Mean jokes

[Wak]

I consider myself really good at mean jokes thanks to my father for being the king at it. I'll post some more situations later because I don't remember all of them.

But I still remember some of them:

me and my ex girlfriend were sleeping in her bed, and I fart.
Ex: You stink!
Me: You're ugly, and I never complained!
Ex: ...

//////////////

Me and my cousin were walking outside and saw a couple biking on the other side of the road. they were staggering, sharing a smoke (we think) and were both choking really bad at the same time as having small eyes because of the cloud of cigarette's smoke in their face.

My cousin: So THAT was romantic.

/////////////

My mother: You are turning 20 soon, you work in a market as a check-out assistant, I think you could get a better job.

Me: You're turning 42, you work as a licensed practical nurse at night that works 6 days a week, single parent of two teenagers, I think you could get a better life.

 

[Florida]

The only really mean joke I've heard is a specific racial one.

What's the difference between Jews and pizza?

 

[Wak]

Let's try to forget the racial / sexist jokes, of course.

 

[Mr.GAW]

The only really mean joke I've heard is a specific racial one.

What's the difference between Jews and pizza?

If it's the pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven one, that's horrible, and doesn't even make sense if you know what proccesses were at the camps.

Jokes like that will get the thread closed.

 

[Pluvia's other account]

I just find horrible jokes, horrible.

 

[Jammer]

I try to steer clear of mean jokes. I am usually very funny, and I use rather sophisticated humor, which can be used to make very effective insults and harrowing come-backs. I've gotten in the habit of not making fun of people with humor (or anything else, for that matter), but I do slip up sometimes.

I just realized this post is ******** because I don't have any specific examples. Sorry, folks.

Also, FireFox is driving me crazy. The spellchecker is nice and all, but I really wish it didn't keep on underlining words like "humor" and "color". I swear it thinks I'm Canadian.

 

[Crimson King]

If it's the pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven one, that's horrible, and doesn't even make sense if you know what proccesses were at the camps.

Jokes like that will get the thread closed.

A. It's a ****ing joke. Jokes don't have to be accurate, hence why racial jokes are funny.
B. I have a morbid sense of humor and you won't see me close it because jokes are too harsh, but we do have a joke thread in the Proom.

 

[Panik]

You're cool.

 

[Foe]

This will only lead to hate-filled jokes. Warning and banning would be hypocritical.

 

[abit_rusty]

um...."You look like your face was set on fire and they beat the fire out with a chain..."

>.>

 

[Xsyven]

Absurdity is hilarious, in almost all shapes and sizes.


Anyway, this is a recent story.

So, there's this really awkward girl I had to spend every day with at the college. As an example of her awkwardness, the first day I met her, I did the formal introduction, followed by a: "Yeah, nice to meet you. Where are you from?" she replied: "I'm originally from Detroit, but my mom and I recently moved down here, because she's addicted to crack."

She wasn't joking. I did the 'depressed smile with a head tilt' combo, and just walked away.

She's honestly, the most socially awkward person I know. She'd say things like that constantly. Well, one day, she was being her awkward self, said something ********, and I said:

"Well, that's only to be expected, coming from a crack baby."

Luckily, she understood my sense of humor, so she smiled, thinking I was just joking, and I played it off as such. But I totally meant it.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

XD

That's gangsta, Xsyven.

Also, you suck.

 

[Jammer]

This is probably my least favorite thread in the entire SWF.

Hey guys! Let's tell about the times when we said the meanest things to other people! That's funny, right? And you get bet bonus points if you're insulting peoples with disabilities or social issues!

I don't care for this. It's mean and obnoxious.

Seriously, I thought people had to be drunk and/or sociopaths to talk about this kind of thing.

 

[Mr.GAW]

A. It's a ****ing joke. Jokes don't have to be accurate, hence why racial jokes are funny.
B. I have a morbid sense of humor and you won't see me close it because jokes are too harsh, but we do have a joke thread in the Proom.

