ZeekeXIV
Smash Journeyman
It's Friday...
And I've got something in my front pocket for you...
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Act 8: Getting Where You Need To Go Once Again (Part 2)
This is still your favorite narrator/author talking…
…and our problem persists…
I still don’t think its time to start with Mario, Link, and Luigi. But I can’t think of anyone else to write about! And I don’t think now is the right time to introduce a completely new character. ****… I guess I’m gonna have to get started on Mario and crew…
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Mario, Link, and Luigi were staring imminent death in the face as they watched what seemed to be a car come speeding toward them at incomprehensibly fast speeds. They saw no possible way to dodge it!
Closer and closer the car came, seconds from impact! The three crowded together, bracing themselves for a splattery end. They could literally count down to the dreaded moment…
“Three…” Mario muttered.
“Two…” Link whimpered. Tears of fear streamed from his eyes.
“STOP THIS, NOW!!!” Luigi unexpectedly blurted out.
Suddenly, everything stopped! Seriously. EVERYTHING stopped! Except for Mario, Luigi, and Link that is…
“How are you gonna introduce us like this, man? You’re not ready for this part of the story yet!” Luigi shouted to the sky, as if he was talking to a higher being.
“I have to stop appearing in my fic… It’s starting to get old.” I muttered. “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Luigi?”
“You said it yourself: ‘The way Act 7 ended calls for a delayed entrance of the main characters’. Leaving us out for one part of the act isn’t delayed enough!” Luigi answered.
“I know, but I can’t think of anyone else to write about! You guys are just gonna have to get ready to work overtime. I’m gonna make your parts in this act real long.” I said.
“NO! I was tired as **** after the last act! Please think a little harder, man!” Link pleaded, dramatically dropping to his knees and holding his arms out.
“Yeah, really! I’m not ready to be plowed through by speeding death machines yet!” Mario added.
“But seriously, y’all. I can’t think of any other diversions! What should I do?!” I shouted, clutching my head in anguish and frustration.
They stared at each other. All three of them had blank expressions on their faces. It seemed hopeless… They were going to have to go through with their incredibly long part in Act 8 earlier than expected.
“Well, looks like y’all have no plans… I’m gonna start up the story again. Now, if you would all be so kind and resume the position of hugging each other and fearing for your lives…” I began.
“WAIT!!!” Luigi suddenly exclaimed. “I got it! Go re-read the part after I annihilated Sonic.” He suggested, shooting Mario and Link a sly and confident look.
“Word, man! Go check that out. The inspiration you need is right there!” Link added, catching on to Luigi’s idea. He began uncontrollably smiling and laughing. He was pretty happy about not ending up as a stain on someone’s windshield.
“Oh yeah? Lemme see…” I said as I scrolled up to where Luigi was talking about.
At first, I didn’t see anything worth writing about. But suddenly, it hit me like a renegade flying Bob-omb! The answer to my writing woes was right there!
“Luigi… This is why you’re my favorite character in Melee! I got exactly what I need! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before! NO ONE WILL SEE THIS COMING!!! Unless they’ve been reading carefully…” I exclaimed. I started doing the Jovial Dance of Triumph while Saria’s Song from Ocarina of Time magically started playing.
“Calm down… Victory is sweet, but it’s not worth it to murk your image by dancing around like a dumb-***. Don’t be like Darunia…” Link stated.
“Oh! Snap… You’re right. Lemme get started on this.” I said, immediately putting the guillotine to my jubilant, yet senseless dancing.
“Make it good! Or I’ll kill you!” Mario happily warned, as if it was a normal thing to say.
“Oh don’t worry. This will be better than spending the night at Peach’s Castle! …in her bedroom!” I joked and quickly exited the scene.
“WHAT?! Bring your *** back here and say that!” Mario angrily shouted into the sky, while Luigi and Link held him back.
Unfortunately for him, I was long-gone, preparing to type up yet another overbearingly creative part of my ever-growing fanfic.
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“Woooo… MAN! It feels like I just threw a trillion ton monkey off my back! I feel so free! I don’t have to worry about him slowing me down. ‘We’ll get her back quickly’.” He mocked in an annoyingly high-pitched and nasal voice. “No dumb-***, I’ll get her back quickly! If you were here, we’d be standing around arguing over where to go. This is for the better…”
After he exited the warp-pipe, he started to wander around his new location, hoping to find a clue that would tell him where to go next. As he searched, he also noticed things about the new environment.
The setting was a very bright and warm afternoon. In the woods he was wandering in, the grass was a very healthy green, as well as the treetops. And not only were the treetops very green, they were also very tall. Then entire forest seemed to be dancing with life. Just being in such a place made him thankful to be alive.
“This place is amazing! I almost wish someone else was here to enjoy this with…”
Suddenly, he heard some rustling in a bush he was passing by. He stopped and stared at it. Soft growling could be heard…
“That’s gotta be my ticket to finding out where I am…”
He slowly crept up to the bush. The growling gradually became louder and louder. As he got closer, he realized that the growling couldn’t possibly be coming from a big creature, or even a fierce one for that matter. It almost sounded like a child with a high, squeaky voice trying to imitate an angry dog.
He stopped right in front of the bush…
“OK… Here goes nothing…”
He lightly punched the bush and out jumped a blurrily fast little creature. At the moment, he couldn’t tell what it was because it had jumped right onto his face!
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! IT’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!”
He started wildly running in unpredictable patterns, completely blinded by the creature consuming his face. He continued this for a little over a minute, until the creature suddenly jumped off his face.
“Hey! Come back-”
*SLAM-A-JAM-A*
Still running when the creature jumped off his face, a tree seemingly jumped into his path. Needless to say, he ran full-speed into a rock-hard tree trunk. He was knocked out for a while.
In his unconsciousness…
“Hey… HEY!” A voice called to him. He felt a rough, yet somehow gentle, nudging at his arm.
“Ugh… Where am I?” He groggily pondered aloud.
He opened his eyes and found himself literally in the middle of nowhere. Every direction he looked in was completely black. The only things he could see was himself and the figure that stood next to him. He was wearing a blue cape and a matching blue hood.
“You don’t need to worry about that right now. There are more important things to be concerned about…”
“Such as…?”
“Life is strange, isn’t it? Remember when you first entered the Inn at Rose Town and saw that child playing with his toys? I’ll bet you never thought in a million years that one of the dolls would come to life and wander into the woods! After you met him in the Forest Maze and found out who he really was and why he came, you realized you weren’t only on a journey to save the Princess… You were caught in the middle of a crisis much larger than that! You were on a journey to save the world!”
“So this isn’t just about me saving Peach from Bowser? Are you telling me I’m gonna end up saving the world again?”
“You must know by now that the Stars work in strange ways. When the world is in danger, they call on you, knowing fully well that you will do whatever you need to do to ensure safety. But the Stars are confused. They see two of you! One is good: if he succeeds, the world will be bathed in happiness and prosperity. The other one…”
“There’s two of me? That makes little, to no sense. The last time there was two of me, it turned out that it was only someone in disguise. How could the Stars not see who’s disguised as me?”
“Maybe because it’s not a disguise… As I said before, life is strange. I’m only here to warn you about things to come. Remember, one will save the world and the other will destroy it. Which one are you, Mario?”
“I’m…”
Before he could finish his thought, the dream was ended immediately by a vicious shock from reality, literally. Mario was jolted awake by a rush of electricity.
(Author’s Note: Mario is in the hiz-ouse! But this isn’t the Mario that travels with Link. This is the Mario from the alternate reality after Link screwed around with time in Act 7. Don’t get it? Re-read Act 7: Part 5 - the part after Link obliterated Eggman’s flying contraption. Thank Luigi later.)
“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Mario screamed in agony. His cries of pain rang through the forest.
When his shocking experience was over, he wearily looked around to see what electrocuted him. To his surprise, he found a Pichu standing by him.
“Pichu? What are you doing here? Where am I?” Mario demanded.
“Piiii? Pi, chuuu!” Pichu answered.
“Ah, I see. Thanks. Now… repeat that in English.” Mario said, rising to his feet.
“Pichu! Pi, pichu!” Pichu articulated.
Mario shrugged. “Well, at least I know where I am. I’m somewhere in the Pokemon World; seemingly in a forest where wild Pichus roam.” Mario thought to himself aloud.
“Chu.” Pichu agreed.
“Hmmm… It sounds like you can understand me. Can you take me to where I can talk to actual people?” Mario asked, hoping for a decipherable answer.
“Chuuu!” Pichu squealed and held up its tiny thumb for a thumbs-up sign. It also gave the cutest possible smile imaginable and its eyes welled up.
