Anger Management

[Wobbles]

I almost never post in this forum, but what the hey I'll do it anyhow.

So at a recent Smash tourney I got pretty mad during a match; I quit and flung my controller against a wall, then stormed away without a word to my opponent. Suffice to say, I was raging pretty hard and acted absurdly rude and immature because of that. I wasn't mad because I lost (I kind of expected to from the start), but because I was making a lot of dumb errors and it felt like my own body and mind were collaborating against me. As I got more angry, I became upset that I couldn't even keep a grip on my emotional state, which made me feel dejected and hopeless--as I lost concentration, I made more errors, became more furious, and so on.

The reason I'm posting here rather than MD is because it's a problem I have elsewhere in my life, and I'm kind of looking for advice. I go to both a psychologist and psychiatrist, I take mood stabilizing medication and I've "learned"--that is, I'm consciously aware of--strategies for dealing with excess anger, but I'm still having lots of trouble. This tournament was a serious wake-up call for me.

Does anybody else have experience with this, and do you have any techniques or strategies you can share? I'm trying to do things like stop and take deep breaths, listen to relaxing music, preempt the bad moods and stressful situations with positive self-talk ("just try your best and don't stress about the outcome," "keep your sense of humor and don't take everything seriously," "have fun," etc.), but I'm still having serious issues.

If anybody has suggestions for remedying this, I'm all ears. I'm also happy to share my experiences and my few successful experiences if anybody wants to hear. Thanks in advance.

 

[½NIÇK½FBM]

Why don't you just wobble your opponent like you always do. You're wobbles.

edit: My bad. i watched the video of SS. you DID wobble him but you made a couple of mistakes here and there. SS is really good though.

 

[choknater]

Hm, well, you usually seem to be in good spirits whenever you post on the forums and give advice and stuff. I too was a little upset that you let your anger get to you during those tourny matches (I wanted you to win) but I watched as you gave up. I had no idea you actually had anger management problems. Well, it's good that you open up about it and seek help, that's a good step.

I don't really know much about anger management, but I DO know a couple people who get very angry in matches too.

The thing is, you're a solid IC's player with so much potential, and I think you realize that. Don't set high expectations for yourself, even if you are realistic. Focus on a positive mindset rather than your actual performance. The confidence goes a long way, and even if you lose, as long as you played confidently and with a mindset that is willing to improve, you can leave any match in good spirits. You probably know all this already, but perhaps you can take greater strides to apply it more before and during your matches.

Don't put yourself on a pedestal with high expectations... Perhaps saying "I will win" is a little much, especially when you let your small and crucial mistakes get to you. Maybe saying "I will do my best and hopefully win" is a little better.

I saw that your skill level was more than enough to take SS... but it was clear that what happened in that match was your emotions getting the best of you. Focus on preventing that more than anything and staying positive. More than the matchup itself and what you have to do to win.

I dunno if this help but I support your IC's winning tournaments lol

 

[Wobbles]

Well, like I said I'm not *just* talking about Smash. It crops up elsewhere, and I try to keep it under control (or at least vent healthily) but it doesn't always work My posts are typically upbeat because I have the time to sit and re-read and I have to commit myself to what I've written, so that moment of pause lets me keep my cool. Real life doesn't work quite like that though...

But yeah, I know what you mean about most of those mindsets. I can consciously say those things to myself, but I don't always believe them in the middle of a stressful situation. The problem is keeping aware of those strategies... a safeguard or failsafe of some kind. Either that, or some way to practice? I dunno.

 

[Glitch Adonis]

Maybe your answer is in your title...?

