Warnings: mature themes, offensive language, implied homosexuality, major bigotry.
Disclaimer: The following contains characters and concepts that are NOT the property of the author. They are the intellectual property of Nintendo, HAL Laboratories and their associates. The author has received NO monetary benefit from this piece of sh*t.
For the record I stole the above from El Nino like I stole the concept of this story. You can read Empty-Hand Loser by clicking the under lined text. Check it out, it’s ridiculous.
Comments and crits are greatly appreciated.
Chapter 1: "Why"s are Weaknesses
-Crazy-
I drummed my gloved fingers against the table in front of me as I relaxed into my chair. My Pit put forth a lot of effort to make this fight look… effortless. The very least I could do was the same.
Our opponent today was Midna and we knew she was no push over; she was quickly climbing the ranks, making a name for herself. Midna was a princess trapped in imp form. She was known for helping Link save Hyrule in time of need. The princess employed teleportation, telekinesis, and shape shifting hair that proved itself a strong offensive and defensive tool. My Pit on the other hand was once the chosen leader of Patuna's angelic army. His skills with bow and blade earned him fame long before he had saved any kingdom. With his position as general came Patuna’s Bow, the weapon could shoot arrow’s of light the user could control and split into two shot sword when long range attacks were not an option. Wings of Icarus let him take to the skies and avoid most fighters completely. Midna, however, wasn't one of them. Her speed and range were often too much for average fighters to handle, and it was definitely keeping mine on his toes. I assured Pit though this time would he’d come out on top.
Pit shot blinding darts of light at Midna. She used her hair to veil her eyes from it. She'd judge distance based on the intensity that peeked through the strands. As Midna moved to avoid the arrows he'd loop them back for a second try as he readied another. Streaks of light whipped around the battlefield. Midna continued to evade them.
I shifted my weight to the right to get a better look at Midna's master. Most never take their eyes off the battle; most yell attacks and commands to their fighters like they were Pokemon. They didn’t realize how important the master sitting across from you was, the posture, their expressions could show you thing’s their own fighter wouldn’t realize. But this one... Tabuu, was a master on my level. I met eyes already anticipating my own. Tabuu’s avatar was a collection of some swirling age old text formed to make the body of a strong bodied elderly man. Black holes in it’s face formed haunting eyes and a subtle grin. The posture, like mine revealed little, a head resting on interlaced fingers. With his eye locked on mine I’d learn little about the fight from physical cues. Not many knew a thing about Tabuu outside of that persona; experienced, defined by knowledge, but most of all unreadable; I was an unwilling part of that 'not many'.
I shifted my gaze back to Midna casually then offered a Tabuu a confident smile before relaxing back into my chair, and turning my attention back to the fight. The swirling lights would have looked amazing on Final Destination or a night lit Smashville, but instead they were fighting in a stage of our own creation. Tabuu suggested this stage when I was initially approached about this match. I agreed, through reluctantly. The stage met the bare minimum requirements for a Smash Brothers tournament stage. I thought it pushed my fighters to the limits. Tabuu probably thought it would be as close to fair as we could get. The stage was a simple circle; 25 feet in diameter. We had skipped the useless backgrounds and random detail on stage.
Pit hadn't been hit, not yet, but Midna too had yet to receive any blows. I knew she'd teleport to evade Pit's arrows and keep him busy. I told him she'd keep up pressure in the air to hide that weakness and try and lure him to the ground where she could grab and take his stock. Bur eventually the teleporting would drain her, she'd have to rest and then, slow down; that was when Pit could get close. But he was throwing me the signals that he was losing stamina, and I saw no similar signals from Midna. I fought the subconscious signal to lean on the table and show any interest in the fight. Instead I just slowed the speed of my drumming.
Pit shot and arrow suddenly advanced behind it. An arrow he had shot before looped around behind him to cover his rear. Seemingly aware of the danger, Midna teleported behind Pit, between the angel and his arrow. I raised an eyebrow. She had spent the entire fight conditioning him to think she be anywhere but behind him or in front of an arrow. I'd be the last place he'd checked.. If I yelled out now I could warn him, instead I just crossed my arms and clenched my teeth for him.
Her hair morphed into a fist half her size. Just as Pit realized where she was, in a smooth motion, the fist knocked his arrow out of the sky and cracked him hard in his side before he could evade. He fell out of the sky dazed and hit the ground harder than she had struck him. I didn't flinch at any of it. He coughed blood as he struggled to stand; as his confused blue eyes met my own while he tried to find a solid stance.
And I laughed. I laughed as hard as I could to hide the tears in my eyes. Pit's ground game would be a joke for Midna. I was going to lose everything with that punch, and still all I could do was pretend.
