Ok, I used to do fanfics here a long time ago. Sadly my second one was deleted before I could finish it. I really enjoy doing this so I hope you enjoy reading it. This will evolve into a full length story with twists, turns and whatnot. The first chapter is merely an introduction to Mario's character...so please enjoy
key- * sign= thinking
[ ]=action
Chapter 1- Pipe Cleaner
----------------
[Hyrule Castle, home of Zelda and Link. Who having now banished the evil Lord Ganondorf forever have
decided to settle down. Link is currently away on a mission delivering hot spring water for the Gorons.
Zelda is accompanied by Mario, who is there on call to fix a leak.]
Mario: Oh no.
Zelda: what is it? Is something wrong?
Mario: Well, you've definitely got leaky pipes
Zelda: Is that bad?
Mario: *How dense can she be ?* [slides out from under sink and speaks] Oh, not at all. The castle is going to be filled with water, so as long as you buy a jet ski everything should be fine.
Zelda: Phew! That's a relief.
Mario: *Oh my god, this is too easy* Of course, now that the castle is going to be a water habitat, you're going to have all sorts of water creatures immmigrating here. Like the Blooper...
Zelda: Blooper...[scared] what's that?
Mario: Oh, they're horrible, disgusting creatures that have sharp teeth and big, bulbous heads. I hear that once they settle into an environment they'll squirt ink in your eyes, and when you arn't looking they will steal your cell phone and run up your minutes.
Zelda: [gripped with fear] That...that's awful!
Mario: They are very social creatures.
[Zelda scared, but also wanting attention grabs Mario by the waist]
Mario: Hey! Whoa...it's ok.I'm just kidding.
Zelda: About the bloopers?
Mario: what? No, that's all true. I'm talking about your pipes.
Zelda: ...huh?
Mario: [sighs] I was only joking. I can easily fix your pipes. It's just a loose spring valve, all I have to do is...
Zelda: That's sexy
Mario: tighten the valve and...I'm sorry did you just say?
Zelda: You heard me. I want your Italian sausage...
Mario: *INAPPROPRIATE!* I'm sorry lady, but I'm a married man...well, not really married we have a sort of complicated relationship...she leaves me cake.
Zelda: That's ok, I'm very discreet.
Mario: Look, don't get the wrong idea or nothing. You are VERY sexy, and I would love to clean your pipes...uhgh I mean fix your pipes. But that's as far as I'll go, this is a business call.
Zelda: Business and....pleasure? [grabs Mario's thigh]
Mario: *VERY INAPPROPRIATE!!!* What if your husband saw this!
Zelda: Oh forget about him! Our relationship isn't that good anyway.
Mario: what, why?
Zelda: Well, we never talk...in fact he's never said a word to me.
Mario: Well I'm sure he...
Zelda: Do you know how hard that is for me?! I'm a kindred spirit, I have to yell when I'm making love! Here let me show you.
Mario: [heading towards door] Ok,I have to leave now.
Zelda: [shrieks] WAIT!!.....I'm sorry, you're right. This is completely inappropriate. Please just, take a seat. I'll make it up to you...I know! I'll go and fetch you some of my famous homemade cookies.
Mario: I think I'm..
Zelda: Sit !
[Mario takes a seat as Zelda leaves the room]
Mario: momma mia, what have I gotten myself into this time?
[He waits for zelda, more and more time passes. Mario becomes bored and starts singing under his breath]
Mario: One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't
belong...
[Zelda is heard moaning in the other room]
Mario: [speeding up] Can you tell me which thing is not like the other by the time I finish my song.
[Mario still sitting,waiting]
Mario: cookies huh? *Imagines Zelda in lengire* I hope they're chocolate chip.
[Zelda moans again ]
Mario: Well, that's my cue!
[He gets up to leave when Zelda emmerges dressed as Shiek holding her whip]
Mario: Son of a tanooki!
