / 2124: We have done it! We have beaten the enemy, and their leader Andross, I am lucky to be alive, and I don’t think I will be in service for a while. The team and I are taking a well deserved vacation on the mushroom planet in the far reaches of the lylat system where there are wonderful resorts there, but we must be careful not show the civilians our technology because of their lack of intelligence. END FINAL LOG.

Chapter 1
A Old Friend


“Ahh, fine day Sunday, no letters, no chores, just sitting at home and watching the clear water waves hit the soft sand of cheep cheep beach.”

As, I started do dose off from looking at the almost peaceful water, I heard a faint flapping of wings from behind me near the house.
“hmm” I wonder what that can be, there’s no mail today unless, MAMA MEA!!!! That could only mean it’s from the princess. As I got up wondering what crazy adventure Mario is about to embark on, I realized Mario must still be asleep. Since knowing full well that Mario always goes to town for supplies on Sundays after his morning run, “if it is a Letter from the Princess, I am going to have to run to town to get food” I thought aloud as I started walking towards the mail box. “Well at least I will be able to get supplies for my new recipes that I’ve been meaning to catch up on.”

By that time I had already made it to the mail box and was opening the lid, when a wave of perfume hit me square in the face. Sighing I said to myself “yep I knew it”, gees I have got to stop thinking aloud, or people are going to start thinking I’m crazy. “Hmm” I thought as I pulled the letter out of the mail box, I wonder what she’s in trouble from this time, she must still be at the castle though, (unless Bowser is getting smarter and decided to make a fake letter), naw Bowser is way to dumb to think of something that ingenious, and Cackletta has been thrown into high security prison. Hmm I wonder who it is.

As I started up the creaky wooden stairs to our house I realized that I had been thinking so much on what the letter would contain, that I had totally forgotten to open the letter! But it was too late, I had opened the front door and was in the house. I could also hear Mario starting to wake up from in the upstairs room. Well I might as well go sit down in the dining room and open the letter when he fully wakes up.

Walking towards the table I realized how famished I was after being out side this morning, so I went into the kitchen to make a nice cup of tea to relax the stress I had been putting on my brain about that stupid letter. Thinking more about the letter again, I started to become jealous of Mario again like I always do when he goes out on an adventure without me again. I mean, nobody EVER asks me to help them. It’s always Toad running to the house screaming “Mario, Mario, come quick, the princess has been kidnapped” mimicking Toad aloud. I mean, I don’t really like adventures and stuff, but at least it would be nice if I got invited to something other than a tennis tournament or a party or something.

By this time I had not focused on the water on the stove was boiling over. “Dang” I said panicked, now running over to pick up my costume made, Emerald plated tea pot off the stove. I than quickly cleaned up the steaming hot water off the ground and started to pour water in my green mug. Following that I than sprinkled a tad my favorite Ashlin Mushroom Tea powder into my cup. Grabbing a spoon from the drawer I started to make my way to the dining room when I glanced over to see Mario about to go out the door.




Luigi: Yo Bro, you need to take a look at what we got in the mail. It’s a letter from the princess!
Mario: Hmm, but isn’t it Sunday?
Luigi: Ya, but there is a priority stamp on the letter with the royal insignia on it.

Mario now starting to walk over next to where Luigi is standing

Mario: Why haven’t you opened it yet Luigi, it could be important.
Luigi: I know, I figured it was for you though.
Mario: God Luigi, you scare me sometimes, but I don’t think it’s just for me.

“Oh give me a break. Was that his sympathy comment, gosh I feel even worse than I did five minutes ago.”

Luigi: Why, do you think it’s a party invitation or something?
Mario: I have my reasons.
Luigi: Whatever lets just open the letter shall we.

As I started unwrapping the letter, I could not get out of my head what Mario meant by “I don’t think it’s just for me”. Was he trying to be nice, or did something happen that I am not aware of yet. I had finished un ****** the letter and proceeded with reading it aloud.

Dear Mario and Luigi:
How have you two been lately? Mario, I know you aren’t too happy about being put in prison the last time you were at the castle, but I wanted to make it up to you by inviting you and Luigi to an amusement park later next week. It would mean the world to me if you would come and I know you would like to have some fun instead of saving the world as often as you do. Yoshi and the others will be there as well. If you come, make sure you leave your hammers at home, I want us to have fun and not have you or Luigi to pick a fight with Wario or Donkey Kong, thus turning our fun time into a competition like the last couple of parties we’ve had. Oh, and bring your swim trunks as well for some later fun at the water park.

Sincerely
Peach

“Man, Mario in Prison, gees I wonder what he must of done, well at least we are going to an amusement park, I have wanted to talk to Toadsworth without interruptions from the princess or the others, and this amusement park with be the perfect distraction for her.

Luigi: Wow Mario an amusement park, I will finally get to show Toadsworth my famous Spiced Mushroom and Calamari Stew recipe.

“Hmm I wonder if Mario fell for the enthusiastic remark.”

Mario: Sure Luigi, you do that, but don’t you think the wording in that letter was a little weird?
Luigi: Oh common Mario, “sighing”, The Princess is just trying to accommodate for the fact that she put you in Prison, what did you do anyway.
Mario: I did absolutely nothing but enter the castle to make sure she was alright, and I have a good reason to be suspicious of her.
Luigi: Oh ya, what she isn’t in trouble, and she is invited us to a party like she always does, the only thing that I have ever seen her do, is call for your aid, and you think she is up to something. Please Mario, I know you better than anyone, if anyone is acting suspicious, it’s you!

Mario was now getting up so close to my face, I could actually smell what seemed to be his mid night lunch, consisting of what smelt like rotten onions mixed with pasta and mushrooms.

Mario: You want to know my reason, fine, but you will not like it.
Luigi: Oh ya, try me!
Mario: All right, have you noticed the lack of the townsman lately.
Luigi: Ya, but its summer, we both know everybody needs a good holiday vacation.
Mario: That’s true, but most people are back by Sunday morning.

I was starting to get worried now, Mario must still be tired or something, or he must have had a bad dream.

Luigi: “Go on.” I said so he would finish his little tale.
Mario: This might seem weird, but while I was in prison, I heard one of the guards telling the civilians to take refuge in another town for there will be something catastrophic coming to the Mushroom Kingdom. So after getting out, I snuck around the castle to talk to the princess and when I saw her, she was talking to a waist high blue creature that had flashing lights for eyes and had lights on its stomach.

I was now leaning on a chair casually thinking Mario must still think he was asleep.

Luigi: That was probably just a multicolored Koopa that wanted an autograph from the Princess.
Mario: NO, this “Thing” was not a Koopa, I have never seen anything like this in my entire life. At first I thought I was crazy, I looked away than looked back and it was still there, it had to be something from another world.

Oh gosh, I think he’s serious about this, oh god I hope he doesn’t want me to come……wait a second, where did it come from, I wonder if I should incerage Mario about this thing he described, he might be pulling my leg, or he’s crazy, god, I wonder if he’s telling the truth. I guess I better ask..

Luigi: But than if it’s from another world, how did it get here?
Mario: I don’t know, but I don’t like it, that is why I don’t think going to this party would be such a good idea.
Luigi: You’re right, it might have brainwashed the poor princess, and is trying to kill us. I said exasperated.
Mario: I don’t know if it’s trying to kill us, but I think the princess, no, that thing, must be trying to stay cool and make it seem like there is nothing wrong with the princess, he might be planning something big or it might be distracting everyone so it can search for something. Although, if it does want us dead, it must know that we can stop its plan.

At that moment I heard a familiar creaking sound that if heard enough, it could drive a person insane, and than I realized it… THE DOOR!!

As the door started to open with Mario and I still standing over between the dining room and the kitchen, a white hand started to emerge from the door way, at the same time the person said.

