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The Story of Luke: Based off of Final Fantasy I

The Mano Games VII

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Jan 9, 2008
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Where I live? Why, location is a state of mind my
Basically, this is a retelling of Final Fantasy I, with most of the plot elements remaining the same, but with far more development than the game itself ever had. This is something I've always wanted to do, but have always lost the motivation to do so for one reason or another. But this time, I mean business! And this parties not stopping until I have at least a novels worth of material all ready!

So, if you all could chip in and offer comments, I'd be happen to listen to them all. So, without further ado, I present to you the Prolouge of my story. Hope you enjoy it...

Prolouge

"What am I doing here?" Luke wondered to himself. He sat perched atop the roots of a tree as the rain pounded down from above. A feeling of dread came upon him as Luke remembered the proclamation of his officer. Any time now, Luke would be plunged into a world of pain beyond his limits. He was sure of it. Any time now, he would be faced by the wrath of thousands of monsters who would want nothing more than his death. And there would be no one to save him...

A feeling of dread seered through Luke's heart. Despair, sadness, rage, all of these things rushed through him, images of him beaten and broken on the battlefield flashing through his mind. He held his head in his hands as his eyes fogged, but before he could wallow in his thoughts any longer, a man had seized from behind, and before long, Luke had sprung into action, throwing the man over his head, the man pulling him down with him as he went.

"HEY HEY, STOP IT, LET GO! LET GO!" The man cried. Luke stopped what he was doing, and looked down on his partner. Not quite knowing what to say, Luke sat in silence as his partner shoved him off, trying his best to shake off his fright.

"What the hell man?! What was that for?"

"What was that for? I should be asking you the same thing! What was the big idea, catching me from behind, Homac? What, are you doing your best imitation of a monster?!" Luke breathed hard as his eyes burned into Homac's. 'do, do you have any idea what it's like waiting like this, to get torn apart by Garland's forces? I...I was never meant to be here, I'm just..."

"Luke, stop it"

"Ssstt, listen Homac, listen to-"

"STOP IT, ALRIGHT?! Look, I'll say it once, and I'll say it again. Nothing's going to happen to ya man. I already promised you that!" Homac stood besides Luke and clapped a hand on his shoulder. The two sat there, Homac looking on with concern, for Luke struggled to recovered his breath.

"Homac, you can't just-"

"Look, I'll make sure I'm fighting right beside you alright? I promise you, I'll keep you safe no matter what! I'll withstand any test, to see you not spit upon a blade that is!"

"Alright...thanks Homac"

"No problem man. Now, lets get your butt somewhere where you're not going to freeze to death!' Homac began walking off as he said this. 'As the old saying goes, 'nothing comes from cold muscles but a cold death!'"

"Right...well, I'll definetly do that but uh...just give me some time to gather my thoughts, alright?" Luke waited for a bit, and turned around. To his irritation, Homac was standing there trying to hide a smirk.

"Pfffft, really Luke?"

"What? What? Is there something wrong with that?"

"Oh no, nothing, nothing man...just that...well..."

"What, is this about that time...?"

"Hey, hey, I ain't sayin nothin..."

"Look, that one time I snuck off to hit up that elven chick was just a one time thing! I told you over and over again! What are you going to do, hold it against me forever, keep spying on me, keep..."

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I believe you man, I believe ya! Yeesh!' Homac winced a bit, holding his hands in front of Luke and looking at him. For a long while, Homac stood still looking at Luke, not quite knowing what to do besides shift in place and try to smile. Finally, he felt relief as Luke's face finally softened. 'Well, I'll just be headed back then..." Homac sprung from a stump he had stepped on during his conversation with Luke. He began to stroll back to the encampment, but stopped.

"Oh, by the way Luke...' Homac tilted his head down to the right. 'Could you promise me somethin' to though?"

"What?" Luke asked. Homac turned his head to face Luke.

"Could you also promise to look after me to?"

"Oh, sure Homac"

'Thanks Luke!"

Luke watched Homac go off, but dropped his head as Homac disappeared...

What's the point of asking for my help Homac? I'm not like you, you know that. I'm not brave like you, or strong like you...I shouldn't even be here...dear lord, why am I even here? Why did they force me into this?