Shiek: It's playtime big boy. Wanta taste of Din's fire!? [Shiek cracks whip]
Mario: Momma Mia !! [Runs like hell, leaving Hyrle castle]
Shiek: Oh, they always run! [Turns back into Zelda sits down and turns on t.v. She flips it to the home shopping network]
Tom Nook: [selling fishing supplies*] As you can see ladies and gentlemen, we have an excellent assortment of rods available today.
Zelda :Yes, talk dirty to me !
------------------------------------------
Chapter 2-A tale of two brothers
------------------------
[After that strange incident with Zelda, Mario is a little shaken. He decides to call it a day and head home. When he reaches the front yard, he is greeted by an unwanted visitor]
Mario: Man, what a day. that has to be the most uncomfortable experience I've ever went through [remembers the time he visited Birdo's house]...well, maybe not.
[Just then, Mario realizes that he sees something rustling in the bushes.He decides to scare it's occupant out]
Mario: [Overexaggerated] Wow, I hate this bush! It is always in my way...I know I will use the balls of fire that erupt from my hand to burn it to the ground.
[Waits for someone to pop out from the bush, but nothing happens]
Mario: I would certianly hate for someone to be hiding in that bush. Oh no, I hope it's not my annoying little neighbor Lucas. For I would hate for him to catch fire and have his parents take me to court.
[Still nothing emerges from the bush]
Mario: Oh, that's right, doesn't Lucas have a power that can absorb my fireballs..? In that case he should be taught a lesson for snooping in my yard.
[Mario unleashes fireballs from his hands. The bush slowly burns to the ground]
Mario: Ha! That'll teach you, ya little...
[There is nothing there]
Mario: I could've sworn
Lucas: [popping up behind Mario] That's Ness.
Mario: [startled] Whoa!! Lucas!? How did you? [Looks at bush again. A squirrel runs away completely hairless]
Lucas: Ness has Psi magnet,not me...WHATCHA DOIN!?
Mario: Look Lucas, isn't there someone else you could be bothering right now?
Lucas: Well, my older brother Claus isn't here right now, and that kid Ness gives me the creeps.
[Lucas peers off across the street, where two beady eyes are staring out from the window shades]
Mario: Hmmm...well,not my problem.
Lucas: Hey mario guess what! I blew a bubble today this big.THIS BIG!!! [Lucas keeps extending his arms to show Mario the impressivness of his bubble, when he falls flat on his face] OW!
Mario: [to himself] I have to tell Peach that we arn't having any children. [picks Lucas off the ground and brushes him off] Ok, well this has been a real gas *Oh, geez did I just say gas* but
I have to run off and do grown-up things now like sit on my *** and listen to my girlfriend prattle on about taking our relationship to the next step, and after listening to that all night long and getting maybe two hours of sleep. I'll get up and go to work tomorrow where I'll have to clean up peoples ****{by the way that's not a metaphor} So I can earn enough money to pay the bills to keep this house you see behind me, as well as my girlfriend, who will keep this never-ending cycle of hell rolling til I die, or at least until I grow a beard to match this mustache...man my life sucks.
Lucas: Cheer up Mario ! There is always tomorrow...
[Mario hears orchestra start up in the background]
Lucas:starting to sing] The sun will come out..
Mario: [covers Lucas's mouth] That's enough of that!!! Do you want people to stop reading this before it gets to the good part!!
Lucas: ...sorry
Mario: Do me a favor and just go home. Remember Lucas, even when it seems like no one is there for you, there is always the power of..
Lucas: [cheering up] I know, my IMAGINATION!!
Mario: Well, I was going to say the internet.But I suppose that works too. Now run along ya little scamp.[gives Lucas a push]
[Lucas runs off singing]
Lucas:Imagi-natioN! that's where Ilive, in my Imagi-nation! All my own!!!
Mario: [to readers] I'm sorry about that folks, it won't happen again. You have my word.
[Mario walks through the front door and into his house. He immediately plops down on the couch and reaches for the remote, but...]
