MarthBeast
Smash Apprentice
Let me hear what you guys think
City Hall in California City
Clerk: "Next."
Next in line: "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to
same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings.
That's incest!"
"Incest? Oh no no, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do
love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and
lesbian couples who've been
denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay,
you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry
a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want
to marry a woman. I want to
marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just
because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your
license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June
Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane
loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert
loves June and me. All
of us getting married together is the only way that we can
express our
sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and
lesbian COUPLES."
"So you're discriminating against
bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea
of marriage is that it's
just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line
somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit
marriage to couples. The more
the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says
the constitution
guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a
marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual
personality, so I want to marry
the two together. Maybe then I can file a joint income-tax
return and get the
benefit like other couples."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a
mockery of marriage!!"
Sooooo
City Hall in California City
Clerk: "Next."
Next in line: "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to
same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings.
That's incest!"
"Incest? Oh no no, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do
love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and
lesbian couples who've been
denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay,
you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry
a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want
to marry a woman. I want to
marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just
because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your
license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June
Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane
loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert
loves June and me. All
of us getting married together is the only way that we can
express our
sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and
lesbian COUPLES."
"So you're discriminating against
bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea
of marriage is that it's
just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line
somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit
marriage to couples. The more
the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says
the constitution
guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a
marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual
personality, so I want to marry
the two together. Maybe then I can file a joint income-tax
return and get the
benefit like other couples."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a
mockery of marriage!!"
Sooooo
