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Solus of the Spheres

Aruun

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I probably won't be posting any significant portion of this story for quite a while, as I should really just focus on writing and I'll be editing it more harshly than usual. But, I really need to ask if this first bit of the first chapter is too confusing. I'm introducing a lot of new terms (cycle, ambit, cipher, gardens), and obviously they'll all be explained in due time - but, as a reader who has no idea what this is about, can you at least understand what's happening right then? Does not knowing what the terms mean yet ruin the current text you're reading? If you guys could let me know I'd really appreciate it!


---


A soft, persistent buzzing rang in their ears as the train glided forward. The train car was adequately sized – about nine body-widths apart - and furnished with little but sleek silver flooring and a cylindrical, translucent hull. A colorless glow emanated from beneath the floor.

A girl tapping her fingers abruptly stopped.

“Are you coming with me to the garden before the next cycle?”

The girl across from her to whom it was addressed barely moved; only her expression became faintly uncomfortable.

“Cheza, why do you have such an aversion to gardens? One must give in order to receive. For all to be yours, you must become all’s!” she recited, with the perfect cadence that only comes with repetition.

Cheza shifted her weight on the chrome seat. “I don’t have any such aversion, Ambre. I know as well as you do to whom I belong. If it really pleases you so much, I guess I can cancel my plans and come with you.”

Ambre beamed, and returned to tapping her fingers. Cheza wasn’t sure which she found more annoying: her smug grin or her compulsive twitching.

Not that gardens were really so horrible. In fact, Cheza had to admit they were even mildly agreeable once in a cycle or two; but now was not such a moment. Yet gardens were meant to be loved and shared by all - a giving and taking of freely. Cheza didn’t want to give or take anything right now.

She decided that even more infuriating than Ambre’s mannerisms was her own guilt over the matter. At least she didn’t actually have plans that needed canceling.

“Arriving at Euphrates Sphere in two intervals,” an ethereal voice spoke softly throughout the cabin.

Cheza swiftly stood up, thankful for the opportunity to momentarily escape her inquisitive friend. She strolled down the long cylindrical cabin and stepped through the silver door to the next. This cabin was similar, but dozens of cramped, identical bodies replaced the two rows of seats. These bodies towered over Cheza, making her stature seem petite (she was the genetic quotient of fifty ambits, however, as she was sure to let everyone know). Each of the bodies had long, sinewy structures, with the exterior of a tall male. They all wore the same glistening bald heads and minimal attire.

“Cipher 131404,” she sighed lazily. One of the bodies stepped forward from the mass, striding towards her with robotic precision. Its expression was completely stoic and lifeless.

Without even acknowledging it she slogged past the others like it to the next car, wanting to avoid Ambre for as long as possible. The cipher followed her without instruction.
 

El Nino

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Coming from a science fiction reading background, I don't find it confusing at all. Can't speak for others though. "Cycle" is obviously a measure of time. "Cipher" tends to be interchangeable with "drone" in a lot of genre fiction.

furnished with little but sleek silver flooring and a cylindrical, translucent hull.
"Furnished" is an odd word choice.

“I don’t have any such aversion, Ambre...."
Sounds like obvious name-dropping.

Cheza wasn’t sure which she found more annoying: her smug grin or her compulsive twitching.
Pronoun confusion.

(she was the genetic quotient of fifty ambits, however, as she was sure to let everyone know)
I'm slightly hung up on what "the genetic quotient of fifty ambits" means. I can tell that "ambits" is being used here as a unit measure. I'm also presuming that "quotient" is not being used by the standard arithmetic definition.
 

Aruun

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Thanks for the reply, El Nino. Are ciphers seriously interchangeable with drone? I totally though I was being clever by officially calling them ciphers and having people slang-call them drones (particularly because they are set up somewhat like a hive). I didn't even know cipher was ever used as a name for android-type creatures. It took me hours of browsing wikipedia and searching thesaurus.com in order to find it. Oh well.

I agree with all the critiques you made. Thank you for the reply!
 

El Nino

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You're welcome.

Are ciphers seriously interchangeable with drone?
As far as I can tell, it's a more recent thing. Before, I remember seeing a lot more of "droid" or "clone" or "drone." "Cipher" actually showed up in a manga I was reading a few days ago, which may be why it stood out more than usual. People stretch the definitions a bit to suit their own means though, so no worries.

And I figured out why "she was the genetic quotient of fifty ambits" sounds odd to me. Because of the phrasing, it sounds like "quotient" is used in place of "equivalent." Don't know if that's what you meant, but the two words mean very different things. On the other hand, "her genetic quotient was fifty ambits" makes more sense to me. Again, don't know what your intended meaning is. Just thought I'd mention it.
 
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