Mario: huh...where is it? Well, let's see. We've got a star rod, an old cheetoh, a couple coins, a rubber duck?....odd. A copy of September's Mushroom Babes monthly...save that for later.But no freakin remote?!! Well...maybe.
[Mario reaches underneathe the couch...feels around and pulls something out]
Mario: what's this?
[A donning realization of horror spreads throughout Mario]
Mario: AHHHH! SUPER MARIO BROS. THE MOVIE! Oh man, he's going to get it!
[Mario marches to the bedroom door and pounds violently]
Mario: Open up!! I know you're here, so open up!
[The door swings open. Luigi is standing there wearing headphones listening to his ipod. The walls of his room are adorned with posters celebrating the band "FOX and the Arwings"]
Luigi: Hello brother. Can I help you?
Mario: [mocking] Can I help you? Yeah, you can help me. What in the hell is this doing in our house?![throws the movie at Luigi] I thought I made it perfectly clear that I never wanted to be associated with that piece of s*** ever again!?
Luigi: Like it or not brother, this is part of our history. We have to live with it, and I figure I could even learn a thing or two from it.
Mario: Oh, like what? That we have a pet Velociraptor ? Get rid of the thing or I'll do it myself!
Luigi: [looking at movie] I...I just can't. There is too much sentimental value here for me.
Mario: Well, too bad.[yanks the movie from Luigi and tosses it out the window. It flies through the window of Lucas's house and lands in front of him]
Lucas:huh? [picks up the movie] hmmm... Imagination...Super Mario bros. movie...imagination..Super Mario Bros. movie...I know I'll imagine i'm watching Super mario Bros. the movie!
Luigi: Was that truly necessary?
Mario: My ego says yes. Now onto more important matters, where is the remote ?
Luigi: I havn't touched it.
Mario: I just got home. I havn't done anything with it since last night when I was watching tanooki's gone wil.....I mean..C-Span.
Luigi: Don't tell me you've been ordering smut!
Mario: What does it matter to you?
Luigi: It doesn't. But what about Peach?
Mario: Oh, give me a break. It's just a little fun.
Luigi: And why are you so eager looking for the remote. You can't tell me you are going to sit and watch t.v today.
Mario: huh...what do you mean...today?
Luigi: Don't you realize what today is?
Mario: um, Wednesday...or is it Thursday?
Luigi: Anniversary?
Mario: Why does that word ring a bell?
Luigi: Do I have to spell it out for you? Today is you and Peach's 5th year anniversary!!!
Mario: Oh...[donning realization] OH!! Well, no sweat I'll think of something.
Luigi: I thought you guys already had plans?
Mario: what?
[FLASHBACK-Mario and Peach are sitting on the couch together.Mario is fixed on the t.v and eating pork rinds.]
Peach: Mario sweety, you know our 5th year anniversary is coming up soon.
Mario: [zombie-like] yeah
Peach: Well, I was thinking. Why don't we have a picnic. We'll have a picnic at the park where we first met each other. What do you think ?
Mario: Yeah, sounds great. Should've bought a vowel.
Peach: Oh, mario. What am I going to do with you? [kisses him on cheek]
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
Mario: Not that I can recall.
Luigi: Well, I hope not if you mess up again Peach is going to give you a good downsmashing.
Mario: .......that's what she said.
Luigi: Really, it's a serious thing.
Mario: Look, just give me the remote bro. Before i have to do something nasty...[picks limited edition Fox and the Arwings LP]
Luigi: oh, alright. You can have the remote. I was just looking out for you. you have a good thing with Peach and I just didn't want you to mess it up.
Mario: Thanks, but I can look after myself [grabs remote from Luigi and heads out of room] Now, to grab something to eat.
[Mario heads to the kitchen to fix himself a snack]
Mario: Man, I'm starving I hope we have leftovers from last... what the?!
[Mario is shocked to find a tall shadowy figure raiding the fridge]
Mario: Who the hell are you?!
