Link to original post: [drupal=2583]And We Shout: CONSPIRACY![/drupal]
...Yes, yet another Brawl rant. But this time it isn't directed precisely at the game itself -- rather, fingers will now be pointed at the one responsible for butchering the possibility of Melee 2.0 with added online capabilities.
...
SAKURRRRAAAAIIIII
*********************
*********************
(For this journal, I beg you the audience not to take TOO much of what I say in this particular post too seriously -- you could call this a parody of sorts, on those who dig a little too deep, and notice information in the oddest of areas.
But also note not to treat it ALL as mere flight of fancy, for who knows, I could be on to something... Hehehe.
With that, enjoy.)
*********************
*********************
Masahiro Sakurai.
A name that will now live eternally on a list of names I shall never forget.
Not because of anything gloriously good he did, but rather... for a certain title I dare not speak of.
In coming to terms with the loss of possibility and my favorite Smash Bros. character, I began to notice many, many distinct "coincidences" throughout the entirety of Smash Bros. Brawl... things not normally seen through the untrained eye.
And so, here, today, I shall share to the world my findings, and PROVE just how racist and diabolical a man sir Smash creator Sakurai REALLY is.
***************************
Females
Yes, yes, this argument. I won't go too thoroughly into this one as it's so blatantly obvious. But let's look at the facts: Sakurai himself said he would attempt to add more female characters to the Smash series, specifically Brawl.
What came of that? Absolutely nothing but talk. What could his excuse be? He couldn't find any proper female representatives, despite US sending in OUR most wanted characters, it being chalk full of characters like Krystal, Midna, Lyndis, Dixie Kong, even Princess Kumatora?
No excuse. None whatsoever.
What do we find in the cut data for characters? Mewtwo, Roy, Dr. Mario... then DIXIE KONG, TOON ZELDA, and codename "TOON SHEIK". There go our females; Sakurai obviously didn't view them high enough for playability, let alone representation.
"Bah, but that's just coincidence."
WRONG.
Look at the female reps available... What do you notice? What do a majority of them have in common, when compared to their superior incarnations from Melee and Smash 64?
Nerfed. True shells of their former selves. Was Sakurai trying to be so stereotypical that he made it so that nearly ALL (save Zelda) females... even Jigglypuff!... were to be weakened to nearly unusable, when compared to the vastly stronger males? What a slap in the face!
Not only that... but most female-oriented assists were also given the boot. I'm sure most of you are aware of how the female-esque Articuno was cut, and how Princess Rosalina - an Assist who was supposed to use star pieces as a strategic method of help - and ADELEINE - Sakurai's OWN creation - were cut.
Conclusion: Obviously sexist.
***************************
Popularity
Hey, Deoxys, what did Sakurai say in your introductory entry on the DOJO!! site?
"Now, this one is popular."
And tell me, Deoxys, Lyndis, all the other characters turned into side-show freaks and trophies and assists, what is one of the slogans of the Smash Bros. series?
"Nintendo ALL-STARS..."
Also, what does Sakurai think of the characters we WANT to see in the Smash series?
"...I do not find popular characters inspiring..."
And, it so happens, the roster made for Brawl, what was with those character choices anyway?
"...It was a pre-made list, made even before Sakurai asked the fans what characters they wanted to see... and [was] only edited to introduce Sonic [and Wolf]..."
...That's what I thought.
Carry on, please.
Conclusion: Against popular characters, even said so himself in an interview. You can kiss King K. Rool, Ridley, Geno, Krystal, Isaac, Mega Man and plenty more ALL goodbye now.
***************************
Psychics/PSI
Oh, will I have fun explaining this.
Take great note, what do Ness, Lucas and Mewtwo have in common?
They are all underrepresented.
The MOTHER/EarthBound franchise in Brawl... one of the WORST presented franchises there. Sakurai's lazy behind didn't even add a trophy for the Ultimate Chimera (despite it being on New Pork City)!
And Mewtwo. This should be a given, as he was cut, DESPITE being original and having the possibility of being made far better.
Nope. No second chances if you wield PSI or have psychic powers! While Ness and Lucas do fairly well as characters in Brawl... have you noticed how they are TREATED in the game?
