Excuse me while I rant some more.

[RyuReiatsu]

I'll make this blog clear this time.

It doesn't contain really drugs nor alcohol to tell you the truth. It isn't about any serious issue regarding a serious life .
It's just all about a kid that needs to blog some more serious-looking stuff.

I'm a 16 years old teenager attending his last year of highschool (minus math, as I've failed due to depression and laziness) and am somehow bipolar.

I had fallen for a stupid selfish girl, who was my bestfriend to be precise. It lasted 4 years and I've finally took the initiative of forgetting her 2 months and a half ago. It kinda worked, in a way.

And I'm in a school that's an hour away from my house because I've moved to the Suburbans a year ago. I take a train to ride back home.

Now let the iPod Touch text be pasted...


As time goes on, I'm starting to wonder more and more where I should be. What should I have chosen exactly? Time flies by quickly, and I feel like I'm still stuck in the same place.

[3:30 PM] Walking behind 4 meaningless guys, I hear only a word or two. Drugs, money... The rest, I cannot hear it. Obviously because I'm like some sort of pet. Reason that I'm following? I'm not sure. Might be because I'd get *****ed at if I don't do so. And I hate it, whiners. I know, I know. Standing up for myself.

My mind screams: "IRONY!"
.. It also screams: Liar, hypocrite, idiot and idiot. Oh and idiot.

We're walking into a convenience store. I take a chocolate.
"Is $1.25", she says. I mean, the Chinese owner.
"There you go!", I reply.

Out we go... And there they start again. Talking 'bout their 'business'. I wanna go, but 'Jay' begs me to stay: Dude, come on. Don't go yet!

- Well huh, why should I?, I ask.
- Awh bro, you're gon' leave me alone? Stay for a bit!, he says.

And like a *******, that's what I don't do. Just like everytime. Leaving...

.
..
...
....
.....
......

Time skip, it's now 4:00 PM.
We're now all on some sort of wooden furniture outside, near a few houses' backyards...

And a huge bottle opens miraculously. Gets emptied extremely quickly. One runs off to get another one. And there's "Gee", starting to roll his *censors* erm... pack of leaves.

The smell... is disgusting. 4:30 PM, I finally decide to leave. 'Jay' begs me to stay, whines and tells me that I'm disappointing him. I thought: Get ****ed and die, idiot. But simply decide to leave, because I'm that cool. How hypocritical.

At the metro, I meet 'Andy' and make him know about their spot. He decides to call them and I get on my way.

.........................................


I'm not sure where I'm getting at anymore. I guess that I should start a livejournal. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Soon.

After that brief (pretty long) boring adventure, I'll get to the point.


Everyday, I do as if I'm having fun. That I'm happy seeing people, and in fact, I dislike them. I dislike them down to their roots. They annoy me and yet, I had that period of time when I was depending on them. They call me a bro, I think they consider me a hoe.

They won't leave me alone during breaks between classes. I can't get to read my book in peace. But then again, that's just johns. I just can't seem to read my book by Chuck Palahniuk. No, in fact, I can't get to read anything except blogs anymore.

I'm not sure what's happening with me anymore.
I seem to go back and forth. I don't even know why I've chosen to stay at my school... No, wait. That was so that my sister wouldn't hate me forever. *Facepalms*.

There's also that cute girl, a friend of mine who likes me. I've always thought she was cute and nice. But I'm still wondering: Why the **** won't you ask her out?!

I simply don't know. If somebody could tell me about it, I'd be glad listen. I want a girlfriend and don't feel like asking out a cute girl that likes me? Something's weird.

In any case, I'm done for the day.
I'll be heading for a shower and off to bed.

Oh and, I got rid of my sleeping problems.
Thanks to the ones who helped me out.

Edited to Teran's tastes.

 

[SuSa]

You seem to be trapped into a routine and habitual life. You also seem to care too much about what people think, and think to much about what they think.

You can be alone. But given the choice of being alone or having people, you choose people. Why? Because you want it more. (Mild assumption)

You could have the girl. But you don't ask her out. You've had a girlfriend before, so I can't say "just grow a pair and ask her out"; chances are you are unsure if you actually like her. Looks aren't everything so cute girl or not, you don't ask her out because there is something about her you don't like. (Huge assumption)

I sit alone in a hallway, or by my next class, or in the corner of school where there isn't anybody unless I walk 2 minutes away from it. Why? Because I actually enjoy it. Do I have friends? Yes. Do I hang with them during Snack/Lunch/After School/Weekends? Almost never. Do I talk to them? Sometimes. Could I truly call them my friends? Maybe two of them.

I'm pretty similar. But I at least know what I truly want.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

You seem to be trapped into a routine and habitual life. You also seem to care too much about what people think, and think to much about what they think.

You can be alone. But given the choice of being alone or having people, you choose people. Why? Because you want it more. (Mild assumption)

You could have the girl. But you don't ask her out. You've had a girlfriend before, so I can't say "just grow a pair and ask her out"; chances are you are unsure if you actually like her. Looks aren't everything so cute girl or not, you don't ask her out because there is something about her you don't like. (Huge assumption)

I sit alone in a hallway, or by my next class, or in the corner of school where there isn't anybody unless I walk 2 minutes away from it. Why? Because I actually enjoy it. Do I have friends? Yes. Do I hang with them during Snack/Lunch/After School/Weekends? Almost never. Do I talk to them? Sometimes. Could I truly call them my friends? Maybe two of them.