-----------------------------------------------
to be continued- Stay tuned because next chapter, the adventure begins!
key- * sign= thinking
[ ]=action
Chapter 1- Pipe Cleaner
----------------
[Hyrule Castle, home of Zelda and Link. Who having now banished the evil Lord Ganondorf forever have
decided to settle down. Link is currently away on a mission delivering hot spring water for the Gorons.
Zelda is accompanied by Mario, who is there on call to fix a leak.]
Mario: Oh no.
Zelda: what is it? Is something wrong?
Mario: Well, you've definitely got leaky pipes
Zelda: Is that bad?
Mario: *How dense can she be ?* [slides out from under sink and speaks] Oh, not at all. The castle is going to be filled with water, so as long as you buy a jet ski everything should be fine.
Zelda: Phew! That's a relief.
Mario: *Oh my god, this is too easy* Of course, now that the castle is going to be a water habitat, you're going to have all sorts of water creatures immmigrating here. Like the Blooper...
Zelda: Blooper...[scared] what's that?
Mario: Oh, they're horrible, disgusting creatures that have sharp teeth and big, bulbous heads. I hear that once they settle into an environment they'll squirt ink in your eyes, and when you arn't looking they will steal your cell phone and run up your minutes.
Zelda: [gripped with fear] That...that's awful!
Mario: They are very social creatures.
[Zelda scared, but also wanting attention grabs Mario by the waist]
Mario: Hey! Whoa...it's ok.I'm just kidding.
Zelda: About the bloopers?
Mario: what? No, that's all true. I'm talking about your pipes.
Zelda: ...huh?
Mario: [sighs] I was only joking. I can easily fix your pipes. It's just a loose spring valve, all I have to do is...
Zelda: That's sexy
Mario: tighten the valve and...I'm sorry did you just say?
Zelda: You heard me. I want your Italian sausage...
Mario: *INAPPROPRIATE!* I'm sorry lady, but I'm a married man...well, not really married we have a sort of complicated relationship...she leaves me cake.
Zelda: That's ok, I'm very discreet.
Mario: Look, don't get the wrong idea or nothing. You are VERY sexy, and I would love to clean your pipes...uhgh I mean fix your pipes. But that's as far as I'll go, this is a business call.
Zelda: Business and....pleasure? [grabs Mario's thigh]
Mario: *VERY INAPPROPRIATE!!!* What if your husband saw this!
Zelda: Oh forget about him! Our relationship isn't that good anyway.
Mario: what, why?
Zelda: Well, we never talk...in fact he's never said a word to me.
Mario: Well I'm sure he...
Zelda: Do you know how hard that is for me?! I'm a kindred spirit, I have to yell when I'm making love! Here let me show you.
Mario: [heading towards door] Ok,I have to leave now.
Zelda: [shrieks] WAIT!!.....I'm sorry, you're right. This is completely inappropriate. Please just, take a seat. I'll make it up to you...I know! I'll go and fetch you some of my famous homemade cookies.
Mario: I think I'm..
Zelda: Sit !
[Mario takes a seat as Zelda leaves the room]
Mario: momma mia, what have I gotten myself into this time?
[He waits for zelda, more and more time passes. Mario becomes bored and starts singing under his breath]
Mario: One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't
belong...
[Zelda is heard moaning in the other room]
Mario: [speeding up] Can you tell me which thing is not like the other by the time I finish my song.
[Mario still sitting,waiting]
Mario: cookies huh? *Imagines Zelda in lengire* I hope they're chocolate chip.
[Zelda moans again ]
Mario: Well, that's my cue!
[He gets up to leave when Zelda emmerges dressed as Shiek holding her whip]
Mario: Son of a tanooki!
