soju
SD God
Link to original post: [drupal=3591]A Topic About Life and Moving On (Warning: Really Long)[/drupal]
To put it bluntly this is a topic about my life, and the stuff I have to deal with. (this is rather a long blog)
Let's start from the beginning shall we, from as far as I can remember to the 8th grade, I was a social outcast, I was overweight, a video game and anime nerd, and just had trouble talking with people. I got decent grades, but my parents always paid attention to my sister, who always got straight A's. I didn't have any friends(but one) part to the fact that I was an army brat and moved everywhere, but I still went on with the help of a best friend since Kindergarten(but we barely saw each other) and Pokemon(lol). I was bullied a lot in school too, I told my parents, but they said I should stand up for myself.
Freshman year, I went through a dramatic change, lost a lot of weight, joined the football team, and gained a lot of friends. Well yeah it seemed like all fun and games, but one problem, I was a complete and total douchebag. I don't know how many lives I've ruined in my short time as a freshman, but I regret it to this day. Towards the end of the year as a freshman, I realized that I was a **** and started to change, but before I had the chance to apologize to the people who I messed with, I moved to California with just my dad. There were family problems, and my parents decided to split(no divorce) and they were debating on which kid goes with who. In the end my Dad got the short end of the straw(what they said in a conversation I overheard) and I was stuck with him.
I got to california and the end of my freshman year was basically, go to school, go home to an empty apartment, go to sleep, start over. Then sophomore year started, I started making friends, I was really nice to people, and I started being happy-go-lucky. I was introduced to the school gaming club and met some people who would soon be my best friends. But with the return of my nerdism, came the bullying again.
I didn't mind it as much, and felt like it was payback for freshman year. Also many people would come to me for advice since they thought I could help since I was always happy and nice, but people kept pressuring me and it was really hard to keep up with, even going to as far as helping a friend not commit suicide(I had many sleepless nights). Yet I kept moving on, life at home was rather suckish as well, since my dad got home at 7 daily and went straight to bed. I would tuck myself in my room and watch some Anime, or play some good ol' SF2. It was like this the whole Sophomore year, and I developed a crush on one of my friends I made(more into that later) It ended, all of my senior friends moved(including the crush) and I started hanging out with my Smash companions(A rookie, Rey, DRGN)
Well the summer was boring, went to summer school, still wasnt serious in Smash, and just liked hanging out with my friends.
Then Junior year. . . It started off with finding out my dad was going overseas to Iraq for 3 months, and that I would be home alone that whole time. I was ok with that but I had some troubles getting to school in the morning(lol) Life was
alright, and 2 of my friends basically lived at my house while my dad was gone. I got the flu for a week, and no one was there to help me, so I basically lived in the bathroom for a week throwing up, but my friends were cool and brought me soup and crackers when they visited so I was alright. But then hell started happening, my kindergarten friend who I kept in contact with, and was probably my closest and best friend, was in Korea, she gave me a call and said that she'd be coming down to visit me since she found out my dads gone and that I havent been keeping up with school so she can give me a scolding(lol). Well I was fine with that since I hadn't seen her for a while. She gave me a call after she got into the states, and I told her I was looking forward to seeing her try to scold me. A couple hours later, no call, her phone dead, I was skeptical of what happened, and guessed she must have been caught up with something. Day later, I decided to skip school, turned on the news, first thing I see, deadly crash: 3 killed, 1 seriously injured. At first I was like **** that sucks, but then I saw the names, first ****ing name I see: Rebecca Choi, my friend. I ran to the bathroom and puked, then I think I probably fainted since I was woken up later by the sound of knocking on my door, which was my friend, who would tell me that he was disappointed that I didn't go to school, then eat some of my food and play on his laptop.
Well, I didn't tell him, nor did I tell anyone, since I tried to keep up with my happy-go-lucky self. Well, after three days of sleepless nights, I get a call, from Korea, I find out its her parents, and they blamed me for this. I tried telling them I was sorry, but before you know it they hung up. The next few weeks I kept getting random voicemails and emails, saying that it was all my fault. Well, I guess I started believing it since I started blaming myself. I felt guilty and depressed, but I didnt want anyone to worry about me so I just bottled it in. Well, sometimes I would just cry myself to sleep, but other then that, I didn't show anybody that there was trouble in my life. By then, I was president of the Anime club, even though I only showed up to school once a week, and I slept over at friends houses a lot.