I'm pretty similar. But I at least know what I truly want.

I'll be replying tomorrow, I've got to go to bed. It's getting late.
Thanks for commenting, just one night and you'll get your reply.

 

[Teran]

Change the title or I'll do it for you.

Also, edit the name on the link to your blog.

EDIT: Edited out the title fow now, choose a new one at your leisure.

 

[POKE40]

Title suggestions:
Bad Habits.

Plain and simple.

 

[El Nino]

The smell... is disgusting.

It usually is.

I get the impression that you avoid making decisions on your own, and then you regret being so passive when you look back at things later on. You and your friends seem like you're all together for company and nothing else. There's strength in numbers, and sometimes it masks a hidden insecurity. In a group, you can follow someone else's lead; you don't need to make your own decisions.

I guess that's why we had cliques and crews in high school. So we could all hide the fact that we were aimless. Not one of us had a clue.

It's not unusual for high school. Most kids follow someone or something. If not their peers, then their teachers and parents.

Maybe you could try making small decisions for yourself. Try doing what you want to do once in a while. It could be that some of this resentment you feel towards the people you hang out with is a result of you letting them call the shots all the time. Maybe you depend on them for company, but see if there's some time you can scrap off for yourself, even if you have to make an excuse to save your reputation.

As for the girl, maybe you want a relationship, just not with her?

Oh, and it's good to hear that you fixed your sleeping problems.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

You seem to be trapped into a routine and habitual life. You also seem to care too much about what people think, and think to much about what they think.

Actually, I don't care about what they think. What I hate is whiners, people whining and such things... I don't really know why I always decide to not deal with it instead of just getting the f*ck out.

You can be alone. But given the choice of being alone or having people, you choose people. Why? Because you want it more. (Mild assumption)

To be honest, I don't. Not when I'm at school. But they always gather at my locker and bug me... And they drag me around afterschool, but eventually let go of me. Which is when I walk behind them instead, like some sort of idiot. I love being alone.

You could have the girl. But you don't ask her out. You've had a girlfriend before, so I can't say "just grow a pair and ask her out"; chances are you are unsure if you actually like her. Looks aren't everything so cute girl or not, you don't ask her out because there is something about her you don't like. (Huge assumption)

I sit alone in a hallway, or by my next class, or in the corner of school where there isn't anybody unless I walk 2 minutes away from it. Why? Because I actually enjoy it. Do I have friends? Yes. Do I hang with them during Snack/Lunch/After School/Weekends? Almost never. Do I talk to them? Sometimes. Could I truly call them my friends? Maybe two of them.

My school's crowded, I don't really have anywhere to go. Juniors are like viruses, they spread EVERYWHERE. As of the friends thing, there's about only 1 or 2 at most, that I could call friends. Problem is, I can't seem to accept them. (At least, not ever since I went back into my asocial state.)

I'm pretty similar. But I at least know what I truly want.

Yeah... Well, what I know is that I want to be left alone. But can't seem to speak it out.

It usually is.

I get the impression that you avoid making decisions on your own, and then you regret being so passive when you look back at things later on. You and your friends seem like you're all together for company and nothing else. There's strength in numbers, and sometimes it masks a hidden insecurity. In a group, you can follow someone else's lead; you don't need to make your own decisions.

I'm not sure exactly... They seem to get along so well, everybody. They're like brothers and stuff. And they seem to pretend that I am one too. I don't really need company, but they can't stop coming to me. (As I've mentioned a moment ago.)

I guess that's why we had cliques and crews in high school. So we could all hide the fact that we were aimless. Not one of us had a clue.

Then again, you could be right...

It's not unusual for high school. Most kids follow someone or something. If not their peers, then their teachers and parents.

I've noticed such things, yeah. There's that ******* everybody hates that goes after his teacher all the time.

Maybe you could try making small decisions for yourself. Try doing what you want to do once in a while. It could be that some of this resentment you feel towards the people you hang out with is a result of you letting them call the shots all the time. Maybe you depend on them for company, but see if there's some time you can scrap off for yourself, even if you have to make an excuse to save your reputation.

They always whine when I decline. So it's not for my reputation. I usually don't give excuses when they ask me out for weekends and stuffs. I just tell them I don't feel like it, or whatever the case is. But it's always when I'm at school that I seem to let them win.


Susa's comment: You could have the girl. But you don't ask her out. You've had a girlfriend before, so I can't say "just grow a pair and ask her out"; chances are you are unsure if you actually like her. Looks aren't everything so cute girl or not, you don't ask her out because there is something about her you don't like. (Huge assumption)
As for the girl, maybe you want a relationship, just not with her?

That could be it... I dunno, I guess I can't be a normal teenager who dates girls because they're cute and smart, huh?
I guess it might be because she's just a plain boring smart cutie.

Oh, and it's good to hear that you fixed your sleeping problems.
Yeah. Thanks again.

Replied in quotes... Full of repetitions, I can't get my mind straight.
I'm really tired, and I'm getting sick... See ya around.