Shiek: It's playtime big boy. Wanta taste of Din's fire!? [Shiek cracks whip]
Mario: Momma Mia !! [Runs like hell, leaving Hyrle castle]
Shiek: Oh, they always run! [Turns back into Zelda sits down and turns on t.v. She flips it to the home shopping network]
Tom Nook: [selling fishing supplies*] As you can see ladies and gentlemen, we have an excellent assortment of rods available today.
Zelda :Yes, talk dirty to me !
------------------------------------------
Chapter 2-A tale of two brothers
------------------------
[After that strange incident with Zelda, Mario is a little shaken. He decides to call it a day and head home. When he reaches the front yard, he is greeted by an unwanted visitor]
Mario: Man, what a day. that has to be the most uncomfortable experience I've ever went through [remembers the time he visited Birdo's house]...well, maybe not.
[Just then, Mario realizes that he sees something rustling in the bushes.He decides to scare it's occupant out]
Mario: [Overexaggerated] Wow, I hate this bush! It is always in my way...I know I will use the balls of fire that erupt from my hand to burn it to the ground.
[Waits for someone to pop out from the bush, but nothing happens]
Mario: I would certianly hate for someone to be hiding in that bush. Oh no, I hope it's not my annoying little neighbor Lucas. For I would hate for him to catch fire and have his parents take me to court.
[Still nothing emerges from the bush]
Mario: Oh, that's right, doesn't Lucas have a power that can absorb my fireballs..? In that case he should be taught a lesson for snooping in my yard.
[Mario unleashes fireballs from his hands. The bush slowly burns to the ground]
Mario: Ha! That'll teach you, ya little...
[There is nothing there]
Mario: I could've sworn
Lucas: [popping up behind Mario] That's Ness.
Mario: [startled] Whoa!! Lucas!? How did you? [Looks at bush again. A squirrel runs away completely hairless]
Lucas: Ness has Psi magnet,not me...WHATCHA DOIN!?
Mario: Look Lucas, isn't there someone else you could be bothering right now?
Lucas: Well, my older brother Claus isn't here right now, and that kid Ness gives me the creeps.
[Lucas peers off across the street, where two beady eyes are staring out from the window shades]
Mario: Hmmm...well,not my problem.
Lucas: Hey mario guess what! I blew a bubble today this big.THIS BIG!!! [Lucas keeps extending his arms to show Mario the impressivness of his bubble, when he falls flat on his face] OW!
Mario: [to himself] I have to tell Peach that we arn't having any children. [picks Lucas off the ground and brushes him off] Ok, well this has been a real gas *Oh, geez did I just say gas* but
I have to run off and do grown-up things now like sit on my *** and listen to my girlfriend prattle on about taking our relationship to the next step, and after listening to that all night long and getting maybe two hours of sleep. I'll get up and go to work tomorrow where I'll have to clean up peoples ****{by the way that's not a metaphor} So I can earn enough money to pay the bills to keep this house you see behind me, as well as my girlfriend, who will keep this never-ending cycle of hell rolling til I die, or at least until I grow a beard to match this mustache...man my life sucks.
Lucas: Cheer up Mario ! There is always tomorrow...
[Mario hears orchestra start up in the background]
Lucas:starting to sing] The sun will come out..
Mario: [covers Lucas's mouth] That's enough of that!!! Do you want people to stop reading this before it gets to the good part!!
Lucas: ...sorry
Mario: Do me a favor and just go home. Remember Lucas, even when it seems like no one is there for you, there is always the power of..
Lucas: [cheering up] I know, my IMAGINATION!!
Mario: Well, I was going to say the internet.But I suppose that works too. Now run along ya little scamp.[gives Lucas a push]
[Lucas runs off singing]
Lucas:Imagi-natioN! that's where Ilive, in my Imagi-nation! All my own!!!
Mario: [to readers] I'm sorry about that folks, it won't happen again. You have my word.
[Mario walks through the front door and into his house. He immediately plops down on the couch and reaches for the remote, but...]
Mario: huh...where is it? Well, let's see. We've got a star rod, an old cheetoh, a couple coins, a rubber duck?....odd. A copy of September's Mushroom Babes monthly...save that for later.But no freakin remote?!! Well...maybe.
