Transgender Friend?

[Smudges]

Hello. If you couldn't tell from the title, I have a transgender friend. He's a boy, but Identifies as a girl. That's not the problem. Here it is.

Everybody I know at school calls him by his "New" name ie. His Girl name. Even though I'm one of his closest friends, I can't get used to calling him that. I've known him for 7 years by his old name, it's difficult for me to just switch like that. So I just continue calling him by his regular name.

Is it wrong of me to do so? I've asked him about it, and he seems fine with it. Yet I can't help feeling like I'm being a jerk by not calling him by his new name. It's not like I have a problem with him all of a sudden becoming "her", or I feel lied to or anything, but I simply cannot call him his new name. Weird.

Is there anything I should/could do? Doyou have any friends or know people like this? Discuss Please.

 

[Arcturian]

If he's fine with it, then I don't see the problem. Think of his old name as a nickname that only you are allowed to use. At some point though he may ask you to stop using his old name, and as a friend you should respect that.

You're not a jerk for not being able to call him a new name, it just means that you've known him for a really long time. It's hard to sever that mental connection. It's like if your parents wanted to be called by their first names after you calling them mom and dad your entire life.

 

[Budget Player Cadet_]

Yeah, the big thing that matters from my experience is that you make an effort. The reason names matter so much with transgendered individuals is often that people calling them by their old name are doing so to intentionally reject their gender identity - essentially, a way of saying "You're not really a boy, you're actually a girl!" Which, of course, is incredibly disrespectful and insulting. So my advice would be, talk to him about it (you did, good move), and actively make an effort to correct yourself when you get it wrong.

 

[Siege1]

If she doesn't thinks it's a big deal, then it's not. You should probably make an effort to retrain your brain to her new name though.

 

[comics]

If he doesn't mind there is no shame in it.

I wouldn't know because I don't have any friends who have chosen that. I treat them as humans but personally I just can't fathom it, that is just me.

 

[OmegaStriker]

If he's fine with it, then I don't see the problem. Think of his old name as a nickname that only you are allowed to use. At some point though he may ask you to stop using his old name, and as a friend you should respect that.

You're not a jerk for not being able to call him a new name, it just means that you've known him for a really long time. It's hard to sever that mental connection. It's like if your parents wanted to be called by their first names after you calling them mom and dad your entire life.

I agree. As long as he's okay with it there shouldn't be any qualms. If not, for the sake of your friendship I would try to call him by his new name.

 

[GalaxyWing]

It's not like I have a problem with him all of a sudden becoming "her"

I'm going start with saying that I'm a cisgendered (non-transgender) person and this is just based off of my observations, and I may or may not be correct about this, so please don't take this as fact, for the sake of not offending anyone on here, but I don't think transgendered people just "become" another gender. It generally goes that if they identify as that gender, then that is what they are. So if your friend identifies as female, then she is female. (Correct me if I'm wrong). But since she's said that she doesn't mind that people refer to her as "he" still then, like other people on this thread said, there shouldn't be any huge problem.

I don't think you're being a jerk, honestly. You're just misunderstanding the situation and that is completely okay. I think the reason why you're having trouble adjusting to her new name is because you're used to her previous name, and that's obviously gonna take getting used to, but I'm sure your friend will understand. What I would recommend is that you just treat her normally and be respectful, which I'm sure you already do.

Sorry if my reply was too long or drawn out lol.

 

[FamilyTeam]

I have a transgender friend. She was born male, but sexually identifies as a female. I met her when she was already a girl, so I don't have the same problem you are facing, but it still would be interesting amd probably only benefitial to your relationship if you got used to calling her a girl and by her new name. Even if she doesn't mind it, it probably would only make her feel happier/safer by doing that.

 

[Smudges]

Why is this a thing? This thread is two months old

I've sorted it out with her. It's not like they're a completely different person: she's very much the same. She still likes Miyazaki, she still loves video games, and she's still a great person!
Everything's fine!

 

[FamilyTeam]

Why is this a thing? This thread is two months old

I've sorted it out with her. It's not like they're a completely different person: she's very much the same. She still likes Miyazaki, she still loves video games, and she's still a great person!
Everything's fine!

Ah, okay, then, I didn't even notice that this thread was bumped by someone else.
Glad to see things worked in the end!