I personally don't have a problem with racist jokes- I'll laugh if they're witty and original. It's was that particular Jew joke that just made me cringe. It' stupid and old- and been done with too many different objects.

It's not like I'm a Jew or anything, the only crude jokes that actually kinda bother me are Holocaust ones- and I think everybody feels a little pang of guilt when they crack one out. Maybe that's just me though.

Xsyven, that was hilarious.

 

[Dibs]

This is probably my least favorite thread in the entire SWF.

Hey guys! Let's tell about the times when we said the meanest things to other people! That's funny, right? And you get bet bonus points if you're insulting peoples with disabilities or social issues!

I don't care for this. It's mean and obnoxious.

Seriously, I thought people had to be drunk and/or sociopaths to talk about this kind of thing.

Ooooo someone with a conscience... Well good for you kid. You go ahead and show us the error in our jokes cause trust me, we'll listen. And we sure do care.

 

[Jammer]

... I detect sarcasm...

I guess I don't care if anyone listens to me. But I felt I should say something.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

... I detect sarcasm...

I guess I don't care if anyone listens to me. But I felt I should say something.

It's for the good of the people, right? Well I, for one, approve your determination to show us, these ignorant fools, what's right and wrong.

I applaud you. I freaking applaud you. If I had a hat, I would so freaking salute you with it. So freaking would.

 

[cF=)]

There's a young girl in Quebec who's been recently kidnapped by two men. As a joke, someone said :

"Do you know the difference between the pope and the young girl who's been kidnapped ? Well, one of 'em will die a virgin !"

I laughed out loud, then I cried, then I laughed again... silly morbid jokes

 

[Xsyven]

There's a young girl in Quebec who's been recently kidnapped by two men. As a joke, someone said :

"Do you know the difference between the pope and the young girl who's been kidnapped ? Well, one of 'em will die a virgin !

See... that's just hilarious. Even if there's not a recent kidnapping, that joke is awesome.

The fact that it was told 'in the moment' is gold.

 

[Panik]

That would be more funny if the pope was a virign : (

 

[cF=)]

Panik, you knew the 'virgin' remark was directed at the pope, so the joke still stand.

 

[CodeBlack]

My jokes only get as mean as snaps tend to get, which is basically mean without being mean.

 

[TheFifthMan]

Mean jokes? Go back to 4chan's /b/, although you've got bigger balls than any /b/tard by not posting anonymously.

Told to HugS at E4All: "Where's your wavedashing now?" I didn't say it, mind you, he said it was said to him.

 

[calvaryfuk]

I have a black person in my family tree. He's been hanging there for years.

Why don't sharks eat black people?
They think it's whale s***.

What do apples and black people have in common?
They both look good hanging from trees.

Why is basketball a black man's favorite sport?
So he can steal, shoot, and run.

What do you call a black that has a nice car?
A thief

 

[Seiya]

I have a black person in my family tree. He's been hanging there for years.

Why don't sharks eat black people?
They think it's whale s***.

What do apples and black people have in common?
They both look good hanging from trees.

Why is basketball a black man's favorite sport?
So he can steal, shoot, and run.

What do you call a black that has a nice car?
A thief

That's just wrong >_<!

 

[fluffy]

That's just wrong >_<!

i think it's funnier than the other lame jokes in this thread

 

[MattDel]

That's just wrong >_<!

isn't it the whole point of the thread...?

we are just kidding after all... at least i am with this one:

A black man and a mexican jump off a bridge. Who wins?
society

the two ethnicities can be swapped out with anything else, so it's really not that bad, imo

 

[Zantetsu2]

Mean jokes? Go back to 4chan's /b/

Rules 1 and 2 >_>

---

On topic : One of my friends was saying how a guy named sariku.unchia (I think that was it) used to be part of a podcast and when he left someone took his place. Soon after they became mod's and sariku thought he would have become a mod if he was still in the podcast. My friend just linked him this http://smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=126905

 

[fluffy]

I got one!

Whey do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.