“Wow… That’s so cute, it’s frightening…” Mario shuddered. “But I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”
They began walking through the forest. As they walked on, Mario noticed some strange things about the woods. A few of the trees seemed to be… dancing. Not only that, but he heard a few murmurs coming from the trees’ direction. He also could have sworn a few of them had blinked!
“This place is starting to get a little creepy… How much longer, Pichu-pal?” Mario asked.
“Piiii!” Pichu exclaimed and pointed directly in front of them.
It was a sign!
Mario ran straight toward the sign, hoping it would tell him where he was, while Pichu followed close behind.
“Let’s see what this says…” Mario began.
You are about to leave the Viridian Forest. Pallet Town is straight ahead. We hope you had a nice hike through the woods. Enjoy your stay in Pallet Town!
Be on the lookout for the tree-mimicking Sudowoodo!
“I guess that’s what I ran into…” Mario realized.
“Pichu! Chuuu!” The mouse-like pokemon exclaimed and ran off ahead.
“Hey you, Pichu! Wait a sec!” Mario shouted and ran after Pichu.
The pokemon was very quick, but he managed to follow it directly out of the forest, right to the city limits of Pallet Town, where it suddenly stopped running. As Mario got closer to the creature, it looked scared. It was standing on all fours in a defensive stance.
“Pichu! What’s the problem?” Mario called out.
“Well, well! It looks like this Pichu has a trainer.” A female voice observed.
“Does it matter? We were gonna snatch it anyway!” Another voice said.
Mario saw a group of three standing before the Pichu. One was a woman who had long, red hair. It was done in a weird style though: it extended way below her back and was slicked into a curly point. One was a tall man who had shiny, light blue hair. The third actually looked like a cat with a charm in the middle of its head. Mario assumed that was a Meowth because he remembered seeing them in the original Super Smash Brothers. The two humans both wore white jackets that adorned a red “R” on the front.
“Who are you guys?” Mario demanded.
“I’m surprised you don’t recognize us. We’re known all over Kanto! We’d give you a whole introduction, but there isn’t enough time for that. We have bigger fish to fry!” The man said.
“Be a sweetheart and just give up that Pichu. We don’t want to hurt you, but we’ll have no problem doing so if you decide to act up.” The woman threatened.
“I remember now! You’re the infamous Team Rocket: Jessie, James, and Meowth. Always after Ash’s Pikachu… You guys are complete idiots! This little guy isn’t even mine… We just met after I appeared in Viridian Forest.” Mario explained.
“Great! So ya won’t have a problem saying good-bye then!” Meowth said.
“Quite the contrary! Pichu led me out of the forest and to this town. The least I could do is protect it from you morons.” Mario stated, assuming his fighting stance.
“We’ll see how well you can protect it when it’s in our pokeball!” James shouted and whipped out a pokeball. He assumed a pitcher’s stance, looking as if he was going to throw a fastball right at Pichu!
“You won’t get it in there!” Mario exclaimed and jetted toward Pichu.
“Pokeball… GO!” James shouted and hurled the ball at the frightened pocket monster.
It was as if everything had slowed down to half its normal speed. Mario was steadily getting closer and closer, ready to smack the pokeball away from Pichu and back into James’s face! James looked on with a stone grill of determination. It was as if the expression on his face would decide the outcome of this.
The pokeball was within a foot of Pichu’s enormous head. It braced itself for impact, but suddenly, Mario dove at the ball and smacked it out to the way!
“DRAT! I was so close!” James shouted in disappointment as Mario’s hand made contact with the ball. He began to throw a wild, anime-style fit.
What happened next surprised the crap out of everyone though…
The ball traveled six inches away from Mario after he swatted it, then it opened up. Mario suddenly felt himself get trapped by an unknown force. He fought to escape it, but it had a firm hold on him. Then it felt like he was being dragged into the ball! As he was pulled closer and closer to the ball’s opening, Mario fought harder and harder to escape. He fought with all he had until he was exhausted, but there was no avail. The force bought him into the pokeball and the opening shut tight.
Team Rocket and Pichu stared in complete disbelief at Mario’s new prison. They could not comprehend what they just witnessed. Pichu snapped out of its awe quicker than everyone else and found the moment of confusion to be a prime time to escape back into the forest.
“Hey, look! That Pichu’s gettin’ away!” Meowth announced, snapping everyone else out of their awestruck trance.
“Forget about that. We just caught ourselves a brand-new pokemon! I’m pretty sure even the boss hasn’t seen this one yet! We’re going to be rich!” Jessie squealed in utter glee.
“Are you sure, Jessie? It may have looked a bit strange, but it had all the traits of a human. It could even talk!” James mentioned.
“Have you seen the boom in the pokemon population? Scientists say there are over 350 of them now! New species are being discovered everyday! Don’t you think we were just lucky enough to find an undiscovered breed?” Jessie reasoned.
“Well, I suppose so…” James uneasily agreed while scratching his head, still having his doubts.
“Hey, I jus’ had a great idea!” Meowth announced, walking over to the pokeball and picking it up. “Why don’t we go and surprise the twerp with our new friend and steal his Pikachu while we’re at it? Usually our days are a lot less eventful, but today might be different! We jus’ caught an entirely new pokemon! Maybe we’ll finally grab that Pikachu, too!” He suggested, throwing the pokeball up and catching it with one hand.
“Wow, Meowth with a great idea! Maybe this is our lucky day!” James said, becoming a little more optimistic.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get in the balloon and find him!” Jessie exclaimed.
Meanwhile, in Cerulean City…
“I can’t wait to reach the Gym and win my next badge! Maybe we’ll even meet Gary here! I’ll show him a thing, or two, with my new pokemon!”
“Ash, how could you forget that you already won the Water Badge? And how could you forget the real reason we’re here? We’re here so you can buy me a new bike!”
“C’mon Misty! It wouldn’t hurt to go visit your sisters, would it? Maybe Ash can have a friendly battle with them just to toughen up his line-up, just in case we meet Gary. Besides, don’t you want to see your beloved siblings?”
“Brock, you’ll say anything just to see my sisters. What won’t you do for a girl?”
“Pikachu!”
“Toge-prrrrrrriii!”
Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi had found their way back to Kanto after their long and exciting journeys to places like Johto and Hoenn. They mainly returned to visit their families and take a break from their hectic adventure.
“Oh, umm, Misty… About that bike…” Ash stammered, giving a cheesy smile and nervously laughing.
“What’s wrong? After all those battle you’ve been in, you should have enough money to buy two bikes!” Misty said.
“Not exactly… You see, I kinda spent all the money on pokemon power-ups like protein and calcium. I bought enough for all of my pokemon, so…” Ash trailed off. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking at the ground.
“You… WHAT?!” Misty shouted in disbelief, throwing Togepi, who she had been carrying, up into the air. Brock scrambled and made a diving catch to save it before it came crashing into the ground.
Misty ran over to Ash, grabbed his ankles, and flipped him upside-down. She began shaking the life out of him, hoping he was just kidding and the money would come pouring out. Much to her dismay, only a few worthless coins trickled out of Ash’s pockets. Misty’s eyelids began to twitch.
“Heh heh… It’s not all hopeless! If we battle your sisters and maybe fight Gary and win, we’d already have an eighth of what we need to buy a bike! We’ll make all that money back in-” Ash began, but…
*SHAZAM-SLAM-BAM*
Misty swung Ash by the ankles and slammed him into a nearby wall! Ash fell in a sprawled out heap on the ground. Misty then jumped on top of him and furiously began punching him in the face!
“YOU STUPID, STUPID BOY! THE ONLY REASON I’M TRAVELING WITH YOU IS SO YOU DON’T FORGET THAT YOU STOLE MY BIKE AND DESTROYED IT!!! YOU FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY IT AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU SPEND IT ON YOUR LOSER LINEUP! YOUR POKEMON SUCK! AND EVERYTIME YOU GET A GOOD ONE, YOU SEND IT TO STUPID PROFESSOR OAK AND NEVER USE IT AGAIN OR YOU RELEASE IT! YOU’D TRY TO SET YOUR PIKACHU FREE AGAIN IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE! YOU’RE SUCH AN IDIOT! I HATE YOU!!!” Misty ranted with her voice slowly sounding more demonic as she continued to pummel Ash with her feminine fists of fury.
“Pika! Piii, pika!” Pikachu pleaded as he tried to stop Misty’s onslaught.
“GET OFF ME, YOU STUPID YELLOW VERMIN!” Misty snarled and swatted Pikachu away with her infamous wooden mallet that she always pulls from nowhere.
“Whoa! Misty, take it easy! You’re making Togepi cry!” Brock said, hoping that would calm her down.
