Deathdealer1929
Smash Rookie
The Lost ****ed
Chapter1
I love my job. It’s the best job in the world in my opinion. Hot diggity **** it’s the best job I ever got. It’s funny how I have to be dead to enjoy it. Here I am walking through this damp, disgusting hall way, in a damp and disgusting project in New York City’s East Side. You know you’re home when you smell piss everywhere.
-Okay tiny ****, lets get this over with shall we?
The poor sap in front of me is tied against his chair, barely conscious at all due to all the blood we drained from him.
-Hello?
I wave my hand in front of his face.
-Helloooo? Anybody home? Anything registering in that rotting brain of yours?
I slap him abit to wake him up.
-If I put a **** in your mouth would you give me a smile?
The useless creature does pretty much nothing. Therfore I’ll get his attention by stabbing him in the thighs. He reacts nicely.
-Gaaaaah! Please let me go! I’m so…..hungry…
-Don’t expect to go frenzy on me, I had you injected with artificial plasma, enough to keep the beast at bay, but not enough to truly satisfy you.
He cries tears of blood. I give him a nice slap so he can man the **** up.
-Now now, you’re a big boy! Big boys don’t cry. Big boys get jobs, carry responsibilities, masturbate to porn, kill people, but they do not cry. Be a man, be a vampire, and stop crying. Oh but don’t get happy either, cause I’m going to kill you anyway.
God, I love doing this.
-Okay since you’re the new kid on the block, I’m going to lend you some knowledge. My name is Tommy, I am a vampire, hence the fangs! I’m also, I admit, an *******, as you probably know.
The guy just utters some gibberish I couldn’t understand.
-Great! I’m glad we have come to an understanding! In that case let me introduce you to my associates here before we begin! After all I have to be a good host!
A vampire of African American descent comes forth on cue. Yeah this is sort of a routine with us. A little game if you will.
-This the guy?
-Yeah Brian, this is he. What kind of stupid question is that?
-I don’t know you tell me.
Brian lifts up my victim with his hand. This dipset mother****er is ****ing strong, probably stronger than me. He trains too much in my opinion; he should have fun more and take it easy.
-**** Tom, this ***** is all ****ed up. What chu do to em?
-Oh the same old thing, you know, the casual beatings, the usual blood draining, the works.
-And worst of all, you running that god**** mouth a yours.
-Oh, touché.
-My ***, this **** is some tedious work is all.
-Your mother was some tedious work.
-What was that son?
-Nothing dad, sorry.
Just when things start to get good, Noel suddenly appears from the shadows. He isn’t exactly like us, he is a Nosferatu. In other words, he is an ugly and twisted son of a *****. He is heavily tattooed and has a dirty Victorian outfit on. Think inbred Victorian and you’ll get the idea. Or you can think Count Orlock which should work too.
-You boys bickering again? I must say this is quite entertaining! Ahehehe….
He’s always had this disturbing and mischievous laugh.
-Ahehehe, oh! You brought company! Wonderful!
Brian just looks at him with the usual fire in his eyes.
-Noel, you a freak, a ****in freak.
-Or maybe Brian my boy, I am so normal, that the rest of you are the freaks!
I just had to retort to Noel’s peculiar form of logic.
-Or maybe I’m a freak, Brian’s a freak, and you’re a superfreak. Ever thought of that?
-Is that supposed to be funny? Ahehehe…
Noel moves his ugly face inches away from our victim’s face.
-Ahehehhe…boo.
-Wha….what are you?..
-Me? Ahehehe….I’m the reason your mother didn’t come home last night. Ahehehehe…
The back door where the television is on Spike Tv is opened and Gary walks in. He has a wild look about him, kind of like Wolverine from the X-Men. He walks on all fours and scares our victim with a growl from behind the chair.
-No Noel, you aren’t the reason because she was too busy being ****ed by me.
-Like anyone would touch you, you ****ing furball.
-My *** is missing, I think it-OH I’m sorry, my *** is just fine! I seem to have mistaken your face for my ***! I’m sorry, my mistake, I’m sure it happens all the time though. Cheer up bucko!
Me and Brian just laugh, that was too good. If someone can get Brian’s black *** to laugh then they got some serious talent, I think.
-Wow Gary, nice job. Not sure if Noel is gonna giggle like the resident creepy school girl he is.
-Ahehehe....why don’t you just go mess with the human girls you *****?
-Cause girls nowadays are far too immature to be nothing more than food, and sexual objects for me when I’m bored.
Troy walks in looking all suave with his glasses and his lab coat on. He doesn’t look too happy with us bickering but hey that’s what happens when boys live together as roommates, they bicker. Troy speaks in a British accent so forgive me if he sounds snob and superior, though he probably is. He is after all the smart one of the group.
-How is my patient? I trust you boys have entertained him enough with your constant noise.
We kept quiet so as not to disturb the man at work.
-Interesting, his eyes are dilating more than normal. I think you guys are annoying him. Hmm, he can hardly speak, I made sure of that. Ahh, yes his fangs are only half way out at this point, the plasma is working wonderfully.