* * *
-Pit-
She taught me a long time ago to never ask her why. She said "You get what you are given. You play with the cards you're dealt and I'm not just your dealer I'm your hand." And though she was a crazy hand indeed I always obeyed always without question. But it did't mean I couldn't ask myself why.
Why wasn't Meta Knight here instead of me?
The fight has been going on for so long now... my wings and arms burned from exhaustion, that’s how I could tell. We spent months building my stamina up for fights like this one. I could stay in the sky for half an hour looping arrows and not feel it, but it had been long enough for that, and neither of us had landed a hit. I waited for a free moment and brushed my hair out of my eyes, our signal for this fight, and not long after her drumming of her fingers speed increased. I used my usual method to advance. An arrow ahead, and one behind I looped my other arrows randomly they weren't as important as forcing a reaction was.
I broke my bow into two short swords. She'd dodge the arrow but not my blade. As I thought she would, Midna teleported to avoid the arrow. I smiled. I looked below. Nothing. Above? The same....
"No," I whispered as a barely audible giggle came from behind.
Why did she put me in a match I couldn't handle?
I turned just in time to see the light from my arrow disappear. Tumbling to the ground was the last thing I remembered before blacking out.
"If you win" Crazy had told me a few weeks before the match, "I get to rip Midna from Tabuu's evil clutches."
I laughed. "And if I lose?"
"You won't." She paused, but only for a second. It was rare to see her hesitate. "I'll lose you and that can't happen. I won't let it."
"No, I won't let it."
Why doesn't she need me anymore?
When I came to my eyes were locked on hers, the master's. I watched her look me over, emotionless, then a smile cracked, that smiled turned into a uncontrolled laugh. I wiped blood from my mouth as I stood, tears from my eyes. I couldn't fly now. I could feel it. It wasn't worth trying. That'd only prove to my opponents what I already knew myself. I just had to wait for that ground approach. We'd trained for that too... I scanned the platform for Midna, but my vision blurred; I couldn't find her in the sky nor on the ground.
I turned my gaze back to my master. She was still laughing hysterically.
Why?
Still amused she struggled to pull up her gloved hand and point. I followed her mark to Midna, pulling herself up the edge platform. I shrugged and joined in on the laughter myself. When the master laughs I laugh, it’s been like this since the beginning. I was here for a reason, and I wasn’t leaving till the master ordered otherwise. I shot a thumbs up and a smile to my Crazy Hand; the picture perfect pose before I forced my arms to ready Midna’s arrow. I pulled back as hard as I could, vut before I let go Tabuu's echoing voice canceled the match. "No contest!"
* * *
-Crazy-
I wiped the tears from my eyes and calmed my laughter. Tabuu, from the other side of the ring smiled at me. Once our eyes met the two black holes in the face of information redirected their view. I followed them to a set of fingers drumming on the table underneath them. I didn't hear it before but that drumming was faster than mine.
"You? Give up?"
Tabuu walked around the platform towards me. Slow but confident in every stepped. Tabuu's presence reminded me every bit of Gannondorf's, especially that know-it-all grin. Slowly the bits of swirling information ripped away to reveal a new avatar, a female whose age was closer to my own. Long dark hair fell down the back of a casually dressed young woman. "I know when I'm beat. Midna isn't fit to be on my team if she can't beat your fighter." Her new voice matched this new appearance. Light hearted and innocent. I scoffed at the Idea.
"If Pit is so bad why waste your time fighting for him?"
She took a seat on my desk, and rested her upper body on her arms. "So... it is called Pit. I was hoping you'd put Meta Knight up against her that's your only real fighter. As experienced as she is I never expected you to pick anything but--" She suddenly stopped and reached a hand out towards my chin. I slapped it away. She smiled and rubbed her own instead. Eyes still locked on mine she spoke to her pet. "Midna. You are hers now." Midna's face showed clear signs of disgust, but she obediently nodded. "No, I lied. To be honest I didn't expect to win. All I wanted was to expose your weaknesses." Tabuu leaned her head back and looked over her shoulder at Pit and began to drum her dainty fingers slowly on my desk. "...but maybe this wasn't a waste of my time."
I looked up at her and smiled. "We can only hope right?” I stood and made my way towards the exit. “Pit, Midna we are leaving."
"Oh, and speaking of wastes of time. How is that brother of yours?"
My breathing remained the same. I didn't turn or hesitate. But out if the corner of my eye I could see Pit's angry eyes focused on her.
She chuckled. "That bad?"
"Pit! Let’s go. Now!"
