Grade 11 English Homework: 33%

[redgreenblue]

BOYS AND GIRLS
Alternate Ending

*starts from "She's only a girl"*

I sat still, dropping my fork in my food. My eyes started tearing up as Laird giggled. The tears leaked into my mouth and tasted bitter, painful. I stood up, and a rage swept through my entire body. I started my father in the eyes and told him slowly but menacingly,

"I am leaving, and I will never come back."

As I ran out the front door, I could hear them all getting up to try and stop me from getting away, but I no longer cared. As I sprinted towards the dark forest, all of my hatred seemed to fade away along with the blurry image of my father. I felt as if a great overbearing presence had just left my body; I felt free.

I raced onwards through the wood, the branches and moist leaves scraping against my skin. The ominous clouds overhead pulsated rhythm as though they were giant drums; the noise shattering the raindrops as they fell. I ran for a very long while. I lost track of time, my mind was in a haze of thought. I had just ran away from home! My father, the man who controlled my life, made me feel like I HAD to be something, and that I COULDN'T be something else. I kept at it for hours, perhaps days, until I finally collapsed and fainted.

When I awoke, I smelled burning wood. The charred scent of wood was one that I knew well, growing up on a farm and all. I looked up and I saw a fire pit with some crackers and soup. I looked around and I saw that I was in a sleeping bag, holding a teddy bear. Above I could hear the shrill of birds signaling the rest of the world that it was, indeed, morning. Then, I heard a scream of "YES" coming from behind me, and shot straight up.

A man stood in front of me. He was clad in a skin-tight air pilot suit, bearing giant gold boots and a red helmet with a golden bird emblazoned onto the forehead. All I could make out from his face was a stern expression, and most of all, glowing white eyes behind the pitch black visor.

"Who are you?!" I blurted out at him.

He didn't say anything.

"Some sort of pilot? A captain? Say something!"

"SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!" he yelled at me, pointing his finger to the bright sun.

"What moves?" I queried.

There was silence. He was standing staring at me, occasionally, bringing his arm backwards, then bringing it forwards as if pretending to uppercut an invisible foe. He seemed to be lurching forward.

"FALCON PUNCH" he screamed at me in an ear-shattering volume.

"Falcon... punch? What? What the hell is Falcon Punch?!"

I immediately regretted asking. He slowly raised his left hand and brought his right forearm into his body; a flame enveloped around his tightly curled fist. He jabbed forward into my stomach, at an unbelievable speed. I flew backwards several miles at a breakneck speed, stopping only because of the great oak tree I had been flung into.

I screamed out in pain. I felt like I was dying. I coughed up blood, staining my shirt. It tasted awful.

Then, almost immediately, I experienced the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. A great rush of joy overcame my entire body. It felt as if everything bad in the world had suddenly disappeared. I forgot all about my sexist father, about my controlling brother and my apathetic mother. All that mattered to me was the man in blue. He was my soul mate, I could feel it. His fury was coursing through my veins, converting my blood to pure fire, spewing the pure power of rage into every orifice in every cell. I knew at that moment, I would never want to leave this mystery captain. I looked up, and I saw him lurching towards me. Then, all of a sudden, he sprinted towards me at an unbelievable pace, opening his mouth as if to say something, but the image of him was faster than the sound he was producing. A second later, I heard what he had said.

"FALCON KICK"

This project earned me a 1/3

 

[Crooked Crow]

the beginning was kind of depressing but it got pretty good at the end

 

[Gamer4Fire]

I don't get it. What was the project?

 

[redgreenblue]

the beginning was kind of depressing but it got pretty good at the end

I've tried to add Captain Falcon into every single one of my english class stories

 

[redgreenblue]

I don't get it. What was the project?

Basically the part that isn't in this is a bunch of events detailing how she is "too masculine for a girl". She lives on a farm with her family and they are trying to relegate her to being just a house wife through sexism and saying she is "just a girl", which is when the ending comes in.

 

[Gamer4Fire]

So your project was to rewrite the end of the story and all you got was a page and a quarter of text? What was the assignment again?

 

[Banjodorf]

I've tried to add Captain Falcon into every single one of my english class stories

And how many of them have gotten good grades?