???: Than I guess you will need my help.
Mario: Leaping Lasagna! Mallow! Said Mario a little unbelieving. Is that really you, where have been all these years?
Mallow: Well, after our adventure with Geno, Peach, and Bowser, Valintina had returned to our kingdom and enslaved everyone, including me, As you could understand I had to take care of my kingdom before I would be able to go on another adventure with you. But, as you can see, I was just dropping by to see if you wanted to go on another adventure in some far off kingdom, but by the looks of it our adventure is once again here in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Mario: And just in the nick of time, by the way how long have you bean standing at the door.
Mallow: Long enough to hear what’s been going on, but by the sounds of it, we are facing someone quite different. By the way who’s the man in the green besides you.

Leaping linguini, he doesn’t even know who the great Luigi is, man, I am just feeling lower and lower on this rollercoaster of shame.

Mario: Oh sorry, this here is my younger brother Luigi, he has helped me in the past in some very difficult occasions
Mallow: Nice to meet you Luigi, man your Mario’s younger brother, I never would of guessed you were younger, you must have one wicked jump if I know anything about how Mario’s jumps were in the past, you must have at least twice as more jump the he does.
Luigi: uhhh, thanks, I am completely flattered by what you just said, but how exactly does Mario know you.
Mallow: to make a long story short, when a huge sword, controlled by Smithy, pierced Bowser castle about 3 years ago, Mario was on an adventure to save the princess and we bumped into each other in front of Peach’s castle, he helped me get my frog coin back from this creepy crocodile, I decided to help Mario on his quest to save the Princess and the Mushroom Kingdom.
Luigi: I wouldn’t call that exactly short but ok. Anyway what are we going to do about this blue thing Mario talked about.

At this point I knew Mario and Mallow were going to go without me to the castle, and I had totally forgotten about the cup of tea that was in my hand, as I started to stire and than drink my tea I tuned in on what Mario’s plan was going to be, since knowing full well Mario always has good plans.



Mario: Well, what we know is that this thing can’t be from the Mushroom Kingdom and I have a hunch that it had brainwashed the princess and is controlling her to distract us, I also think that it pulled some memories of us in the past because it obviously doesn’t like our hammer skills. I think it will be controlling the princess from a place inside the castle and wants us off doing something so it can search for something, the other idea we had is that maybe it wants us dead and is going to use the princess as a distraction.
Mallow: But obviously you aren’t able to decide which one of those options it is trying to plan. So how do you know how big this plan is going to be.
Luigi: We don’t, all we know for sure is that is should be something fairly big. Mario: Big enough to have new tougher guards warn all civilians of danger and imprison everyone else that enters the castle. By the way Luigi, do you think I would go into prison without a fight, those new guards are tuff, there like taller than you but have more muscle than Wario, try to imagine WaLuigi with the muscle power of Donkey Kong. I am going to need all the help I can get, so you’re coming along with us Luigi.

As of right now, I was scared to death, what was I supposed to do. If Mario couldn’t do anything against these new guards. I was now shaking so much that I spilt my cup of tea all over myself.

Luigi: Dang, I just had this washed. I better go take it to the clea….
Mario: I don’t think so Luigi, you’re not going to get yourself out of this that easy.
Luigi: But we don’t even have a plan yet, how are we supposed to defeat the creature that is surrounded by guards, and plus I never leave without a good shower and clean overalls on.
Mario: Good point Luigi, but you’re still going to help fight.
Mallow: I think your best approach would probably be to just go on vacation with her. While you guys are down at the theme park with her I will keep a sharp eye from the clouds. I might be able to spot this blue thing you were talking about..
Mario: Sounds like a good plan to me, oh and Luigi, just go put your swim trunks on instead if you want something clean. You can just put your regular close in a suitcase, or wash sometime this week before we go.”
Luigi: Why not right now?
Mario: Because were going to go give the princess a little visit. You can come two Mallow, I’m sure the princesses memory of you is still there.
Mallow: Won’t I be a little suspicious though, ya know, not being here in forever.
Mario: Naw, I think the creature probably won’t want to risk doing something to us, doing something might spoil its plan.
Luigi: Shouldn’t we be trying spoil its plan? Oh and I guess I can just wait to change into another set of overalls for now.
Mallow: No, if we stumble on what its planning to do, it could hurt the Princess.
Mario: well I still think we should go check it out, so lets a go.

Oh God, I am going to die, I cant believe Mario is going through with this. I should of just opened the letter before I came inside, than I would of knew about the party and could of just told Mario she invited just him to a party.

Suddenly I started to here a strange voice inside my head.

???: Hello? Can you hear me, hello, this is Krystal, are you in danger, do you need help……hello….hell….hel……….he…..hhh………………………

**********

As I piloted this huge vessel through this vast emptiness, I could feel myself starting to drift off to sleep when a annoying voice pierced the extremely long silence.

Fox: Hey Slippy, how much longer is this going to take before we get their?
Falco: Oh give it a rest Fox, you know as well as I do that Slippy is not going to give us the real answer.
Slippy: Hey! “I yelled a little for the fact that Falco knew what I’ve been piloting the Great Fox for the last 89 hours.” Now Falco, if you would stop being so rude to me, you would of known by now that we will be their in about a half an hour.
Peppy: Finally “yawned Peppy, who had awoken over the commotion between Fox, Falco and Slippy.
Slippy: Yes, According to my calculations we should see the beautiful Green and Blue planet any time now.
“Shicunk”
Krystal: “Well that sounds nice, and how do think we will land on this planet Slippy.

Everyone jumped in surprise when Krystal began to speak. I than realized she was supposed to be meditating, and it must have been real important to stop, everyone knew that even if we had already arrived and landed, she would continue her meditation until she was satisfies with herself.

Fox: Hey Krystal, I didn’t think you would be done with meditation so early.
Krystal: Thanks for pointing out the obvious Fox, but I am not yet done with my Meditation.
Peppy: Than what brings you out here than, we all know you don’t wuit until you have at least 50 hours in, and you still have about 2 hours to go.
Krystal: I know Peppy, but, well, the planet we are going to for vacation, the Mushroom planet…” Krystal hesitates with a little fear. “I got a distress call from an Italian Man who is worried about dying in the battle he and his brother might have to endure.
Fox: Great, here we go again, vacation turned into work.”
Peppy: Gees Fox, get a little sympathy for people, remember people count on us to save the Lylat system. Peppy proclaimed in a professional manor.
Faclo: So “Falco said trying to continue the conversation” do we know anything about this “Italian Man” you were talking about.
Krystal: Actually yes, I know for sure that this Man is tall and absolutely obsessed with the color green, I was also able to see through his eyes and see that another guy wearing Red Overalls.
Slippy: anything besides that, something that might be able to help us.
Krystal: Yes, these guys appear to be brothers. And I could tell that the one that was worried knows how to use magic.

“WHAT!!!!!!!” Yelled everyone in the pilot room with exasperation in there voices.

Fox: Than why do they need help if they know magic?
Krystal: I don’t know, but obviously he is worried, when we get to the planet we should try to find these Italian brothers.
Slippy: That’s something else we have to discuss, how will we get to the planet without the locals seeing our ships.
Peppy: Simple, all we have to do is land at night on one part of the planet and do it without lights. Also, Fox and Falco, you two will have to find a substitute for your guns. We will all carry a laser pistol, but they must stay hidden unless your life depends on it. Understood boys?

“Yes,” both Falco and Fox stated at the same moment.

Slippy: K guys, we are at the Mushroom Planet, I am bringing the states on the monitors now. “I said with a little excitement.” Hey Peppy do you think we should land close to Mushroom Kingdom, I heard you can stay at the castle and they have great room service there.
Fox and Falco: A castle, Alright!!
As both fox and Falco now passing high and low fives I look over to Peppy for a response.
Peppy: Yes, that would be a great spot to look for the Italian brothers. Plus we all need to get some casual close so we don’t stick out to much.”
Falco: Do you think we could take the night off and start the search in the morning. I could totally use some refreshments.

Everyone now could tell Falco was getting bored from us and needed a brake from everything. I don’t really know what he does on his spare time, Falco is the kind of person you would think would be a villain. When I first met him, he was a real jerk to everyone but Fox. But now I can see that he is getting more comfortable with us, although he try’s very hard to keep his cool act on, so seeing him excited for something like this only means he was really looking forward to relaxing.