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT STUPID EGG! IT’S USELESS AND IT WON’T EVOLVE! I CAN’T DEPEND ON A POKEMON THAT USES METRONOME AS ITS MAIN ATTACK!” Misty rampaged, getting off of Ash and menacingly stomped toward Brock. Her eyes were somehow glowing red and the earth shook with every stomp she took. There was also an evil, black aura around her.
“Ugh…” Ash groaned, unsteadily rising to his feet, and using the wall to lean on to keep his balance. “Misty’s gone crazy! Quick, Pikachu! Use that new move we’ve been working on! Shock her unconscious with Thunder Ball!”
“Pika!” Pikachu obediently responded, jumping to its feet. “Piiiiikaaaa…” Pikachu chanted, as its voice echoed through the town.
As it raised its tiny hands above its head, dark clouds began to gather and a thunderstorm brewed. Suddenly, a thick bolt of lightning ripped through the sky and plummeting to the ground, stopping at Pikachu’s outstretched arms. A ball of electricity formed between the lightning bolt and Pikachu’s hands. Additional bolts of lightning continued to gather at this point and the ball began growing larger and larger, until it was as big as a Snorlax!
“I think that’s big enough, Pikachu! Let her have it!” Ash commanded, pointing at Misty, who was frozen with fear at the sight of the gigantic ball of electricity.
“CHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” The small, yet remarkably powerful Pikachu roared and heaved the Thunder Ball directly at Misty.
“NO!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING! I DIDN’T MEAN ANY- SEHF;LKDSA;NF;ONA;OIEWN FD;OSNFNS;K NVCWENF;oiew ;ofnewoi;nf;dsnf;oi n;snafkdsn;f;ABNF;Bs fb;WB; EGF;FNw;fe!!!” The sounds of an intensely electrocuted Misty tore through the air. It caused a spectacular light-show, which the whole town gathered to see.
After ten minutes of straight electrocution, the skies cleared again, revealing the light blue sky and the bright, yellow sun. Misty fell to the ground in a crumpled, charred-black mess. She was back to normal, but she was completely unconscious and was twitching violently.
“Great job, Pikachu!” Ash exclaimed, picking up his Pikachu and hugging it as if it had just won him a battle with the Elite Four.
“Thanks, Ash. I thought I was a goner.” Brock sighed, wiping his forehead in relief.
“No problem, Brock. Misty was getting out of hand. I had to stop her before she did something-” Ash started explaining, but was interrupted by a sudden explosion.
Ash, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, and Misty (still unconscious, still having Grand Mal Seizures) were now standing in a heavy and thick cloud of smoke.
“Where’d… all this smoke… come from?” Ash sputtered as he coughed and hacked, finding it hard to breath.
“Prepare for trouble! We have a surprise for you!” One voice announced.
“And make it double! It’s completely brand-new!” Another voice added.
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket stalks you twerps at the speed of light!
Acknowledge us now and prepare to fight, fight, fight!
Woooooobba Wobba!
*POW*
Meeee-owth, that’s right!
“Team Rocket!” Ash and Brock shouted in shocked unison.
“How’d ya know it was us?” Meowth sarcastically responded.
“Guys, I’m kinda on vacation. I don’t want to deal with you three right now. Maybe we can continue this in a month or so...” Ash told the “evil” trio.
“Not so fast! Today is our lucky day! We caught a new pokemon, and with it, we’re finally going to steal your Pikachu!” James stated, pointing at Ash.
“You guys always catch the worst pokemon! With losers like Weezing, Arbok, Victreebell, and Wobbuffet, I don’t expect anything phenomenal from you.” Brock taunted.
“Just to show you how serious we are, bring out your best! Both of you! We promise we’ll do our worst!” Jessie countered, laughing at her own clever pun.
“I’ll handle this, Brock.” Ash assured Brock. “Go… Tododile and Noctowl!” Ash shouted and hurled two pokeballs out in front of him.
“Wooooooo!” Noctowl hooted as it gracefully flew over Team Rocket’s heads and back to Ash’s shoulder. It splendidly glimmered as the sun’s rays bounced off its shiny feathers.
“Todododododododododododo!!!” The tiny, blue, crocodile-looking pokemon sang as it happily danced, flailing its arms and legs wildly.
“Calm down, Tododile…” Ash said, staring at the endless glee of his pokemon.
“Tododododododododododo!!!” Tododile continued to sing.
It flung its arms and legs so rapidly that it actually began to hover off the ground a little bit. As it continued to dance, it rose higher and higher into the sky until it was out of sight.
“That was weird…” Ash muttered, looking up into the sky.
“Ummm… choose another pokemon, Ash.” Brock said.
“Right… I choose you… Bayleef!” Ash shouted and tossed another pokeball in front of him.
“Leef!” Bayleef said, swinging the leaf above its head side-to-side. It turned to Ash and tackled him to the ground, showering him with Pokemon affection (some might consider this bestiality…).
“Whoa! Take it easy, Bayleef! I like you too, but we have a battle to win!” Ash said while trying to ease the overly-loving Bayleef off him.
“If that’s what you call your best, then there’s no way you can win!” James taunted, taking out a pokeball. “Pokemon… GO!” He shouted and threw it in front of him.
Out jumped their new “pokemon”. When he realized he was out of the pokeball, he looked around frantically, wondering where he was. Took off his trademark, red hat and scratch his brown hair in confusion. He also wiped off the perspiration from his moustache.
“PIKA?!” Pikachu gasped in astonishment.
“What the **** is that?!” Brock shot out in disbelief, actually opening his eyes in complete surprise.
“That doesn’t look like any pokemon I’ve ever seen…” Ash said, also finding it hard to believe Team Rocket actually caught something like that.
“That’s because I’m not a **** pokemon!” Mario snapped in anger, finding it hard to believe he could be mistaken for a pokemon.
“WHOA!” Ash and Brock gasped simultaneously, finding it hard to believe the “pokemon” just spoke.
“It can talk!” Brock blurted out in further disbelief.
“Let’s see what Dexter has to say about this!” Ash suggested, pulling out his Pokedex from his pocket. He pointed it at Mario.
“Oh my god… That’s not a pokemon, you foo...” Dexter (Ash’s Pokedex) started, but caught itself in mid-sentence. “Uh, I mean that’s… not a pokemon… if it were… Opposite Day! Ha ha! But it isn’t Opposite Day! So that is a pokemon! Mario! …mon… Yeah, that’s it! Mariomon!” The Pokedex declared.
“Mariomon, huh? Let’s see if there’s anymore info on it…” Ash said and pressed a button, completely ignoring Dexter’s suspicious stuttering and abrupt mid-sentence pauses.
“Chuu!! Pika piii piiicha pikachu!” Pikachu exclaimed, trying to communicate to Ash that Mario definitely wasn’t a pokemon.
“Calm down, Pikachu. I’ll catch another one some day and we’ll have one of our own!” Ash happily said, petting Pikachu on the head.
“Pika pika!” Pikachu shouted, turning to Bayleef and Noctowl.
It was as if Pikachu was asking them why they weren’t trying to let Ash know that Mario was not a pokemon. They simply shrugged, as if to say “if Ash is too dumb to realize that’s not a pokemon, then there’s no use in telling him otherwise”.
“Mariomon: the… umm… Hero pokemon. This pokemon lives for the… …uhh… thrill of… saving… anyone or anything in any kind of… trouble! Legends say that the source of its… power comes from… its… …umm… hat! If someone is able to take the hat off its head and wear it as their own, they will be… destined to become… a… Pokemon Master! Because the ‘M’ on the cap stands for ‘Master’! …and they can beat any trainers named Gary!” Dexter fabricated.
Tears of joy began to fill Ash’s eyes. He clenched his fists and held them to his chest excitedly.
“Did you hear that?! My ticket to becoming a Pokemon Master is sitting right there on Mariomon’s head! I’ll even finally be able to beat Gary! I HAVE TO GET THAT HAT!!!” Ash excitedly shouted.
“Oh no you don’t! This is MY hat! My favorite hat! This hat comes off for no one! And for the last time… I’M NOT A GO**** POKEMON!!!” Mario screamed on top of his lungs.
“Oh yeah? Then explain how ya got caught in our pokeball!” Meowth said to “Mariomon”.
“I have no clue how that happened, but I can guaran-****-tee that I’m not a pokemon!” Mariomon shouted once again.
“Noctowl, use a Gust attack and try to knock his hat off his head!” Ash ordered.
“Woot!” Noctowl shrugged and delivered gale-force wind to Mario.
Mario held onto his hat for dear life. That hat was part of his identity! Even though he had a hundred more just like it in his closet back at home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that some ******** kid was flaunting his hat, claiming it would make him a Pokemon Master.