Im in 11th grade, and My teacher, who loves my writing, would murder me if I had a space pilot shouting "Show me your moves!" in ANY of my stories, unless it was fantasy.....

 

[Vicious Delicious]

Your writing is great, RGB, and so is your love for the good Captain. Anything with Captain Falcon should get at LEAST a 200/3.

If you have more Falcon fiction of this sort I'd be interested in seeing it. Seriously

 

[Vicious Delicious]

I'm ********

This is an accidental double post. Don't follow in my footsteps...

 

[redgreenblue]

The alternate ending was supposed to be 250 words, I went over a little. I've done well in the class except for this... I think she has a grudge against Captain Falcon, personally.

Also, thanks Vicious Delicious I have a few more I might type up and post sometime.

 

[Mic_128]

Turning in bad fanfiction for a year 11 essay? And you're suprised you got a low grade? They wanted you to continue the story in the same way, not suddenly have the end be completly and utterly unrelated to the story beforehand. You might as well have said ET landed and took the character to his home planet. Maybe have some tea and crumpets on the way there, pausing to nuke The Whitehouse.

 

[redgreenblue]

Turning in bad fan-fiction for a year 11 essay? And you're surprised you got a low grade? They wanted you to continue the story in the same way, not suddenly have the end be completely and utterly unrelated to the story beforehand. You might as well have said ET landed and took the character to his home planet. Maybe have some tea and crumpets on the way there, pausing to nuke the white house.

Honestly, do you hear me complaining about this mark? It was a weekly formative journal, not an essay. We had to complete a 2000 word short story with ~250 words. I wouldn't write about Captain Falcon if it were going to be reflecting on my mark. I thought, since it was formative, I could screw around. Today I thought I'd post it on SmashBoards because I thought you guys enjoyed Captain Falcon humour... obviously not.

 

[Vicious Delicious]

I think she has a grudge against Captain Falcon, personally.

Throw the Knee somewhere in your next writing. Hell, make it a whole paragraph about it sweetspotting perfectly against someone. When your teacher grades it, and sees the knee in the simple yet fearful form of glorious text, trust me; she'll know what's up.

I just realized something: putting CFalcon as the mysterious man at the end was the perfect choice for the story. His undeniable manliness with her tomboyish mannerisms--and her seeming to fall in love with him--fits perfectly with the theme of the story.

 

[redgreenblue]

Throw the Knee somewhere in your next writing. Hell, make it a whole paragraph about it sweetspotting perfectly against someone. When your teacher grades it, and sees the knee in the simple yet fearful form of glorious text, trust me; she'll know what's up.

I just realized something: putting CFalcon as the mysterious man at the end was the perfect choice for the story. His undeniable manliness with her tomboyish mannerisms--and her seeming to fall in love with him--fits perfectly with the theme of the story.

lol. yes there was a reason I put him in. Although I guess it's not a great reason. Thanks for being so positive man .

 

[Gamer4Fire]

I think your primary problem is you are not writing for your audience. You are not writing for your entertainment, but to get a grade from your teacher. You cannot use references to video games that they've never played, they won't understand (get it) and they will fail you.

 

[redgreenblue]

I think your primary problem is you are not writing for your audience. You are not writing for your entertainment, but to get a grade from your teacher. You cannot use references to video games that they've never played, they won't understand (get it) and they will fail you.

That's the point... I wanted to confuse her .

 

[#HBC | marshy]

Well, I guess you succeeded in that regard, but I don't see why you'd want to sacrifice a grade for it. I don't see why you put a sad smiley on the first post if you got your point across either. Strange

 

[redgreenblue]

Well, I guess you succeeded in that regard, but I don't see why you'd want to sacrifice a grade for it. I don't see why you put a sad smiley on the first post if you got your point across either. Strange

Formative = Grade that doesn't count

Sad smiley because I'm said my teacher doesn't like Captain Falcon.

 

[Gamer4Fire]

That's the point... I wanted to confuse her .

If you got exactly what you wanted then why are you complaining?

 

[redgreenblue]

If you got exactly what you wanted then why are you complaining?

Oh man, you just don't read my posts do you? I already said I'm not complaining, I don't care about my mark, I thought it was funny (the mark and the captain falcon).

