So I could use some advice with a difficult life situation thats depressing/frustrating me
My SO has a seriously emotionally abusive/unstable/mean/contradictory/awful mother who yells at them a lot and just says the most ridiculous abusive things that totally ignore what my SO just told them or hurt their feelings or ignore their feelings or whatever... My SO's mom sits on her computer/phone/electronics etc. on the couch ALL day and makes my SO clean and yells at them and basically doesn't care in the slightest for my SO's feelings, and all the while acts like she's not terrible and abusive!
She talks hypothetically/complains to my SO about complaining to me about how they are being abused, but in a sarcastic voice. What I mean is they act like they aren't abusing my SO. My SO's mom just yells at them and acts super immature and mean, and just totally acts like their feelings don't matter and that she's always right about everything... This has caused my SO to have a lot of anxiety issues and it's just really terrible... My SO is 18, but she has too much anxiety/not enough life experience/knowledge to be able to move out right now... But it's just suffocating for their feelings being trapped, their mom just takes hours and hours of their day making them clean/cook for the family and just does a lot of really unreasonable things and treats them awfully while they are doing it.
Just for an example of how my SO's mom acts:
JUST yesterday, my SO was asked/forced to do the dishes, but they had some gunk on them, and they were asked to do a small load. That night, apparently SO's mom found that only a few dishes were in there, and acted like SO had been super lazy or something (cough spent hours working cleaning the kitchen etc. because SO's mom is so insane about having the kitchen perfectly clean and yells at them if its not perfect/done). So my SO's mom did the dishes for once (i haven't heard of my SO's mom doing it ever once in my life) THEN the next day they complained to my SO about how much work it was and how they "were lazy and did almost nothing yesterday" and as always took all the things my SO did for my SO's mom for granted...
(My SO doesn't mind helping but when you're yelled at and rarely rarely ever appreciated for it and yelled at to do it and practically forced to for their own safety/emotional safety then you can understand why its upsetting...)
So they talked about how they were going to make my SO work all weekend for her if my SO wanted a chance of seeing me??? Like, SO's mom treats seeing me like a bribe/threat at the same time??? It's so awful and terrible and I hate being used like that... My SO's mom is just acts INSANE.
Me and my SO are really close and I just hate to see them abused like this... I can't even talk to my own parents about this either, because SO's mom is actually good friends with my mom (which is how we met and got together). Basically, SO's mom acts like a mature/nice person when she's not at home/to everyone else and people think she's this great person, but she just acts so disgusting at home apparently. She doesn't act this way when I'm around, either, but I still see her sit in the same place and have mostly my SO or someone wait on them.
Thankfully SO's mom isn't physically abusive at least... But the emotional abuse is just terrible and makes my SO really depressed... They are really strong, though, but I just hate that they go through that and I do my best to support them and I do help, I know that my love and support definitely helps things for them a lot and I've helped them like themselves a lot more,
but I just hate they way they're treated so badly.
SO's mom does have some health issues apparently, which may have something to do with being waited on, but I feel like she can take care of herself just fine and may be using that as an excuse. It sounds like she legitly seems to sit on the couch in their house practically all day. My SO has worries about their childhood being taken from because of how much abuse and time that gets taken by their mom...
My SO is a really sweet and good person, and I've known them for 6 years and climbing... I'm not old enough to really be able to do anything and I'm still living with my parents... I've only talked about this with my SO and one internet friend. That's it.
I really just wish there was something I can do other than to continue to support them unconditionally
Is there ANYTHING I can do?? I can't really confront my SO's mom without it probably causing issues like me being unable to see them or my SO getting treated worse somehow... Things are just so crazy bad for them and I just can't do anything...
My parents are good people, but I just can't talk to anyone I know without it leaking back through an info-web back to other members of my family and finally through my mom to my SO's mom... Is it legal to treat someone like this?? Is there ANYTHING I can do to help??
Also, my SO does have a kind younger brother, and their father is a kind person, but he's fairly busy with work and stuff... Though my SO's older brother is really immature and is on electronics a lot and hardly helps with housework just like my SO's mom... One time my SO's mom was ATTACKING (with yelling words) my SO all of the sudden when she asked a really normal simple question about college, and the rest of my SO's family actually defended them because of what my SO's mom was saying was so crazy... Literally, my SO's dad said that ____ they said was crazy and they denied saying the terrible thing (which they said very shortly ago and everyone heard) LIKE GEEZ I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND MY SO'S MOM IS JUST SO EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE... My SO was very very upset after this (which happens a lot because of their mom).
I've thought of trying to get my SO to move in with me, but I don't know if I could ask my parents to support them financially and we are unfortunately at the highest number of people legally able to live in my house...
I just wish I could get them out of there somewhere safer where they aren't being taken advantage of/abused and just abused in so many ways by their mother. Just somewhere safe where they could work on their art (they do digital art in their spare time) and i could be in contact with them...
I'm sorry if this is totally out of place or not supposed to be here but I've seen people asking for help here... Sorry if it seems immature or bad somehow putting this out there but I could just really use some advice/knowledge if I can do anything...
I love my SO so freaking much and just any advice at all would be nice...
thanks for taking the time to read my very frustrated rant... hopefully I made everything clear haha sorry if this doesn't belong here i just hoped for advice/write out my frustrations...
EDIT: holy crap this is long