Peppy: sure thing Falco, I’m sure everyone here has a little cabin fever and needs to get out and away from everyone. I only ask that all of you be careful and only talk to the locals if you have to.
Fox: we have another problem there Peppy. We don’t have anyway of communicating with them.
Slippy: Not true, I says here on my analysis that most of the population on this planet speak some form of English.
Krystal: Well you it looks like the place we want to land next to won’t get dark for at least another 8 hours. I am going back to my quarters to finish Meditating, than after that we can land on this planet.

And with that we all watch Krystal leave the room. I wonder what it would be like to be a powerful psychic like her. I bet it gets a little annoying sometimes when you are trying to sleep and than get a thought or image in your head about something you don’t know about till you go face to face with it.

Fox: Well Krystal’s right about not being able to land. Slippy put this ship in orbit, everyone else, I would suggest that you go and prepare for landing, we will land at dusk.

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

[Armagopalypse]

Nicely done. This new version is monumentally better, and iti's nice how you specifically tried to make the first few paragraphs detaillic. Just rememember a few things.

Make sure you pay enough attention to grammar. Great story, but many times it got bogged down and confusing because of sentence structure, missing periods and paragraph breaks, etc.

When you're writing, make sure you saturate your dialogue with detail. You did a lot better this time, just make sure you keep it up. The reader only knows what you tell them, so make sure you say enough to create the world your story is in.

Writing in the format:
Luigi: Blah Blah Blah
Mario: Blah Blah Blah
is fine, but just remember when you switch from someone actually talking to the thoughts or observations of a character you need to make a paragraph break. Otherwise, it's hard to distinguish what, for example, Luigi is thinking and what he's actually saying. Just remember that when you write in this format, you're still writing a story, not a script.

I really hate picking apart people's stories like this, because yours is really good. But praise and constructive critisism is always better than just praise alone, or else you'll never get better. I bet that having to rewrite your story in a different style was probably awkward. However, the more you work at it, the easier it will become, and the easier writing will come to you.

NOW HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER! Lol I want to read it before the new term starts on Monday, and my life is handed over to the educational system once again.

BTW nice sig. That Alvin Earthworm guy sure knows his stuff.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

Nicely done. This new version is monumentally better, and iti's nice how you specifically tried to make the first few paragraphs detaillic. Just rememember a few things.

Make sure you pay enough attention to grammar. Great story, but many times it got bogged down and confusing because of sentence structure, missing periods and paragraph breaks, etc.

When you're writing, make sure you saturate your dialogue with detail. You did a lot better this time, just make sure you keep it up. The reader only knows what you tell them, so make sure you say enough to create the world your story is in.

Writing in the format:
Luigi: Blah Blah Blah
Mario: Blah Blah Blah
is fine, but just remember when you switch from someone actually talking to the thoughts or observations of a character you need to make a paragraph break. Otherwise, it's hard to distinguish what, for example, Luigi is thinking and what he's actually saying. Just remember that when you write in this format, you're still writing a story, not a script.

I really hate picking apart people's stories like this, because yours is really good. But praise and constructive critisism is always better than just praise alone, or else you'll never get better. I bet that having to rewrite your story in a different style was probably awkward. However, the more you work at it, the easier it will become, and the easier writing will come to you.

NOW HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER! Lol I want to read it before the new term starts on Monday, and my life is handed over to the educational system once again.

BTW nice sig. That Alvin Earthworm guy sure knows his stuff.

Thanks man, you are right though, critisism helps alot, and it was very awkward writing this way but the reason for the bad grammer was because i worked about 6 hours strait one day, and than 9 hours the next, as you can see, i more than doubled the text.

You might have noticed i changed the enemy, keep watch.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

lol, i finaly saw that you commented about alvin-earthworm. ya his work is good, but i am in the process of turning this story into a flash film like his. well here is the next chapter, it's not quite as long as i wanted it to be, but i love the cliff hanger. Enjoy


Chapter 2
An Awkward Company

Oh god, we are really going through this am I really going to have to fight this thing, I don’t even have a clean pair of overalls on and the party isn’t tell next week, so why did Mario have us go to the castle if we have no business being their.

As we started are way over to the castle through the long winding trail trough the forest that consisted between our house and the castle grounds, I repeated the line “I am not going to die” Over and over in my head. Although Mario looked as happy as could be, I could feel this sickening growl in my stomach telling me I would regret going with him for the rest of my life. As I pondered this I couldn’t help but notice a yellow Koopa hiding behind a bush up ahead, and without even thinking of the consequences, I yelled out to my brother “Mario look out, it’s an ambush” and as I watched in horror as my brother turned around to face me, a couple dozen Koopa’s, and Para Koopa’s were coming out of hiding from all directions.

Before any of us could prepare to put up a fight, (not that I would have been a decent help sadly) we were all bound by ropes and than gagged. I could tell by instinct that Bowser’s minions were using some sort of sign language to communicate.

Now that all of us had noticed that the Koopa’s seemed to be busily communicating to each other, Mario, Mallow and I immediately started to struggle to get free and escape. But before neither Mario or I could even have time to start breaking the ropes, Mallow had already got his gag off and was starting to speak out of anger.

“You creeps, I won’t stand for this kind of cruelty. I am royalty, and with a snap of my finger I could have all my troops on you in a split second.” Mallow exasperetly screamed, and as Mario and I watched, he seemed like he was on the verge of crying.

Seeming as though none of the Koopa’s had heard anything of what Mallow had just said, they continued to communicate feverishly, constantly pointing in our direction with confused looks on their face’s which gave me the impression that we might be the wrong guys they were looking for.

Suddenly, as if at once, all the Koopa’s stopped their commotion and turned towards a bush and began to kneel on one knee and bow there heads.

As if on que, the great Koopa king himself, “Bowser” walking as though appearing triumphant of a prize he had appeared to have won, But his expression had almost immediately changed as fast the commotion had stopped between the Koopa’s. Bowser had taken one glance at Mario, Mallow and I and put his head up in the air and began to laugh hysterically.

“What’s so funny lizard lips, read a good joke how to incorrectly rule the world.” Mario said appearing to have removed his gag as well.

“Wa ha ha, you still have your sense of humor it seems my Pisano munching moron.” Bowser had said with a evil grin on his face and began to continue. “But it seems you are mistaken. I laugh because you two have accidentally stumbled in my trap. Although it was not meant for you, I am happy to say I am not disappointed with the results.”

As I listened to this lie that came out of this enormously fat weirdo, I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by this trap not meaning to be for us. I watched in amazement though to see Mario was having a face off with Bowser even though he was tied up, but at this moment I had also removed my gag and found the courage within me to summon the question that I believed would a little frightening to know.

“Well, than if you were not expecting us, who were you expecting out here in the middle of the forest.” I stuttered with the amazement that I was able to even talk at all.

Bowser now turning to face me “Ha, I am glad you asked Luigi. You see I was on my way to the castle to do a little business that had to be caught up on.”

“You mean capturing the Princess.” Mallow had said seeing that I was shaking so much that the ropes were starting to slide of me thus getting arid of Bowser’s attention on me which was a relief.

“Whatever.” Bowser said a little annoyed that Mallow figured out his plan so quickly. “Anyway I was their to spy on the Princess to see if it was the right time to strike, when suddenly I was hit in the head from behind with incredible force.” Bowser said rubbing a spot on his head were he seemed to believe there to be bump or something and continued. “Well, don’t expect me to admit something like this again, but I was knocked unconscious. And when I finally came too, I was still in same spot I was before and as I looked around me for a sign of the perpetrator, I found this incredible large diamond right behind me.”

Bowser, who now was starting to sound like a softy, changed the volume of his voice and roared to one of his troops. As the Koopa hurried to hand him a large blue colored bag, I noticed Mario signaling me to continue with trying to break free of our binds.

Bowser who had taken the bag from his minion started out a huge Yellow colored Diamond shaped crystal out of the bag. As I stared in amazement, I could hear that Mario was about to speak again and had to struggle to get my eyes off the crystal and on to Mario.

