Living with a monster

[Sraigux]

Link to original post: [drupal=2515]Living with a monster[/drupal]



Throughout all of my life my brother has been causing grief and dismay in my family. In the past 3 years though it has become really unbearable, he will do anything he wants for self prophet and my parents aren't being assertive enough to do anything about it. He takes advantage of everything and there's nothing I can do about it without getting in trouble. Yet it he does anything to me he can get away with it because my parents don't want to deal with his screaming and crying. I just had to get a lock installed on my door because he keeps stealing stuff from my room. This is ridiculous because he is 14! Even though he is diagnosed with a mental problem, all of his actions are his own, what he does is his decision and there are no excuses for his actions and everyone knows this because he only does this stuff because he knows he is going to get away with it.

What am I to do? I am without power and retaliating only gets me in trouble.

IMPORTANT EDIT: HE JUST LOST THE GAMECUBE MEMORY CARD AT HIS FRIEND'S HOUSE (than he pretty much said "oh well" in complete disregard for the rest of the family's feelings and only caring about himself)
(And I was still trying to unlock FD after the card corrupted)

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

Sit your parents down and have a talk with them.

 

[stabbedbyanipple]

How old are you?

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Sit your parents down and have a talk with them.

This. Your parents are being too loose with him because they don't want to deal with him, it's pretty irresponsible if you ask me.

 

[Nihongo-ookami]

Beat him upside the head. If your parents have a problem, explain yourself, and don't take **** from them.

If they won't be assertive enough, then you have to be. Take it into your own hands, and show them how sad it is that the older brother is doing the Parents' job.

You gotta be harsh with kids, man. If you're soft, they don't listen.

 

[Scott!]

He's 16 according to his similar post in the Something Bothering You thread. It's a tough position to be in for everyone. What kind of mental issues does he have? Even if it isn't serious, it could give him trouble understanding when no means no or something. I know some parents with kids who've been diagnosed with something feel guilty yelling at the kid because of their problem. Also, if your parents got you a lock for your door, then it sounds like they at least understand that there's a problem.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

Beat him upside the head. If your parents have a problem, explain yourself, and don't take **** from them.

If they won't be assertive enough, then you have to be. Take it into your own hands, and show them how sad it is that the older brother is doing the Parents' job.

You gotta be harsh with kids, man. If you're soft, they don't listen.

Harsh =/= Assertive. You shouldn't kick his ***, if you do that... Don't suggest it to people, it's mad stupid. You've got to be firm, assertive. Not Harsh. It's just plain stupid to kick a kid's ***, it's not the way to go. Sure, spanking could be an option at times. But dude, I've had a violent Chinese Father and can tell you that he didn't teach me ****. In fact, I've even told him to get lost.

Violence + Family don't go well together. Get it right. You're saying that he's got to beat his younger brother who's got mental issues to teach him stuff and that he should basically ignore his parents.

He's 16 according to his similar post in the Something Bothering You thread. It's a tough position to be in for everyone. What kind of mental issues does he have? Even if it isn't serious, it could give him trouble understanding when no means no or something. I know some parents with kids who've been diagnosed with something feel guilty yelling at the kid because of their problem. Also, if your parents got you a lock for your door, then it sounds like they at least understand that there's a problem.

I'm pretty sure you're right.
He's got to make his parents do something, because they're obviously just avoiding direct confrontation.

 

[Sraigux]

He's 16 according to his similar post in the Something Bothering You thread. It's a tough position to be in for everyone. What kind of mental issues does he have? Even if it isn't serious, it could give him trouble understanding when no means no or something. I know some parents with kids who've been diagnosed with something feel guilty yelling at the kid because of their problem. Also, if your parents got you a lock for your door, then it sounds like they at least understand that there's a problem.

He has no exact mental problem but the doctors know he has one. Personally I'm leaning towards bipolar because he shows many of the symptoms.

Sit your parents down and have a talk with them.

I have done that, but it has had little effect, they know how I feel but they cannot do anything about it.

 

[Nihongo-ookami]

Like I said, beat him.

Kids are like dogs. You have to associate things they do with things they want/like.

When he takes things, put his face up to it, and slap him on the back of the head, saying "NO." in a low, stern voice. Then put him in his crate. When he demonstrates manners, give him a treat.

 

[¯\_S.(ツ).L.I.D._/¯]

I have done that, but it has had little effect, they know how I feel but they cannot do anything about it.

Well do it more!

They can't do anything about it my ***, they're his parents.

 

[Sucumbio]

Like I said, beat him.

Kids are like dogs. You have to associate things they do with things they want/like.

When he takes things, put his face up to it, and slap him on the back of the head, saying "NO." in a low, stern voice. Then put him in his crate. When he demonstrates manners, give him a treat.

LOL I can't tell if this is serious or not. I hope it's not, but at the same time I personally know exactly how he'd feel giving this advice, because it was my first gut reaction also. I come from a generation of kids who got their ***** kicked anytime we looked the wrong way. I grew up in what by today's standards would be considered an incredibly abusive environment. And the sad thing? I had it easy compared to my folks. Times change, kids can sue their parents, kids can do what they want, I remember this 8 yo told his mom to F off cause she picked the wrong toy and I was aghast! I wanted to beat his *** myself, but jail time isn't worth it, I can only hope he'll die in some tragic accident before he has a chance to breed.

But yeah, I wouldn't suggest beating him up if he makes a mistake, because you'd be negatively reinforcing his actions. Giving him more fuel so to speak, making a martyr out of his actions and his so-called plight.

As for whatever mental condition he suffers from, that's also very unfortunate. Because it does technically mean that you cannot assume normal child rearing techniques will work.

My best suggestion? You ALL of you need to see a family therapist, work closely with the social worker, and do as they suggest. It could theoretically take weeks or even months before ANY improvement, but there will be improvement eventually, and in a positive way.