Zook
Perpetual Lazy Bum
Link to original post: [drupal=1343]Relationship Woes[/drupal]
My relationship with my current girlfriend has become a bit strained as of late.
We first met 4 months ago, on a cold December day. Wednesday, I believe. I remember taking a visit to my local Borders, checking out the Horror section (not a big fan of the genre, but I love a good Stephen King every now and then) and the General Reference. There was a new edition of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, so I had to buy it.
On my way to the register, I was absorbed in the back of my book ("Celebrate bathroom reading as you delve into: The Incredible (Edible) History of Bread; The Secret Congressional Bomb Shelter; etc."), and bumped into her. "Sorry," I said, picking up my glasses and book.
"Oh, it's okay," she said.
I looked up, and she was smiling at me- a thing women don't tend to do to Zook. She extended down a comically small arm, and, gripping onto her claw, pulled myself up. When I saw her, she was kinda pretty. Yeah, she was pretty, alright. About 10 feet tall, 36 feet long, I'd say, light greenish-brown, and a healthy 7 tons, give or take a thousand pounds. Quite a looker.
"I'm Zook," I said, rising from the ground.
She told me her name, too, but she'll remain nameless on this blog.
She was clutching a copy of 'Robot Dreams' in her other arm, one of my favorite Asimov collections. "Great author," I said dumbly, gesturing to her book. She smilied shyly, and moved to let me go past her.
After I had paid for my Bathroom Reader, I waited for her by the door. God, was I nervous. My armpits had turned into fountains of sweat, and I was aware of my own stench. Heart raced. But something... Something beautiful clicked between us in those breif moments. I had to get her.
As we walked out the door, we exchanged numbers, and made a date for Friday night at a local sandwich shop. I drove off, foolishly in love.
The date went very well. I had ordered a roast beef sandwich with the works, she ordered a cow. We split an order of onion rings, too. This place has the best ones I've ever had. We talked about nothing- how school was going, how stupid the waitess's hair looked, about family, friends, and current dating life (She was single, too). It was a great experience.
But of course, we did get stares. People were always glancing at us in our half of the restaraunt (My girlfriend needs the extra room), whispering to each other, shaking their heads. A little boy even pointed out that my friend and I weren't... well, the same. It was embarrassing, but hey, progress needs to start somewhere.
After that date, we started seeing each other a few times every week. Then it became every-other day. Then it was EVERY day. We were madly, passionately, perhaps irrationally in love. We knew it, but we didn't care.
We warmed up to each other's families quite quickly and nearly painlessly. The one blunder I made was asking her father what happened to his left arm, which was missing. He turned to his wife, looked her in the eye, turned back to me and said plainly, "My daughter ate it when she was 3."
Ouch. Bad question.
Hanging out with friends was awkward at first. I remember the first time I took her to my school's Game Club one Thursday. My friends were anxious to meet her. Sadly, my school wasn't built to fit... her people, I'll say... and she was forced to crawl everywhere she went. And knock down the doorways.
Things have been great. We have tons in common, love the same books, listen to the same music, and just get along really well.
Now for the problem.
As you know, teenagers have certain... Urges, let's say. And these urges can be hard to quell. My girlfriend has subtly mentioned these urges to me from time to time, and oh, do I want to please her, but... I'm not quite sure how it would work out. My 9th grade Health class never went over THIS, I'm fairly certain. I'm not even sure who would go where- I'm a lot smaller, lighter than her, so it would make sense if I got top, if you know what I mean, but I'm not sure if the way Mother Nature built her would allow her to lay on her back. If I got bottom, I'd be crushed to death, I'm pretty sure. And other ways to satisfy these urges without doing things THAT way would be very, very painful/dangerous. I'm not sure if I would want to put anything into her 5-foot-long jaw filled with teeth the size of bananas and sharp as steak knife.
I'm fine with going steady for now, but what if we want to have kids some day? I need to know these things. Any advice?
My relationship with my current girlfriend has become a bit strained as of late.
We first met 4 months ago, on a cold December day. Wednesday, I believe. I remember taking a visit to my local Borders, checking out the Horror section (not a big fan of the genre, but I love a good Stephen King every now and then) and the General Reference. There was a new edition of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, so I had to buy it.
On my way to the register, I was absorbed in the back of my book ("Celebrate bathroom reading as you delve into: The Incredible (Edible) History of Bread; The Secret Congressional Bomb Shelter; etc."), and bumped into her. "Sorry," I said, picking up my glasses and book.
"Oh, it's okay," she said.
I looked up, and she was smiling at me- a thing women don't tend to do to Zook. She extended down a comically small arm, and, gripping onto her claw, pulled myself up. When I saw her, she was kinda pretty. Yeah, she was pretty, alright. About 10 feet tall, 36 feet long, I'd say, light greenish-brown, and a healthy 7 tons, give or take a thousand pounds. Quite a looker.
"I'm Zook," I said, rising from the ground.
She told me her name, too, but she'll remain nameless on this blog.
She was clutching a copy of 'Robot Dreams' in her other arm, one of my favorite Asimov collections. "Great author," I said dumbly, gesturing to her book. She smilied shyly, and moved to let me go past her.
After I had paid for my Bathroom Reader, I waited for her by the door. God, was I nervous. My armpits had turned into fountains of sweat, and I was aware of my own stench. Heart raced. But something... Something beautiful clicked between us in those breif moments. I had to get her.
As we walked out the door, we exchanged numbers, and made a date for Friday night at a local sandwich shop. I drove off, foolishly in love.
The date went very well. I had ordered a roast beef sandwich with the works, she ordered a cow. We split an order of onion rings, too. This place has the best ones I've ever had. We talked about nothing- how school was going, how stupid the waitess's hair looked, about family, friends, and current dating life (She was single, too). It was a great experience.
But of course, we did get stares. People were always glancing at us in our half of the restaraunt (My girlfriend needs the extra room), whispering to each other, shaking their heads. A little boy even pointed out that my friend and I weren't... well, the same. It was embarrassing, but hey, progress needs to start somewhere.
After that date, we started seeing each other a few times every week. Then it became every-other day. Then it was EVERY day. We were madly, passionately, perhaps irrationally in love. We knew it, but we didn't care.
We warmed up to each other's families quite quickly and nearly painlessly. The one blunder I made was asking her father what happened to his left arm, which was missing. He turned to his wife, looked her in the eye, turned back to me and said plainly, "My daughter ate it when she was 3."
Ouch. Bad question.
Hanging out with friends was awkward at first. I remember the first time I took her to my school's Game Club one Thursday. My friends were anxious to meet her. Sadly, my school wasn't built to fit... her people, I'll say... and she was forced to crawl everywhere she went. And knock down the doorways.
Things have been great. We have tons in common, love the same books, listen to the same music, and just get along really well.
Now for the problem.
As you know, teenagers have certain... Urges, let's say. And these urges can be hard to quell. My girlfriend has subtly mentioned these urges to me from time to time, and oh, do I want to please her, but... I'm not quite sure how it would work out. My 9th grade Health class never went over THIS, I'm fairly certain. I'm not even sure who would go where- I'm a lot smaller, lighter than her, so it would make sense if I got top, if you know what I mean, but I'm not sure if the way Mother Nature built her would allow her to lay on her back. If I got bottom, I'd be crushed to death, I'm pretty sure. And other ways to satisfy these urges without doing things THAT way would be very, very painful/dangerous. I'm not sure if I would want to put anything into her 5-foot-long jaw filled with teeth the size of bananas and sharp as steak knife.
I'm fine with going steady for now, but what if we want to have kids some day? I need to know these things. Any advice?