“Mama Mea, that’s huge” Mario had said trying to bud into the conversation that was originally him facing Bowser and ready to fight him. All now he seemed to want to do was get some info from Bowser and be a part of this weird and awkward company we had acquired.

“You sure bet it’s huge,” Now turning his attention back to Mario, “I own a lot of large gold and jewels, but I have never seen something of this size or color in my entire life.”

“Well, that still doesn’t tell us why you had set a trap here.” Said Mario trying to make sure Bowser’s attention was focused on him so Mallow and I could continue untying our ropes.

“I Know, I hate to say this though, but I need your guys help.” Bowser proclaimed now hanging his head in shame.


At this point both Mallow and I had stopped struggling and were listening intently on what Bowser was going to say next, especially because he never admits he needs help, even if his Castle had been destroyed, or he has lost something dear to him.

“And why do you think we would help you.” Mallow had said with a little annoyance in the tone of his voice.

“Well, you wouldn’t really be helping me directly.” Bowser sighed but still he continued to speak. “I need your guys help to save the princess.”

To shocked to speak, we all kept motionless, waiting for someone to continue this dreaded conversation. But no one did we just sat there, on the road between Princess Peaches Castle, and our house.

TO BE CONTINUED.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

if their is anyone else reading my story, post at least one comment so i know i got a fan to keep my going on this story, other wise i will shut it down.

 

[Armagopalypse]

Well, you know I'm reading it anyway. Even if you don't think anyone is reading your story, you should continue with it anyway, even if more for your sake than anyone else's. The only way to become a better writer is to keep writing after all, and if you enjoy writing this story then keep at it.

As for reviewing it now. There weren't as many obvious grammar errors as last time. A lot of them just consisted of things like using thieir instead of there, etc. And I notice this chapter seems much less forced, and even has a bit of a cliffhanger at the end, and you're getting better at descriptions,too. To repeat myslef, all I can say is always make sure as you continue writing to have enough detail, so the reader can envision the world you're creating, but not too much so it bogs down the story.

Keep at it, and I'm sure you'll get better.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

cool, thanks for the input, and to anyone else who is reading this, i will update in a day or two, i am in the process of moving to the washington coast so i cant get on the internet as much as i used to.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

If their is someone waiting for part 3, than post a comment. I want to know if i have any fans.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

All right everyone part 3 will be on by tomarow at 3. i almost can not contain myself, i am just editing it now, so hang tight and staytuned.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

All right everyone part 3 will be on by tomarow at 3. i almost can not contain myself, i am just editing it now, so hang tight and staytuned.

man i feel like a idiot.

my computer had to go through a system reboot and i lost all my documents. sorry people, i have to re type everything. it might be till the end of the week till i get it on.

sorry.

 

[jjoe]

I didn't read the first two parts of your story but im willing to listen.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

ya, another comment. thanks for posting, I dont know if you have had the time to read it yet jjoe, but i think you will like it.

And to anyone else who is reading, my wireless internet has failed me, so i am switching componies. I am at the high school computer right now and there is no usb drive, so until I get my new network, i will not be able to post my story.

It will be no longer than 2 weeks. sorry for the delay.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

almost down, its pretty good, you fans are really going to like this chapter 3

 

[SuperLinkBrothers]

Cant Wait for the next chapter, great story!

 

[the_Capt_Falcon_Master]

yea this stuff is awsome. When you finish you should repost the whole thing back to back. And if you can draw pictures would be awsome to.

 

[SuperLinkBrothers]

Great idea

I agree with the_Capt!

Keep up the good work man

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

The Rebellion edited and up to chapter 3, yeah

Sorry about the weird font, i copied it from word, this version has been edited and alot of info has been added. also this one has chapter 3 in it(the unreleased chapter.) enjoy the story.

The Rebellion

Prologue

9 / 18 / 2123:
I have an odd feeling of what is happening to this place. My family has been taken by an unknown force that I believe I can’t fight by myself. The team is all I have left, but the commander doesn’t think it will be enough to challenge this incredible force. The crew grows tired and worried by the hour, and I have not slept in a week. We will launch our attack soon and if we happen to receive victory, we still think the force will return another day. I don’t know when my next login will be.
END LOG.

7 / 12 / 2124:
We have received our final mission against the enemy, and we go off to battle tomorrow against the entire armada. I don’t think I will return. If someone is reading this and I am dead, tell Krystal to never give up and I will always be there for the team.
END LOG.

7 / 28 / 2124:
We have done it! We have beaten the enemy, and their leader Andross, I am lucky to be alive, and I don’t think I will be in service for a while. The team and I are taking a well deserved vacation on the mushroom planet in the far reaches of the lylat system where there are wonderful resorts there, but we must be careful not show the civilians our technology because of their lack of intelligence.
END FINAL LOG.




Chapter 1
A Old Friend


“Ahh, fine day Sunday, no letters, no chores, just sitting at home and watching the clear water waves hit the soft sand of cheep cheep beach.”

As, I started do dose off from looking at the almost peaceful water, I heard a faint flapping of wings from behind me near the house.

“Hmm” I wonder what that could be, there’s no mail today unless, MAMA MEA!!!! That could only mean it’s from the princess. As I got up wondering what crazy adventure Mario is about to embark on, I realized Mario must still be asleep. Since knowing full well that Mario always goes to town for supplies on Sundays after his morning run, “if it is a Letter from the Princess, I am going to have to run to town to get food” I thought aloud as I started walking towards the mail box. “Well at least I will be able to get supplies for my new recipes that I’ve been meaning to catch up on.”

By that time I had already made it to the mail box and was opening the lid, when a wave of perfume hit me square in the face. Sighing I said to myself “yep I knew it”, gees I have got to stop thinking aloud, or people are going to start thinking I’m crazy. “Hmm” I thought as I pulled the letter out of the mail box, I wonder what she’s in trouble from this time, she must still be at the castle though, (unless Bowser is getting smarter and decided to make a fake letter), naw Bowser is way to dumb to think of something that ingenious, and Cackletta has been thrown into high security prison. Hmm I wonder who it is.

As I started up the creaky wooden stairs to our house I realized that I had been thinking so much on what the letter would contain, that I had totally forgotten to open the letter! But it was too late, I had opened the front door and was in the house. I could also hear Mario starting to wake up from his sleep in the upstairs room.

Well I might as well go sit down in the dining room and open the letter when he fully wakes up.

Walking towards the table I realized how famished I was after being out side this morning, so I went into the kitchen to make a nice cup of tea to relax the stress I had been putting on my brain about that stupid letter. Thinking more about the letter again, I started to become jealous of Mario again like I always do when he goes out on an adventure without me. I mean, nobody EVER asks me to help them. It’s always Toad running to the house screaming “Mario, Mario, come quick, the princess has been kidnapped” mimicking Toad aloud. I mean, I don’t really like adventures and stuff, but at least it would be nice if I got invited to something other than a tennis tournament or a party or something.

By this time I had not been focused on the water on the stove that was boiling over. “Dang” I said panicked, now running over to pick up my custom made, Emerald plated tea pot off the stove. I then quickly cleaned up the steaming hot water off the ground and started to pour water in my green mug. Following that, I then sprinkled a tad of my favorite Ashlin Mushroom Tea powder into my cup. Grabbing a spoon from the drawer I started to make my way to the dining room when I glanced over to see Mario about to go out the door.




Luigi: Yo Bro, you need to take a look at what we got in the mail. It’s a letter from the princess!

Mario: Hmm, but isn’t it Sunday?

Luigi: Ya, but there is a priority stamp on the letter with the royal insignia on it.

Mario now closing the half open door, started to walk over next to where I was standing.

Mario: Then why haven’t you opened it yet Luigi, it could be important?

Luigi: Ya, it’s just that, I figured it was for you.

Mario: God Luigi, you scare me sometimes, but I don’t think it’s just for me.

“Oh give me a break! Was that his sympathy comment, gosh I feel even worse than I did five minutes ago.”-thought Luigi

Luigi: Why, do you think it’s a party invitation or something?

Mario: I have my reasons.