Well by now, my parents finally caught on to my school records, and my mom called me and told me how disappointed she was. She showed up 2 days later, I ignored her most of the time, and when I would leave the house, she would call the police on me. Telling me I was a failure almost everyday, she finally left so she can watch over my sister, who stayed at a friends house the whole time. But then, things started seeping in, I thought that I was the reason that my friend died, and that I had no life ahead of me, I decided I should end it all. I tried committing suicide twice, the first time was fail since my friend knocked on the door while I was sitting on the couch with a knife and a bottle of Soju(lol) and I quickly put away the knife and just chilled with my friend the rest of the day. The other time I decided to do it again, but right before I called one of my closer friends and asked we could just hang out, it was 1 in the morning and he still said ok. We just hanged out at the park till 4 and finally decided to go home. I decided not to end my life since I had really good friends, and I just went on.
By now, my dad is back, I've been beaten, yelled at, and grounded, since I basically missed 2 months of school. I couldn't take the pressure of only me knowing about my friends death, so I decided to tell someone, I made the wrong choice by making that person my dad. I told him, he slapped me, and told me to never make up **** like that ever again(neat huh?). I just left the house without saying a word, walked 5 miles to a friends house and slept there.
So things went on, sometimes I'd go home and get yelled at and beat, sometimes I'd stay at my friends house and sleep there for a week. Well, this was my life until one day, I just started crying in front of one of my friends, I don't know why it just happened. He asked what was the matter, and I told him. Things were quiet for a minute, then he just patted me on the back and asked if I wanted to go to the arcade.
Things started getting better, I started going back to school, my dad stopped being on my *** so much, and my friends were being awesome. The reason I started going back to school was one of my friends, who had a dooky family who would never let her go out, so the only way I could see her was through school. Well, we started getting close, and I knew that my friend, who hung out with me in the morning and whom I told what had happened, really liked this girl. Things started getting complicated, somehow, she moved into the same apartment complex as me, and I got switched into her class when I realized I could no way in heck pass Spanish. We kept hanging out until I started to actually like her, well when that happened, guess what. I walked her to her car after school, and waited with her for her lil bro to get out of class, then she told me. She had a god **** tumor in her brain. She said it was benign but I knew that she was lying, and I just told her I'd be there if she needed me. Well yeah, after this she would call me almost every night talking about her problems, and I would just talk with her and try and make her feel better which I did most of the time. This went on for a good while, but then, I decided to go to her house and bring her some ice cream and some k-dramas since she was sick, things happened, but nothing too much, still a virgin(lol). I finally told her that I liked her, and she just said that we should stay friends(friend zoned). That really didn't hurt me much, but before that I told my friend that I liked the girl, and he got upset. So it took a while for him to get over it, but in the end were still buds for life ^^.
My dad had told me I was to move up north to live with my grandma, and at first I was more then willing because there were too much pain in the placed I lived in, but then I realized all my friends that I'd leave behind, not including my best ones, BFFs!!! haha, well I started having second thoughts, but by then I moved. I made promises to my BFFs(lol) that after college, we'd be roomies. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people since I left suddenly and to be honest it looked like a lot of people didn't care.
Well, I'm now in Northern California, my grades went up to "A"sian status, I go to church, I work at a family business, and I still play smash. Seems like everything is all fine and dandy, but naw. School is boring, I just want to find good friends, but people go up to me and say if a girl" hey your the new kid, your pretty cute" or if a guy they just want to fight because their girl likes me. Church, the pastor constantly bothers me about going to lunch with him, and the fact that my soul needs to be saved, which I think is total BS. Work, it's ok, but I don't get any money out of it. XD Smash, well is the only good thing here. haha
Other things are that my parents who actually were nice for once promised if I got good grades I could come down to visit my friends, well I'm still up North aren't I? I started talking more to the friend I had a crush on since Sophomore year, finding out that I really like her, but she's going into the military for 4 years in September. I wanted to tell her how I truly felt face-face when I went down, but I don't see that happening soon. Also my grandparents, a grandma who cares too much, and a grandpa who yells at everyone for every little thing. Maybe I'm just not use to it but it really bothers me.
TL;DR- Life was really really really really really bad.
I'm here on the computer now at 1 am typing my life story and how bad it was, But thats not the reason I typed this out(even though it was sooo long) I typed this to show that I'm still alive and kicking, and even though I still have a lot of bad days, I push through. No matter how angry, or depressed, or guilt-ridden I get, at the end of the day, I'm just happy that I'm here where I am. I'm still happy-go-lucky person, and I'm still always willing to help people in need. Even though I'm still not out of my hell hole, I just look forward to the next day and see what it holds for me, even knowing that it will be same as the day before. Even though you could be in a really bad position, if you can just push through, you might just find your happy place.