Later that evening, Luke found himself in the clearing area of a small band of shelters the troops had made in the past week. He sat in a row of bowing soldiers, opposite another row as his commanding officer walked through the path that the two rows made. His brilliant white armor contracted and dropped like a ton of weights. He stood tall and regal, his neck completely straight, and his eyes sweeping across everyone in the campsite.

"Good evening men. It is most gratifying to see you all before me. It is a great necessity for Corneria that this be the case, for you are here for three reasons. One, because you are here to defend your homes and your loved ones..."

One, because we were made to come here by law...

"Two, because you are here for your own self respect, for you would not want to be anywhere else..."

Two, because the concept of a pacifist isn't in the Cornerian textbooks.

"Third, you are here because you are real men and all real men like to fight."

I guess we're just animals like that.

When you all were but wee lads, you all admired the greatest swordsman, the fastest runner, the toughest brawlers, the most gallant knights, and most of all, the Light Warriors of the Light Brigade.

Too bad then, that Garland himself was known as the greatest Light Warrior of the Light Brigade.

Corneria loves a winner. Corneria will not tolerate a loser. Cornerians despise cowards. It would be shameful for any Cornerian women to have any cowards in their embraces. You must brush aside any weakness, for they are unbecoming of the vassals of the Light Brigade.

Well, you're the ones who decided we should be in the army, not me.

"Now, the time has come upon us, and we must go. Some of you may be a bit worried about heading off into your first real battle. Some of you may even feel conflicted about fighting against what used to be Corneria's most honored general. I understand. However, this is the Princess of the Royal Family herself whose life is at stake! If I discover that any among you decided to tuck your tail and run, I will personally bring you down! Dismissed!"

Do you not understand that some of us simply aren't ready for this?! What is with you people?! Is all this violence, the assurance of a quick and violent death, is that all just one big GAME to you?!

Luke strolled out along with the rest of the warriors and went to his tent. As Luke slipped on all of his combat gear, he pondered his hopeless situation. Whether it was by his comrades or by the forces of Garland, whether he made a break for it, or marched into the perpetual meat grinder like a good little maggot, Luke's death seemed all but assured.

And so, found himself marching in line with the rest of the Light Brigade, doing everything he could to keep from throwing up. Every moment he spent still under the shady canopy of the rainforest was spent praying that the forests end would stay far away from him. But eventually, and with finality, the thick rows of trees opened up into a grand meadow, shining blue under the full moon.

The forces of the Light Brigade stopped. Tension filled the air as the soldiers watched the commander march forward with a select few elite soldiers. Raising himself high up on his horse, the commander blasted into his horn, the proud, valiant notes of the Cornerian anthem. After the song had run its course, the commander put the horn aside and cupped his hands over his mouth

"COME OUT AND SHOW YOURSELVES, you craven curs!!" Luke's commander bellowed. Nothing happened at first, but then, Garland and a legion of monsters of all shapes and sizes came out.

At the head of those legions was Garland, in his huge black full plate mail armor. Sporting a long violet cape and a helmet adorned with large horns on the sides, and towering over the subjects he had amassed, it looked looked as though a demon and his army had crawled out from the depths of hell. Nervousness clouded the Commanders face...

"Garland, fiend of Corneria, enemy to the state, here our command!' the youth's commanding officer had said. 'You have ran, you have hidden, and you have murdered for the sheer sake of power until now...now it has come to this, the hour of your defeat. If you are want to avoid your final reckoning, stop this foolishness, and deliver to us the fair Princess-"

"YOU SHALL NOT HAVE HER!! NO ONE TOUCHES MY PRINCESS!! Garland roared in a low grating voice that rolled through the plains and completely shattered the mans proclamation. It had struck everyone dead, and every light warrior felt a sense of dread as it occurred to them just how hard this fight would be. If any of them felt even the slightest bit of confidence, they sure didn't act like it.

Then, Garland rumbled in laughter, and a black aura swarmed into existence around him. As the aura whined with power, Garlands laughter had become warped beyond recognition, and where their had been mere nervousness, there was now a horrible fear that consumed the hearts and minds of the light warriors.

"Now, the Light Warriors you say? IMPOTENT FOOLS! I, GARLAND, WILL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!!!"

At that, Garland's sword swept through the air, and a godly green light radiated through the land. Everything beyond the green glow lost color, the whole land consumed by a blinding strobing effect...