Luigi: Whatever, let’s just open the letter shall we.

As I started unwrapping the letter, I could not get out of my head what Mario meant by “I don’t think it’s just for me”. Was he trying to be nice, or did something happen that I am not aware of yet. I had finished unwrapping the letter and proceeded with reading it aloud.


Dear Mario and Luigi:
How have you two been lately? Mario, I know you aren’t too happy about being put in prison the last time you were at the castle, but I wanted to make it up to you by inviting you and Luigi to an amusement park later next week. It would mean the world to me if you would come and I know you would like to have some fun instead of saving the world as often as you do. Yoshi and the others will be there as well. If you come, make sure you leave your hammers at home, I want us to have fun and not have you or Luigi to pick a fight with Wario or Donkey Kong, thus turning our fun time into a competition like the last couple of parties we’ve had. Oh, and bring your swim trunks as well, for some later fun at the water park.

Sincerely,
Peach

<“Man, Mario in Prison, gees I wonder what he must of done, well at least we are going to an amusement park, I have wanted to talk to Toadsworth without interruptions from the princess or the others, and this amusement park with be the perfect distraction for her.” >

Luigi: Wow Mario! An amusement park, I will finally get to show Toadsworth my famous Spiced Mushroom and Calamari Stew recipe.

<“Hmm I wonder if Mario fell for the enthusiastic remark.”>

Mario: Sure Luigi, you do that, but don’t you think the wording in that letter was a little weird?

Luigi: “Oh come on Mario,” sighing, “The Princess is just trying to accommodate for the fact that she put you in Prison. What did you do anyway?

Mario: I did absolutely nothing but enter the castle to make sure she was alright, and I have a good reason to be suspicious of her.

Luigi: Oh ya, what, she isn’t in trouble, and she has invited us to a party like she always does, the only thing that I have ever seen her do, is call for your aid, and you think she is up to something. Please Mario, I know you better than anyone, if anyone is acting suspicious, it’s you!

Mario was now getting up so close to my face, I could actually smell what seemed to be his mid night lunch, consisting of what smelt like rotten onions mixed with pasta and mushrooms.

Mario: You want to know my reason, fine, but you will not like it.

Luigi: Oh ya, try me!

Mario: All right, have you noticed the lack of the townsmen lately?

Luigi: Ya, but it’s summer, we both know everybody needs a good holiday vacation.

Mario: That’s true, but most people are back by Sunday morning.

<I was starting to get worried now. Mario must still be tired or something, or he must have had a bad dream.>

Luigi: “Go on.” I said so he would finish his little tale.

Mario: This might seem weird, but while I was in prison, I heard one of the guards telling the civilians to take refuge in another town for there will be something catastrophic coming to the Mushroom Kingdom. So after getting out, I snuck around the castle to talk to the princess and when I saw her, she was talking to a waist high blue creature that had flashing lights for eyes and had lights on its stomach.

I was now leaning on a chair casually thinking Mario must still think he was asleep.

Luigi: That was probably just a multicolored Koopa that wanted an autograph from the Princess.

Mario: NO, this “Thing” was not a Koopa. I have never seen anything like this in my entire life. At first I thought I was crazy, I looked away than looked back and it was still there, it had to be something from another world.

<Oh gosh, I think he’s serious about this, oh gawd I hope he doesn’t want me to come……wait a second, where did it come from, I wonder if I should encourage Mario about this thing he described, he might be pulling my leg, or he’s crazy. Oh gawd, I wonder if he’s telling the truth. I guess I better ask..>

Luigi: But then if it’s from another world, how did it get here?

Mario: I don’t know, but I don’t like it, that is why I don’t think going to this party would be such a good idea.

Luigi: You’re right, it might have brainwashed the poor princess, and is trying to kill us”, I said exasperated.

Mario: I don’t know if it’s trying to kill us, but I think the princess, no, that thing, must be trying to stay cool and make it seem like there is nothing wrong with the princess, he might be planning something big or it might be distracting everyone so it can search for something. Although, if it does want us dead, it must know that we can stop its plan.

< At that moment I heard a familiar creaking sound that if heard enough, it could drive a person insane, and than I realized what it was… THE DOOR!!>

< As the door started to open with Mario and I still standing over between the dining room and the kitchen, a white hand started to emerge from the door way, at the same time the person said.>

???: “Than I guess you will need my help. “

Mario: “Leaping Lasagna! Mallow!” said Mario a little unbelieving. Is that really you, where have you been all these years?

Mallow: Well, after our adventure with Geno, Peach, and Bowser, Valintina had returned to our kingdom and enslaved everyone, including me, As you can understand I had to take care of my kingdom before I would be able to go on another adventure with you. But, as you can see, I was just dropping by to see if you wanted to go on another adventure in some far off kingdom, but by the looks of it our adventure is once again here in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Mario: And just in the nick of time, by the way how long have you been standing at the door.

Mallow: Long enough to hear what’s been going on, but by the sounds of it, we are facing someone quite different. By the way who’s the man in the green besides you.

< Leaping linguini, he doesn’t even know who the great Luigi is, man, I am just feeling lower and lower on this rollercoaster of shame.>

Mario: Oh sorry, this here is my younger brother Luigi, he has helped me in the past in some very difficult occasions.

Mallow: Nice to meet you Luigi, man your Mario’s younger brother, I never would of guessed you were younger, you must have one wicked jump if I know anything about how Mario’s jumps were in the past, you must have at least twice as more jump the he does.

Luigi: Uhhh, thanks, I am completely flattered by what you just said, but how exactly does Mario know you.

Mallow: To make a long story short, when a huge sword, controlled by Smithy, pierced Bowser’s castle about 3 years ago, Mario was on an adventure to save the princess and we bumped into each other in front of Peach’s castle, he helped me get my frog coin back from this creepy crocodile, after that, I decided to help Mario on his quest to save the Princess and the Mushroom Kingdom.”

Luigi: I wouldn’t call that exactly short but ok. Anyway, what are we going to do about this blue thing Mario talked about?

<At this point I knew Mario and Mallow were going to go without me to the castle, and I had totally forgotten about the cup of tea that was in my hand, as I started to stir and than drink my tea I tuned in on what Mario’s plan was going to be, since knowing full well Mario always has good plans.>



Mario: Well, what we know is that this thing can’t be from the Mushroom Kingdom and I have a hunch that it had brainwashed the princess and is controlling her to distract us, I also think that it pulled up some memories of us from the past because it obviously doesn’t like our hammer skills. I think it will be controlling the princess from a place inside the castle and wants us off doing something so it can search for something, the other idea we had is that maybe it wants us dead and is going to use the princess as a distraction.

Mallow: But obviously you aren’t able to decide which one of those options it is trying to plan. So how do you know how big this plan is going to be.

Luigi: We don’t, all we know for sure is that is should be something fairly big.

Mario: Big enough to have new tougher guards warn all civilians of danger and imprison everyone else that enters the castle. By the way Luigi, do you think I would go into prison without a fight, those new guards are tuff, there like taller than you but have more muscle than Wario, try to imagine WaLuigi with the muscle power of Donkey Kong. I am going to need all the help I can get, so you’re coming along with us Luigi.

As of right now, I was scared to death, what was I supposed to do. If Mario couldn’t do anything against these new guards. I was now shaking so much that I spilt my cup of tea all over myself.

Luigi: Dang, I just had this washed. I better go take it to the clea….

Mario: I don’t think so Luigi, you’re not going to get yourself out of this that easy.

Luigi: But we don’t even have a plan yet, how are we supposed to defeat the creature that is surrounded by guards, and plus I never leave without a good shower and clean overalls on.

Mario: Good point Luigi, but you’re still going to help fight.

Mallow: I think your best approach would probably be to just go on vacation with her. While you guys are down at the theme park with her I will keep a sharp eye from the clouds. I might be able to spot this blue thing you were talking about.

Mario: Sounds like a good plan to me, oh and Luigi, just go put your swim trunks on instead if you want something clean. You can just put your regular close in a suitcase, or wash sometime this week before we go.”

Luigi: Why not right now?