Lucas has been labeled a... scaredy-character, the "always running" fighter, because of how he is presented in the Subspace Emissary.
Ness, in the Subspace Emissary, only has extremely limited screen time and is KO'd so easily when saving Lucas (thus adding more pressure to Lucas as being a character who cannot defend himself).
Mewtwo... his trophy looks HORRIBLE. His look, reputation, everything about him now tarnished as he was shoved in the dirt and spat on. All because, what, Sakurai didn't want to bring him back for fear he would be better than Meta Knight, or *gasp* because he wouldn't TRIP?
Conclusion: Sakurai is psychist. That's right, psychist.
***************************
Kirby
Look at all the elements. Look!
Jumping off of characters' heads in-game? Where was that mechanic seen... OH! Kirby!
Who is the best character in the game? That's right! It's Meta Knight, the only character in a franchise to get his own stand-alone theme, now isn't that cute!
What item is a single-hit KO in battles? Look out, the mighty Dragoon!
Sheik's playing style... based off of the ninja enemy seen from Kirby Super Star and Kirby Super Star Ultra. Coincidence? Think again!
How about Ridley's fighting style as a boss? Looks an awful lot like Dyna Blade, doesn't it?
Can't forget about the ridiculously large amount of Kirby themes FOR ONE STAGE, nearly surpassing or even surpassing the POKEMON themes... the 2nd most popular game franchise in the world (just behind Mario).
The Subspace Emissary. What mighty airship was stolen, and has a huge amount of plot in the story? What characters on a number of occasions are seen nearly every other scene and have MAJOR roles? Who is one of the first characters we play as first thing in SSE? Who, riding on WHAT, destroys the godly subspace cannon that Ganondorf and Bowser were using to trophify the entire world, WITH A SINGLE HIT?
That's right! Say it with me!
Conclusion: Kirby, Kirby, KIRBY! HE'S SLOWLY TURNING THE FRANCHISE FROM "Nintendo All-Stars!" INTO "Kirby's Great Adventure... with a lot of guests!" WHAT THE-
***************************
Electricity
So this sounds ridiculous. Hear me out first.
What was Mewtwo's aerial-A move in Melee?
What element is Raikou, the ONLY cut Legendary Beast?
What element is Zapdos, cut alongside the feminish Articuno?
What element was Pichu, the only possible 2nd Generation Pokemon representative, now cut and labeled a "JOKE CHARACTER" despite being so loved by its own creator?
What happened to Dr. Mario, one of the few possible Nintendo Tetris-esque characters still milking out games, whose forward-Smash was what element, and was one of the Forbidden Seven?
Why does Pikachu's down-Smash seem so awkward and slow now? In fact, why does EVERYthing on Pikachu seem so awkward and weak now?
Why is Volt Tackle so awkward to control?
Why are Zero Suit Samus's smash attacks, all ELECTRIC-based, so weak?
Why is Samus's b-move, arguably ELECTRIC-based, so useless now?
Why is it Ness's PK Flash cannot be fully charged when simply standing, and he must gain slight altitude if he wants to execute the entire attack or else it will touch the ground and cancel out?
I'll tell you why.
Conclusion: Sakurai is against electricity. ZAP, I STATIC ELECTRICITY YOU, NOW YOU ARE WEAK AGAINST MY POWERS! says Sakurai while beefing Meta Knight to god tier, all while laughing at the lists sent in by fans with characters they actually wanted to see.
***************************
Villains
Hoho, is that so? Let's take a look at the statistics.
Where is Bowser's castle?! Throughout the years, we get 3 variations of Mushroom Kingdom (with added Subcon), a slow-moving cruise, a haunted mansion, Delfino's plaza, the Mario Bros. original stage, a couple variations of Yoshi's islands and stories, two castles for Peach, and FLIPPIN' MARIO KART, yet Sakurai cannot find a place within ANY OF THE GAMES to add Bowser's infamous keep.
Ganondorf. Where's your sword at? Oh yeah, it's just for show as a taunt in Melee, and yet again a taunt in Brawl as he shows how it's so great being bottom tier while copying Captain Falcon.
Wolf. I really wouldn't call him a villain anymore (if you haven't already, read about the newest Star Fox games... you'll see why).
Wario. Again, not much a villain anymore, either.
