F3NiiX
Smash Apprentice
Thi belongs in the bio section of How To Murder Stuff:
First of all, everyone knows that dorf's down air is actually him shooting lightning from his beard. That is old news. BUT, has anyone questioned the source? For the past few weeks I have been researching this and I think I finally found an answer:
During most Zelda games, Ganondorf is said to have the triforce of power and is nowhere to be seen for a majority of the game. One may question, where is he and what is he doing? Well I believe that Ganondorf is chillin' in his castle. So, what does he do in his castle? I'm glad you asked. The point is, his power does not come from the triforce of power, that would be too easy. He actually attaches the triforce of power to his Feety Pajamas of Doom. He then scuttles across his Rug of Infinite Power that he made with only his hands and the Sword of the Sages. This process builds up a LOT of static electricity, which is then applied to Ganondorf's beard by rythmic stroking to the beat of the Electric Slide.
By now you must be all like, Okay okay, thats where the power for his jab, part of his up b, and his down air come from, but wait, what about the purple flame attacks? Well Im glad you asked:
Everyone knows that Potassium Chloride burns purple. Ganondorf stores canisters of this substance in multiple places in his armor, primarily his forearms, legs, hands, and elbows. But wait, just impact alone wouldn't ignite the Potassium Chloride. Instead, Ganondorf siphons power from his beard to various places in his body. For example: the forward smash is actually Ganondorf siphoning electricity to his elbow, thus igniting the potassium chloride and producing the effect we see. So in reality, the attacks associated with purple flames are really lightning attacks from his beard. This explains his down b, up b, side b, and his forward smash
BUT WAIT!!!! What about the uptilt? The truth is, Ganondorf has IBS, more commonly known as irritable bowel syndrome. Unlike the ordinary person with IBS, Ganondorf uses it to his advantage and siphons electricity from his beard to his bowels, thus creating a vortex of doom that implodes, creating what we know as the volcano kick. No it is not a fire attack, it is lightning too, explaining why it is super affective on charizard and squirtle.
BUT WAIT!!! What about his other moves like his sparta kick, his up air, and all of his other moves that just don't seem to be special? IM GLAD YOU ASKED! The truth is that Ganondorf has a complex series of electromagnets throughout his armor. He siphons electricity in various currents to create repelling magnetic fields that propel various parts of his body at great force. This explains the dtilt, ftilt, uair, fair, nair, and the bair.
So please educate people on the truth, which is that all of Ganondorf's moves require the use of his thunder beard that is as powerful as it is because of the triforce of power being attached to his feety pajamas of doom that he scuttles across his rug of infinite power in and then strokes his beard to the beat of the electric slide.
Of course all of the is only possible because he is Mega Super Evil Extreme Evil Supreme.********
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRFFFF, not ganon.
He is a fast character
He has really good facial hair with super powers
He is actually high tier, but is currently biding his time.
Any questions or comments are appreciated. :D
First of all, everyone knows that dorf's down air is actually him shooting lightning from his beard. That is old news. BUT, has anyone questioned the source? For the past few weeks I have been researching this and I think I finally found an answer:
During most Zelda games, Ganondorf is said to have the triforce of power and is nowhere to be seen for a majority of the game. One may question, where is he and what is he doing? Well I believe that Ganondorf is chillin' in his castle. So, what does he do in his castle? I'm glad you asked. The point is, his power does not come from the triforce of power, that would be too easy. He actually attaches the triforce of power to his Feety Pajamas of Doom. He then scuttles across his Rug of Infinite Power that he made with only his hands and the Sword of the Sages. This process builds up a LOT of static electricity, which is then applied to Ganondorf's beard by rythmic stroking to the beat of the Electric Slide.
By now you must be all like, Okay okay, thats where the power for his jab, part of his up b, and his down air come from, but wait, what about the purple flame attacks? Well Im glad you asked:
Everyone knows that Potassium Chloride burns purple. Ganondorf stores canisters of this substance in multiple places in his armor, primarily his forearms, legs, hands, and elbows. But wait, just impact alone wouldn't ignite the Potassium Chloride. Instead, Ganondorf siphons power from his beard to various places in his body. For example: the forward smash is actually Ganondorf siphoning electricity to his elbow, thus igniting the potassium chloride and producing the effect we see. So in reality, the attacks associated with purple flames are really lightning attacks from his beard. This explains his down b, up b, side b, and his forward smash
BUT WAIT!!!! What about the uptilt? The truth is, Ganondorf has IBS, more commonly known as irritable bowel syndrome. Unlike the ordinary person with IBS, Ganondorf uses it to his advantage and siphons electricity from his beard to his bowels, thus creating a vortex of doom that implodes, creating what we know as the volcano kick. No it is not a fire attack, it is lightning too, explaining why it is super affective on charizard and squirtle.
BUT WAIT!!! What about his other moves like his sparta kick, his up air, and all of his other moves that just don't seem to be special? IM GLAD YOU ASKED! The truth is that Ganondorf has a complex series of electromagnets throughout his armor. He siphons electricity in various currents to create repelling magnetic fields that propel various parts of his body at great force. This explains the dtilt, ftilt, uair, fair, nair, and the bair.
So please educate people on the truth, which is that all of Ganondorf's moves require the use of his thunder beard that is as powerful as it is because of the triforce of power being attached to his feety pajamas of doom that he scuttles across his rug of infinite power in and then strokes his beard to the beat of the electric slide.
Of course all of the is only possible because he is Mega Super Evil Extreme Evil Supreme.********
The truth is, it's AS impressive as the chart, because it is also the source of the results of the chart. After reading this it should be obvious that the results of the chart are soley governed by the thunderbeard. With the natural electric field associated with the nervous systems of all living beings combined with the great power of the electricity flowing through dorf, all of the results work out the way that they do because of the interacting electric fields. So in essence, the chart is basically another hair of awesomeness from the beard of mega thunder evil.This is even more impressive than the followup chart.
Impossible. His feety pajamas came to him in an Evil Dream. XD He then siphoned lightning from his beard, the little lightning he had from his own nervous system, and siphoned it to his brain, thus creating the feety pajamas of doom.
Sir, you have earned my respect. I didn't think anyone else knew!
You are almost correct and I respect you for getting as far as you did, but the truth is that Ganon is not at all the best character in the game. He doesn't even come close. On the other hand, my main, is greater than Tabuu. I'm talking of course, about Dorf.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRFFFF, not ganon.
Well isnt it obvious? First dorf used his thunderbeard to pause the game, then he went and bought a really fancy spoon. He then spent years training his mind/facial hair to bend the spoon. He then realized that there was no spoon, as there is no gravity, then resumed the game and defied gravity. The fact that your opponent SD'd is due to his mind exploding from dorf's sheer awesomenicity. Of course this is only possible for 3 reasons:
He is a fast character
He has really good facial hair with super powers
He is actually high tier, but is currently biding his time.
Any questions or comments are appreciated. :D