 

[Heartz♥]

I hardly believe this needed to be posted here. It is probably best to make a blog out of it, since this topic is more personal. Queen Killjoy also made this thread: http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=218536

Your better bet. ^_^

 

[DtJ Jungle]

Wobbles, most anger management is learning to keep things in perspective. I too have anger issues, and i've seen psychiatrists for this and a few other things. Learn to take something away from what you do that made you angry, because usually anger stems from something happening to you that you didnt expect, and you get in over your head. For example, in your matches with SS, you do make several mistakes, but sometimes mistakes happen at the worst times, and especially playing someone like SS, who has his own god **** fan club following him, it might becoming intimidating and whether you are aware of it or not, it's getting to you a little bit. It's best to take a step back, say "OK, that didnt go as planned. Leave it in the past, keep moving forward." Surround yourself with people that support you, they'll always be tehre to let you that you have no reason to be mad, that sometimes luck doesn't swing your way, and there is no reason to be upset at a few poor performances. Learn from what happened (in this case, remember to keep your cool and not to fret if you get down a stock to the most electrifying CF on the WC, because he rides that momentum like a surfer does a wave), and keep chuggin forward

I hope that helps, and as always, this is always easier said than done.

Big wobbles fan right here. cant wait for Bipolar

 

[Wobbles]

Thanks Glitch Adonis; you helped me bunches. Manage my anger. No way. Who'd have thought. <3

Heartz: I looked through that thread a bit before posting and it seemed like it's a little more casual and one-liney. Plus I was thinking the thread could be about actual anger management strategies and a topic for other people to post *their* experiences too, not just "crummy things that happened to me recently." It seemed different enough that I thought it merited a thread, but I guess not?

junglefever: thanks, and I hope your psychiatry stuff works out. I guess I can try to keep people nearby who would encourage me or give me support, or remind me of the stuff that I get too overheated to remind myself... that seems like the strategy that would work best, given how easily I can forget stuff I should already know.

 

[DtJ Jungle]

Sometimes that thread is more serious, but for the most part i think this merits its own thread

 

[#HBC | Mac]

Not only that, but this is a separate topic. Though he is talking about parts of his life that influence his emotions, he is also talking about anger management in general and ways of getting over it. Which others may have problems with as well. So I think it's ok for this to be it's own thread.

I can't really help you though, I barely ever get angry. And when I do it comes and goes really quickly. I kinda which I could stay angry longer though.

good luck figuring this out.

 

[Red Exodus]

I rarely get in situations that make me angry but when I do it's tough to control my temper so I try to get away from it, even if it means giving up. I'm mainly referring to situations in real life, but it's fine to rage quit a game [probably not tournament matches though] if it means you avoid exploding on someone. As for calming myself down in the moment, I still have to work on that but as long as I'm in control of the situation I can get away and calm myself down.

The only time I really get angry is if I try to let something go and the other person won't, in which case they get what they deserve in whatever form it comes since it would be self-defense. One thing people need to learn is to respect and acknowledge people with anger issues and not try to get them angry because they know there's a problem. It's the same as not offering a recovering alcoholic a drink, or a recovering smoker a cigarette or whatever.

 

[Heartz♥]

Thanks Glitch Adonis; you helped me bunches. Manage my anger. No way. Who'd have thought. <3

Heartz: I looked through that thread a bit before posting and it seemed like it's a little more casual and one-liney. Plus I was thinking the thread could be about actual anger management strategies and a topic for other people to post *their* experiences too, not just "crummy things that happened to me recently." It seemed different enough that I thought it merited a thread, but I guess not?

Errr, of course. It's the Pool Room....

Bah, might as well put my input...

Me, I'm the sweetest person in the world, and I can get pissed off pretty easily, even when I don't want to. People are just like that. I never had a rough past or anything, people just like to do the most ignorant things, and I just get this essence that they weren't home-trained.

As far as dealing with t3h ang3r, I just go with the flow of it. I like to write/type, so I put it on paper, and let it be. It depends on the person. A method of managing anger is never the same for each person. But there will be times where you cant control the "fits of rage". "Wrath" is one of the seven deadly sins, and humans naturally have trouble not doing them.

 

[PhoenixoKaZe]

yep, I stop getting angry so much at stuff and wat not to control , it`s a waste of time lol

 

[Azua]

This is probably not related to your problem in any way, but every single time I have large doses of caffeine, I want to punch someone in the face.