DAMN IT!! Luke swore, and he dived to the ground as Garland's wave of green energy tore straight through his commander and several of his elite guard. The rest of the army found themselves enshrouded in smoke. Trying to get the smoke out of his eyes, Luke couldn't help but feel faint earth tremors around him. As they got closer and closer, Luke could faintly make out several shapes through the smoke, looming over the survivors. Luke's heart skipped a beat when he could more clearly identify them...

And he didn't bother sticking around for any longer than that. As Luke could hear the spine-chilling noise of his companions being ground into fishmeat by the Giants behind him, he ran and pushed his way past combatant after combatant. But it was no good. Before long, Luke found himself full of wounds, having had monster after monster leap at him as he fled past. He could do nothing but flail his arms around, for he had dropped his blade somewhere along the way. Eventually, something hard had struck Luke at the side of his head, and Luke's vision faded.

Next thing Luke knew, he woke up to find himself under a small pile of dead bodies. He gagged under the stench of corpses that had had their pants stained brown with their own waste, soiled with their own excrement, and blood streaming down their crushed bones. Luke, kept silent as he covered his face with his hands. He simply lay there, eyes closed, hoping that nothing would notice that he was still alive.

After a time, he opened his eyes once, and scanned the battlefield. Luke heard a familiar voice, and gasped as he saw Homac trying to yell over the crowd...

I promise you, I'll keep you safe no matter what! I'll withstand any test, to see you not spit upon a blade that is!" Luke heard Homac saying in his minds eye.

Luke's heart lifted with joy. Never had Homac seemed more wonderful than he did now, standing proud and strong. His face was covered in bruises and scars, but that did nothing to hide the fiery gaze that Homac held.

Suddenly however, Luke spotted Garland only 20 yards away from Homac, and his heart froze. Luke opened his mouth to warn Homac....

....but no sound came out as Luke heard a giant thud to the side of him. Luke looked up to see another giant gorging himself on what was left of one of the Cornerian soldiers. Luke couldn't help but zero in on the man, his gaze fixed on his guts slowly sliding out of his body....

"LUUUUUUKKKKKKEEEEE!!" Homac shouted again, snapping Luke's attention back towards Homac. To his horror, Garland had started moving closer to Homac. Homac, oblivious to the impending danger, continued scanning the dead bodies around Luke. Time slowed down to a crawl, seeming to go on endlessly, Luke helpless to do anything but watched Homac and Garland as the great smacking noises of the giant next to him kept pounding in his ears.

Homac....you...you *******!! Why did you have to go and make me promise to help you?! You've always known that I've been weaker then you, less proud, less spirited. Time and time again, you've humiliated me with your attitude, smiling even at the worst of times, like a damned idiot!! Why...what was it about me, that you just had to go and make me your friend huh?! You can't...you can't...do this to me....

Garland closed the distance between himself and Homac, and drew out his sword. At that moment, Luke thrust his head as far inwards as he could manage, covered his eyes, and clamped his thumbs on his ears as hard as he could in an attempt to drown out Homac's screams.....

Several days later, a commotion rose in the main city of Corneria. Two men amoung a group of hunters were seen hauling a young man through the streets of Corneria. Nobody could help but watch the man, deliriously mumbling to himself, covered in blood both wet and dry, and fixed with the most haunted expression many had ever seen on such a young man....
 

ZeekeXIV

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Yo. Just to add a reply to this thread, I read the prolouge and I like the setup. There's plenty more to say, and I'll get to it eventually. In the meantime, I hope you're working on chapter one.
 

The Mano Games VII

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Where I live? Why, location is a state of mind my
Chapter 1: New Resolve​

Uggghhhh....hah....GAAAAAHHH!!" a man gasped in pain from within his room.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Another man, the innkeeper of the building, shouted, rushing into the room to find Luke, trying and failing to get up out of his bed. He looked on with concern as Luke shook with pain. Finally, Luke managed to squeeze out a question.

"Uh...hey, where am I?" He asked, though it didn't come out quite that clearly

"You're at an inn' the innkeeper responded. At Luke's confusion, the innkeeper went on. 'The Cornerian guard found you unconscious, being put through the perpetual meat grinder by way of a quintuplet of Imps." At that, Luke began to cringe from the memory.

"How bad did I look?"