King Dedede and Meta Knight. AGAIN, two characters I REALLY would not consider villains... Meta Knight's more a vigilante, and Dedede's just... weird. But certainly not evil material (unless subject to Dark Matter).
Mewtwo, arguably the ONLY possible villain Pokemon (as Darkrai's been portrayed as not evil and "accidentally" hurting the people it gives NightMares to)... Do I really have to go there?
Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Sakurai's OWN CREATIONS, and now they act unnatural and look as horrible as Mewtwo's unpolished trophy (with hideous textures to boot... Melee's had a LOT more dignity).
King K. Rool and Ridley. Eye candy for the past two Smash titles.
What more is there to say here.
Conclusion: SAKURAI. HATES. VILLAINS. Almost as much as they hate him.
Which is probably why he didn't bother to add more, so he could turn the Smash series as puffy and cute as Kirby.
***************************
***************************
***************************
So the facts begin to pile. And I KNOW there is some information I have overlooked. But I think I have gotten my point across.
Calculating final analysis..................
Verdict: Sakurai is a sexist, psychist, popularity-bashing, villain-hating, electricity-assaulting, over-Kirby-representing pansy who gets kicks of telling people things that will NEVER happen, and hype games he believes to be SO GOOD, and brainwash EVERYONE IN TO BELIEVING IT. The gaming media promotes his hypocrisy, and we poor people took the bait hook, line and sinker.
DO NOT FALL FOR HIS TRICKS. Brawl is good, but was meant to be SO MUCH MORE, and COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE had THIS man not directed it into the seventh pit of something horrible.
I beg you, do not support this man. Support only his works for Kirby and things outside of the Smash world, but DO NOT BRING HIM BACK AS A SMASH BROS. DIRECTOR. He does not know balance, he does not know how to think outside the box, and he DOES NOT SUPPORT THE THINGS WE SUPPORT - the single BIGGEST factor ANY Smash Brother (and Sister) should fear from a director... a director who does not and WILL not listen, closing his ears to our cries, to what we look forward to and what we want to enjoy.
WE know what we want. We request for it. And he slaps us all right in the face and laughs, knowing we will sucker up to whatever it is he milks out.
...
I rest my case.
...Yes, yet another Brawl rant. But this time it isn't directed precisely at the game itself -- rather, fingers will now be pointed at the one responsible for butchering the possibility of Melee 2.0 with added online capabilities.
...
SAKURRRRAAAAIIIII
*********************
*********************
(For this journal, I beg you the audience not to take TOO much of what I say in this particular post too seriously -- you could call this a parody of sorts, on those who dig a little too deep, and notice information in the oddest of areas.
But also note not to treat it ALL as mere flight of fancy, for who knows, I could be on to something... Hehehe.
With that, enjoy.)
*********************
*********************
Masahiro Sakurai.
A name that will now live eternally on a list of names I shall never forget.
Not because of anything gloriously good he did, but rather... for a certain title I dare not speak of.
In coming to terms with the loss of possibility and my favorite Smash Bros. character, I began to notice many, many distinct "coincidences" throughout the entirety of Smash Bros. Brawl... things not normally seen through the untrained eye.
And so, here, today, I shall share to the world my findings, and PROVE just how racist and diabolical a man sir Smash creator Sakurai REALLY is.
***************************
Females
Yes, yes, this argument. I won't go too thoroughly into this one as it's so blatantly obvious. But let's look at the facts: Sakurai himself said he would attempt to add more female characters to the Smash series, specifically Brawl.
What came of that? Absolutely nothing but talk. What could his excuse be? He couldn't find any proper female representatives, despite US sending in OUR most wanted characters, it being chalk full of characters like Krystal, Midna, Lyndis, Dixie Kong, even Princess Kumatora?
No excuse. None whatsoever.
What do we find in the cut data for characters? Mewtwo, Roy, Dr. Mario... then DIXIE KONG, TOON ZELDA, and codename "TOON SHEIK". There go our females; Sakurai obviously didn't view them high enough for playability, let alone representation.
"Bah, but that's just coincidence."
WRONG.
Look at the female reps available... What do you notice? What do a majority of them have in common, when compared to their superior incarnations from Melee and Smash 64?