I hoped he wasn't the weakness she was talking about.
Disclaimer: The following contains characters and concepts that are NOT the property of the author. They are the intellectual property of Nintendo, HAL Laboratories and their associates. The author has received NO monetary benefit from this piece of sh*t.
For the record I stole the above from El Nino like I stole the concept of this story. You can read Empty-Hand Loser by clicking the under lined text. Check it out, it’s ridiculous.
Comments and crits are greatly appreciated.
Chapter 1: "Why"s are Weaknesses
-Crazy-
I drummed my gloved fingers against the table in front of me as I relaxed into my chair. My Pit put forth a lot of effort to make this fight look… effortless. The very least I could do was the same.
Our opponent today was Midna and we knew she was no push over; she was quickly climbing the ranks, making a name for herself. Midna was a princess trapped in imp form. She was known for helping Link save Hyrule in time of need. The princess employed teleportation, telekinesis, and shape shifting hair that proved itself a strong offensive and defensive tool. My Pit on the other hand was once the chosen leader of Patuna's angelic army. His skills with bow and blade earned him fame long before he had saved any kingdom. With his position as general came Patuna’s Bow, the weapon could shoot arrow’s of light the user could control and split into two shot sword when long range attacks were not an option. Wings of Icarus let him take to the skies and avoid most fighters completely. Midna, however, wasn't one of them. Her speed and range were often too much for average fighters to handle, and it was definitely keeping mine on his toes. I assured Pit though this time would he’d come out on top.
Pit shot blinding darts of light at Midna. She used her hair to veil her eyes from it. She'd judge distance based on the intensity that peeked through the strands. As Midna moved to avoid the arrows he'd loop them back for a second try as he readied another. Streaks of light whipped around the battlefield. Midna continued to evade them.
I shifted my weight to the right to get a better look at Midna's master. Most never take their eyes off the battle; most yell attacks and commands to their fighters like they were Pokemon. They didn’t realize how important the master sitting across from you was, the posture, their expressions could show you thing’s their own fighter wouldn’t realize. But this one... Tabuu, was a master on my level. I met eyes already anticipating my own. Tabuu’s avatar was a collection of some swirling age old text formed to make the body of a strong bodied elderly man. Black holes in it’s face formed haunting eyes and a subtle grin. The posture, like mine revealed little, a head resting on interlaced fingers. With his eye locked on mine I’d learn little about the fight from physical cues. Not many knew a thing about Tabuu outside of that persona; experienced, defined by knowledge, but most of all unreadable; I was an unwilling part of that 'not many'.
I shifted my gaze back to Midna casually then offered a Tabuu a confident smile before relaxing back into my chair, and turning my attention back to the fight. The swirling lights would have looked amazing on Final Destination or a night lit Smashville, but instead they were fighting in a stage of our own creation. Tabuu suggested this stage when I was initially approached about this match. I agreed, through reluctantly. The stage met the bare minimum requirements for a Smash Brothers tournament stage. I thought it pushed my fighters to the limits. Tabuu probably thought it would be as close to fair as we could get. The stage was a simple circle; 25 feet in diameter. We had skipped the useless backgrounds and random detail on stage.
Pit hadn't been hit, not yet, but Midna too had yet to receive any blows. I knew she'd teleport to evade Pit's arrows and keep him busy. I told him she'd keep up pressure in the air to hide that weakness and try and lure him to the ground where she could grab and take his stock. Bur eventually the teleporting would drain her, she'd have to rest and then, slow down; that was when Pit could get close. But he was throwing me the signals that he was losing stamina, and I saw no similar signals from Midna. I fought the subconscious signal to lean on the table and show any interest in the fight. Instead I just slowed the speed of my drumming.
Pit shot and arrow suddenly advanced behind it. An arrow he had shot before looped around behind him to cover his rear. Seemingly aware of the danger, Midna teleported behind Pit, between the angel and his arrow. I raised an eyebrow. She had spent the entire fight conditioning him to think she be anywhere but behind him or in front of an arrow. I'd be the last place he'd checked.. If I yelled out now I could warn him, instead I just crossed my arms and clenched my teeth for him.
Her hair morphed into a fist half her size. Just as Pit realized where she was, in a smooth motion, the fist knocked his arrow out of the sky and cracked him hard in his side before he could evade. He fell out of the sky dazed and hit the ground harder than she had struck him. I didn't flinch at any of it. He coughed blood as he struggled to stand; as his confused blue eyes met my own while he tried to find a solid stance.
And I laughed. I laughed as hard as I could to hide the tears in my eyes. Pit's ground game would be a joke for Midna. I was going to lose everything with that punch, and still all I could do was pretend.