Thanks for reading(if you can read all that. . .lol)
now I'm going to bed, G'night.
To put it bluntly this is a topic about my life, and the stuff I have to deal with. (this is rather a long blog)
Let's start from the beginning shall we, from as far as I can remember to the 8th grade, I was a social outcast, I was overweight, a video game and anime nerd, and just had trouble talking with people. I got decent grades, but my parents always paid attention to my sister, who always got straight A's. I didn't have any friends(but one) part to the fact that I was an army brat and moved everywhere, but I still went on with the help of a best friend since Kindergarten(but we barely saw each other) and Pokemon(lol). I was bullied a lot in school too, I told my parents, but they said I should stand up for myself.
Freshman year, I went through a dramatic change, lost a lot of weight, joined the football team, and gained a lot of friends. Well yeah it seemed like all fun and games, but one problem, I was a complete and total douchebag. I don't know how many lives I've ruined in my short time as a freshman, but I regret it to this day. Towards the end of the year as a freshman, I realized that I was a **** and started to change, but before I had the chance to apologize to the people who I messed with, I moved to California with just my dad. There were family problems, and my parents decided to split(no divorce) and they were debating on which kid goes with who. In the end my Dad got the short end of the straw(what they said in a conversation I overheard) and I was stuck with him.
I got to california and the end of my freshman year was basically, go to school, go home to an empty apartment, go to sleep, start over. Then sophomore year started, I started making friends, I was really nice to people, and I started being happy-go-lucky. I was introduced to the school gaming club and met some people who would soon be my best friends. But with the return of my nerdism, came the bullying again.
I didn't mind it as much, and felt like it was payback for freshman year. Also many people would come to me for advice since they thought I could help since I was always happy and nice, but people kept pressuring me and it was really hard to keep up with, even going to as far as helping a friend not commit suicide(I had many sleepless nights). Yet I kept moving on, life at home was rather suckish as well, since my dad got home at 7 daily and went straight to bed. I would tuck myself in my room and watch some Anime, or play some good ol' SF2. It was like this the whole Sophomore year, and I developed a crush on one of my friends I made(more into that later) It ended, all of my senior friends moved(including the crush) and I started hanging out with my Smash companions(A rookie, Rey, DRGN)
Well the summer was boring, went to summer school, still wasnt serious in Smash, and just liked hanging out with my friends.
Then Junior year. . . It started off with finding out my dad was going overseas to Iraq for 3 months, and that I would be home alone that whole time. I was ok with that but I had some troubles getting to school in the morning(lol) Life was
alright, and 2 of my friends basically lived at my house while my dad was gone. I got the flu for a week, and no one was there to help me, so I basically lived in the bathroom for a week throwing up, but my friends were cool and brought me soup and crackers when they visited so I was alright. But then hell started happening, my kindergarten friend who I kept in contact with, and was probably my closest and best friend, was in Korea, she gave me a call and said that she'd be coming down to visit me since she found out my dads gone and that I havent been keeping up with school so she can give me a scolding(lol). Well I was fine with that since I hadn't seen her for a while. She gave me a call after she got into the states, and I told her I was looking forward to seeing her try to scold me. A couple hours later, no call, her phone dead, I was skeptical of what happened, and guessed she must have been caught up with something. Day later, I decided to skip school, turned on the news, first thing I see, deadly crash: 3 killed, 1 seriously injured. At first I was like **** that sucks, but then I saw the names, first ****ing name I see: Rebecca Choi, my friend. I ran to the bathroom and puked, then I think I probably fainted since I was woken up later by the sound of knocking on my door, which was my friend, who would tell me that he was disappointed that I didn't go to school, then eat some of my food and play on his laptop.
Well, I didn't tell him, nor did I tell anyone, since I tried to keep up with my happy-go-lucky self. Well, after three days of sleepless nights, I get a call, from Korea, I find out its her parents, and they blamed me for this. I tried telling them I was sorry, but before you know it they hung up. The next few weeks I kept getting random voicemails and emails, saying that it was all my fault. Well, I guess I started believing it since I started blaming myself. I felt guilty and depressed, but I didnt want anyone to worry about me so I just bottled it in. Well, sometimes I would just cry myself to sleep, but other then that, I didn't show anybody that there was trouble in my life. By then, I was president of the Anime club, even though I only showed up to school once a week, and I slept over at friends houses a lot.