Mario: Because were going to go give the princess a little visit. You can come too Mallow, I’m sure the princesses memory of you is still there.

Mallow: Won’t I be a little suspicious though, ya know, not being here in forever.

Mario: Naw, I think the creature probably won’t want to risk doing something to us, doing something might spoil its plan.

Luigi: Shouldn’t we be trying to spoil its plan? Oh, and I guess I can just wait to change into another set of overalls for now.

Mallow: No, if we stumble on what its planning to do, it could hurt the Princess.

Mario: well I still think we should go check it out, so lets a go.

Oh God, I am going to die, I can’t believe Mario is going through with this. I should have just opened the letter before I came inside, than I would of knew about the party and could of just told Mario she invited just him to a party.

Suddenly I started to here a strange voice inside my head.

???: Hello? Can you hear me, hello, this is Krystal, are you in danger, do you need help……hello….hell….hel……….he…..hhh………………………

**********

As I piloted this huge vessel through this vast emptiness, I could feel myself starting to drift off to sleep when an annoying voice pierced the extremely long silence.

Fox: Hey Slippy, how much longer is this going to take before we get their?

Falco: Oh give it a rest Fox, you know as well as I do that Slippy is not going to give us the real answer.

Slippy: Hey! “I yelled a little for the fact that Falco knew that I’ve been piloting the Great Fox for the last 89 hours.” Now Falco, if you would stop being so rude to me, you would of known by now that we will be their in about a half an hour.

Peppy: Finally “yawned Peppy, who had awoken over the commotion between Fox, Falco and Slippy.

Slippy: Yes, According to my calculations we should see the beautiful Green and Blue planet any time now.

“Shicunk”

Krystal: “Well that sounds nice, and how do think we will land on this planet Slippy.

Everyone jumped in surprise when Krystal began to speak. I than realized she was supposed to be meditating, and it must have been real important to stop, everyone knew that even if we had already arrived and landed, she would continue her meditation until she was satisfied with herself.

Fox: Hey Krystal, I didn’t think you would be done with meditation so early.

Krystal: Thanks for pointing out the obvious Fox, but I am not yet done with my Meditation.

Peppy: Than what brings you out here than, we all know you don’t wait until you have at least 50 hours in, and you still have about 2 hours to go.

Krystal: I know Peppy, but, well, the planet we are going to for vacation, the Mushroom planet…” Krystal hesitates with a little fear. “I got a distress call from an Italian Man who is worried about dying in the battle he and his brother might have to endure.

Fox: Great, here we go again, vacation turned into work.

Peppy: Gees Fox, get a little sympathy for people, remember people count on us to save the Lylat system. Peppy proclaimed in a professional manor.

Falco: So “Falco said trying to continue the conversation” do we know anything about this “Italian Man” you were talking about.

Krystal: Actually yes, I know for sure that this Man is tall and absolutely obsessed with the color green, I was also able to see through his eyes and see that another guy wearing Red Overalls.

Slippy: Anything besides that, something that might be able to help us.

Krystal: Yes, these guys appear to be brothers. And I could tell that the one that was worried knows how to use magic.

“WHAT!?” Yelled everyone in the pilot room with exasperation in their voices.

Fox: Then why do they need help if they know magic?

Krystal: I don’t know, but obviously he is worried, when we get to the planet we should try to find these Italian brothers.

Slippy: That’s something else we have to discuss, how will we get to the planet without the locals seeing our ships.

Peppy: Simple, all we have to do is land at night on one part of the planet and do it without lights. Also, Fox and Falco, you two will have to find a substitute for your guns. We will all carry a lazer pistol, but they must stay hidden unless your life depends on it. Understood boys?

“Yes,” both Falco and Fox stated at the same moment.

Slippy: K guys, we are at the Mushroom Planet, I am bringing the stat’s on the monitors now. “I said with a little excitement.” Hey Peppy do you think we should land close to Mushroom Kingdom, I heard you can stay at the castle and they have great room service there.

Fox and Falco: A castle, Alright!!

As both fox and Falco now passing high and low fives I looked over to Peppy for a response.

Peppy: Yes, that would be a great spot to look for the Italian brothers. Plus we all need to get some casual close so we don’t stick out to much.”

Falco: Do you think we could take the night off and start the search in the morning. I could totally use some refreshments.

Everyone now could tell Falco was getting bored from us and needed a brake from everything. I don’t really know what he does on his spare time, Falco is the kind of person you would think would be a villain. When I first met him, he was a real jerk to everyone but Fox. But now I can see that he is getting more comfortable with us, although he try’s very hard to keep his cool act on, so seeing him excited for something like this only means he was really looking forward to relaxing.

Peppy: sure thing Falco, I’m sure everyone here has a little cabin fever and needs to get out and away from everyone. I only ask that all of you be careful and only talk to the locals if you have to.

Fox: We have another problem there Peppy. We don’t have anyway of communicating with them.

Slippy: Not true, it says here on my analysis that most of the population on this planet speaks some form of English.

Krystal: Well you it looks like the place we want to land next to won’t get dark for at least another 8 hours. I am going back to my quarters to finish Meditating, than after that we can land on this planet.

And with that we all watched Krystal leave the room. I wonder what it would be like to be a powerful psychic like her. I bet it gets a little annoying sometimes when you are trying to sleep and than get a thought or image in your head about something you don’t know about till you go face to face with it.

Fox: Well Krystal’s right about not being able to land. Slippy put this ship in orbit, everyone else, I would suggest that you go and prepare for landing, we will land at dusk.

End Of Chapter One












Chapter 2
An Awkward Company

Oh god, we are really going through this. Am I really going to have to fight this thing, I don’t even have a clean pair of overalls on and the party isn’t tell next week. So why did Mario have us go to the castle if we have no business being there.

As we started are way over to the castle through the long winding trail through the forest that consisted between our house and the castle grounds, I repeated the line “I am not going to die” Over and over in my head. Although Mario looked as happy as could be, I could feel this sickening growl in my stomach telling me I would regret going with him for the rest of my life. As I pondered this I couldn’t help but notice a yellow Koopa hiding behind a bush up ahead, and without even thinking of the consequences, I yelled out to my brother.

Luigi: Mario look out, it’s an ambush.

And as I watched in horror as my brother turned around to face me, a couple dozen Koopa’s, and Para Koopa’s were coming out of hiding from all directions.

Before any of us could prepare to put up a fight, (not that I would have been a decent help sadly) we were all bound by ropes and than gagged.

As I looked around, I could see that the Koopa’s were really confused and I could tell by instinct that they were using some sort of sign language to communicate. I than looked to Mario who was now notifying Mallow that the Koopa’s were paying no attention to us.

Now that all of us were aware that the Koopa’s were to busy communicating to each other, Mario, Mallow and I immediately started to struggle to get free and escape. But before neither Mario or I could even have time to start breaking the ropes, Mallow had already got his gag off and was starting to speak out of anger.

“You creeps, I won’t stand for this kind of cruelty. I am royalty, and with a snap of my finger I could have all my troops on you in a split second.” Mallow screamed exasperated, and as Mario and I watched, he seemed like he was on the verge of crying.

Seeming as though none of the Koopa’s had heard anything of what Mallow had just said, they continued to communicate feverishly, constantly pointing in our direction with confused looks on their face’s which gave me the impression that we might be the wrong guys they were looking for.

Suddenly, as if at once, all the Koopa’s stopped their commotion and turned towards a bush and began to kneel on one knee and bow there heads.

As if on que, the great Koopa king himself, “Bowser” walking as though appearing triumphant of a prize he had appeared to have won, but his expression had almost immediately changed as fast as the commotion had stopped between the Koopa’s. Bowser had taken one glance at Mario, Mallow and I and put his head up in the air and began to laugh hysterically.

Mario: What’s so funny lizard lips, read a good joke how to incorrectly rule the world.

Mario said appearing to have removed his gag as well.

Bowser: Wa ha ha, you still have your sense of humor it seems my Pisano munching moron.

Bowser had said with an evil grin on his face and began to continue.