Gary cups his right hand into a fist and makes a motion to his mouth to make it look like he is sucking a **** in order to mock Troy behind his back. We all just snicker at the whole affair. The door behind us is blown away with a huge blast from a shotgun and good ol’ Malcolm walks in. He is, interesting… Homicidal maniac doesn’t even do him justice. I’m a homicidal maniac. I’m a manipulative, literally blood sucking, violent, homicidal maniac in my own right. This guy however is something else entirely. For one thing, he doesn’t open doors, he either blows them up or kicks them. There’s no room for subtlety for him.
-Daddy’s home!
-Uhhh, Malcolm, Troy is busy at the moment and us “sane” vampires are trying to work here.
-What have thee here then?
-Torture job.
-Ah, have at thee then!
He ***** his shotgun. I therefore pick up my own.
-No, not before Troy is done with the inspection.
I **** my shotgun.
-Inspection inflection, lets kill the ****er.
He ***** his shotgun again.
-No, this is a routine. We can’t torture a vampire without knowing his strengths and weaknesses first.
I **** my shotgun.
-Hot dog it. Lets get on with it, all this talk and no play time for me!
He ***** his shotgun.
-For the love of God Malcolm, stop cocking that shotgun, we’re dropping shells all over the floor.
I **** my shotgun out of impulse. Sometimes I get the feeling his madness rubs off on me.
-I like the sound my shotgun makes when it goes clickity click.
He ***** his shotgun.
-I give up.
I look at the others who are all staring at me. I **** my shotgun.
-Come on guys, Troy is done! Lets get on with it!
I go behind our special little victim who has broken one of our vampire society’s sacred doctrines. Do not under any circumstances fall in love with a human. I put my hands on the back of his chair and tilt the seat backwards so he can look at me in the eyes.
-Well my boy! It seems you’re in violation of our Lord’s sacred doctrines. And as punishment for your transgressions by killing fellow vampires to protect what is by all intents and purposes our food, I’m going to pull your ****ing fangs out with pliers. You wanna play human so badly then you won’t need these. Then we’re gonna have a little fun and let you starve till you return to the dust from which you came, any questions?
Malcolm raises his hand even though I wasn’t talking to him.
-Will there by a ridiculous amount of blood?
-Oh yes Malcolm! There will be plenty of time for that isn’t that right my little punk *****?
I let out a well deserved laugh as I drag this mother****er in his chair into the room behind me. The door is slammed closed as the others go in to watch the show. Oh it’s going to be a bloody ride!
Chapter1
I love my job. It’s the best job in the world in my opinion. Hot diggity **** it’s the best job I ever got. It’s funny how I have to be dead to enjoy it. Here I am walking through this damp, disgusting hall way, in a damp and disgusting project in New York City’s East Side. You know you’re home when you smell piss everywhere.
-Okay tiny ****, lets get this over with shall we?
The poor sap in front of me is tied against his chair, barely conscious at all due to all the blood we drained from him.
-Hello?
I wave my hand in front of his face.
-Helloooo? Anybody home? Anything registering in that rotting brain of yours?
I slap him abit to wake him up.
-If I put a **** in your mouth would you give me a smile?
The useless creature does pretty much nothing. Therfore I’ll get his attention by stabbing him in the thighs. He reacts nicely.
-Gaaaaah! Please let me go! I’m so…..hungry…
-Don’t expect to go frenzy on me, I had you injected with artificial plasma, enough to keep the beast at bay, but not enough to truly satisfy you.
He cries tears of blood. I give him a nice slap so he can man the **** up.
-Now now, you’re a big boy! Big boys don’t cry. Big boys get jobs, carry responsibilities, masturbate to porn, kill people, but they do not cry. Be a man, be a vampire, and stop crying. Oh but don’t get happy either, cause I’m going to kill you anyway.
God, I love doing this.
-Okay since you’re the new kid on the block, I’m going to lend you some knowledge. My name is Tommy, I am a vampire, hence the fangs! I’m also, I admit, an *******, as you probably know.
The guy just utters some gibberish I couldn’t understand.
-Great! I’m glad we have come to an understanding! In that case let me introduce you to my associates here before we begin! After all I have to be a good host!
A vampire of African American descent comes forth on cue. Yeah this is sort of a routine with us. A little game if you will.
-This the guy?
-Yeah Brian, this is he. What kind of stupid question is that?
-I don’t know you tell me.
Brian lifts up my victim with his hand. This dipset mother****er is ****ing strong, probably stronger than me. He trains too much in my opinion; he should have fun more and take it easy.
-**** Tom, this ***** is all ****ed up. What chu do to em?
-Oh the same old thing, you know, the casual beatings, the usual blood draining, the works.
-And worst of all, you running that god**** mouth a yours.
-Oh, touché.
-My ***, this **** is some tedious work is all.
-Your mother was some tedious work.
-What was that son?
-Nothing dad, sorry.