* * *
-Pit-
She taught me a long time ago to never ask her why. She said "You get what you are given. You play with the cards you're dealt and I'm not just your dealer I'm your hand." And though she was a crazy hand indeed I always obeyed always without question. But it did't mean I couldn't ask myself why.
Why wasn't Meta Knight here instead of me?
The fight has been going on for so long now... my wings and arms burned from exhaustion, that’s how I could tell. We spent months building my stamina up for fights like this one. I could stay in the sky for half an hour looping arrows and not feel it, but it had been long enough for that, and neither of us had landed a hit. I waited for a free moment and brushed my hair out of my eyes, our signal for this fight, and not long after her drumming of her fingers speed increased. I used my usual method to advance. An arrow ahead, and one behind I looped my other arrows randomly they weren't as important as forcing a reaction was.
I broke my bow into two short swords. She'd dodge the arrow but not my blade. As I thought she would, Midna teleported to avoid the arrow. I smiled. I looked below. Nothing. Above? The same....
"No," I whispered as a barely audible giggle came from behind.
Why did she put me in a match I couldn't handle?
I turned just in time to see the light from my arrow disappear. Tumbling to the ground was the last thing I remembered before blacking out.
"If you win" Crazy had told me a few weeks before the match, "I get to rip Midna from Tabuu's evil clutches."
I laughed. "And if I lose?"
"You won't." She paused, but only for a second. It was rare to see her hesitate. "I'll lose you and that can't happen. I won't let it."
"No, I won't let it."
Why doesn't she need me anymore?
When I came to my eyes were locked on hers, the master's. I watched her look me over, emotionless, then a smile cracked, that smiled turned into a uncontrolled laugh. I wiped blood from my mouth as I stood, tears from my eyes. I couldn't fly now. I could feel it. It wasn't worth trying. That'd only prove to my opponents what I already knew myself. I just had to wait for that ground approach. We'd trained for that too... I scanned the platform for Midna, but my vision blurred; I couldn't find her in the sky nor on the ground.
I turned my gaze back to my master. She was still laughing hysterically.
Why?
Still amused she struggled to pull up her gloved hand and point. I followed her mark to Midna, pulling herself up the edge platform. I shrugged and joined in on the laughter myself. When the master laughs I laugh, it’s been like this since the beginning. I was here for a reason, and I wasn’t leaving till the master ordered otherwise. I shot a thumbs up and a smile to my Crazy Hand; the picture perfect pose before I forced my arms to ready Midna’s arrow. I pulled back as hard as I could, vut before I let go Tabuu's echoing voice canceled the match. "No contest!"
* * *
-Crazy-
I wiped the tears from my eyes and calmed my laughter. Tabuu, from the other side of the ring smiled at me. Once our eyes met the two black holes in the face of information redirected their view. I followed them to a set of fingers drumming on the table underneath them. I didn't hear it before but that drumming was faster than mine.
"You? Give up?"
Tabuu walked around the platform towards me. Slow but confident in every stepped. Tabuu's presence reminded me every bit of Gannondorf's, especially that know-it-all grin. Slowly the bits of swirling information ripped away to reveal a new avatar, a female whose age was closer to my own. Long dark hair fell down the back of a casually dressed young woman. "I know when I'm beat. Midna isn't fit to be on my team if she can't beat your fighter." Her new voice matched this new appearance. Light hearted and innocent. I scoffed at the Idea.
"If Pit is so bad why waste your time fighting for him?"
She took a seat on my desk, and rested her upper body on her arms. "So... it is called Pit. I was hoping you'd put Meta Knight up against her that's your only real fighter. As experienced as she is I never expected you to pick anything but--" She suddenly stopped and reached a hand out towards my chin. I slapped it away. She smiled and rubbed her own instead. Eyes still locked on mine she spoke to her pet. "Midna. You are hers now." Midna's face showed clear signs of disgust, but she obediently nodded. "No, I lied. To be honest I didn't expect to win. All I wanted was to expose your weaknesses." Tabuu leaned her head back and looked over her shoulder at Pit and began to drum her dainty fingers slowly on my desk. "...but maybe this wasn't a waste of my time."
I looked up at her and smiled. "We can only hope right?” I stood and made my way towards the exit. “Pit, Midna we are leaving."
"Oh, and speaking of wastes of time. How is that brother of yours?"
My breathing remained the same. I didn't turn or hesitate. But out if the corner of my eye I could see Pit's angry eyes focused on her.
She chuckled. "That bad?"
"Pit! Let’s go. Now!"
I hoped he wasn't the weakness she was talking about.
