Blog of the Week: What is love? Baby don't hu- **Relationships Edition**

[Zero Beat]

Link to original post: What is love? Baby don't hu- **Relationships Edition**



A little background info about me as a poster would be nice:

I don't usually make threads. I never have something to talk about which I deem worthy of its own thread. I’m better at analyzing information that’s already there or that needs add ons than creating it.

Do you people really care about this process?

"Years: 7x10^5/
Temp: 3x10^8 Kelvin
Energy kT: 26 keV
Density water=1: 10

“Deuterium is now stable, all the neutrons quickly combine to form deuterium and then helium..Helium is about 26% by mass in the universe from this early time…”

No, right?

So on to the topic that will actually breed discussion:

To me, love seems like one of those words that is usually tossed around a lot and people don't really consider the meaning behind it. "I think I'm falling in love, oh I love him/her!" is a fine example. What does that even mean? Is love the same as infatuation and lust? Because in that case, it seems like it! Or is it in a class of its own? I find the latter to be the more fitting choice.

Personally, I think the word “love” is a collection of other words that together help complete the concept of loving. Here’s a quick list of some words which probably may apply:

Caring
Understanding
passionate
Loyal/committed
Supporting
Honesty

So the question is, am I wrong in thinking that love is something which develops over time through trust and affection, or is it fair to say to someone you’re infatuating over “I love you!”? I understand that words evolve, so I’m asking:

What is love to you when it comes into play with relationships? How would you define love without going over to dictionary.com?

I don’t mind being corrected, so feel free to add on to what I’ve said or completely destroy it and give a new perspective on it. In fact, I encourage both of those as long as you’re true to yourself and are not disagreeing just to disagree. GO!

 

[Teran]

I think the idea of love really depends on the nature of said love.

For example, familial love. That's something I CAN talk about with certainty. All of the things listed (cept maybe the passion, iunno maybe you're into that), are strong factors in this love.

For me love is one of the greatest things the human body can conjure, something that creates an unfaltering bond and dedication to someone. Hell it causes loads of bias, bad decisions, but it also brings great success for your genes, so it must be good!

To me, we need the word "love" to describe the emotion because it really can't be described conventionally. All of those things you listed apply, but love is very odd in its nature, so having a word to describe that feeling we all know, but can't describe, is perfect.

Love is LOVE. That's all I have to say about it. xD

As for romantic love...


BAH! Humbug!

 

[SuSa]

Words most people don't use although generally more correct:
Infatuation
Lust

IMO, you can fall in love with someone rather quickly. In all of my life, I can honestly say there have only been 2 girls I've ever loved.

One, I had fallen in love with after only 3 weeks. The other took almost 8 months. I don't say "I love you" until I mean it. Which has cut some of my relationships short because I don't say the phrase and they expect it. Which to me, means the relationship wasn't worth it because they didn't want to put time into the relationship until it reached that point.

My definition of love:
The ability to look past the flaws in a persons character. To be able to trust the person with information regardless of what it is*. To trust them with your emotions**. To have empathy and understanding about feelings and ideas***. To truly do anything for the person****.


*This sentence implies it is something you have told absolutely nobody and plan to never tell. Usual things are such drastic things that have happened in your childhood that scar you "today".

**This sentence can be interpreted several different ways. But to be able to tell someone your "true" feelings and exactly how and why you feel that way is the way I mean. If someone was making you sad for example, do you tell the person you love they are making you sad or do you tell them the reasons why? It shows a much greater amount of trust to be able to tell them why then to simply say "Bob is making me sad". I consider information and emotions different, but these two things can be one in the same if you wish them to be.

***Simply put, if you can't do this. You don't know them as well as you should. Love is defined by many as "two being one" and that is my way of interpreting that.

****Many people state that "I'd die for you" but I feel many people don't truly feel this. Or would not stand up to it. However many others have - and sometimes they aren't even a couple. An example is one of my friends (who had trusted me with the fact that he is in love with a girl) had literally jumped in front of a car that was about to hit said girl. He pushed her out of the way, and luckily he wasn't hit by the car either. But he knowingly risked his life to save her. That's when I stopped getting on his *** about simply having a crush or being infatuated.

 

[Teran]

Lust was basically what controlled me for most of my teenage years. It's a very powerful feeling and definitely pretty hard to keep a lid on... so I didn't.

Still, infatuation for me is the combination of lust and being in love with the idea of being love. Yeah, that's what I call it, being in love with the idea of being in love. For many people in their younger years, that is what they will experience.

Many of us will also develop bonds with a gf/bf, but we develop bonds with our friends and family, that doesn't mean we're in love with them. Just because you're close to someone and attracted to them =/= love.