Well by now, my parents finally caught on to my school records, and my mom called me and told me how disappointed she was. She showed up 2 days later, I ignored her most of the time, and when I would leave the house, she would call the police on me. Telling me I was a failure almost everyday, she finally left so she can watch over my sister, who stayed at a friends house the whole time. But then, things started seeping in, I thought that I was the reason that my friend died, and that I had no life ahead of me, I decided I should end it all. I tried committing suicide twice, the first time was fail since my friend knocked on the door while I was sitting on the couch with a knife and a bottle of Soju(lol) and I quickly put away the knife and just chilled with my friend the rest of the day. The other time I decided to do it again, but right before I called one of my closer friends and asked we could just hang out, it was 1 in the morning and he still said ok. We just hanged out at the park till 4 and finally decided to go home. I decided not to end my life since I had really good friends, and I just went on.
By now, my dad is back, I've been beaten, yelled at, and grounded, since I basically missed 2 months of school. I couldn't take the pressure of only me knowing about my friends death, so I decided to tell someone, I made the wrong choice by making that person my dad. I told him, he slapped me, and told me to never make up **** like that ever again(neat huh?). I just left the house without saying a word, walked 5 miles to a friends house and slept there.
So things went on, sometimes I'd go home and get yelled at and beat, sometimes I'd stay at my friends house and sleep there for a week. Well, this was my life until one day, I just started crying in front of one of my friends, I don't know why it just happened. He asked what was the matter, and I told him. Things were quiet for a minute, then he just patted me on the back and asked if I wanted to go to the arcade.
Things started getting better, I started going back to school, my dad stopped being on my *** so much, and my friends were being awesome. The reason I started going back to school was one of my friends, who had a dooky family who would never let her go out, so the only way I could see her was through school. Well, we started getting close, and I knew that my friend, who hung out with me in the morning and whom I told what had happened, really liked this girl. Things started getting complicated, somehow, she moved into the same apartment complex as me, and I got switched into her class when I realized I could no way in heck pass Spanish. We kept hanging out until I started to actually like her, well when that happened, guess what. I walked her to her car after school, and waited with her for her lil bro to get out of class, then she told me. She had a god **** tumor in her brain. She said it was benign but I knew that she was lying, and I just told her I'd be there if she needed me. Well yeah, after this she would call me almost every night talking about her problems, and I would just talk with her and try and make her feel better which I did most of the time. This went on for a good while, but then, I decided to go to her house and bring her some ice cream and some k-dramas since she was sick, things happened, but nothing too much, still a virgin(lol). I finally told her that I liked her, and she just said that we should stay friends(friend zoned). That really didn't hurt me much, but before that I told my friend that I liked the girl, and he got upset. So it took a while for him to get over it, but in the end were still buds for life ^^.
My dad had told me I was to move up north to live with my grandma, and at first I was more then willing because there were too much pain in the placed I lived in, but then I realized all my friends that I'd leave behind, not including my best ones, BFFs!!! haha, well I started having second thoughts, but by then I moved. I made promises to my BFFs(lol) that after college, we'd be roomies. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of people since I left suddenly and to be honest it looked like a lot of people didn't care.
Well, I'm now in Northern California, my grades went up to "A"sian status, I go to church, I work at a family business, and I still play smash. Seems like everything is all fine and dandy, but naw. School is boring, I just want to find good friends, but people go up to me and say if a girl" hey your the new kid, your pretty cute" or if a guy they just want to fight because their girl likes me. Church, the pastor constantly bothers me about going to lunch with him, and the fact that my soul needs to be saved, which I think is total BS. Work, it's ok, but I don't get any money out of it. XD Smash, well is the only good thing here. haha
Other things are that my parents who actually were nice for once promised if I got good grades I could come down to visit my friends, well I'm still up North aren't I? I started talking more to the friend I had a crush on since Sophomore year, finding out that I really like her, but she's going into the military for 4 years in September. I wanted to tell her how I truly felt face-face when I went down, but I don't see that happening soon. Also my grandparents, a grandma who cares too much, and a grandpa who yells at everyone for every little thing. Maybe I'm just not use to it but it really bothers me.
TL;DR- Life was really really really really really bad.
I'm here on the computer now at 1 am typing my life story and how bad it was, But thats not the reason I typed this out(even though it was sooo long) I typed this to show that I'm still alive and kicking, and even though I still have a lot of bad days, I push through. No matter how angry, or depressed, or guilt-ridden I get, at the end of the day, I'm just happy that I'm here where I am. I'm still happy-go-lucky person, and I'm still always willing to help people in need. Even though I'm still not out of my hell hole, I just look forward to the next day and see what it holds for me, even knowing that it will be same as the day before. Even though you could be in a really bad position, if you can just push through, you might just find your happy place.
Thanks for reading(if you can read all that. . .lol)
now I'm going to bed, G'night.