“We won’t stand for this! Mariomon! Use your…” James shouted, but froze in mid-sentence. “Use your… attack… Jessie! What attacks does Mariomon have?” James asked, desperately hoping for an answer.
“How should I know? I’ve never seen one before! Just shout out random attacks and maybe it will do one of them!” Jessie shot back.
“Mariomon! Use… Tackle!” James ordered.
“Tackle attack… You’re joking right?” Mario asked with a disappointed look on his face.
“Do not defy me! I am your master and I order you to use Tackle attack!” James spit out, whipping out his pointer finger and aiming it at Mario.
Suddenly, Mario sprung at James and gave him a rough and hearty, Terry Tate, NFL tackle! James got the wind knocked out of him and was floored. Mario stood on his chest with one foot and laughed.
“NOT ME, YOU IMBECILE! TACKLE THE BIRD!” James furiously demanded. “AND WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT?!” He shouted, shooting Jessie and Meowth a seething grimace.
“Nothing at all! We weren’t laughing at you!” Jessie casually replied, fighting the urge to burst out laughing like a lunatic. Meowth was doing the same.
“I’ll fight the bird only because it’s trying to take my hat. But I’m not taking your orders. You suck as a Pokemon Trainer.” Mario said sprung into the air. He jumped high enough to meet Noctowl eye-to-eye.
“Noctowl! Give him a stare-down with Leer!” Ash commanded.
Noctowl’s eyes began to glow yellow. Mario reacted by balling up his fists and swinging it toward the Owl pokemon downward. Noctowl got clocked in the head real nicely and bulleted into the ground. It got up shortly after, but was disoriented.
“That’s right, Mariomon! Good Mega Punch attack! I told him to use that, twerp!” James called out to Ash.
“No you didn’t, numb-nuts!” Mario called out to James.
“Whoa, that was a hard hit! Bayleef! Give him the Razor Leaf attack!” Ash ordered.
“Leef, leef, leef!” Bayleef repeated as it shot out random leaves at Mario.
Mario gracefully dodged every single leaf thrown at him. He started shooting fireballs at the attacking Bayleef. The Bayleef tried to dodge them, but failed as it caught three fireballs in the face! Don’t forget that fire is super-effective against Bayleef!
“LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFF!!!” Bayleef cried as it began to frantically run around in circles with its face on fire.
“Whoa! Bayleef, return!” Ash shouted as he took out Bayleef’s pokeball and withdrew it into the ball. “I’ll fight fire with fire! Go, Cyndaquil!” He shouted and hurled another pokeball out in front of him.
“Cynda!” The cute mole-looking pokemon squealed.
It then stood up on two feet and flames suddenly ignited on its back. These flames were strange, though. They looked like they were cheaply drawn onto its back by some kid in Kindergarten.
“You think that little rodent is going to stop my unstoppable pokemon?! HA HA HA!!!” James laughed at Ash’s absurd idea. “Mariomon! Give that fire-rat a taste of your Mega Punch!” James ordered.
“You just don’t get it, do you? I’m not listening to your orders! I’m not fighting for you! I’M NOT A GOD-FORSAKEN POKEMON! I’M A REAL BOY! I MEAN, MAN!!!” Mario bellowed.
“Cyndaquil, fire things up with a Flamethrower!” Ash demanded.
“Cynda! QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!” Cyndaquil opened its mouth and out streamed a beeline of flames.
Mario swiftly dodged the beam of fire, and the Flamethrower attack flew directly into James’s face! Jessie and Meowth were hysterical at that point. They didn’t care that James was glaring at them, plotting to do something grim to them while they were asleep…
Mario began to run at full speed toward Cyndaquil, preparing to deliver a sliding kick.
“Dodge his move with a Quick Attack, Cyndaquil!” Ash shouted.
“Quil!” Cyndaquil responded.
Mario closed in and began to slide toward the fire-type pokemon. Suddenly, it seemingly teleported out of the way!
“Whoa! The speed!” Mario exclaimed.
Then, Cyndaquil followed up by attacking Mario from behind. It ran at blazingly fast speeds, leaving trails of fire behind him, and threw itself at him! It flew through the air at such a high velocity that it actually flew through Mario and appeared in front of him! Mario was stunned by the tiny creature’s sheer agility.
“Now cover the area with Smokescreen!” Ash commanded.
Cyndaquil opened wide and thick, heavy smoke poured out of its mouth. The amount seemed endless as Mario and Team Rocket were swimming in a dark and thick cloud.
“Noctowl, you okay there? Use Foresight to track that Mariomon and take its hat!” Ash called out.
“Hooot-hooooot!” Noctowl replied and flew up into the sky, above the cloud of smoke.
Its eyes turned red and it began scanning the thick smog. It targeted Mario, who was sputtering and coughing and frantically looking around, preparing for another surprise attack against him. Noctowl then rapidly flapped its wings and dove into the dark brume, directly at Mario hat.
*SNATCH*
“NO! WHAT THE ****?! GIVE MY HAT BACK!” Mario boomed, but began coughing wildly because of all the smoke he breathed in.
Noctowl returned to its master and dropped the hat into his hand. Ash stared at the hat. He couldn’t believe he was holding such a “legendary” hat. He ripped off his old hat and threw it aside, and then he slowly and tenderly mounted his new crown upon his young head. The hat fit loosely, and it was pretty sweaty, but he felt triumph as if he had single-handedly won a war between nations.
“Look at me, Pikachu… I did it. I’m finally a POKEMON MASTER!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!” Ash auspiciously celebrated as he did a victory dance. “Now, Cyndaquil! Create a massive explosion by shooting a Flamethrower at that cloud of smoke!”
“Cynda!” Cyndaquil answered and began to breathe in a huge gulp of air, preparing to shoot out a massive Flamethrower.
“PIKA!” Pikachu angrily shrieked and grabbed the hat off of Ash’s ego-inflated head.
“Pikachu! What’s the matter with you? Gimme back that hat!” Ash demanded, holding his hand out.
“Piii!” Pikachu defiantly responded and ran into the cloud of smoke with the hat.
“Wait! Don’t go in there, Pikachu!” Ash shouted.
“QUIIIIIIIIIILLL!!!” Cyndaquil bawled and shot an incredible stream of flame at the billowing Smokescreen.
“NO! PIKACHU!!! MY HAT!!!” Ash shouted and started running at the cloud, hoping to beat the Flamethrower to it.
Ash is such an idiot…
*SAILING MISHAP* Whoops, I mean… *UNREALISTICALLY ENORMOUS EXPLOSION*
Ash was blown back into the side of a building, while Brock, Cyndaquil, and Noctowl were knocked flat onto their backs. Pikachu, Mario, and Team Rocket were right in the middle of the massive detonation and were blown sky-high at the speed of sound!
“Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!”
“Wooooooooooobbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
“Wooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooo!!!”
“Piiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaa-piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
All those shouts in unison faded into the background and the environment was silent once again. Ash gingerly rose to his feet and looked up into the heavens. Nothing but the blue, empty sky could be seen.
“Pikachu… My hat…” Ash defeatedly muttered, falling to his knees and hanging his head. Tears began to fall from his eyes and onto the stone-paved street.
“Ash…” Brock consoled, placing his hand on Ash’s shoulder.
Ash turned around and stared at Brock. He was holding the “Pokemon Master’s Hat”!
“It fell after the explosion. We’ll get Pikachu back. A Pokemon Master never gives up!” Brock said, trying to cheer up Ash.
“You’re right, Brock.” Ash murmured and took the hat from Brock to place it on his head once again. “I swear, as a Pokemon Master, that I will find my Pikachu! Then I’m going to catch a Mariomon, as well as all the Pokemon in the world! Then, I’m going to show Gary who’s the better trainer once and for all!” He declared, as he stood up and raised his fist into the air.
“Who are you going to show who’s the better trainer?” A voice from behind asked.
Ash turned around to see who was asking. A boy in his mid-teens stood before him. He had brown, spiky hair. He also wore a dark blue, slong-sleeved shirt, and matching pants. Beside him stood a black pokemon with long ears, an equally long tail, and red eyes. There was a golden ring around its ears and tail, and a golden oval could be seen on its forehead and all its joints.
“Oh crap… It’s Gary!” Ash gasped.
“Umbreon.” Gary’s Umbreon barked beside him.
“So… You think you can beat me in a pokemon battle, huh? Then put your money where your mouth is! Let’s go!” Gary spat out.
Ash looked uneasily at Gary, who was in a stance as if he was ready to fight. Would Ash believe the legend and fight Gary?
Find out in 2005!
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If things go my way, I'll have Part 3 on the way by next Friday, the latest. Wish me luck!
And I've got something in my front pocket for you...