"You looked like absolute ****"

"That figures, I sure had enough of the stuff beaten out of me, huh? Those damn Imps were worth it though...for what they did to me..." Luke said. Curious, he looked at the innkeeper. Judging by his expression, whatever he had seen, it was no laughing matter...

"Yes, you most certainly did...enough that it's a miracle your even alive right now...now tell me, what the hell were you thinking?! So far away " The innkeeper yelled. Luke became apprehensive.

"Well, if you must know, " Luke stopped for a second as a stroke of pain struck his heart...

"Hey...hey!' the innkeeper said, knocking Luke out of his memories. 'You ok?"

"Um...yeah...yeah, I'm fine" Luke said, though he still had that telltale haunted expression of someone who had been changed by war. Feeling pained, the innkeeper tried to change the subject

"By the way, what's your name son?" The innkeeper asked.

"Luke' he answered. He shot straight out of the bed with new resolve, though he winced as he did so. 'And what was I thinking? Garlands a dead man, and I won't stop, until he's payed for what he has done to me!!"

Whoa, wait, you're actually aiming for Garland himself?! How the hell do you plan on doing that?!" Luke stood still for a moment. Before long, he couldn't help but turn away from the Innkeeper.

"How should I know? Do I look like a fortuneteller? The only thing you need to know is that I AM going to do it somehow, and I am personally going to castrate anyone who tries to stop me"

"And what will you do once your facing Garland himself? You're gonna try and face him with that toothpick of a sword you have, without even the physical prowess to kill five Imps?" Luke had to stop himself from groaning. His questions were good ones, Luke admitted to himself, but filled with rage and hotblood as he was, they only served to anger him even more. He tried to change the subject...

"Oh well. I bet those Imps gave the guard a good workout, huh?"

"More than that I'm afraid. Even chain mail can't stop a good scimitar if it happens to be thin enough. Still, at least they had sense enough to actually have armor!" By this point, the youth was seething with rage."Okay, look, you've never been in the army before, you have no idea what it's like to try to function and fight properly in big, heavy armor! I tried it out, but I ditched it in favor of actually being able to fricken move!"

"Your right. You know what I also know? Over these past few months, our kingdom has tried time after time to overcome Garlands forces and rescue Sara, each and every time he sent the best men he had. These men have had the exact same ordeals your going to be facing, and from the sounds of it, absolutely NONE of them have had the mettle needed to survive. Some of these men have been champions amoung us for more than a decade, and even they have been slaughtered! And I'll tell you this, none of them had ever had trouble moving around in armor!" The man yelled. Luke froze.

Out of all the doubts that the man had voiced, that had been the one to give him pause. For the first time, the sheer weight of his task began to hang on his heart. He pictured himself in a room somewhere facing Garland, trying futiley to pierce his armor as Garland's sword kept tearing into his skin over and over and over and over....Luke's fists and teeth were shaking vehemently. No doubt he would be laughing in that same laugh he gave when he stood over Homac and smote him like some kind of rabid dog.

"I don't care what you or anyone else says. I know my odds, and none of that matters! I won't quit, I won't stop, I will never rest until I've either wiped Garland from the face of the earth, or die trying!" Luke pushed past the innkeeper and, rapier in hand, proceeded to march out the door.

"How can you be so foolish? Have you not seen his power first hand?! If you're going to do this, it's gonna be your life that's snuffed out, not his!"

"THAN SO BE IT!!!" Luke yelled. His face warped into a mask of sorrow and rage, Luke marched out of the building, leaving a big commotion behind him, for his ranting had drawn the attention of many of the Inns guests.

The innkeeper spent a few moments alone before going out to calm his guests, crying his eyes out for the youth who had doomed himself to almost certain death. But whatever sadness he felt at that moment, it could not compare to the sense of powerlessness and fear that Luke had been put through in their battle with Garland....

"Holy ****....what the hell is happening to our country....' a man wondered aloud. 'Just how old is that kid anyways?"

"There's no way he could possibly be any older than 17. Have we become so desperate that we've had to draft kids as young as him?' The innkeepers face strained with all the wrinkles he had accumulated over the year as he reached his arm out of his pocket. He put his hand near his eyes, and rested them on a golden ring wrapped around his fingers. He slid it off, onto his palm, and stared at it. 'Garland, why have you done this to us? You were supposed to be our champion...and yet you're taking away not only everyone I've ever loved, but everyone else to?'. Blinded by tears, the old man squeezed the ring as hard as he could. 'Oh what I wouldn't give to have you comfort me once again...please Amelia, give me guidance. I...need help so badly. What should I do? What can I possibly do?"

