Zigsta
Disney Film Director
Link to original post: [drupal=4501]Welp, I was THIS close to quitting Brawl.[/drupal]
So some of you may have heard I was quitting Brawl as of a few days ago.
I've been thinking about this for a while now; I just haven't told anyone. I don't have much time left in Texas, and when I'm out here working for good, I probably won't dedicate much time for Smash. I'm sure I will have time, but if my writing career's gonna take off like I think it will, I'll be spending less time Smashing and more time writing on weekends.
Anyways, I've been to three tournaments in a row now each weekend. Genesis 2, a super small local, and a slightly larger local with better players in SoCal. I wasn't planning on going to the latter two tournaments--I had plans to go out with the girl I've been dating. But just as the plans were looking good, she had to bail because she was busy all weekend.
It's been a sticky situation, me and this girl. We both like each other, and it's pretty clear to everyone, but we haven't had much time one-on-one to let the relationship grow. I keep bringing up new, different plans for fun things to do together, and the majority of them just haven't worked into her schedule.
On top of that, her phone SUCKS. Sometimes texts don't go through until DAYS later. Now I'm not very confident with women because in the past I've legitimately had girls ignore me and never tell me why. I don't wanna ask if my texts went through because I want to trust her, and I don't want to come across as paranoid.
Just when I'm feeling down and worried because my history with women is basically garbage, we grab lunch at work, and I'm reminded that we both like each other. But then she doesn't have time to see me until the next week.
It kills me because my last day or work is August 19, and then I'm back in Texas for one more semester before moving back to the LA area for good (where she attends UCLA). I'm totally willing to try long distance for a semester because I'm not the type of guy who goes out strolling for women at college, anyway. It's never interested me. And people who know me know when you're a friend of mine, you'll always be a friend of mine. Same's true if you're my girlfriend--distance doesn't change my feelings I have for people.
So you might see why this is kinda a sticky situation. I don't want to force things because I'd like the relationship to progress naturally, but at the same time, I'm bad with women at showing how I feel. I'm a really patient person and can EASILY go for months without making moves most guys go for on the first date. It's not because I'm scared or anything--I just don't like to force things if they don't feel right to me or I'm worried they'll have negative consequences.
But how does this all relate to me quitting Brawl?
I had been going to tournaments recently to fill up my weekend with something and spend time with people. I love being around people and, for the most part, hate being alone, especially when I'm feeling down about something. I always find that busying myself with something always takes my mind off things.
But my heart just wasn't in it. I wasn't focused in any of my matches, and I could feel it. I just kept thinking about how disappointed I was that I was at a Smash tournament instead of spending time with this girl I feel a genuine connection with, a girl I really feel I can be myself around. On top of that, I had to play a Wario each tournament that just chaingrabbed me to death.
Literally everything I stood for in Brawl just wasn't there. I felt empty, and I didn't really know what to do about it. I tried writing back home, but nothing came out too good. It was honestly some seriously crappy writing that I'll never show anyone. XD
So I decided to quit. If I was gonna make my weekends busy to run away from the fact that I wasn't spending time with this girl, then I was gonna make them busy doing film-related stuff and not Brawl-related stuff.
I'm not the type of person who shares his problems with anyone. Life's got enough doom and gloom in it to add more drama to the pot. That's why my stories always have a good message and a happy ending to them--I want people to escape from their boring and maybe even sad day to watch one of my movies or read one of my blogs. I love helping other people, but I rarely ask the same in return. I keep my problems to myself and typically busy myself until they go away. On top of that, my problems are minuscule compared to other people, I'm sure.
I actually had the majority of this girl story all typed up, including how we met, how things were going, yada yada, but then I realized how downright depressing the ending was. So I deleted it and typed up my last blog, "All About BOWSER" instead.
Anyways, I was all set to quit Brawl, stop moderating, leave the Back Room. It would force me to put more time into film stuff and less into Brawl on weekends. And I was well intent on it.
That is until I read how my blog was featured on Smashbrosla.com. This wasn't the first time someone from another country told me they were inspired by my words--one player each from Israel and Australia told me my blog helped convince them to attend Genesis 2! After reading how my blog got featured on another language-speaking community, I instantly became reminded of all the people who have told me I've inspired them in some form or another. As long as I can help other people, I won't leave the game. I can't.
That said, my head's not in the right place competitively right now. I need to get my personal matters aside so I can live in the moment, like I did at Genesis 2. So I won't be playing for the rest of the summer. But I will go to all the Texas Circuit stops in the upcoming semester, and we'll see what kind of time I have when I move out to Glendale to work in January.
So in short, I apologize to everyone who heard I was quitting a few days ago only to hear I wouldn't quit today. It's silly and stupid, but hey, I'm silly and stupid.