After about 2 years of trying self-correction with this, I went to a therapy session because it seemed to be getting out of hand again and was diagnosed with Bipolar II.

It's not as severe as BPI, but caffeine ended up being one of my triggers along with a few other things that are sometimes unavoidable [stress, etc]
I just seriously can't have that much caffeine during the day. Two sodas will make me
Usually when I start getting pissy over something, I just leave the room or remove myself from the situation until I know I can stay calm about it.
It also helps that I told Cody that if I'm being a ***** for no reason to just ignore me until I stop.


What I'm saying is you should talk to a professional about this and get some tips on learning to cope with it. You have to start somewhere, and usually when people try to correct the behavior without knowing why it's happening, they fail.



Also, wb to SWF. I haven't seen you post in the BRoom in forever.
Are you still as adorable as you were at Moast PI?

 

[Wobbles]

Well, I actually have seen professionals for it (both psychiatrists and psychologists) and take medication to keep it under wraps. In fact, I'm also diagnosed with BPII.

I guess "remove myself from the situation" is another solid one to keep in mind; it probably will work best when I'm dealing with people who know me, but in any case it's better to take distance and gain perspective than risk blowing up. It's a pretty awful feeling.

And yes, recent polls indicate that I'm still adorable. Except for when I flip out. Then I'm a *****.

 

[Azua]

lol, highfive for BPII!

Maybe cut back on caffeine a little?

Yeah, when I feel the rage welling up inside of me, I just excuse myself and go out and away from whatever is making me mad. I don't return until I am 100% sure I'm fine.
I've had to take hour long walks before, but it helps tremendously if you can just separate yourself long enough to actually think about what's going on.

I also work out a lot now as a stress outlet. Everybody's different though.

 

[Zodiac]

This is probably not related to your problem in any way, but every single time I have large doses of caffeine, I want to punch someone in the face.

Since I don't drink coffee that's never happened to me but I cant definitely relate to my diet actually contributing to how irritable I might be and therefore how easily I'll get angry. I find that when I eat candy or anything loaded with sugar I get so irritable that it takes no more than the drop of a pen to piss me off. When im on a healthier diet, basically no junk food whatsoever. Im by comparison a much much calmer person and more in control of my actions and my thoughts. Not only that but I play smash better when Im eating healthy to, go figure XD.

But when I get angry playing smash its for many of the exact same reasons you described, I just get frustrated that Im not playing to my full potential, which in turn makes me screw up even more to the point where im making noob level decisions. And if I dont regain control of my emotions and win the match I get even more angry because I know I could have won if I didnt let my emotions control me.

But what I found to be the most effective remedy while playing smash was not to concentrate on getting angry, I know it sounds stupidly simple, and I know its not always easy but after a lot of practice I can now usually shut out my emotions while I play smash and concentrate on the match and nothing but the match, and when its over, if I won, awesome, if I lost, I still feel good about it because I know I was playing at my best and that whoever I was playing had to try to beat me.

As for working out and stuff, going running is a really good outlet. Not that pounding the pavement with you feet does anything to alleviate your anger, you just do it until your calmed down and you start concentrating on running instead.

 

[Fuelbi]

Well, considering Im an angry person (I get pissed at a friend for making a joke calling me a ****** (something I always get called in school) and punching him in the arm, just to find out he wasnt talking about me.... XD, and I swore really loud at a guitar hero tourney on friday and nearly threw the controller when I lost...), I have found breathing deeply works just fine for me to calm down. When someone makes fun of ME I just think "Ok calm down roach (well I don't actually call myself that, but I dont wanna post my real name), this person will probably end up on the streets someday, while you are in college having a successful life with a wife and kids" or something like that. And yes Im an 8th grader, and I am already considering a career..... yeah......

I also just put on some angry, loud sounding music. I always find some sort of release through music. I mean I don't play it, but listening someone playing songs that enrage me makes me enraged, where my rage levels go OVER 90000!!!!!!!! (yes I went there). Afterwards I feel so gassed out, that I feel calm...