Later that month....

Luke sat there drunk, barely able to see the table in front of him, and with one recurring thought....

Why am I so weak?

Despite Luke's bold words, he had done nothing to follow up on his promise to slay Garland thus far. Even at the best of times, where he could work himself up and see the light beyond the looming Goliath that was Garland, Luke felt a horrible sinking feeling in his heart. And so he had languished in his home, his heart dim both from his fear of Garland, and his recognition that once again, he was giving in to that same fear that had cost Homac his life....

Homaaaaccccc....

Luke scurried across the alleyways of Corneria, having pilfered the family jewels of a wealthy family. Behind him, he could hear the footsteps of the town guards beating close behind him. Luke remembered his joy at the thought of once again eluding the town guards. Just as he had done on so many other occasions, Luke went through a maze of corridors and alleyways that he had long memorized. Again and again he turned corners and ducked through alleyways, and as he was nearing his hiding place, he took a moment to stick his tounge out at his pursuers...

And it was at that instant that Luke slipped on a pile of soaked waste, and before he knew it, he was skidding on his bare knee, helpless to do anything as the brick wall came rushing towards him. Pain like nothing he had ever felt before filled him as he hit his head against the wall, and all went dark....

For the next few weeks, Luke could feel himself fading in and out of reality, totally prostate on the bed in the nursing home. For days, Luke couldn't comprehend anything or anyone around him, except for a blinding light that seemed to burn him, a great ringing in his ears that grated against him, and constant, dull pain in his head that disoriented him. And so it carried on that way until finally, Luke had reached a point in which he could finally make out an ever present figure that had been watching over him since the very beginning.


"And so it was that you came into my life..."

"Hey man, wassup?' Luke only groaned in response as he tried to focus on the boy in front of him. 'Oh...still chugging along eh? Well, that's to be expected, you ever realize that your cranium was just about three shaaaaaaaades of red and black? Yeah, that'll happen, when you mess around with the fortunes of others. You play dirty, you get dirty, no matter who or what does the dirting to ya. But lets not focus on that right now, how're you doin' man?" Luke stared at him, groaned, and turned towards a sculpture resting on a bench above.

"Yo...dude. Are you gonna answer or what?"

"Are you always this annoying?" Luke moaned.

"Well....um....' Homac scratched his head '...not intentionally. But yeah, I'm not exactly what you'd call a people person, know what I mean? You ever try to place me in one of them fancy parties that my family used to go to...man, things seem to get all kinds of screwed up whenever I'm there."

"Fancy.....par...ties....' Luke gasped as a sharp pain coursed through his head. For the next while or so, Homac did whatever he could to ease Luke's pain. Eventually, after that had subsided, Luke continued the conversation. 'So...so you're family goes to fancy parties...how're they able to do that?"

"We're stinkin' rich, that's how"

"Oh, yeah, that's great...great. So, how's it feel to not have any worries, to be completely free from all worry? You don't ever happen to have time every so often to think about the little people, huh?

"Hey, c,mon, now that hardly seems fair. I don't know what's happened to you to have you so ticked off at us, but you realize you're dissing my parents right? And of course we think about guys like you. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who carried you all the way here. If anything, you should be thanking me. And we do have worries! For one thing, we've got prancing elves like you hassling us!"

"Half elf you mean. One of my parents was definetly human, I can at least tell you that much. So, thieves like me? And just how often does that happen?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, just two weeks ago. You went and tried to pilfer our family jewels!" Luke broke out in sweat when he realized who it was standing over him. He stared over at the boy, catching him wearing a wry smirk, with his eyebrow raised up. Luke couldn't help but laugh.

"That's funny. You must be having a blast right now. Looking at me, so weak and unable to do anything to get away from you. Is that why you're here? Are you just going to laugh at me and move on? It must be nice for you...the bad guy tries to steal from you, he ends up doing something stupid, and you get to celebrate over his own misfortunes. Nice cozy ending huh?' The boy's gasped at the poison in Luke's voice. 'Now, you've had your laughs...now will you just get the hell away from here?! I can't tell you how many times I've had to put up with people like you!"

