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OFFICIAL: Alabama Social Abortion Thread

ZIO

ZIO

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Joined
Sep 14, 2006
Messages
10,884
Location
FREEDOM
Holy snap this topic is already better than anything this **** room has.
 
Rigor_Mortis

Rigor_Mortis

Smash Cadet
Joined
Mar 8, 2007
Messages
43
Location
Huntsville, AL
Red Bull, Standard, 250ml

Flavor: Initially gag-inducing and medicinal tasting, but after time softens to a pleasing metallic sweetness, not unlike licking a copper light fitting. Eventually evolves into liquid love.

Effects: Slight increase in alertness, comparable to having consumed a medium-strength coffee. Somewhat jittery.

Overall: Pretty reasonable. 8/10


Rockstar, Original, 473ml

Flavor: Freshly picked goiji berries soaked in brine, strained through a hobo's bindle and left to ferment in a mason jar for 2-3 weeks or until brown.

Effects: A bump of cheap speed off a toilet cistern, cut with nicotine gum. Temporarily increased sense of purpose.

Overall: Vaguely sweaty, unsavory, untrustworthy. 4/10


Rockstar, Juiced Mango Orange Passion Fruit, 473ml

Flavor: Concentrated orange cordial that once looked at a passion fruit in a dimly lit room. A slight burning tang.

Effects: A brief period of being uncomfortably chipper, some involuntary eye movement, followed by a sudden drop in energy like a cold shower of porridge. Vague feeling of homophobia.

Overall: Better tasting, but generally only slightly less foul than its predecessor. 5/10


Red Eye Gold, 330ml

Flavor: Suspiciously similar to Red Bull, but actually a good deal more pleasant. Sweetness roughly equivalent to half a jar of icing sugar. Overly carbonated- unless swallowed immediately it becomes difficult to contain and begins to foam in the consumer's mouth, alarming passersby.

Effects: Roughly equivalent to a small cup of coffee and a public snubbing by an ex-partner.

Overall: Slightly too wistful for my tastes. 7/10


Samedi, 500ml

Flavor: The can has a skull wearing a top hat. It's fairly appropriate then that this tastes rather like how I imagine the fluid collected at the bottom of a lead-lined coffin would. Evidently named for some kind of voodoo loa, though I had no idea they used cat's piss in their ceremonies. Ooooh, big spooky voodoo energy drink.

Effects: Some nausea, vague feeling of unease. Black rooster with red eyes sitting in the corner of the room, staring at me. Hot and cold flashes, almost overpowering urge to lie down on cool soil. A guttural voice calls my name three times every hour.

Overall: I've had worse. 6/10

Dilmah Ceylon Tea - Extra Strength, 250ml

Flavor: The tea flavor has been overpowered by a caramel taste since I ran out of regular sugar and had to chip off a piece of that brown sugary lump that is collecting ants in the back of my pantry cupboard. Slightly crunchy texture that leaves that furry feeling on your tongue that you get when you consume too much tannin.

Effects: No extra clarity or energy, but I do fancy a Vegemite crumpet right now.

Overall: I'm all out of crumpets again. 4/10

Crunk, Standard, 250ml

Flavor: A rabid weasel rampaging your taste buds to begin with, afterword I blacked out, only waking when the can was empty.

Effects: Don't remember much, but I'm now missing a kidney

Overall: Going to have to get another to form a more complete conclusion. 5/10
 
SK8orDIE

SK8orDIE

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
Messages
145
Location
Huntsville, AL
Warning! The last reply to this thread was posted several months ago. Please make sure you are not unnecessarily bumping this thread before replying.


Abuse is what this thread is all about.
 
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