The ****, Peaches, who doesn't like Mario? Mario's my boy!
-10 Donkey Kong, because I just don't think he's all that great a mascot for Nintendo
Bowser ~ Insurgent of the Mushroom Kingdom and Abductor of Princess Peach, Bowser is currently the organizer of the support group "Coping With Others' Insolence." (30)
Captain Falcon ~ F-Zero Racer and the Poster Child for the hit new public service stint "Living the Alternate Life" ~ Falcon also enjoys long vegetables. (DEAD)
Donkey Kong ~ The Kongo Jungle's Protector and Number one Banana supplier, DK also enjoys his job as the "guinea pig" for various new cosmetic products. (10)
Dr. Mario ~ The Mushroom Kingdom's top Physician and avid Tennis Player ~ also enjoys his position as the star of the Mushroom Kingdom's Synchronized Swimming Team. (40)
Falco ~ Hired Aide for the Star Fox Team ~ Moonlights as a Professional Heckler. (40)
Fox ~ Leader of the Star Fox team and protector of the Lylat System, Fox spends his time weeping for the future. (40)
Ganondorf ~ Main Antagonist in Hyrule and "World Domination" Hopeful ~ regularly attends Bowser's popular support group. (40)
Ice Cimbers ~ Arctic Ice Climbers... Function as a sort of "Coast Guard" for the Tundra ~ the Ice Climbers are regularly featured in various Infomercials that come on around 2:00 AM or so. (40)
Jigglypuff ~ Amateur Karaoke Singer and occasional trouble for Team Rocket ~ She makes most of her money as an amateur kickboxer. (24)
Kirby ~ Defender of Dream Land and recent icon for the Snickers slogan "Hungry? Grab a Snickers!" (40)
Link ~ Also known as the "Hero of Time", Link is Ganondorf's sole competition for the sacred Triforce ~ on weekends, Link receives intensive treatment for his Tourrette's Syndrome ("YAH! HAH! TSAAAY!"). (40)
Luigi ~ Plumber and Director of Homeland Security for the Mushroom Kingdom ~ Luigi also enjoys his job as the Mushroom Kingdom's most-wanted Interior Decorator. (30)
Mario ~ Aside from being the poster-child for the "Little People," Mario mainly functions as a Plumber and the Mushroom Kingdom's One-Man Army ~ is very effective at what he does. (33)
Marth ~ Freelance Fighter for whoever will pay him, and Founder of the successful periodical "Metrosexuals International." (40)
Mewtwo ~ Once a "bad guy", Mewtwo now manufactures Salt Water Taffy on his island home ~ also makes a point of attending Bowser's support group. (30)
Mr. G&W ~ A Professional Entertainer, Game & Watch is nearing retirement age, but far from finished ~ Author of the best-seller "I Can Do Anything (Better Than You)." (40)
Ness ~ Protector of Eagleland from Gigyas, the Ultimation, and Full-Time Student ~ Also enjoys his spot on the Onett Eagles in the Eagleland Pee-Wee League. (28)
Peach ~ Princess and Minister of Foreign Affairs for the Mushroom Kingdom ~ Founder and Editor of the Mushroom Kingdom's popular fashion magazine "Looking Like Me." (40)
Pichu ~ Leader of his Day-Care cult called "The Way," Pichu has a dark history of crime and sex scandals, including the infamous "Froggy Incident." (30)
Pikachu ~ Pikachu, Companion of Ash Ketchum and widely-known Prize-Fighter, also spends his time volunteering at the Kanto/Johto "You're Almost Done" Nursing Home. (25)
Roy ~ Free-Floating Mercenary and Promoter of Vick's Hemorrhoid Cream, Roy spends his free time painting portraits for a modest fee. (30)
Samus ~ Galactic Bounty Hunter and Killer of Metroids, Samus is one of the main figureheads in the public service campaign "Got Boobs? Join the Army!" (40)
Shiek ~ Once an Aide to Link and Alter-Ego of Princess Zelda of Hyrule ~ moonlights as a sideshow Magician and Escapist. (40)
Yoshi ~ Once a valuable aide to Mario in his quests, Yoshi has hit rock-bottom and is currently the main attraction in the Mushroom Kingdom Petting Zoo. (30)
Young Link ~ Also known as the "Hero of Winds," Young Link finally destroyed Ganondorf in the Wind Waker and helped save Termina from being destroyed by Majora's Mask ~ makes extra money on the side by posing for numerous "Got Milk?" posters. (DEAD)
Zelda ~ Princess of Hyrule and love interest of Link ~ Also functions as Editor and Producer of the successful Arts and Crafts magazine "Things to Do for People Who Can't Do Anything." (40)