"Do you really think that's how I feel? That I get a kick out of seeing you suffer? I don't know what sort of douchebag parents would ever give you that idea. My parents always taught that everyone should be treated with love and forgiveness, that is, if they're not too busy trying to mess you up to give you the chance.' The boy snatched up one of Luke's hands and looked at him. 'And besides, me and my family wouldn't be trying so hard to take care of you if we didn't care, right?"


"No...your right. You did care. And to think, I spent so much time focusing on what was wrong with you guys....and now look at me." Luke thought. The bartender came with another bottle of alcohol. After saying something Luke couldn't make out, the bartender slid the drink over to Luke, who just stared at it with glazed eyes...

"....Will you let go of my hand please?" Homac chuckled nervously and let go.

"Oops, sorry. But, Luke. There's something I wanna ask you. I'm not quite sure how to say this but......oh to heck with it, would you like to be my pal?"

".....What?"

"Well, you were talking all about how we're all selfish and self serving and all that, no concern for the little guy and all that jazz. And, even though I still think you're being unfair, I think it's also unfair to go back to living it up when there's dudes like you suffering the way you are. I can't understand why you would do the crazy things you do if you weren't struggling to get by so....I just thought that I'd show you a rich guy who actually does something for once! So what do ya say? You'll get to live in a nice fancy place!"

"....You can't be serious"

"Man, I'm totally burning up, I'm so serious! I'll just have to show you what a guy like me can really do!' the boy threw back his head and pumped his fists. 'I, Homac, do henceforth....um....I do declare...um...well, I'm gonna be sticking with you through thick and thin! There was some sort of fancy phrase I was gonna use, but, whatever. As far as you and I are concerned, we're bosom buddies! We're best buds! Um, that is, if you'll let me be your pal. What do ya say?" Luke chuckled, and smirked.

"Well...sure, Homac, I guess I don't really have anything to lose. Better than being out in the streets anyways"

"Good" And it was on that day that the two shook hands. From that point forward, their adventures and mishaps filled Luke's mind. He remembered how Homac had beaten up a gang of thugs that Luke had stolen from. He remembered how everytime he had injured the family or anyone else, or took advantage of the families kindness in some way, Homac seemed to always be the first one to stand up for him. And, in return, he remembered Homac asking Luke for his help and support, and though Luke had been negligient in that area at first, he had eventually at least tried to serve Homac...until now...

"Oh, by the way Luke, could you promise me something to? Could you promise to look after me? Thanks Luke!"
Luke stared at the untouched alcohol in front of him. He swallowed what he could of it, and beckoned the waiter to come.

"Yo, could I...pour myself the drink this tie? Luke slurred.

"Is this really all you're going to do? You've been coming here for days now, doing nothing but getting drunk."

"What else do ya espect a....weakling like me to do?"

"Last I checked, you still have two arms, two legs, and your not insane. Why don't get out and help provide for Corneria? It needs all the help it can get with the Royal Family all but gone"

"Royal Family.....waita minute.....SARA!!' Luke remembered that throughout the Light Brigade's struggles, their task of saving Sara had been heavily emphasized. Luke tried to imagine Sara, no doubt chained up somewhere in a dark room at Garland's castle, helpless to resist Garland's demands in anyway. 'Hey, tell me...do you think Sara might still be alive?"

"That's hard to say really. Before Garland turned evil, his love for Princess Sara was well known. And since he has seized her, he has made no attempt to use her to extort money from us, so I'm guessing that he's been keeping her for himself. But, on the other hand, with all the effort he's gone to to destroy our kingdom....Garland was once a good knight, why the hell he's doing this to us is a mystery to me. I'm afraid I can't even begin to comprehend what he may have done with her. Sorry"

"Well, one things for sure, whatever he's doing with her right now can't be anything good....' Luke began to cry. 'And to think, I let Garland run wild on Homac...is that going to be her fate as well? Am I...GOING...to LET...yetanotherperson SUFFER, completely at his mercy?!"

"Whoa now, lets not get hasty, you've got your life-"

"MY LIFE?! I don't even deserve to be living right now...and yet...all my life I've been surrounded by people who like *******es, seem to...ta care for me, for whatever reason I cannot....fathom" Then, without another word, Luke stumbled out of his chair and raced towards his house....

