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Super Smash Bros. - Wrath of the Master Hand

bivunit94

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
364
Location
Vault 101
Super Smash Bros. - Wrath of the Master Hand

Chapter I: Disappearances

Mushroom Kingdom

It was a quiet day, and Mario and Luigi were sitting at home, relaxing. "Hey, bro," said Luigi, and Mario looked up at his brother. "Doesn't it seem like it's been a while since our last adventure?" Mario nodded. Just then, Toad rushed through the door, panting. "Mario! Luigi!" he exclaimed. "I'm so glad I found you! We've got trouble down at the castle…the Princess, she disappeared!" Mario and Luigi looked at each other, and then at Toad. "Well, what are we waitin' for, bro?" Luigi said. Mario nodded, and began to run towards the door. "So, who do you think you think took the Princess this time? Bowser? Maybe even -" Luigi said, stopping in the middle of his sentence as he saw his brother being consumed by a mysterious, glowing light. Within a second, the light had dimmed down, and no trace of Mario was left behind. "Bro?" Luigi said nervously. He then saw the same light forming around him. "Wha…?" Toad was left alone, scared and confused.

Hyrule

"Hahaha!" laughed Ganon, and he swung his sword at Link. "You cannot win, boy!" Link blocked the villain's sword, and counterattacked, knocking him to the ground. Zelda, who was watching, knew that Link would prevail. "Agh!" Link cried, as he tried to strike down the fallen Ganon. Suddenly, a glowing light appeared around Ganon, and before Link's sword could connect with him, he vanished. "Huh…?" mumbled Link. He looked around him, noticing that Zelda was also nowhere to be found. "Ah!" the hero exclaimed, as he noticed the same light around him. Link was confused, but before he had time to try to figure out what was going on, he was gone.

The Lylat System

A fierce dogfight raged on in the middle of space. "Just give up, Wolf!" exclaimed Fox McCloud. "We've been goin' at it forever! No one will ever win like this!"
Fox fired at Wolf's ship, just missing his target. Just then, a bright light filled Wolf's cockpit, and his ship spiraled into space. "Nice shot, Fox!" said Falco, a fellow pilot of Fox. "Um…That wasn't me…" replied a confused Fox. "Somethin's not right here." Fox didn't have time to worry, because the rest of Wolf's team was still on his tail. A shot was fired at Fox's ship, and it hit, right on target. "Fox!" Falco cried. A bright light filled the cockpit of Fox's damaged ship. The light disappeared, and the ship exploded. "Fox! No!" Falco cried. The same bright light surrounded Falco, and soon no trace of the pilots was left behind.

Similar lights were appearing in various different worlds, consuming the most powerful beings from each world. Dreamland, Kanto, and many other worlds were invaded and left in turmoil, and none of the missing beings were anywhere to be found…


Let me know what you think of Chapter 1. This is the first fan-fic I've ever written, and I just wanted to see how it would turn out, so I need you to let me know if anyone's actually interested in this story. If so, I'll continue writing. Thanks. :)
 

Blackadder

Smash Master
Joined
Jun 17, 2007
Messages
3,164
Location
Purple
Well, normally I have a major prejudice against fan-fic, and this is no real exception. But still, you captured my interest enough for me to get of my fat arse and read, (At 12:26 AM might I add)
The story was kinda cute, and a little neat, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The basic idea seems to be all the characters are being sent to "Smash brothers" land yes? That's cool and all, and I have nothing against that, but the writing to me seemed a little bland, with maybe the story needing a little more "omph". But this is the pilot chapter, so I don't know how it will turn out.
I can see possibilities for you making this story pretty chic, with a bit of practice. I recommend you keep this up.
(:

Edit: Also, on the last paragraph, you overuse the word "World" to over 9000 level. Try diffrent words for the same thing, it spices up the story. :)
 

bivunit94

Smash Journeyman
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
364
Location
Vault 101
lol yeah just realized how much i used world... so yeah if i dont get a lot more replies in the next day or two, im not gonna write any more. no point in writing something that no one's reading...
 

Blackadder

Smash Master
Joined
Jun 17, 2007
Messages
3,164
Location
Purple
Well, I have a story myself, and it gets very little comments.
It seems to be the style, what I've seen. I just keep posting, hopeing there are some random people that read it.
Check the veiws counter. People may be viewing it, but not commenting.
Which makes improvment a little hard, but yeah.
I HAVE SPOKEN!!!one!
 
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