Nerfed. True shells of their former selves. Was Sakurai trying to be so stereotypical that he made it so that nearly ALL (save Zelda) females... even Jigglypuff!... were to be weakened to nearly unusable, when compared to the vastly stronger males? What a slap in the face!
Not only that... but most female-oriented assists were also given the boot. I'm sure most of you are aware of how the female-esque Articuno was cut, and how Princess Rosalina - an Assist who was supposed to use star pieces as a strategic method of help - and ADELEINE - Sakurai's OWN creation - were cut.
Conclusion: Obviously sexist.
***************************
Popularity
Hey, Deoxys, what did Sakurai say in your introductory entry on the DOJO!! site?
"Now, this one is popular."
And tell me, Deoxys, Lyndis, all the other characters turned into side-show freaks and trophies and assists, what is one of the slogans of the Smash Bros. series?
"Nintendo ALL-STARS..."
Also, what does Sakurai think of the characters we WANT to see in the Smash series?
"...I do not find popular characters inspiring..."
And, it so happens, the roster made for Brawl, what was with those character choices anyway?
"...It was a pre-made list, made even before Sakurai asked the fans what characters they wanted to see... and [was] only edited to introduce Sonic [and Wolf]..."
...That's what I thought.
Carry on, please.
Conclusion: Against popular characters, even said so himself in an interview. You can kiss King K. Rool, Ridley, Geno, Krystal, Isaac, Mega Man and plenty more ALL goodbye now.
***************************
Psychics/PSI
Oh, will I have fun explaining this.
Take great note, what do Ness, Lucas and Mewtwo have in common?
They are all underrepresented.
The MOTHER/EarthBound franchise in Brawl... one of the WORST presented franchises there. Sakurai's lazy behind didn't even add a trophy for the Ultimate Chimera (despite it being on New Pork City)!
And Mewtwo. This should be a given, as he was cut, DESPITE being original and having the possibility of being made far better.
Nope. No second chances if you wield PSI or have psychic powers! While Ness and Lucas do fairly well as characters in Brawl... have you noticed how they are TREATED in the game?
Lucas has been labeled a... scaredy-character, the "always running" fighter, because of how he is presented in the Subspace Emissary.
Ness, in the Subspace Emissary, only has extremely limited screen time and is KO'd so easily when saving Lucas (thus adding more pressure to Lucas as being a character who cannot defend himself).
Mewtwo... his trophy looks HORRIBLE. His look, reputation, everything about him now tarnished as he was shoved in the dirt and spat on. All because, what, Sakurai didn't want to bring him back for fear he would be better than Meta Knight, or *gasp* because he wouldn't TRIP?
Conclusion: Sakurai is psychist. That's right, psychist.
***************************
Kirby
Look at all the elements. Look!
Jumping off of characters' heads in-game? Where was that mechanic seen... OH! Kirby!
Who is the best character in the game? That's right! It's Meta Knight, the only character in a franchise to get his own stand-alone theme, now isn't that cute!
What item is a single-hit KO in battles? Look out, the mighty Dragoon!
Sheik's playing style... based off of the ninja enemy seen from Kirby Super Star and Kirby Super Star Ultra. Coincidence? Think again!
How about Ridley's fighting style as a boss? Looks an awful lot like Dyna Blade, doesn't it?
Can't forget about the ridiculously large amount of Kirby themes FOR ONE STAGE, nearly surpassing or even surpassing the POKEMON themes... the 2nd most popular game franchise in the world (just behind Mario).
The Subspace Emissary. What mighty airship was stolen, and has a huge amount of plot in the story? What characters on a number of occasions are seen nearly every other scene and have MAJOR roles? Who is one of the first characters we play as first thing in SSE? Who, riding on WHAT, destroys the godly subspace cannon that Ganondorf and Bowser were using to trophify the entire world, WITH A SINGLE HIT?
That's right! Say it with me!
Conclusion: Kirby, Kirby, KIRBY! HE'S SLOWLY TURNING THE FRANCHISE FROM "Nintendo All-Stars!" INTO "Kirby's Great Adventure... with a lot of guests!" WHAT THE-
***************************
Electricity
So this sounds ridiculous. Hear me out first.
What was Mewtwo's aerial-A move in Melee?
What element is Raikou, the ONLY cut Legendary Beast?