 

[Mic_128]

Concidering your first post is "this got me 1/3 " I'd say that counts as complaining.

 

[redgreenblue]

Concidering your first post is "this got me 1/3 " I'd say that counts as complaining.

Okay honestly, why do you keep coming back to try to prove me wrong or "win" or whatever if you can't find sufficient evidence to support your argument? Putting a sad face and a fact is complaining? You're kidding, right? Am I not allowed to be sad that my teacher didn't like my assignment? I was joking, jeez.

 

[Sinz]

Well, no I have to agree with Mic, the sad face does put a sad emphasis on the page. Some people do try to take things seriously on the internets. He was trying to somewhat intelligent to you and possible teaching a small lesson or four.

 

[Mic_128]

you only started saying things like I wanted to confuse the teacher" or "I wanted to have captain falcon in and didn't care" after I commented, so take that what you will.

 

[Crimson King]

This is ********.

You turned in poor work, got a poor grade, don't care about it, why make a topic?

We REALLY need to change the description of the room. "Virtually anything" else doesn't include spam.

 

[Kirby King]

C'mon all, this is pretty clearly just supposed to be a funny thread. I don't think you can take seriously a complaint that someone only got one point on an assignment worth a whopping three points.

If you don't like the joke, you can just ignore it, you know.

 

[Hiemie]

C'mon all, this is pretty clearly just supposed to be a funny thread.

COULDA FOOLED ME!

*Rip Taylor bursts from the wall*

 

[Crimson King]

So his joke consists of an argument with a mod that he keeps continuing?

Nice joke then.

 

[redgreenblue]

So his joke consists of an argument with a mod that he keeps continuing?

Nice joke then.

You seem to be the the only one continuing it, my friend.

 

[Antinegative]

with the release of brawl so close it seems like the mods are a little trigger happy

I thought your story was pretty funny and I heartily support your thread

 

[redgreenblue]

with the release of brawl so close it seems like the mods are a little trigger happy

I thought your story was pretty funny and I heartily support your thread

Thank you! Captain Falcon is the most enigmatic and hilarious character in the entire Smash series to me, that's why I like him so much. FALCONE PANCH!

 

[Seed of Sorrow]

I like how roughly half of this thread is arguing about complaining because of an emoticon and some text. This made me laugh, I'll share it with my friends tomorrow, they'll enjoy it. Thanks.

 

[Osco316]

This was very stupid but made me laugh.

 

[CodaBear17]

Haha...what a weird story. I think you like C. Falcon a little bit too much there

 

[redgreenblue]

I like how roughly half of this thread is arguing about complaining because of an emoticon and some text. This made me laugh, I'll share it with my friends tomorrow, they'll enjoy it. Thanks.

Interpretation is grand! You have to falcon punch your friends afterwards, however.

This was very stupid but made me laugh.

Success!

Haha...what a weird story. I think you like C. Falcon a little bit too much there

I think the real problem is that you don't like C. Falcon too much ENOUGH.

 

[GoldShadow]

Heh, I enjoyed reading your story.

Also, I don't get why some of you guys thought he was complaining. The original post was made in jest, like:

"LOL i wrote this funny story for english class guess what i got on it a 33 LOL but it was worth it"

NOT

" i wrote this funny story for english class and only got 33% on it i deserved a HUNDRED PERCENT!!!!! stupid teacher!!!!!! "

 

[redgreenblue]

Heh, I enjoyed reading your story.

Also, I don't get why some of you guys thought he was complaining. The original post was made in jest, like:

"LOL i wrote this funny story for english class guess what i got on it a 33 LOL but it was worth it"

NOT

" i wrote this funny story for english class and only got 33% on it i deserved a HUNDRED PERCENT!!!!! stupid teacher!!!!!! "

Yup. Thanks you!

 

[woofs.]

Hello.

Though I do not share your opinion of this strange character "Captain Falcon", I find this story highly amusing and I commend you, RGB, for writing it.

 

[Firebert]

Hello.

Though I do not share your opinion of this strange character "Captain Falcon", I find this story highly amusing and I commend you, RGB, for writing it.

Wow, of all the topics to bring back from the dead...

 

[RedTone]

wtf?
a 33%?
I thought it was awesome