_________________________________
Act 8: Getting Where You Need To Go Once Again (Part 2)
This is still your favorite narrator/author talking…
…and our problem persists…
I still don’t think its time to start with Mario, Link, and Luigi. But I can’t think of anyone else to write about! And I don’t think now is the right time to introduce a completely new character. ****… I guess I’m gonna have to get started on Mario and crew…
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Mario, Link, and Luigi were staring imminent death in the face as they watched what seemed to be a car come speeding toward them at incomprehensibly fast speeds. They saw no possible way to dodge it!
Closer and closer the car came, seconds from impact! The three crowded together, bracing themselves for a splattery end. They could literally count down to the dreaded moment…
“Three…” Mario muttered.
“Two…” Link whimpered. Tears of fear streamed from his eyes.
“STOP THIS, NOW!!!” Luigi unexpectedly blurted out.
Suddenly, everything stopped! Seriously. EVERYTHING stopped! Except for Mario, Luigi, and Link that is…
“How are you gonna introduce us like this, man? You’re not ready for this part of the story yet!” Luigi shouted to the sky, as if he was talking to a higher being.
“I have to stop appearing in my fic… It’s starting to get old.” I muttered. “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Luigi?”
“You said it yourself: ‘The way Act 7 ended calls for a delayed entrance of the main characters’. Leaving us out for one part of the act isn’t delayed enough!” Luigi answered.
“I know, but I can’t think of anyone else to write about! You guys are just gonna have to get ready to work overtime. I’m gonna make your parts in this act real long.” I said.
“NO! I was tired as **** after the last act! Please think a little harder, man!” Link pleaded, dramatically dropping to his knees and holding his arms out.
“Yeah, really! I’m not ready to be plowed through by speeding death machines yet!” Mario added.
“But seriously, y’all. I can’t think of any other diversions! What should I do?!” I shouted, clutching my head in anguish and frustration.
They stared at each other. All three of them had blank expressions on their faces. It seemed hopeless… They were going to have to go through with their incredibly long part in Act 8 earlier than expected.
“Well, looks like y’all have no plans… I’m gonna start up the story again. Now, if you would all be so kind and resume the position of hugging each other and fearing for your lives…” I began.
“WAIT!!!” Luigi suddenly exclaimed. “I got it! Go re-read the part after I annihilated Sonic.” He suggested, shooting Mario and Link a sly and confident look.
“Word, man! Go check that out. The inspiration you need is right there!” Link added, catching on to Luigi’s idea. He began uncontrollably smiling and laughing. He was pretty happy about not ending up as a stain on someone’s windshield.
“Oh yeah? Lemme see…” I said as I scrolled up to where Luigi was talking about.
At first, I didn’t see anything worth writing about. But suddenly, it hit me like a renegade flying Bob-omb! The answer to my writing woes was right there!
“Luigi… This is why you’re my favorite character in Melee! I got exactly what I need! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before! NO ONE WILL SEE THIS COMING!!! Unless they’ve been reading carefully…” I exclaimed. I started doing the Jovial Dance of Triumph while Saria’s Song from Ocarina of Time magically started playing.
“Calm down… Victory is sweet, but it’s not worth it to murk your image by dancing around like a dumb-***. Don’t be like Darunia…” Link stated.
“Oh! Snap… You’re right. Lemme get started on this.” I said, immediately putting the guillotine to my jubilant, yet senseless dancing.
“Make it good! Or I’ll kill you!” Mario happily warned, as if it was a normal thing to say.
“Oh don’t worry. This will be better than spending the night at Peach’s Castle! …in her bedroom!” I joked and quickly exited the scene.
“WHAT?! Bring your *** back here and say that!” Mario angrily shouted into the sky, while Luigi and Link held him back.
Unfortunately for him, I was long-gone, preparing to type up yet another overbearingly creative part of my ever-growing fanfic.
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“Woooo… MAN! It feels like I just threw a trillion ton monkey off my back! I feel so free! I don’t have to worry about him slowing me down. ‘We’ll get her back quickly’.” He mocked in an annoyingly high-pitched and nasal voice. “No dumb-***, I’ll get her back quickly! If you were here, we’d be standing around arguing over where to go. This is for the better…”
After he exited the warp-pipe, he started to wander around his new location, hoping to find a clue that would tell him where to go next. As he searched, he also noticed things about the new environment.
The setting was a very bright and warm afternoon. In the woods he was wandering in, the grass was a very healthy green, as well as the treetops. And not only were the treetops very green, they were also very tall. Then entire forest seemed to be dancing with life. Just being in such a place made him thankful to be alive.
“This place is amazing! I almost wish someone else was here to enjoy this with…”
Suddenly, he heard some rustling in a bush he was passing by. He stopped and stared at it. Soft growling could be heard…
“That’s gotta be my ticket to finding out where I am…”
He slowly crept up to the bush. The growling gradually became louder and louder. As he got closer, he realized that the growling couldn’t possibly be coming from a big creature, or even a fierce one for that matter. It almost sounded like a child with a high, squeaky voice trying to imitate an angry dog.
He stopped right in front of the bush…
“OK… Here goes nothing…”
He lightly punched the bush and out jumped a blurrily fast little creature. At the moment, he couldn’t tell what it was because it had jumped right onto his face!
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! IT’S TRYING TO KILL ME!!! GET IT OFF!!!”
He started wildly running in unpredictable patterns, completely blinded by the creature consuming his face. He continued this for a little over a minute, until the creature suddenly jumped off his face.
“Hey! Come back-”
*SLAM-A-JAM-A*
Still running when the creature jumped off his face, a tree seemingly jumped into his path. Needless to say, he ran full-speed into a rock-hard tree trunk. He was knocked out for a while.
In his unconsciousness…
“Hey… HEY!” A voice called to him. He felt a rough, yet somehow gentle, nudging at his arm.
“Ugh… Where am I?” He groggily pondered aloud.
He opened his eyes and found himself literally in the middle of nowhere. Every direction he looked in was completely black. The only things he could see was himself and the figure that stood next to him. He was wearing a blue cape and a matching blue hood.
“You don’t need to worry about that right now. There are more important things to be concerned about…”
“Such as…?”
“Life is strange, isn’t it? Remember when you first entered the Inn at Rose Town and saw that child playing with his toys? I’ll bet you never thought in a million years that one of the dolls would come to life and wander into the woods! After you met him in the Forest Maze and found out who he really was and why he came, you realized you weren’t only on a journey to save the Princess… You were caught in the middle of a crisis much larger than that! You were on a journey to save the world!”
“So this isn’t just about me saving Peach from Bowser? Are you telling me I’m gonna end up saving the world again?”
“You must know by now that the Stars work in strange ways. When the world is in danger, they call on you, knowing fully well that you will do whatever you need to do to ensure safety. But the Stars are confused. They see two of you! One is good: if he succeeds, the world will be bathed in happiness and prosperity. The other one…”
“There’s two of me? That makes little, to no sense. The last time there was two of me, it turned out that it was only someone in disguise. How could the Stars not see who’s disguised as me?”
“Maybe because it’s not a disguise… As I said before, life is strange. I’m only here to warn you about things to come. Remember, one will save the world and the other will destroy it. Which one are you, Mario?”
“I’m…”
Before he could finish his thought, the dream was ended immediately by a vicious shock from reality, literally. Mario was jolted awake by a rush of electricity.
(Author’s Note: Mario is in the hiz-ouse! But this isn’t the Mario that travels with Link. This is the Mario from the alternate reality after Link screwed around with time in Act 7. Don’t get it? Re-read Act 7: Part 5 - the part after Link obliterated Eggman’s flying contraption. Thank Luigi later.)
“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Mario screamed in agony. His cries of pain rang through the forest.
When his shocking experience was over, he wearily looked around to see what electrocuted him. To his surprise, he found a Pichu standing by him.
“Pichu? What are you doing here? Where am I?” Mario demanded.
“Piiii? Pi, chuuu!” Pichu answered.
“Ah, I see. Thanks. Now… repeat that in English.” Mario said, rising to his feet.
“Pichu! Pi, pichu!” Pichu articulated.
Mario shrugged. “Well, at least I know where I am. I’m somewhere in the Pokemon World; seemingly in a forest where wild Pichus roam.” Mario thought to himself aloud.
“Chu.” Pichu agreed.
“Hmmm… It sounds like you can understand me. Can you take me to where I can talk to actual people?” Mario asked, hoping for a decipherable answer.
“Chuuu!” Pichu squealed and held up its tiny thumb for a thumbs-up sign. It also gave the cutest possible smile imaginable and its eyes welled up.