So some of you may have heard I was quitting Brawl as of a few days ago.
I've been thinking about this for a while now; I just haven't told anyone. I don't have much time left in Texas, and when I'm out here working for good, I probably won't dedicate much time for Smash. I'm sure I will have time, but if my writing career's gonna take off like I think it will, I'll be spending less time Smashing and more time writing on weekends.
Anyways, I've been to three tournaments in a row now each weekend. Genesis 2, a super small local, and a slightly larger local with better players in SoCal. I wasn't planning on going to the latter two tournaments--I had plans to go out with the girl I've been dating. But just as the plans were looking good, she had to bail because she was busy all weekend.
It's been a sticky situation, me and this girl. We both like each other, and it's pretty clear to everyone, but we haven't had much time one-on-one to let the relationship grow. I keep bringing up new, different plans for fun things to do together, and the majority of them just haven't worked into her schedule.
On top of that, her phone SUCKS. Sometimes texts don't go through until DAYS later. Now I'm not very confident with women because in the past I've legitimately had girls ignore me and never tell me why. I don't wanna ask if my texts went through because I want to trust her, and I don't want to come across as paranoid.
Just when I'm feeling down and worried because my history with women is basically garbage, we grab lunch at work, and I'm reminded that we both like each other. But then she doesn't have time to see me until the next week.
It kills me because my last day or work is August 19, and then I'm back in Texas for one more semester before moving back to the LA area for good (where she attends UCLA). I'm totally willing to try long distance for a semester because I'm not the type of guy who goes out strolling for women at college, anyway. It's never interested me. And people who know me know when you're a friend of mine, you'll always be a friend of mine. Same's true if you're my girlfriend--distance doesn't change my feelings I have for people.
So you might see why this is kinda a sticky situation. I don't want to force things because I'd like the relationship to progress naturally, but at the same time, I'm bad with women at showing how I feel. I'm a really patient person and can EASILY go for months without making moves most guys go for on the first date. It's not because I'm scared or anything--I just don't like to force things if they don't feel right to me or I'm worried they'll have negative consequences.
But how does this all relate to me quitting Brawl?
I had been going to tournaments recently to fill up my weekend with something and spend time with people. I love being around people and, for the most part, hate being alone, especially when I'm feeling down about something. I always find that busying myself with something always takes my mind off things.
But my heart just wasn't in it. I wasn't focused in any of my matches, and I could feel it. I just kept thinking about how disappointed I was that I was at a Smash tournament instead of spending time with this girl I feel a genuine connection with, a girl I really feel I can be myself around. On top of that, I had to play a Wario each tournament that just chaingrabbed me to death.
Literally everything I stood for in Brawl just wasn't there. I felt empty, and I didn't really know what to do about it. I tried writing back home, but nothing came out too good. It was honestly some seriously crappy writing that I'll never show anyone. XD
So I decided to quit. If I was gonna make my weekends busy to run away from the fact that I wasn't spending time with this girl, then I was gonna make them busy doing film-related stuff and not Brawl-related stuff.
I'm not the type of person who shares his problems with anyone. Life's got enough doom and gloom in it to add more drama to the pot. That's why my stories always have a good message and a happy ending to them--I want people to escape from their boring and maybe even sad day to watch one of my movies or read one of my blogs. I love helping other people, but I rarely ask the same in return. I keep my problems to myself and typically busy myself until they go away. On top of that, my problems are minuscule compared to other people, I'm sure.
I actually had the majority of this girl story all typed up, including how we met, how things were going, yada yada, but then I realized how downright depressing the ending was. So I deleted it and typed up my last blog, "All About BOWSER" instead.
Anyways, I was all set to quit Brawl, stop moderating, leave the Back Room. It would force me to put more time into film stuff and less into Brawl on weekends. And I was well intent on it.
That is until I read how my blog was featured on Smashbrosla.com. This wasn't the first time someone from another country told me they were inspired by my words--one player each from Israel and Australia told me my blog helped convince them to attend Genesis 2! After reading how my blog got featured on another language-speaking community, I instantly became reminded of all the people who have told me I've inspired them in some form or another. As long as I can help other people, I won't leave the game. I can't.
That said, my head's not in the right place competitively right now. I need to get my personal matters aside so I can live in the moment, like I did at Genesis 2. So I won't be playing for the rest of the summer. But I will go to all the Texas Circuit stops in the upcoming semester, and we'll see what kind of time I have when I move out to Glendale to work in January.
So in short, I apologize to everyone who heard I was quitting a few days ago only to hear I wouldn't quit today. It's silly and stupid, but hey, I'm silly and stupid.