Bowser: But it seems you are mistaken. I laugh because you three have accidentally stumbled in my trap. Although it was not meant for you, I am happy to say I am not disappointed with the results.

As I listened to this lie that came out of this enormously fat weirdo, I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by this trap not meaning to be for us. I watched in amazement though to see Mario was having a face off with Bowser even though he was tied up, but at this moment I had also removed my gag and found the courage within me to summon the question that I believed would be a little frightening to know the answer too.

Luigi: Well, than if you were not expecting us, who were you expecting out here in the middle of the forest.

I stuttered out with the amazement that I was able to even talk at all.

Bowser, now laughing, turned to face me.

Bowser: Ha, I am glad you asked Luigi. You see I was on my way to the castle to do a little business that had to be caught up on.

Mallow: You mean capturing the Princess.

Oh thank god Mallow had pulled the attention away from me. I was so scared that I was shaking so much that the ropes were starting to slide of me.

Bowser: Whatever.

It was obvious Bowser was a little annoyed that Mallow figured out his plan so quickly.

Bowser: Anyway I was their to spy on the Princess to see if it was the right time to strike, when suddenly I was hit in the head from behind with incredible force.

Bowser rubbing a spot on his head where he seemed to believe there to be a bump or something continued his speech.

Bowser: Well, don’t expect me to admit something like this again, but I was knocked unconscious. And when I finally came too, I was still in same spot I was before and as I looked around me for a sign of the perpetrator, I found this incredible large diamond right behind me.

Bowser, who now was starting to sound like a softy, changed the volume of his voice and roared to one of his troops. As the Koopa hurried to hand him a large blue velvet bag, I noticed Mario signaling me to continue with trying to break free of our binds.

Bowser who had taken the bag from his minion started taking out a huge Yellow colored, Diamond shaped crystal out of the bag. As I stared in amazement, I could hear that Mario was about to speak again and then I had to struggle to get my eyes off the crystal and on to Mario.

Mario: Mama Mea, that’s huge!

Wow, I can’t believe my eyes. Mario was mad that he was not getting the quantity of this conversation, and was trying desperately to bud back into the conversation that was of the battle of speech between him and Bowser. All I could see from him now was that he seemed to want to get some decent info from Bowser and be a part of this weird and awkward company we had acquired.

Bowser: You sure bet it’s huge.

He now turned his attention back to Mario.

Bowser: I’ve acquired a lot of large gold and jewels in my time, but I have never even seen something of this size or color in my entire life.

Mario: Well, that still doesn’t tell us why you had set a trap here.

Man, I have to admire his determination to be in the spotlight, although, he was also keeping Bowser’s attention on him so Mallow and I could continue untying our binds.

Bowser: I Know, I hate to say this though, but I need your guys help.

Bowser proclaimed now hanging his head in shame.

At this point both Mallow and I had stopped struggling and were listening intently on what Bowser was going to say next, especially because he never admits he needs help, even if his Castle had been destroyed, or he had lost something dear to him.

Mallow: And why do you think we would help you.

I had sensed that Mallow had a little annoyance in the tone of his voice.

Bowser: Well, you wouldn’t really be helping me directly.

Bowser sighed but still he continued to speak.

Bowser: I need your guys help to save the princess.

To shocked to speak, we all kept motionless, waiting for someone to continue this dreaded conversation. But no one did, and we just sat there, with this weird and awkward company on the road between Princess Peaches Castle, and our house.

End of Chapter Two




















Chapter 3
The Pieces Fall

As I watched this beautiful planet go into darkness, I knew that I would not be able to see such glorified beauty from this planet again.

While I watched the planet in awe, I did not hear the door open from my cabin, nor the foot steps of my semi fearless leader Fox Mcloud.

Fox: Hey Slippy, you ready for landing, I know I am.

As I jumped at the sound of his voice, thinking of how he never gives me my privacy, I started to take in what Fox had said and realized that for the entire 8 hours that I had been in my cabin, I had only looked and marveled at the planets beauty.

Now realizing I was indeed not ready, I decided to lie.

Slippy: Of course I’m ready you dolt, why would I not be. You know, you never give me any privacy, why is that Fox?

As Fox stared at me fully stunned at what I had just said, I nudged him out the door so I could prepare myself for landing.

Fox: Uhh, I guess I’m just excited Slippy.

I guess I had not stunned him enough, because now Fox was weaseling himself back into my special cabin. I decided to take another approach and see if I could get on his emotional nerve.

Slippy: So Fox, now that you and I are ready, why don’t we go and check on Krystal.

Fox: Oh, my, gosh. Slippy, that’s a great idea!

And with the major blushing from Fox, he bolted out of my cabin and down the long corridor toward Krystal’s cabin.

Now seeing my opportunity to get ready, I hurriedly proceeded with packing my small trunk. I did not need much, just the usual things like my energy diffuser, the sonic tonic ray gun, a couple of stun grenades, and my personal favorite, the mind boggler.

As I stuffed these things in my bag, I could not help but notice the 2 power hammers that I had saved from our last mission on recepticon. I have not been able to try these yet, nor do I know how to use them. But my anxiety got the best of me. I quickly put the hammers in my trunk, than putting a couple of casual cloaks on them to cover them up.

And with that done, I changed into comfortable pants and a nice deep forest green cloak and headed out towards the main cockpit of the “Great Fox”.

While I walked down the extremely long corridor, I had walked by a couple of rooms that I was familiar with. As I walked by Falco’s room, I noticed he was looking at a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend, Kate. I am not quit sure what had happened between those two, maybe it was just the fact that it was hard to keep Falco in one place for so long. With this thought in my head, I became frustrated and pushed the thought from my mind and continued down the corridor. As I approached the next room, I heard a faint noise that sounded like snoring. Sure enough, it was Peppy’s cabin. As expected, he was laying on his bed as if in a coffin with a medal of honor in his right hand, which just happened to be placed on his heart. Smiling, I kept going down the corridor, and as if on que, I see Fox getting shoved out of Krystal’s room. As he turned to look at me, I knew what he was going to say by the sad, hopeless look scraped upon his face.

Slippy: It’s okay Fox, you’ll get your chance, you just have to be patient with her.

Fox: I know, it just sucks that I still can’t get a date with her even after all the missions we have spent together.

Slippy: Trust me, she likes you, she just has her mind set on other things at the moment.

Fox: Yeah, I guess you’re right. Although, I have never seen her so focused on her meditation.

Slippy: You’re right, that is kind of odd. Anyway, I am on my way to speak with ROB about this planet. So I would suggest getting a little rest before we land.

Fox: Sure, I’ll do that. Catch you later Slippy.

And with that, Fox started walking slowly back down the long corridor toward his cabin.

Now continuing down to the cockpit I stared off trying to imagine Fox and Krystal as a married couple. While I pondered this I had not noticed that I was in the main cockpit and that ROB was trying desperately to get my attention.

ROB: Sir, are you alright? You don’t look very well and your vital signs are vague.

Slippy: huh, oh, sorry ROB, I was just day dreaming.

ROB: Does not compute. What is this day dreaming you speak of sir?

Slippy: Nothing really, it’s just something when your mind wanders. Anyway did you finish your analysis of the Mushroom Planet?

ROB: Yes. Analysis is complete. Shall I bring the stats up on the monitor?

Slippy: Yes, and highlight the population of the Mushroom Kingdom.

ROB: Acknowledged. Population of the Mushroom Kingdom is…….. unknown.

Slippy: That’s impossible; does our life decoder pick up all intelligent life forms?

ROB: Indeed, shall I run the scan again?

Slippy: Yes, but this time search for all life forms in and around the Mushroom Kingdom.

ROB: Affirmative. Please wait while I run the scan.

Man, I wonder what’s going on down there. For something as primitive as this planet, it sure is giving our technology a run for its money.

ROB: Scan complete. Population of the Mushroom Kingdom is 864,387,108 beings not including beings smaller than 1.5 feet in height.

Falco: Wow, that’s a pretty incredible number for such a low intelligence planet.

Slippy: YIKES! Gees Falco don’t scare me like that. That’s the second time I’ve been startled in the last hour.