LOL

 

[Pluvia's other account]

I don't like this thread.

I'm not sure how making fun of other people can be funny. Especially if they're nice people.

 

[fluffy]

I'm not sure how making fun of other people can be funny. Especially if they're nice people.

Not everyone's nice. This thread is like the legal alternative to throw some hate out.

All I saw were eyes and teeth. I don't know.

 

[Sensai]

A little bit of 4chan's *******ness (word? Mebbe.) on SWF. Except everyone knows who each other is.

Personally, I think that the more a joke/story/whatever can offend, the more powerful/succesful/whatever (again) it is. Sorta in the way Requim for a Dream is a great movie that was ****in' terrible at the same time...it was so well developed that it bothered the people watching it to the extent that they, or at least I, would never sit through it again.

Not my piece of cake to sit here and tell jokes, just thought I'd throw in my two cents concerning people's views against harsh jokes.

Oh, what the hell. I'll throw in a funny sexist story:

Me and Bloshi were driving down to a Smashfest about 4 hours away and were on the interstate the majority of the time. No problems or complications or anything wrong until, out of nowhere, this car swerves next to me from two lanes over and almost hits me.

I swear pretty loudly and Bloshi woke up, asking what happened. Oh, nothing, we were almost hit, etc etc...I throw my foot down on the accelerator to speed up to pass the car that almost hit me and he asked what I was doing.

"Well, I'm going to pass this ****ty *** woman driver screaming things about how my food isn't cooking itself."

Heh...I was right. Ended up being some lady. ****in' *****.

 

[BigRick]

There's a young girl in Quebec who's been recently kidnapped by two men. As a joke, someone said :

"Do you know the difference between the pope and the young girl who's been kidnapped ? Well, one of 'em will die a virgin !"

I laughed out loud, then I cried, then I laughed again... silly morbid jokes

lol awesome stuff cF... this one was probably about Cédrika!

newayz, I also got a morbid joke:

Boy: ''Sis, are you in your period?''
Girl: ''yes... how did you know''
Boy: ''Well, daddy's **** tastes weird today.''

 

[Crooked Crow]

Those racial jokes were just terrible.

cF's joke was pretty funny though. lol

 

[SirroMinus1]

I consider myself really good at mean jokes thanks to my father for being the king at it. I'll post some more situations later because I don't remember all of them.

But I still remember some of them:

me and my ex girlfriend were sleeping in her bed, and I fart.
Ex: You stink!
Me: You're ugly, and I never complained!
Ex: ...

//////////////

Me and my cousin were walking outside and saw a couple biking on the other side of the road. they were staggering, sharing a smoke (we think) and were both choking really bad at the same time as having small eyes because of the cloud of cigarette's smoke in their face.

My cousin: So THAT was romantic.

/////////////

My mother: You are turning 20 soon, you work in a market as a check-out assistant, I think you could get a better job.

Me: You're turning 42, you work as a licensed practical nurse at night that works 6 days a week, single parent of two teenagers, I think you could get a better life.

your first joke had PWN Written all over it

 

[Volrec]

lol calvary, enjoy being seen as a racist now

 

[digitalmaster287]

I dont consider this a mean joke but whatever:

(during a dance)
Boy: You look hot! Wanna dance?
Girl: EW NO
Boy: I dont think you heard me, I said you look fat in those pants.

 

[Jammer]

(during a dance)
Boy: You look hot! Wanna dance?
Girl: EW NO
Boy: I dont think you heard me, I said you look fat in those pants.

Now I will never feel rejected again!

Just kidding. I would never say anything like that. Although it is pretty witty.

 

[GoodNess]

I was expecting to find some mean AND funny jokes in here, but instead I find a serious lack of creativity and just a whole ****-ton of meanness. The only person who's post made me smile, a little bit, was Xsyven.

C'mon people. Poke those mushy cranials a lil' harder until something funny oozes out.

 

[Crimson King]

Alright, that's enough.

Just use the other joke topic.