“Wow… That’s so cute, it’s frightening…” Mario shuddered. “But I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”
They began walking through the forest. As they walked on, Mario noticed some strange things about the woods. A few of the trees seemed to be… dancing. Not only that, but he heard a few murmurs coming from the trees’ direction. He also could have sworn a few of them had blinked!
“This place is starting to get a little creepy… How much longer, Pichu-pal?” Mario asked.
“Piiii!” Pichu exclaimed and pointed directly in front of them.
It was a sign!
Mario ran straight toward the sign, hoping it would tell him where he was, while Pichu followed close behind.
“Let’s see what this says…” Mario began.
You are about to leave the Viridian Forest. Pallet Town is straight ahead. We hope you had a nice hike through the woods. Enjoy your stay in Pallet Town!
Be on the lookout for the tree-mimicking Sudowoodo!
“I guess that’s what I ran into…” Mario realized.
“Pichu! Chuuu!” The mouse-like pokemon exclaimed and ran off ahead.
“Hey you, Pichu! Wait a sec!” Mario shouted and ran after Pichu.
The pokemon was very quick, but he managed to follow it directly out of the forest, right to the city limits of Pallet Town, where it suddenly stopped running. As Mario got closer to the creature, it looked scared. It was standing on all fours in a defensive stance.
“Pichu! What’s the problem?” Mario called out.
“Well, well! It looks like this Pichu has a trainer.” A female voice observed.
“Does it matter? We were gonna snatch it anyway!” Another voice said.
Mario saw a group of three standing before the Pichu. One was a woman who had long, red hair. It was done in a weird style though: it extended way below her back and was slicked into a curly point. One was a tall man who had shiny, light blue hair. The third actually looked like a cat with a charm in the middle of its head. Mario assumed that was a Meowth because he remembered seeing them in the original Super Smash Brothers. The two humans both wore white jackets that adorned a red “R” on the front.
“Who are you guys?” Mario demanded.
“I’m surprised you don’t recognize us. We’re known all over Kanto! We’d give you a whole introduction, but there isn’t enough time for that. We have bigger fish to fry!” The man said.
“Be a sweetheart and just give up that Pichu. We don’t want to hurt you, but we’ll have no problem doing so if you decide to act up.” The woman threatened.
“I remember now! You’re the infamous Team Rocket: Jessie, James, and Meowth. Always after Ash’s Pikachu… You guys are complete idiots! This little guy isn’t even mine… We just met after I appeared in Viridian Forest.” Mario explained.
“Great! So ya won’t have a problem saying good-bye then!” Meowth said.
“Quite the contrary! Pichu led me out of the forest and to this town. The least I could do is protect it from you morons.” Mario stated, assuming his fighting stance.
“We’ll see how well you can protect it when it’s in our pokeball!” James shouted and whipped out a pokeball. He assumed a pitcher’s stance, looking as if he was going to throw a fastball right at Pichu!
“You won’t get it in there!” Mario exclaimed and jetted toward Pichu.
“Pokeball… GO!” James shouted and hurled the ball at the frightened pocket monster.
It was as if everything had slowed down to half its normal speed. Mario was steadily getting closer and closer, ready to smack the pokeball away from Pichu and back into James’s face! James looked on with a stone grill of determination. It was as if the expression on his face would decide the outcome of this.
The pokeball was within a foot of Pichu’s enormous head. It braced itself for impact, but suddenly, Mario dove at the ball and smacked it out to the way!
“DRAT! I was so close!” James shouted in disappointment as Mario’s hand made contact with the ball. He began to throw a wild, anime-style fit.
What happened next surprised the crap out of everyone though…
The ball traveled six inches away from Mario after he swatted it, then it opened up. Mario suddenly felt himself get trapped by an unknown force. He fought to escape it, but it had a firm hold on him. Then it felt like he was being dragged into the ball! As he was pulled closer and closer to the ball’s opening, Mario fought harder and harder to escape. He fought with all he had until he was exhausted, but there was no avail. The force bought him into the pokeball and the opening shut tight.
Team Rocket and Pichu stared in complete disbelief at Mario’s new prison. They could not comprehend what they just witnessed. Pichu snapped out of its awe quicker than everyone else and found the moment of confusion to be a prime time to escape back into the forest.
“Hey, look! That Pichu’s gettin’ away!” Meowth announced, snapping everyone else out of their awestruck trance.
“Forget about that. We just caught ourselves a brand-new pokemon! I’m pretty sure even the boss hasn’t seen this one yet! We’re going to be rich!” Jessie squealed in utter glee.
“Are you sure, Jessie? It may have looked a bit strange, but it had all the traits of a human. It could even talk!” James mentioned.
“Have you seen the boom in the pokemon population? Scientists say there are over 350 of them now! New species are being discovered everyday! Don’t you think we were just lucky enough to find an undiscovered breed?” Jessie reasoned.
“Well, I suppose so…” James uneasily agreed while scratching his head, still having his doubts.
“Hey, I jus’ had a great idea!” Meowth announced, walking over to the pokeball and picking it up. “Why don’t we go and surprise the twerp with our new friend and steal his Pikachu while we’re at it? Usually our days are a lot less eventful, but today might be different! We jus’ caught an entirely new pokemon! Maybe we’ll finally grab that Pikachu, too!” He suggested, throwing the pokeball up and catching it with one hand.
“Wow, Meowth with a great idea! Maybe this is our lucky day!” James said, becoming a little more optimistic.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get in the balloon and find him!” Jessie exclaimed.
Meanwhile, in Cerulean City…
“I can’t wait to reach the Gym and win my next badge! Maybe we’ll even meet Gary here! I’ll show him a thing, or two, with my new pokemon!”
“Ash, how could you forget that you already won the Water Badge? And how could you forget the real reason we’re here? We’re here so you can buy me a new bike!”
“C’mon Misty! It wouldn’t hurt to go visit your sisters, would it? Maybe Ash can have a friendly battle with them just to toughen up his line-up, just in case we meet Gary. Besides, don’t you want to see your beloved siblings?”
“Brock, you’ll say anything just to see my sisters. What won’t you do for a girl?”
“Pikachu!”
“Toge-prrrrrrriii!”
Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi had found their way back to Kanto after their long and exciting journeys to places like Johto and Hoenn. They mainly returned to visit their families and take a break from their hectic adventure.
“Oh, umm, Misty… About that bike…” Ash stammered, giving a cheesy smile and nervously laughing.
“What’s wrong? After all those battle you’ve been in, you should have enough money to buy two bikes!” Misty said.
“Not exactly… You see, I kinda spent all the money on pokemon power-ups like protein and calcium. I bought enough for all of my pokemon, so…” Ash trailed off. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking at the ground.
“You… WHAT?!” Misty shouted in disbelief, throwing Togepi, who she had been carrying, up into the air. Brock scrambled and made a diving catch to save it before it came crashing into the ground.
Misty ran over to Ash, grabbed his ankles, and flipped him upside-down. She began shaking the life out of him, hoping he was just kidding and the money would come pouring out. Much to her dismay, only a few worthless coins trickled out of Ash’s pockets. Misty’s eyelids began to twitch.
“Heh heh… It’s not all hopeless! If we battle your sisters and maybe fight Gary and win, we’d already have an eighth of what we need to buy a bike! We’ll make all that money back in-” Ash began, but…
*SHAZAM-SLAM-BAM*
Misty swung Ash by the ankles and slammed him into a nearby wall! Ash fell in a sprawled out heap on the ground. Misty then jumped on top of him and furiously began punching him in the face!
“YOU STUPID, STUPID BOY! THE ONLY REASON I’M TRAVELING WITH YOU IS SO YOU DON’T FORGET THAT YOU STOLE MY BIKE AND DESTROYED IT!!! YOU FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY IT AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU SPEND IT ON YOUR LOSER LINEUP! YOUR POKEMON SUCK! AND EVERYTIME YOU GET A GOOD ONE, YOU SEND IT TO STUPID PROFESSOR OAK AND NEVER USE IT AGAIN OR YOU RELEASE IT! YOU’D TRY TO SET YOUR PIKACHU FREE AGAIN IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE! YOU’RE SUCH AN IDIOT! I HATE YOU!!!” Misty ranted with her voice slowly sounding more demonic as she continued to pummel Ash with her feminine fists of fury.
“Pika! Piii, pika!” Pikachu pleaded as he tried to stop Misty’s onslaught.
“GET OFF ME, YOU STUPID YELLOW VERMIN!” Misty snarled and swatted Pikachu away with her infamous wooden mallet that she always pulls from nowhere.
“Whoa! Misty, take it easy! You’re making Togepi cry!” Brock said, hoping that would calm her down.