--------------------------------------------

The parents of Homac had settled in at the dinner table, when suddenly the door slammed open, and Luke slouched upstairs to his room...

"Luke? Luke dear, are you alright?" Homac's mother asked. Without responding, Luke entered his room, threw on other sets of shirts, and padded them with two blankets he had cut a hole in, and stuffed under his shirts. After that, he had walked into the room of Homac's parents, and lifted away some wooden, ornamental chest plate armor that Homac's father had recieved as a gift from a Cornerian knight. Finally, taking a Scimitar that Luke had found off of the Commander that had led his group ("What better weapon to use against Garland than the one my Commander planned on using?"), Luke started down the stairs.

"Hey, hold on, what are you planning to use with that armor, eh?' Homac's father asked. Luke tried to get past them without answering, but the father stopped him in his tracks, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 'Hey, I said...where are you going?" Luke stood for a minute, contemplating his options, and shoved Homac's father back, and made a break for the door out, but was stopped once again when the mother threw her arms around Luke.

"Luke no! We've already lost Homac, I can't...."

"Mom, please...don't you dare ask me to stay. I promise, this armor here is the last thing I'm ever going to take for you. I'm going to get revenge for your son!" Luke tried to work himself up, but became entranced in his memories as he remembered the kindness of Homac's mom, always hugging him the same way she was doing now....

"Luke, you aren't going anywhere! So what if you survived, that's nothing to be ashamed of!" the father shouted.

"Dad, you don't understand, it's because of me that Homac is dead! I'm am going, and you can't stop me!' Luke broke the mothers hold, and shoved her straight into her husband. 'Guys, please, I love you all, but...you can't keep me here! I have to slay Garland! I have to!" And with that, Luke ran away into the distance, losing both of his adoptive parents as he raced onwards...

-------------------------------------------------

Luke knew the pain and sadness he was causing by leaving his guardians on his suicide quest to slay Garland, but he hardened his heart all the same. As he went off into the sunset, he never so much as took the time to look back at the town he was leaving behind, fearing that his resolve would vanish if he did so. Though Luke knew that going off into the distant plains with no good place to sleep in sight at nighttime, when all the monster would surely be about was stupid, he went away as fast as he could anyways, for he felt he would die if he sat in the oppressive atmosphere of his cozy home any longer.

Hours went by, with nothing but the sound of Luke's own boots to keep him company. Luke looked upon the cloudy sky as the sun dipped below the rocky horizon and seemed to fill the whole sky with flame. The clouds seethed red, a brilliant yellow light seeping throw the crevices in the sky and lighting up the ocean on Luke's right. The trees stood around Luke, charred black from the shadows enveloping the land. Luke had again lost himself in his memories and thoughts, and his mind raged with emotion. Whatever was going to happen, Luke could feel that life as he knew it was about to end...
 

ZeekeXIV

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Apr 26, 2004
Messages
229
Location
On the Edge
So like I said in my last comment: I like the ideas presented here. The only thing is that some of them seemed rushed. I liked that in the prologue, Luke was the definition of a coward, and I was looking forward to see how that mindset would switch. It was admittedly disappointing that he only felt a new resolve because he feels he caused the death of Homac. I think that's cliched. Honestly, being cliche isn't a bad thing, as long as you develop it convincingly. The other problem is that is seems, more or less, after Luke's ordeal, he just woke up and suddenly was hellbent on saving the world. It didn't even come to him in a dream or something; he just literally woke up and decided to save Corneria by beating Garland. And with the fact that he spent the entire prologue complaining about how weak and useless he is, it's honestly unbelievable.

Don't take this as me bashing your first chapters. Like I said, there are some ideas I like here. You should spend more time with Luke being cowardly, then gradually having him realize he is capable of more than he knows. I liked the story of how Luke and Homac first met, and I think that should end up inspiring Luke somehow. Most of your descriptions are put together pretty well, too. Very vivid, but sometimes redundant. Case and point:

He gagged under the stench of corpses that had had their pants stained brown with their own waste, soiled with their own excrement, and blood streaming down their crushed bones.

Did you have to tell me these guys s*** themselves before they died two times? Ugh...