[Mario reaches underneathe the couch...feels around and pulls something out]
Mario: what's this?
[A donning realization of horror spreads throughout Mario]
Mario: AHHHH! SUPER MARIO BROS. THE MOVIE! Oh man, he's going to get it!
[Mario marches to the bedroom door and pounds violently]
Mario: Open up!! I know you're here, so open up!
[The door swings open. Luigi is standing there wearing headphones listening to his ipod. The walls of his room are adorned with posters celebrating the band "FOX and the Arwings"]
Luigi: Hello brother. Can I help you?
Mario: [mocking] Can I help you? Yeah, you can help me. What in the hell is this doing in our house?![throws the movie at Luigi] I thought I made it perfectly clear that I never wanted to be associated with that piece of s*** ever again!?
Luigi: Like it or not brother, this is part of our history. We have to live with it, and I figure I could even learn a thing or two from it.
Mario: Oh, like what? That we have a pet Velociraptor ? Get rid of the thing or I'll do it myself!
Luigi: [looking at movie] I...I just can't. There is too much sentimental value here for me.
Mario: Well, too bad.[yanks the movie from Luigi and tosses it out the window. It flies through the window of Lucas's house and lands in front of him]
Lucas:huh? [picks up the movie] hmmm... Imagination...Super Mario bros. movie...imagination..Super Mario Bros. movie...I know I'll imagine i'm watching Super mario Bros. the movie!
Luigi: Was that truly necessary?
Mario: My ego says yes. Now onto more important matters, where is the remote ?
Luigi: I havn't touched it.
Mario: I just got home. I havn't done anything with it since last night when I was watching tanooki's gone wil.....I mean..C-Span.
Luigi: Don't tell me you've been ordering smut!
Mario: What does it matter to you?
Luigi: It doesn't. But what about Peach?
Mario: Oh, give me a break. It's just a little fun.
Luigi: And why are you so eager looking for the remote. You can't tell me you are going to sit and watch t.v today.
Mario: huh...what do you mean...today?
Luigi: Don't you realize what today is?
Mario: um, Wednesday...or is it Thursday?
Luigi: Anniversary?
Mario: Why does that word ring a bell?
Luigi: Do I have to spell it out for you? Today is you and Peach's 5th year anniversary!!!
Mario: Oh...[donning realization] OH!! Well, no sweat I'll think of something.
Luigi: I thought you guys already had plans?
Mario: what?
[FLASHBACK-Mario and Peach are sitting on the couch together.Mario is fixed on the t.v and eating pork rinds.]
Peach: Mario sweety, you know our 5th year anniversary is coming up soon.
Mario: [zombie-like] yeah
Peach: Well, I was thinking. Why don't we have a picnic. We'll have a picnic at the park where we first met each other. What do you think ?
Mario: Yeah, sounds great. Should've bought a vowel.
Peach: Oh, mario. What am I going to do with you? [kisses him on cheek]
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
Mario: Not that I can recall.
Luigi: Well, I hope not if you mess up again Peach is going to give you a good downsmashing.
Mario: .......that's what she said.
Luigi: Really, it's a serious thing.
Mario: Look, just give me the remote bro. Before i have to do something nasty...[picks limited edition Fox and the Arwings LP]
Luigi: oh, alright. You can have the remote. I was just looking out for you. you have a good thing with Peach and I just didn't want you to mess it up.
Mario: Thanks, but I can look after myself [grabs remote from Luigi and heads out of room] Now, to grab something to eat.
[Mario heads to the kitchen to fix himself a snack]
Mario: Man, I'm starving I hope we have leftovers from last... what the?!
[Mario is shocked to find a tall shadowy figure raiding the fridge]
Mario: Who the hell are you?!
-----------------------------------------------
to be continued- Stay tuned because next chapter, the adventure begins!
keep it up