Just when things start to get good, Noel suddenly appears from the shadows. He isn’t exactly like us, he is a Nosferatu. In other words, he is an ugly and twisted son of a *****. He is heavily tattooed and has a dirty Victorian outfit on. Think inbred Victorian and you’ll get the idea. Or you can think Count Orlock which should work too.
-You boys bickering again? I must say this is quite entertaining! Ahehehe….
He’s always had this disturbing and mischievous laugh.
-Ahehehe, oh! You brought company! Wonderful!
Brian just looks at him with the usual fire in his eyes.
-Noel, you a freak, a ****in freak.
-Or maybe Brian my boy, I am so normal, that the rest of you are the freaks!
I just had to retort to Noel’s peculiar form of logic.
-Or maybe I’m a freak, Brian’s a freak, and you’re a superfreak. Ever thought of that?
-Is that supposed to be funny? Ahehehe…
Noel moves his ugly face inches away from our victim’s face.
-Ahehehhe…boo.
-Wha….what are you?..
-Me? Ahehehe….I’m the reason your mother didn’t come home last night. Ahehehehe…
The back door where the television is on Spike Tv is opened and Gary walks in. He has a wild look about him, kind of like Wolverine from the X-Men. He walks on all fours and scares our victim with a growl from behind the chair.
-No Noel, you aren’t the reason because she was too busy being ****ed by me.
-Like anyone would touch you, you ****ing furball.
-My *** is missing, I think it-OH I’m sorry, my *** is just fine! I seem to have mistaken your face for my ***! I’m sorry, my mistake, I’m sure it happens all the time though. Cheer up bucko!
Me and Brian just laugh, that was too good. If someone can get Brian’s black *** to laugh then they got some serious talent, I think.
-Wow Gary, nice job. Not sure if Noel is gonna giggle like the resident creepy school girl he is.
-Ahehehe....why don’t you just go mess with the human girls you *****?
-Cause girls nowadays are far too immature to be nothing more than food, and sexual objects for me when I’m bored.
Troy walks in looking all suave with his glasses and his lab coat on. He doesn’t look too happy with us bickering but hey that’s what happens when boys live together as roommates, they bicker. Troy speaks in a British accent so forgive me if he sounds snob and superior, though he probably is. He is after all the smart one of the group.
-How is my patient? I trust you boys have entertained him enough with your constant noise.
We kept quiet so as not to disturb the man at work.
-Interesting, his eyes are dilating more than normal. I think you guys are annoying him. Hmm, he can hardly speak, I made sure of that. Ahh, yes his fangs are only half way out at this point, the plasma is working wonderfully.
Gary cups his right hand into a fist and makes a motion to his mouth to make it look like he is sucking a **** in order to mock Troy behind his back. We all just snicker at the whole affair. The door behind us is blown away with a huge blast from a shotgun and good ol’ Malcolm walks in. He is, interesting… Homicidal maniac doesn’t even do him justice. I’m a homicidal maniac. I’m a manipulative, literally blood sucking, violent, homicidal maniac in my own right. This guy however is something else entirely. For one thing, he doesn’t open doors, he either blows them up or kicks them. There’s no room for subtlety for him.
-Daddy’s home!
-Uhhh, Malcolm, Troy is busy at the moment and us “sane” vampires are trying to work here.
-What have thee here then?
-Torture job.
-Ah, have at thee then!
He ***** his shotgun. I therefore pick up my own.
-No, not before Troy is done with the inspection.
I **** my shotgun.
-Inspection inflection, lets kill the ****er.
He ***** his shotgun again.
-No, this is a routine. We can’t torture a vampire without knowing his strengths and weaknesses first.
I **** my shotgun.
-Hot dog it. Lets get on with it, all this talk and no play time for me!
He ***** his shotgun.
-For the love of God Malcolm, stop cocking that shotgun, we’re dropping shells all over the floor.
I **** my shotgun out of impulse. Sometimes I get the feeling his madness rubs off on me.
-I like the sound my shotgun makes when it goes clickity click.
He ***** his shotgun.
-I give up.
I look at the others who are all staring at me. I **** my shotgun.
-Come on guys, Troy is done! Lets get on with it!
I go behind our special little victim who has broken one of our vampire society’s sacred doctrines. Do not under any circumstances fall in love with a human. I put my hands on the back of his chair and tilt the seat backwards so he can look at me in the eyes.
-Well my boy! It seems you’re in violation of our Lord’s sacred doctrines. And as punishment for your transgressions by killing fellow vampires to protect what is by all intents and purposes our food, I’m going to pull your ****ing fangs out with pliers. You wanna play human so badly then you won’t need these. Then we’re gonna have a little fun and let you starve till you return to the dust from which you came, any questions?
Malcolm raises his hand even though I wasn’t talking to him.
-Will there by a ridiculous amount of blood?
-Oh yes Malcolm! There will be plenty of time for that isn’t that right my little punk *****?
I let out a well deserved laugh as I drag this mother****er in his chair into the room behind me. The door is slammed closed as the others go in to watch the show. Oh it’s going to be a bloody ride!