To me, love does exist, and I can only believe this due to the example of my parents' long marriage, and many other long lasting marriages. A strong, deep understanding between two people, I mean, I don't know what it is haha, but I'm pretty sure it exists. I'm pretty sure I can tell when people AREN'T in love though, and that's basically every teenager on God's green Earth.

 

[Zero Beat]

For me love is one of the greatest things the human body can conjure, something that creates an unfaltering bond and dedication to someone. Hell it causes loads of bias, bad decisions, but it also brings great success for your genes, so it must be good!

To me, we need the word "love" to describe the emotion because it really can't be described conventionally. All of those things you listed apply, but love is very odd in its nature, so having a word to describe that feeling we all know, but can't describe, is perfect.

Well my point was that as a whole, love is nothing but a collection of words and surely those words exert certain kind(s) of feeling(s). I couldn't agree more with your touch on the bias as a result of loving someone/thing. Haha, if you know what I mean!

My definition of love:
The ability to look past the flaws in a persons character. To be able to trust the person with information regardless of what it is*. To trust them with your emotions**. To have empathy and understanding about feelings and ideas***. To truly do anything for the person****.

I have to say I wholeheartedly agree with all of that, which was the case with my ex. We dated for six years and everything you just mentioned applied, and some of it still does. Sometimes my friends would call me crazy when I'd say she looked better than Scarlet Johansson, or Jlo. And I honestly meant it without a second thought.

Now, she was generally pretty with all the right features, but any guy off the street would instantly have picked the celebrity. Good read SS.

I'm pretty sure I can tell when people AREN'T in love though, and that's basically every teenager on God's green Earth.

We started at ages 12(her) and 13(me) so there are some exceptions.

 

[SuSa]

I forgot to mention that.

Love doesn't die. If you "fell out of love" with someone. It wasn't love **** it.

It is also entirely possible to love someone who doesn't love you back. (This sucks, and luckily I have not had to deal with it)

EDIT:
I also forgot to mention that it is impossible to love family. It is not love, it is a bond.

I'm not going to delve into family love; just let it be known that it is the exception to my above statement. It is possible to love your brother/sister/cousin/insert family member here. Although it is extremely rare and generally looked down upon. That is all you need to know.

 

[Scott!]

I've had 2 romantic relationships in my life, and I used the word "love" in both. In the first relationship, I definitely used it before I understood what it meant to say it, and felt pressured by her saying it to me. I felt that I needed to reciprocate. I did love her, though, but not until a while after I was saying it. My second girlfriend and I were definitely in love, though that relationship was much shorter (9 months versus ~20 for the first).

To me, love is many things. I agree with a lot of what's been said above. I believe that love is a state of mind, not an action. Loving someone isn't something you do, it's a way of living. I am a very selfish-minded person; I put myself over others when it comes to needs. But when I was in love, I no longer put myself on top. My lady love was right up there with me.

It's also a level of comfort. I felt like I could say anything with gf #2, even my darkest, most painful secrets. And I'm definitely not one for sharing feelings. There's also a level of physical comfort as well as emotional.

Spoiler

Mod combo breaker, woo.

 

[WindMajor]

Well I was in a relationship for at least 2 months a while back. She apparently had the biggest crush on me for about a year, and decided to tell me during prom weekend. We broke up like 3 weeks ago, but I'm carefully considering getting back together with her. In the beginning, I knew it was a mistake, but with time and communication, I began to understand this "love" even more.

I agree that love isn't an action, it's a feeling. It's a very strong feeling, or a bond if you will. It's a word that many people use carelessly, because nobody really understands the power of love, or confuse "love" with something else.

To me, when you love someone, it means that you deeply care and trust said person. Those are the two most important qualities of a relationship, IMO. When I mean caring, I apply it to everything. Whether it be something as serious as someones health/safety, or something smaller like how their day went. It's the sense of having someone that will always be there for you, for better or for worse.

I don't have the words to explain trust, so I'll do it when I wake up.

TLDR: When you love someone, it means that you deeply trust, care, and share a bond with said person, whether it be family, or a boyfriend/girlfriend.

This is the reason why I'm actually considering getting back with my ex. Since we broke up, she has demonstrated to me that she indeed cares about me, trusts me (with all of her secrets and deepest feelings), and she has called me everyday since we broke up. She's working mad hard to prove to me that she likes me. She actually cursed out her mom while I was on the phone because she wanted to see me (her mom didn't let her see me 3 times in a row because she simply didn't feel like letting her out of the house). It's plain obvious to me that she really, REALLY wants me back, and that she means it (and I'm not the only one that believes that). My friends think that she's crazy for me, but I'll be the judge of that.

