Soldiers of the Wasteland

[t00t0l]

It's a shame I can't just post this as an attachment, as the blog is a piece of crap...

Anyway, its a story, its long. It probably sucks. It's not all by me...

Sorry I'm tired. D:! Comment/criticise please....

EDIT: I hereby claim my first post on these forums as epic since I forgot to post the link...

http://soldiersofthewasteland.blogspot.com/

As I state on the site, I know its a Dragonforce song. Consider it a compliment to them that I am using their title for my story. Or take it as a sign that I am lazy...your choice...

 

[Crimson King]

What?

 

[shal]

hmm?? lol its kinda ok..

 

[Crimson King]

What did you read?

 

[orintemple]

I see nothing. Are you gonna post the lyrics to the Dragonforce song and say you wrote them?!

Plagarism is BAD!

 

[t00t0l]

YOU SAW NOTHING!

(edited 1st post)

 

[Crimson King]

Ew... Dragonforce...

Interest lost.

 

[t00t0l]

There is a distinct possibility that I simply used that title cause it sounds cool, and it does not in fact have any relevance to the story.

>_>.

 

[leviathan_]

In defense of dragonforce, they do have a few good songs IMO.

 

[t00t0l]

...it seems the title is problematic. Has anyone actually read the story?

 

[Crimson King]

The formating makes it a lot longer than it is. I'd consider either going down in font size or making the page stretch a bit more. It'll make it less scary to readers.

Other than that, the description is really powerful and really well done. But, you have some issues:

"In this timeless world, the only infinity is the desert. Vast and immeasurable, a wasteland of burning stars that twinkle invitingly to unwary eyes."

The second sentence is a fragment and pretty much means that any editor reading it will decline you for publication. Try adding a colon ( or a hyphen (--) and that should fix that issue really quick. I'll add more later.

 

[t00t0l]

It's things like that we are looking to fix. (My writing is in green btw if I haven't mentioned it.) I'll see what I can do to fix the formatting. It would be much easier if I could just post the file...but oh well.