What element is Zapdos, cut alongside the feminish Articuno?
What element was Pichu, the only possible 2nd Generation Pokemon representative, now cut and labeled a "JOKE CHARACTER" despite being so loved by its own creator?
What happened to Dr. Mario, one of the few possible Nintendo Tetris-esque characters still milking out games, whose forward-Smash was what element, and was one of the Forbidden Seven?
Why does Pikachu's down-Smash seem so awkward and slow now? In fact, why does EVERYthing on Pikachu seem so awkward and weak now?
Why is Volt Tackle so awkward to control?
Why are Zero Suit Samus's smash attacks, all ELECTRIC-based, so weak?
Why is Samus's b-move, arguably ELECTRIC-based, so useless now?
Why is it Ness's PK Flash cannot be fully charged when simply standing, and he must gain slight altitude if he wants to execute the entire attack or else it will touch the ground and cancel out?
I'll tell you why.
Conclusion: Sakurai is against electricity. ZAP, I STATIC ELECTRICITY YOU, NOW YOU ARE WEAK AGAINST MY POWERS! says Sakurai while beefing Meta Knight to god tier, all while laughing at the lists sent in by fans with characters they actually wanted to see.
***************************
Villains
Hoho, is that so? Let's take a look at the statistics.
Where is Bowser's castle?! Throughout the years, we get 3 variations of Mushroom Kingdom (with added Subcon), a slow-moving cruise, a haunted mansion, Delfino's plaza, the Mario Bros. original stage, a couple variations of Yoshi's islands and stories, two castles for Peach, and FLIPPIN' MARIO KART, yet Sakurai cannot find a place within ANY OF THE GAMES to add Bowser's infamous keep.
Ganondorf. Where's your sword at? Oh yeah, it's just for show as a taunt in Melee, and yet again a taunt in Brawl as he shows how it's so great being bottom tier while copying Captain Falcon.
Wolf. I really wouldn't call him a villain anymore (if you haven't already, read about the newest Star Fox games... you'll see why).
Wario. Again, not much a villain anymore, either.
King Dedede and Meta Knight. AGAIN, two characters I REALLY would not consider villains... Meta Knight's more a vigilante, and Dedede's just... weird. But certainly not evil material (unless subject to Dark Matter).
Mewtwo, arguably the ONLY possible villain Pokemon (as Darkrai's been portrayed as not evil and "accidentally" hurting the people it gives NightMares to)... Do I really have to go there?
Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Sakurai's OWN CREATIONS, and now they act unnatural and look as horrible as Mewtwo's unpolished trophy (with hideous textures to boot... Melee's had a LOT more dignity).
King K. Rool and Ridley. Eye candy for the past two Smash titles.
What more is there to say here.
Conclusion: SAKURAI. HATES. VILLAINS. Almost as much as they hate him.
Which is probably why he didn't bother to add more, so he could turn the Smash series as puffy and cute as Kirby.
***************************
***************************
***************************
So the facts begin to pile. And I KNOW there is some information I have overlooked. But I think I have gotten my point across.
Calculating final analysis..................
Verdict: Sakurai is a sexist, psychist, popularity-bashing, villain-hating, electricity-assaulting, over-Kirby-representing pansy who gets kicks of telling people things that will NEVER happen, and hype games he believes to be SO GOOD, and brainwash EVERYONE IN TO BELIEVING IT. The gaming media promotes his hypocrisy, and we poor people took the bait hook, line and sinker.
DO NOT FALL FOR HIS TRICKS. Brawl is good, but was meant to be SO MUCH MORE, and COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE had THIS man not directed it into the seventh pit of something horrible.
I beg you, do not support this man. Support only his works for Kirby and things outside of the Smash world, but DO NOT BRING HIM BACK AS A SMASH BROS. DIRECTOR. He does not know balance, he does not know how to think outside the box, and he DOES NOT SUPPORT THE THINGS WE SUPPORT - the single BIGGEST factor ANY Smash Brother (and Sister) should fear from a director... a director who does not and WILL not listen, closing his ears to our cries, to what we look forward to and what we want to enjoy.
WE know what we want. We request for it. And he slaps us all right in the face and laughs, knowing we will sucker up to whatever it is he milks out.
...
I rest my case.