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT STUPID EGG! IT’S USELESS AND IT WON’T EVOLVE! I CAN’T DEPEND ON A POKEMON THAT USES METRONOME AS ITS MAIN ATTACK!” Misty rampaged, getting off of Ash and menacingly stomped toward Brock. Her eyes were somehow glowing red and the earth shook with every stomp she took. There was also an evil, black aura around her.
“Ugh…” Ash groaned, unsteadily rising to his feet, and using the wall to lean on to keep his balance. “Misty’s gone crazy! Quick, Pikachu! Use that new move we’ve been working on! Shock her unconscious with Thunder Ball!”
“Pika!” Pikachu obediently responded, jumping to its feet. “Piiiiikaaaa…” Pikachu chanted, as its voice echoed through the town.
As it raised its tiny hands above its head, dark clouds began to gather and a thunderstorm brewed. Suddenly, a thick bolt of lightning ripped through the sky and plummeting to the ground, stopping at Pikachu’s outstretched arms. A ball of electricity formed between the lightning bolt and Pikachu’s hands. Additional bolts of lightning continued to gather at this point and the ball began growing larger and larger, until it was as big as a Snorlax!
“I think that’s big enough, Pikachu! Let her have it!” Ash commanded, pointing at Misty, who was frozen with fear at the sight of the gigantic ball of electricity.
“CHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!” The small, yet remarkably powerful Pikachu roared and heaved the Thunder Ball directly at Misty.
“NO!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING! I DIDN’T MEAN ANY- SEHF;LKDSA;NF;ONA;OIEWN FD;OSNFNS;K NVCWENF;oiew ;ofnewoi;nf;dsnf;oi n;snafkdsn;f;ABNF;Bs fb;WB; EGF;FNw;fe!!!” The sounds of an intensely electrocuted Misty tore through the air. It caused a spectacular light-show, which the whole town gathered to see.
After ten minutes of straight electrocution, the skies cleared again, revealing the light blue sky and the bright, yellow sun. Misty fell to the ground in a crumpled, charred-black mess. She was back to normal, but she was completely unconscious and was twitching violently.
“Great job, Pikachu!” Ash exclaimed, picking up his Pikachu and hugging it as if it had just won him a battle with the Elite Four.
“Thanks, Ash. I thought I was a goner.” Brock sighed, wiping his forehead in relief.
“No problem, Brock. Misty was getting out of hand. I had to stop her before she did something-” Ash started explaining, but was interrupted by a sudden explosion.
Ash, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, and Misty (still unconscious, still having Grand Mal Seizures) were now standing in a heavy and thick cloud of smoke.
“Where’d… all this smoke… come from?” Ash sputtered as he coughed and hacked, finding it hard to breath.
“Prepare for trouble! We have a surprise for you!” One voice announced.
“And make it double! It’s completely brand-new!” Another voice added.
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket stalks you twerps at the speed of light!
Acknowledge us now and prepare to fight, fight, fight!
Woooooobba Wobba!
*POW*
Meeee-owth, that’s right!
“Team Rocket!” Ash and Brock shouted in shocked unison.
“How’d ya know it was us?” Meowth sarcastically responded.
“Guys, I’m kinda on vacation. I don’t want to deal with you three right now. Maybe we can continue this in a month or so...” Ash told the “evil” trio.
“Not so fast! Today is our lucky day! We caught a new pokemon, and with it, we’re finally going to steal your Pikachu!” James stated, pointing at Ash.
“You guys always catch the worst pokemon! With losers like Weezing, Arbok, Victreebell, and Wobbuffet, I don’t expect anything phenomenal from you.” Brock taunted.
“Just to show you how serious we are, bring out your best! Both of you! We promise we’ll do our worst!” Jessie countered, laughing at her own clever pun.
“I’ll handle this, Brock.” Ash assured Brock. “Go… Tododile and Noctowl!” Ash shouted and hurled two pokeballs out in front of him.
“Wooooooo!” Noctowl hooted as it gracefully flew over Team Rocket’s heads and back to Ash’s shoulder. It splendidly glimmered as the sun’s rays bounced off its shiny feathers.
“Todododododododododododo!!!” The tiny, blue, crocodile-looking pokemon sang as it happily danced, flailing its arms and legs wildly.
“Calm down, Tododile…” Ash said, staring at the endless glee of his pokemon.
“Tododododododododododo!!!” Tododile continued to sing.
It flung its arms and legs so rapidly that it actually began to hover off the ground a little bit. As it continued to dance, it rose higher and higher into the sky until it was out of sight.
“That was weird…” Ash muttered, looking up into the sky.
“Ummm… choose another pokemon, Ash.” Brock said.
“Right… I choose you… Bayleef!” Ash shouted and tossed another pokeball in front of him.
“Leef!” Bayleef said, swinging the leaf above its head side-to-side. It turned to Ash and tackled him to the ground, showering him with Pokemon affection (some might consider this bestiality…).
“Whoa! Take it easy, Bayleef! I like you too, but we have a battle to win!” Ash said while trying to ease the overly-loving Bayleef off him.
“If that’s what you call your best, then there’s no way you can win!” James taunted, taking out a pokeball. “Pokemon… GO!” He shouted and threw it in front of him.
Out jumped their new “pokemon”. When he realized he was out of the pokeball, he looked around frantically, wondering where he was. Took off his trademark, red hat and scratch his brown hair in confusion. He also wiped off the perspiration from his moustache.
“PIKA?!” Pikachu gasped in astonishment.
“What the **** is that?!” Brock shot out in disbelief, actually opening his eyes in complete surprise.
“That doesn’t look like any pokemon I’ve ever seen…” Ash said, also finding it hard to believe Team Rocket actually caught something like that.
“That’s because I’m not a **** pokemon!” Mario snapped in anger, finding it hard to believe he could be mistaken for a pokemon.
“WHOA!” Ash and Brock gasped simultaneously, finding it hard to believe the “pokemon” just spoke.
“It can talk!” Brock blurted out in further disbelief.
“Let’s see what Dexter has to say about this!” Ash suggested, pulling out his Pokedex from his pocket. He pointed it at Mario.
“Oh my god… That’s not a pokemon, you foo...” Dexter (Ash’s Pokedex) started, but caught itself in mid-sentence. “Uh, I mean that’s… not a pokemon… if it were… Opposite Day! Ha ha! But it isn’t Opposite Day! So that is a pokemon! Mario! …mon… Yeah, that’s it! Mariomon!” The Pokedex declared.
“Mariomon, huh? Let’s see if there’s anymore info on it…” Ash said and pressed a button, completely ignoring Dexter’s suspicious stuttering and abrupt mid-sentence pauses.
“Chuu!! Pika piii piiicha pikachu!” Pikachu exclaimed, trying to communicate to Ash that Mario definitely wasn’t a pokemon.
“Calm down, Pikachu. I’ll catch another one some day and we’ll have one of our own!” Ash happily said, petting Pikachu on the head.
“Pika pika!” Pikachu shouted, turning to Bayleef and Noctowl.
It was as if Pikachu was asking them why they weren’t trying to let Ash know that Mario was not a pokemon. They simply shrugged, as if to say “if Ash is too dumb to realize that’s not a pokemon, then there’s no use in telling him otherwise”.
“Mariomon: the… umm… Hero pokemon. This pokemon lives for the… …uhh… thrill of… saving… anyone or anything in any kind of… trouble! Legends say that the source of its… power comes from… its… …umm… hat! If someone is able to take the hat off its head and wear it as their own, they will be… destined to become… a… Pokemon Master! Because the ‘M’ on the cap stands for ‘Master’! …and they can beat any trainers named Gary!” Dexter fabricated.
Tears of joy began to fill Ash’s eyes. He clenched his fists and held them to his chest excitedly.
“Did you hear that?! My ticket to becoming a Pokemon Master is sitting right there on Mariomon’s head! I’ll even finally be able to beat Gary! I HAVE TO GET THAT HAT!!!” Ash excitedly shouted.
“Oh no you don’t! This is MY hat! My favorite hat! This hat comes off for no one! And for the last time… I’M NOT A GO**** POKEMON!!!” Mario screamed on top of his lungs.
“Oh yeah? Then explain how ya got caught in our pokeball!” Meowth said to “Mariomon”.
“I have no clue how that happened, but I can guaran-****-tee that I’m not a pokemon!” Mariomon shouted once again.
“Noctowl, use a Gust attack and try to knock his hat off his head!” Ash ordered.
“Woot!” Noctowl shrugged and delivered gale-force wind to Mario.
Mario held onto his hat for dear life. That hat was part of his identity! Even though he had a hundred more just like it in his closet back at home, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that some ******** kid was flaunting his hat, claiming it would make him a Pokemon Master.