There were a whole bunch of grammar and spelling mistakes, too. Before you post, always reread your chapters, sleep on it, and read it again. Seriously. Make sure you know when to use there/their/they're, to/too, here/hear, and all those other words people slip on.

Once again, don't take this as me bashing your story. I'm sticking around because I'm interested to see how your version of Final Fantasy plays out, especially since there'll only be one Light Warrior (if I understand correctly). Just keep at it. The more you write (and read), the better you get.
 

The Mano Games VII

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Jan 9, 2008
Messages
225
Location
Where I live? Why, location is a state of mind my
So like I said in my last comment: I like the ideas presented here. The only thing is that some of them seemed rushed.

Some of it was a little rushed, I'll admit. The idea was that I'd get something down right now, then go over it later and see what I could fix, rather than let my perfectionistic tendencies defeat me.

I liked that in the prologue, Luke was the definition of a coward, and I was looking forward to see how that mindset would switch. It was admittedly disappointing that he only felt a new resolve because he feels he caused the death of Homac. I think that's cliched. Honestly, being cliche isn't a bad thing, as long as you develop it convincingly. The other problem is that is seems, more or less, after Luke's ordeal, he just woke up and suddenly was hellbent on saving the world. It didn't even come to him in a dream or something; he just literally woke up and decided to save Corneria by beating Garland. And with the fact that he spent the entire prologue complaining about how weak and useless he is, it's honestly unbelievable.

The thing about it is, what I had in my wasn't that Luke is aiming to save the world out of some sense of self-rightousness. It's because of guilt. There's a syndrome common in survivors of war and tramautic events called "Survivor's Syndrome", where the one afflicted feels like he should've died along with the other friends and comrades who died in those events. That's what Luke's suffering from right now...he doesn't feel like he deserves to be alive.

At least, that's what I meant for Luke's motivations. Whether that came across well, I guess that's something I need to work on. But that's how I intended it.

Don't take this as me bashing your first chapters. Like I said, there are some ideas I like here. You should spend more time with Luke being cowardly, then gradually having him realize he is capable of more than he knows.

I think you might be thinking of this from the wrong perspective. Luke still doesn't believe he's capable of anything. That's why he didn't immediately fulfill his promise to go off to kill Garland after his conversation with the innkeeper, but only after his conversation with the barkeeper, when he was drunk at the time.

He's not thinking clearly at all. His logic was being blinded both by him being drunk at the time he decided to rescue Sara, his sense of guilt and desperation, and the mental image of letting Garland run roughshod on yet another victim. That was also the point of this....

Though Luke knew that going off into the distant plains with no good place to sleep in sight at nighttime, when all the monster would surely be about was stupid, he went away as fast as he could anyways, for he felt he would die if he sat in the oppressive atmosphere of his cozy home any longer.

Of course, I just realized that him having gotten his Commander's Scimitar for the sole purpose of having a fighting chance was a big mistake if I was meaning to get that across, so, I guess this is another case in which I failed to get the idea across. In addition, the phrase "he knew" implied that he was making a calm, conscious decision, which was another mistake. I'll probably rewrite that into something like "though he had learned from his former Commander that what he's doing is stupid, that's not occuring to him right now". I guess that's what happens when you rush things. I'll have to fix it later.

Remember, I'm not replying in an attempt to justify myself, or at least, that's not my primary motivation. I just wanted to clear some things up. If I failed, I failed, and I can accept that.

I liked the story of how Luke and Homac first met, and I think that should end up inspiring Luke somehow.

Thanks.

Most of your descriptions are put together pretty well, too. Very vivid, but sometimes redundant. Case and point:

He gagged under the stench of corpses that had had their pants stained brown with their own waste, soiled with their own excrement, and blood streaming down their crushed bones.

Did you have to tell me these guys s*** themselves before they died two times? Ugh...


Lol, sorry about that.

There were a whole bunch of grammar and spelling mistakes, too. Before you post, always reread your chapters, sleep on it, and read it again. Seriously. Make sure you know when to use there/their/they're, to/too, here/hear, and all those other words people slip on.

Sorry, I'll try to do better about that.

Once again, don't take this as me bashing your story. I'm sticking around because I'm interested to see how your version of Final Fantasy plays out, especially since there'll only be one Light Warrior (if I understand correctly). Just keep at it. The more you write (and read), the better you get.

Cool.
 
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