To love someone and to be in-love with someone

[Keitaro]

Alright, so I was speaking to my friend who was telling me how she loves her boyfriend but how she doesn't feel as if she's in love with him. I tried really hard to figure out what was the difference of "loving your boyfriend" and "being in love with your boyfriend" and it seemed like she had trouble explaining. In the end, she just really felt she was not in love with her boyfriend.

The relationship I'm in started in October after being friends for 7 months and at times, was told to me by her, she could never see her self going out with me. When we did start going out, she was afraid to use their word "love" in anything in our relationship. I then told her I loved her about 2 weeks in and a week later "I know, messed up right, lol" she said the same back.

So my girlfriend says she loves me but now I started wondering if I have another road block with her. Took forever to go out with her, even longer for her to say she loves me, but is there another goal I need to achieve? As in, does she feel she's also in love with me. But the definition of "in love" seems blurry to me. I'd like to hear anyone else's opinion on what they think "in love" means or about my situation.

 

[Tom]

What I've come to realize is that you can't have anyone genuinely return your love at this age and expect it to last. At the same time, I don't think you should get caught up with the difference between loving and being in love. If you're happy with her, and she's happy with you, then thats all that matters.

 

[Jammer]

So, she says she "loved" someone, but she was not "in love" with them?

If you ask me, those two things are synonymous, and she's just confused about how the English language works.

Now, obviously she means something other than what she's saying, but, like you, I don't know what. But I agree that it sounded like she wasn't really in love with her boyfriend.

Now, about your girlfriend: I'm a little confused whether or not she's the same person you talked about in your first paragraph. If she is, then I guess you could ask her if she "loves" you, or if she's "in love" with you. She'll know what you mean, even if you don't yourself.

If she isn't, then you probably don't have a problem. When most girls say they love you, if they're not pressured into it (i.e., you say you love them and they feel they have to say it back), then they mean it. Of course, they may not really love you inside, if you know what I mean, but they think they do. I'm not even sure if there is a difference between those, if you ask me.

This is why I've never told a girl I love her. Well, the real reason is that I don't think I've ever really loved a girlfriend. But this does have a little to do with the reason.

I hope your "roadblocks" disappear and you are able to make this work out. That's assuming there was a problem in the first place, of course.

Also, relationship thread?

 

[SirroMinus1]

ok what she means bye loving her boyfriend is she love him as if that was her cousin or friend. but not the make love kind of love lol

 

[Kio Iranez]

IMHO, there really is no difference. The only reason some people think like this (that there's a difference between 'loving' and 'being in love') is because of TV, romance novels, etc.

They've shaped many people to believe that love is an extremely complicated thing. Now don't get me wrong, it's complicated alright, but not to a fault. At least that's how this situation seems to me.

If your friend doesn't feel she is "in love" with her bf, either she doesn't really love him at all or she has just been confused by some kind of media on what love really is.

On your situation, what I would do is just ask about any 'road blocks'. For example, "How do you feel about me/our relationship?" As long as you're not breaking up with her, everything should end up fine.

 

[Crimson King]

Use the Relationship topic.