“We won’t stand for this! Mariomon! Use your…” James shouted, but froze in mid-sentence. “Use your… attack… Jessie! What attacks does Mariomon have?” James asked, desperately hoping for an answer.
“How should I know? I’ve never seen one before! Just shout out random attacks and maybe it will do one of them!” Jessie shot back.
“Mariomon! Use… Tackle!” James ordered.
“Tackle attack… You’re joking right?” Mario asked with a disappointed look on his face.
“Do not defy me! I am your master and I order you to use Tackle attack!” James spit out, whipping out his pointer finger and aiming it at Mario.
Suddenly, Mario sprung at James and gave him a rough and hearty, Terry Tate, NFL tackle! James got the wind knocked out of him and was floored. Mario stood on his chest with one foot and laughed.
“NOT ME, YOU IMBECILE! TACKLE THE BIRD!” James furiously demanded. “AND WHAT ARE YOU TWO LAUGHING AT?!” He shouted, shooting Jessie and Meowth a seething grimace.
“Nothing at all! We weren’t laughing at you!” Jessie casually replied, fighting the urge to burst out laughing like a lunatic. Meowth was doing the same.
“I’ll fight the bird only because it’s trying to take my hat. But I’m not taking your orders. You suck as a Pokemon Trainer.” Mario said sprung into the air. He jumped high enough to meet Noctowl eye-to-eye.
“Noctowl! Give him a stare-down with Leer!” Ash commanded.
Noctowl’s eyes began to glow yellow. Mario reacted by balling up his fists and swinging it toward the Owl pokemon downward. Noctowl got clocked in the head real nicely and bulleted into the ground. It got up shortly after, but was disoriented.
“That’s right, Mariomon! Good Mega Punch attack! I told him to use that, twerp!” James called out to Ash.
“No you didn’t, numb-nuts!” Mario called out to James.
“Whoa, that was a hard hit! Bayleef! Give him the Razor Leaf attack!” Ash ordered.
“Leef, leef, leef!” Bayleef repeated as it shot out random leaves at Mario.
Mario gracefully dodged every single leaf thrown at him. He started shooting fireballs at the attacking Bayleef. The Bayleef tried to dodge them, but failed as it caught three fireballs in the face! Don’t forget that fire is super-effective against Bayleef!
“LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFF!!!” Bayleef cried as it began to frantically run around in circles with its face on fire.
“Whoa! Bayleef, return!” Ash shouted as he took out Bayleef’s pokeball and withdrew it into the ball. “I’ll fight fire with fire! Go, Cyndaquil!” He shouted and hurled another pokeball out in front of him.
“Cynda!” The cute mole-looking pokemon squealed.
It then stood up on two feet and flames suddenly ignited on its back. These flames were strange, though. They looked like they were cheaply drawn onto its back by some kid in Kindergarten.
“You think that little rodent is going to stop my unstoppable pokemon?! HA HA HA!!!” James laughed at Ash’s absurd idea. “Mariomon! Give that fire-rat a taste of your Mega Punch!” James ordered.
“You just don’t get it, do you? I’m not listening to your orders! I’m not fighting for you! I’M NOT A GOD-FORSAKEN POKEMON! I’M A REAL BOY! I MEAN, MAN!!!” Mario bellowed.
“Cyndaquil, fire things up with a Flamethrower!” Ash demanded.
“Cynda! QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!” Cyndaquil opened its mouth and out streamed a beeline of flames.
Mario swiftly dodged the beam of fire, and the Flamethrower attack flew directly into James’s face! Jessie and Meowth were hysterical at that point. They didn’t care that James was glaring at them, plotting to do something grim to them while they were asleep…
Mario began to run at full speed toward Cyndaquil, preparing to deliver a sliding kick.
“Dodge his move with a Quick Attack, Cyndaquil!” Ash shouted.
“Quil!” Cyndaquil responded.
Mario closed in and began to slide toward the fire-type pokemon. Suddenly, it seemingly teleported out of the way!
“Whoa! The speed!” Mario exclaimed.
Then, Cyndaquil followed up by attacking Mario from behind. It ran at blazingly fast speeds, leaving trails of fire behind him, and threw itself at him! It flew through the air at such a high velocity that it actually flew through Mario and appeared in front of him! Mario was stunned by the tiny creature’s sheer agility.
“Now cover the area with Smokescreen!” Ash commanded.
Cyndaquil opened wide and thick, heavy smoke poured out of its mouth. The amount seemed endless as Mario and Team Rocket were swimming in a dark and thick cloud.
“Noctowl, you okay there? Use Foresight to track that Mariomon and take its hat!” Ash called out.
“Hooot-hooooot!” Noctowl replied and flew up into the sky, above the cloud of smoke.
Its eyes turned red and it began scanning the thick smog. It targeted Mario, who was sputtering and coughing and frantically looking around, preparing for another surprise attack against him. Noctowl then rapidly flapped its wings and dove into the dark brume, directly at Mario hat.
*SNATCH*
“NO! WHAT THE ****?! GIVE MY HAT BACK!” Mario boomed, but began coughing wildly because of all the smoke he breathed in.
Noctowl returned to its master and dropped the hat into his hand. Ash stared at the hat. He couldn’t believe he was holding such a “legendary” hat. He ripped off his old hat and threw it aside, and then he slowly and tenderly mounted his new crown upon his young head. The hat fit loosely, and it was pretty sweaty, but he felt triumph as if he had single-handedly won a war between nations.
“Look at me, Pikachu… I did it. I’m finally a POKEMON MASTER!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!” Ash auspiciously celebrated as he did a victory dance. “Now, Cyndaquil! Create a massive explosion by shooting a Flamethrower at that cloud of smoke!”
“Cynda!” Cyndaquil answered and began to breathe in a huge gulp of air, preparing to shoot out a massive Flamethrower.
“PIKA!” Pikachu angrily shrieked and grabbed the hat off of Ash’s ego-inflated head.
“Pikachu! What’s the matter with you? Gimme back that hat!” Ash demanded, holding his hand out.
“Piii!” Pikachu defiantly responded and ran into the cloud of smoke with the hat.
“Wait! Don’t go in there, Pikachu!” Ash shouted.
“QUIIIIIIIIIILLL!!!” Cyndaquil bawled and shot an incredible stream of flame at the billowing Smokescreen.
“NO! PIKACHU!!! MY HAT!!!” Ash shouted and started running at the cloud, hoping to beat the Flamethrower to it.
Ash is such an idiot…
*SAILING MISHAP* Whoops, I mean… *UNREALISTICALLY ENORMOUS EXPLOSION*
Ash was blown back into the side of a building, while Brock, Cyndaquil, and Noctowl were knocked flat onto their backs. Pikachu, Mario, and Team Rocket were right in the middle of the massive detonation and were blown sky-high at the speed of sound!
“Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!”
“Wooooooooooobbbbaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
“Wooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooo!!!”
“Piiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaa-piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
All those shouts in unison faded into the background and the environment was silent once again. Ash gingerly rose to his feet and looked up into the heavens. Nothing but the blue, empty sky could be seen.
“Pikachu… My hat…” Ash defeatedly muttered, falling to his knees and hanging his head. Tears began to fall from his eyes and onto the stone-paved street.
“Ash…” Brock consoled, placing his hand on Ash’s shoulder.
Ash turned around and stared at Brock. He was holding the “Pokemon Master’s Hat”!
“It fell after the explosion. We’ll get Pikachu back. A Pokemon Master never gives up!” Brock said, trying to cheer up Ash.
“You’re right, Brock.” Ash murmured and took the hat from Brock to place it on his head once again. “I swear, as a Pokemon Master, that I will find my Pikachu! Then I’m going to catch a Mariomon, as well as all the Pokemon in the world! Then, I’m going to show Gary who’s the better trainer once and for all!” He declared, as he stood up and raised his fist into the air.
“Who are you going to show who’s the better trainer?” A voice from behind asked.
Ash turned around to see who was asking. A boy in his mid-teens stood before him. He had brown, spiky hair. He also wore a dark blue, slong-sleeved shirt, and matching pants. Beside him stood a black pokemon with long ears, an equally long tail, and red eyes. There was a golden ring around its ears and tail, and a golden oval could be seen on its forehead and all its joints.
“Oh crap… It’s Gary!” Ash gasped.
“Umbreon.” Gary’s Umbreon barked beside him.
“So… You think you can beat me in a pokemon battle, huh? Then put your money where your mouth is! Let’s go!” Gary spat out.
Ash looked uneasily at Gary, who was in a stance as if he was ready to fight. Would Ash believe the legend and fight Gary?
Find out in 2005!
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If things go my way, I'll have Part 3 on the way by next Friday, the latest. Wish me luck!