Falco: Sorry Slippy. Just cool your jets though, it’s not like it’s a big deal. You are just get startled easier than the rest of us. I mean, we don’t really have to introduce ourselves every time one of us inters a room just so you don’t get “Startled”.

Slippy: whatever. Anyway, ROB, are you sure that was the real population number.

ROB: Yes. This planet has about 608.3 billion life forms on it at present moment. This concerns me a bit though, because if there really are this many beings, than it will be a lot harder than we thought to try and find this “Italian Plumber” that is in trouble.

Slippy: I agree. This also makes the question on where do we land our Arwings and have them not to be seen by the locals.

There was an awkward silence. Even ROB didn’t have a good answer. As I waited for someone to speak up, the door of the main **** pit opened and Peppy walked in and I knew by instinct that he was going to give us the golden answer.

Peppy: Well that would seem to be a true problem. I guess all we have to do is look for a deep forest close to the Mushroom Kingdom. Than we can have ROB Beam us down in that area.

Falco: But I thought the transporter doesn’t work on life forms?

Peppy: It didn’t, but after we defeated Andross, I decided to take the “Great Fox” to an old friend of mine. We also have a couple more Arwings and Land Masters in the docking bay in case of an emergency.

Fox: Nice, so what are we waiting for, lets find a vacant spot and go there. I am really getting tired of waiting.

Slippy: Just cool your jets for a second Fox, be patient for just little longer. For one, you have not really been part of this conversation and interrupting like that was really rude…….

(I think I heard a grunt from Falco that sounded somewhat like laughter.)

Slippy: ……So don’t think you can just barge in here and make decisions for us.

Fox: Whatever Slippy, can we continue?

Slippy: Yes. Now since you walked in late, I’m not sure weather you know what we were talking about. Do you?

Fox: Ya, I think I got most of it. I’ve been walking kind of slow lately and you guys talk really loud. So I’m pretty sure I didn’t miss anything. So, this transporter thing, if it can teleport life forms, than can’t we just beam into the Mushroom Kingdom Castle?

Peppy: Actually no. Transporting life forms takes about 10 times longer than regular things, and we can’t risk someone seeing us.

Fox: Well that sucks a bunch. I wish that we didn’t have to be so careful with hiding ourselves from these incompetent morons.

Falco: I have to agree with Fox on this one. I mean, why would someone even consider trying to hide out, or visit a place to relax, but at the same time being careful what they do.

Peppy: well, would you rather we go to Fortuna where are a ton of tourists and government people who all know are names, constantly asking for our autographs. We could be doing work for General Pepper, or be on a mission. Does that sound like something you guys would rather do?

Fox: No of coarse not. It would just be a lot easier for us if we didn’t have to hide our selves from the civilians of this planet.

Peppy: Well, I guess we could become more out going with the people here if you guys are willing to do a little homework.

Falco: Sure thing, just name it.

Fox: Yeah, if we can defeat Andross and his whole armada, than I’m sure we can take whatever you throw at us Peppy.

Peppy: Good. I’m glad to see some enthusiasm in you guys. All you have to do is observe the people for a day straight and come up with a reasonable summery of their behavior and we will decide from there weather it would be safe to associate ourselves with their lives. I also don’t want you guys to split up while you guys are observing the public civilians.

Fox: Awww man. Do we have to be together?

Falco: What’s wrong with that Fox, am I to much for you.

Fox: Naw, I was just hoping to get some quality time to myself. Don’t get me wrong Falco; I would love to hang with you. I just would like to go out on my own for once.

Peppy: Well if the mission I gave you goes well, you will be able to do just that tomorrow. So with that out of the way, I think I am going to go back to my quarters for a brief nap.

Slippy: You go ahead and do that Peppy. I guess I will get started on finding a good place to beam down. In the mean time, I would suggest going to your quarters and gathering your belongings. Be back here within the hour. Oh, and would one of you please ask Krystal to come here, I need to speak to her about an important madder.

Fox: I’ll tell her. I was going to go and talk to her anyway.

Slippy: fine, just make it quick, okay fox.

Fox: Sure thing Slippy, I’ll catch you later.

And with that, I watched everyone dissipate from the main **** pit, until finally only ROB and I were the only ones left. I than turned to see if ROB was still running the scan on the Mushroom Kingdom and to my surprise, it appeared he was already done and was just sitting there like a statue, waiting for orders.

Slippy: So ROB, what is the status around the Mushroom Kingdom.

ROB: It appears that there is a large forest right next to the Mushroom Kingdom Castle. On the other side of the forest, there is a large body of water. On the other side of the Castle, there is a large desert and in the middle of that there is a huge castle inside a volcano.

Slippy: Well it would seem that the forest is our best shot. Run a scan for a clear zone inside the forest.

ROB: Affirmative. Running scan now.

Wow, I guess this mission will prove to be a tad easier than I originally thought. I just hope we can find the Italian Brothers before it’s too late.

I was now again turning to watch the Mushroom Kingdom area go into a sunset. I had decided than that I would probably never see something quite as Beautiful ever again.

As I stared at the black line of night that crept it’s way across the planet, I heard the door of the main **** pit open and close, than shortly followed by a smooth calm voice.

Krystal: What appears to be the problem Slippy? Fox rushed into my room saying you needed to speak with me about something important.

Slippy: I do. It appears that the surrounding area of the Mushroom Kingdom Castle is either Forest on one side, or desert on the other.

Krystal: And why is this so important?

Slippy: I need to know if you know the terrain around the area that you saw from your vision of the Italian Brothers.

Krystal: Now that you mention it, I did see the area. I saw a couple of huge trees next to a body of water, just right outside the window of their house.

Slippy: Wow, that’s great news. I’m surprised you remembered the detail that well Krystal. ROB have you finished your scan of the forest.

ROB: I have indeed. There is a couple of openings near the body of water, and some way deep into the forest. One of the openings near the water appears to have a very large Mushroom structure that with further scanning shows it is hallow.

Slippy: Are there any life forms in the area within the Mushroom Structure?

ROB: No, it appears the only life forms in the opening would be the one in the middle of the forest.

Slippy: Wow, than it seems the Mushroom Thing’s area would be the perfect area than. We would probably be able to use the Arwings there as well.

Krystal: Yeah, you’re right. But we should still just use the transporter, and use the Arwings or the Land Masters only if we have an emergency.

Slippy: Yeah, well, thanks for coming out here and speaking with me Krystal, this would have been a lot harder without you. You should probably go grab your belongings, and meet everyone in the docking bay. I will gather the others and me you there in about 10 minutes.

Krystal: Alright Slippy, glad I could be of service. See you in a bit.

Slippy: Yeah, see ya. ROB, head down to the docking bay and prepare the transporter, I will be there in a couple of minutes.

ROB: Understood sir.

And with that, Krystal and I both headed down the extremely long corridor to retrieve our stuff. While we were heading down, I couldn’t help but wonder one thing that seemed to linger in the back of my mind.

Was it a coincidence that Krystal had her vision, or was the thought put there by some higher authority?

Were we unknowingly going to our Death?

What’s going to happen to this team?

End of Chapter 3

 

[The Mano Games VII]

Hey dude, um I would read but, I actually fdon't feel like reading and commenting right now. However I promise that I'll read and review the next time you post a chapter.

 

[SuperLinkBrothers]

WOH, I FORGOT THIS STORY EXISTED IT'S BEEN SO LONG no offense, but WOW.....

 

[Zhar]

im such a huge fan this story rocks and i haven ever read it yet lololololololololololollollololololollolololoolo

 

[Zhar]

hly cow this rocks i need ur autograph loollololololllololololololololololololololololololololool

bacon

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

just thought i should get vack to work on my story, so yeah, how did you guys like my edit plus chapter 3. on mycrosoft word its 32 pages of size 8 font!

 

[Zhar]

srry super glen im 2 lazy 2 read alll of that
tough luck

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

stop posting nonsense stuff Zhar.

 

[Valdens]

I can help you with the grammar someday, if you want.

 

[Dr. Robotnik]

i would epreciate that