 

[Jam Stunna]

I don't agree that love is a feeling and not an action. A crush, infatuation, or whatever you want to call it, those are feelings. When you decide to act on it, and to accept the responsibility of being in a relationship (and I don't mean necessarily saying that you are "going out"), that's love.

I've been through high school like everyone else, and had the feelings that I thought were love at the time. Now I'm married, and I can tell you that the difference between the two is huge. It's not because of the feelings, because that aspect of it is the same. It's because of the committment, the choices, the decisions and the responsibilities that have serious repercussions for our lives. With your high-school girlfriend, if you go through a rough patch, you just might not call her for a few days or sit on the other side of the cafeteria. If you fight with your live-in girlfriend, you'd better have a good friend who will take you in, or an extremely comfortable sofa.

tl;dr- feelings stay the same, regardless of how old you are. It's the other considerations that make something more than a crush or an infatuation. Those other considerations are actions and choices, ones that have real consequences.

 

[Jupz]

I don't agree that love is a feeling and not an action. A crush, infatuation, or whatever you want to call it, those are feelings. When you decide to act on it, and to accept the responsibility of being in a relationship (and I don't mean necessarily saying that you are "going out"), that's love.

I've been through high school like everyone else, and had the feelings that I thought were love at the time. Now I'm married, and I can tell you that the difference between the two is huge. It's not because of the feelings, because that aspect of it is the same. It's because of the committment, the choices, the decisions and the responsibilities that have serious repercussions for our lives. With your high-school girlfriend, if you go through a rough patch, you just might not call her for a few days or sit on the other side of the cafeteria. If you fight with your live-in girlfriend, you'd better have a good friend who will take you in, or an extremely comfortable sofa.

tl;dr- feelings stay the same, regardless of how old you are. It's the other considerations that make something more than a crush or an infatuation. Those other considerations are actions and choices, ones that have real consequences.

I've always wondered this. I've had strong feelings for two women in my life, I'm only 16...
it was definitely stronger then lust or anything of that caliber, it was like I was nearly constantly thinking about them. When my friends used to say "Don't worry, you'll find someone else later on" I found it almost impossible to believe that I could fall for someone else when I was "in love". When I hear people say its different when you grow older, I never truly understood.

But why do we feel what we do? Why did we evolve to feel like this and not just standard lust?

 

[Jam Stunna]

We get older, we get more complicated, and our feelings get more complicated.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that teens can't have extremely strong feelings for another person. But I really believe that love requires responsibility, REAL responsibility, not just saying "I'll do anything for you", but actually having to do that. Most teenagers aren't even responsible for their own lives.

And yes, you will meet other people in the future. When you do, you'll look back on this time in your life and say, "They were right."

 

[POKE40]

All types of love have a base on it.
What that base is will affect the longevity of the relationship of "x" and "y."

Love also has it's side of perspective:

"x" loves "y", but "y doesn't love "x"
-this one-strong sided love.

Love based physical attraction = usually won't last 7months in dating.
Love based phsyical attraction + similar likes = dating lasts 1 year.

Of course there are different types of love. And there is many factors to a relationship that I don't think I can list them all.


------------

tl:dr:
that's okay. Love is such a large topic this blog will go many pages and it'll just touch a little on the whole topic of love.

Meh. My post wasn't good.
Lol whatever. Typingnom the iPhone doesn't work that well anyways.
:/

 

[Steven Jackson Action Jackson]

Love is LOVE. That's all I have to say about it. xD

As for romantic love...


BAH! Humbug!

It has been said old man Scrooge Teran on the corner hasn't felt romantic love since 1961.

I've never felt love, I am starting to consider the thought of me actually being a robot.

 

[Thunder Of Zeus]

In my opinion...

When you really boil it all down, love is defined by two, overarching categories; these are attraction and affection. This belief, however, makes no sense without applying another pinciple: the idea of push-pull. In a push-pull situation, everything is mutual.

When describing my idea of attraction and affection, I will first say what I see it as, I will then explain how push-pull is applied, lastly, I will say how it relates to love.

Attraction:
This is the love, the care, the passion, the loyalty, etc...
The partners must both feel this love and care, have this passion and loyalty, etc...
This is what attracts two persons and what holds them; it is the magnetism of love.

Affection:
This is the display of the love, the care, the passion, the loyalty, etc...
The lovers must show their love, care and passion, demonstrate their loyalty, etc...
Affection is the assurance in a relationships; it is the iron, the nickel and the cobalt in the metals that ensure that the objects will continue to stick to the magnet.

That's just my unique take on it.

I'm fourteen so don't hate me if I'm way off; this is something I don't know anything about, but I'm trying to figure out.