Together, you and I will always be alive, committed, close to you I'll stay
As long as I can hold your hand again and again, then maybe I will find a way
I can never travel back in time, but they smile back at me, those days
And everything remains the same, this pain I'll soon awake from
What I see will melt all away with my tears
Together, will you and I always be alive, committed, close to you I crave
Just to hear your laughter and voice again and again, then maybe we will find a way
Will I be able travel back in time, and return the smiles from those days,
Will everything remain the same, Will I awake from all this pain?
What I did can't melt all away, with my tears
Heh. It's like playing Apollo Justice all over again.
Huh?
The next inconsistent flow is at "
Just to hear your laughter and voice again and again"
Yeah. I also lost my flow a bit here.
I propose a shortened, better flowing version:
"Just to hear your laughter AND your voice again"
Alright. That's cool.
Splendid. Last one: "
Will I be able travel back in time"
What? I thought that one fit well.
Sorry, but not only is it grammatically incorrect, it also doesn't flow well.
I fail to see how it's grammatically incorrect.
Show me how it is.
I'll do you something better. I'll knock out two birds with one stone.
I'll propose a revision: "If I were (to) travel back in time." Here in the brackets is what you were missing in your original line: a
preposition. Without it, the lyrics don't flow well. And even if you did insert it in your original line, it STILL wouldn't flow because you wouldn't be able to hit the "
travel back in time" bit on the beat (which is the important part of the song). That's why I proposed a revision. Not only does it flow better, it still makes sense with your vision of the song.
Ironic that the grammar nazi overlooked such a jarring detail!
!!!